Hi. I'm a new assembly programmer. I like to write from time to time.
Where does one expect a changeling to land after the failed Canterlot invasion? The hive? Somewhere throughout Equestria? Carve isn't sure where she is or how she will make it out of her unintended destination, that is filled to the brim with negative emotion, until she finds an adventurous pony roaming around as they are about to go on an adventure unlike any other before.
PS Spoilers in the comments are possible.
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Were you the one who made the picture? If not, then where can I find him/her?
Klovik's the own of the pic of the cover art.
8009924 Feel free to tell me where the changeling should walk next for any chapter you want. This is kind of like a (spoiler) version of Moonstuck.
for feedback, something i have to add is location detail. for instance, i know that this takes place in a mall. but anything else is a loss. like " a pit with a staircase in it" what does that mean? is that a hub? if so there is more the one staircase and level. and the " three paths". does that mean hallways? or three carpet paths in a clothing store?.
other then that like it and wish for you to keep going.
8013322 The changeling says "path" and "pit" because of the rather unfamiliar architectural terminology. Plus since it's in the changeling's point of view, there's no way to know what's downstairs, further justifying the terms "pit" and "edge". The three "paths" are three corridors leading to different part of this mall.
Of course, I'm trying to keep as accurate as possible with the setting because the place the changeling had landed in is a real place.
Next chapter, we'll be recovering from that one incident and exploring the left hallway.
8013384 must be a really low rank drone to not know about a " hallway".
and for another feedback tip. { just from being a reader point'O'view} just cause the protagonist does not know what the name is does not mean they cant explain what it looks like.
" i walked down the box shape path lined with a soft but dirty red carpet. it was like a tunnel, only above ground.was it above ground? i don't know, it had roof windows, that means its above ground, right?. as i walked i came to a four-way split. the middle one leading to steps that when down into darkness, the one on the right seemed long but well lit. it had less of a bad test to it. the left one kept going around a corner that i could not see past."
PS i never made a story myself so i might be blowing steam out my butt. and i am not hating on you or anything. i am just giving my tips from other story's i like.
8014296 Did you see I changed the cover art?
Loving this story! Keep it up!
8030914 Thank you so much! What would you like to see next?
Interesting... I like it so far. A bit slow-paced, but theres nothing wrong with that. Yeah, I like it. Have an upvote and Keep 'er goin'
8044737 Thanks for the upvote and the feedback. Chapter VIII is now planned to be double length, so I would wait about a week for the next chapter.
8045413 Sweet!
8049145 What would you like to happen in Chapter 8?
8049234
Not sure... On one hand I want to see what more they can find out about Rolling Acres, or the places around it, since they were also apparently strange, but on the other, I don't know what you have written down so far, and I dont want you to have to re-write it.
8051668 For now, I have polls that drive the stories, but sooner or later, it will be comment driven. I even plan on doing another story that will be possibly poll driven. I actually aimed for both "One Book is All it Takes" and this to be comment driven.
8051728 ahh ok.
8051739 I'm really loving how this story's playing out.
8051743 Me too!
8051771 I actually love how Creator Hatch turned out as well.
If I'm reading the situation right, staying with some ponies who are willing to feed you emotional energy until at least near the equestrian border seems like a good idea, since you'll be headed in roughly the same direction anyways.
8090167 Well, emotional energy is the only nutritious energy for changelings. Carve could possibly just have part of one of the two orders of hotcakes, but those are for Rusty and Pane. And besides, that kind of food would just be processed and broken down without any nutrition.
innuendo: an allusive or oblique remark or hint, typically a suggestive or disparaging one.
Often used in the context of sexual innuendo. I think you want a different word there.
8098028 Okay. Will do.
8098297 If you're looking for suggestions, how about "incognito"?
8098397 Eh, works for me.
8098397 So, compared to Rusty and Pane, what do you think of Immunity?
8098620 It seems to me like she's the "tough love" type. She knows what her patients need, and she gives it to them, whether they like it or not.
8098630 I find it funny though. Perhaps her behavior has to do with what happened at the end of Right to a Wall. Maybe she follows that same philosophy that Carve recited at the end of this chapter.
This was a very compelling story. I'm sorry to see it end, though.
8125408 Two goals were met with this story.
1. To break my record for longest story
2. Twenty chapters (envisioned all the way back when I first developed the story)
Overall, I adore how well this turned out.
What do you think of this story?
8126183 I think the characters were very well written, especially Carve.
8126469 My favorite character to write in this fic was definitely Pinkie Pie. Been a while since I did that
8126469 That Chapter 19 though.
8126992 Yes, that was quite an epic.
Is this a crossover?
8230687
No, it's not a crossover.
This story has concept I came up with that no one had done on FIMFiction, which is:
What if a changeling was knocked into the Rolling Acres Mall following the Canterlot invasion?
It's ok, but hard to follow at times. You use words incorrectly, your syntax is sometimes off, and you use what appear to be literal translations of idioms.
It seems like English is not your primary language. Do you have a native English speaker who can be your editor?
I think with a little help you could really improve.
8233393
English actually is my native language.
Also, with most of the perspective being that of a changeling, there's a bit of a limit on how things can be worded. Example: "carriage-drone hybrids" in Carve's eyes actually being vehicles in our eyes, "staircase conveyer belt hybrids" being escalators, etc.
And, if you want to see how bad things could get with my stories, I bet you'll have a field day trying to follow You've Got to Be Foaly Kitty Me trilogy.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/278298/youve-got-to-be-foaly-kitty-me
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/287256/youve-got-to-be-foaly-kitty-me-from-home-to-equestria
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/294311/youve-got-to-be-foaly-kitty-me-should-equestria-be-home
Oh no, he's ended up in the worst place imaginable... Retail. *shudders*
This isn't bad, some awkward wording and grammar here and there, but I like it.
I like how alien everything is to him.
8282246
Her.
She's off to a great start.
But at least she loves Chryssie, so that's all good.
8282423
She
Run, little changeling, run before you're forever swallowed by abandoned retail!
Curiouser and curiouser...
Huh... Now I'm getting confused.
Huh... So what is that place? Part of the same world? Of another world?
8283049
Rolling Acres is one of the most infamous vacant retail in history, alongside Randal Park, and Dixie Square
8283103 Ahh, I see.