- Member Since 15th May, 2016
- offline last seen Jun 1st, 2023
Slash17
wasn't always a fan of mlp, until I got to know a certain purple dragon named Spike, now I like reading stories where he gets some appreciation
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Needs a little more work.
Okay first off you don't need to put so much space between each line.
Damn didn't mean to put that much space between each line, gonna work on it.
8223742
That's better.
overall not bad love the idea and set up but lacks detail in the spicy bits and dilologe whitch to be frank comes off a tad to casual and for Eris a ad mundane. also too much space between each single word.
I mean you have have a CHAOS goddess to do stuff with get creative. Make her legs into arms and have them but on lip stick on the "lips" before puckering up and doing a french. have her body coil around. give her a magic dick for taking macaraina!! Make her the size of a doll or the other away around!!. Make her be the sexy elf girl in leaves! come on man get kinky
I think it needs a bit more of detail. And the dialog could use a rework to not sound so... casual and bland. Otherwise, I like it.
Oh, and the spacing. Good grief. Thanks for fixing it.
Very nice. I would very much like to see more chapters of this or a prequel with Spike and those Spa twins that were mentioned.
I liked this, I'd like to see more especially since it's so hard to find a rule 63 Big Macintosh story
man this story is great and I would love to read the sequal