A motorized carriage driver named Sure Fire reminisces about her past as she gets her carriage washed for an upcoming race.
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- Member Since 5th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen Wednesday
LyraAlluse
I am a professional writer, artist, musician, website builder, and app developer. I have a Tip Jar for those who might be interested.
LyraAlluse
Joined 5th Dec, 2012 ·
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Console. Unless it's a variant spelling in another country.
7980513 Thank you for catching that. I will fix the spelling. :)
You should post this to Scribble fest. They are having a writing competition currently.
7980736 That sounds like fun! What is Scribble Fest and how do I enter the contest?
7980803 Here, this shold give you the necessary info.
7981398 Cool! Thank you for sharing the link, my friend. It is very much appreciated. :)
You have some very detailed descriptions of a car-wash here, but I'm afraid the story falls a bit flat for me overall. There's a big emphasis on lizards being all over the upholstery, but nothing comes of that. The "hook" of the story, where the first interesting thing happens, doesn't occur until it's almost over, when we find out a husband and daughter have died. Lastly, the overlay detailed nature of most of the prose really makes the pacing too slow.
All that said, you do have some great detail, with lots of detail, meaning great visuals in my minds eye.
8015045 It was actually a writing exercise that I turned into a story. I was trying out an experimental style where you concentrate on a mundane task and use that task as kind of a platform to talk about a character's past.
I wanted to do a character study into the life of a particular individual. So this was a good format to explore the backstory of the character that was featured in the story.
Thank you for taking the time to read the story. It is very much appreciated. I am glad to hear that you found it to be detailed and the pacing to be slow as these were two things I was going for in the story (to capture the style I described earlier).
It might have fallen flat because perhaps you expected more. But it was just a character study. Nothing more. Nothing less. It was written to help one get into the mindset of the main character and understand her motivations for being a motorized carriage driver.
Also, you put two pretty big spoilers in concern to the story in your comment. Do you think you can black them out with the spoiler option in the text toolbar so it doesn't spoil it for future people who read my story? Thank you in advance. :)
8015177 Sure thing, edited with a spoiler tag. Sorry, not trying to ruin anything, and I'm happy to oblige your wishes, but... I personally hate the spoiler tag. To me, ALL comments are inherently spoilers. You cannot discuss a story in any real depth without it potentially spoiling the experience for someone else, as everyone's interpretation is unique, and easily biased if they see someone else's opinion before hand. As such, anyone who reads comments (of any kind) before the story have only themselves to blame.
8024116 Well you have a point there. :p
But I appreciate you editing the comment just the same.
Have a very nice day and a good week. :)
Great job!
8370376 Thank you for taking the time to read my story and for the nice comment. Both are very much appreciated. :)
Sorry to be this guy, but you will never see a Lieutenant training troops. Lieutenants are Platoon Commanders. They're in charge of 2 squads. It is enlisted people (or in this case, ponies) that handle the training.
Equestria might be different, considering a Captain is seen as a General. Their system's all fucked up.
9232774 Okay, thank you for letting me know. If you happen to know about how the military training process goes, feel free to let me know. I will make the necessary edits to the story. :)
9232776
I'd leave it like it is. After all, this is Equestria.
I was sad to hear what happened to her husband and daughter. I think we all know how it is to lose a loved one.
9232785 Well it is an alternate world so I suppose I could just roll with the fact that they have a different system, which I agree is kind of confusing. :P
Thank you for taking the time to read my story and thank you for the favorite.
I hope that you have an awesome day. :)
9232789
You too. I stumbled upon your page cuz of some blog notification. I figured: "Professional? Let's see."
I can certainly say I was not disappointed.
9232791 I appreciate you taking the time to read my story. :)
I added one of your stories to my bookshelf as well. I am enjoying it so far (the one about Octavia). I upvoted it as well. XD
9232805
I appreciate it. It is somewhat similar to yours, actually.
9232807 It has a similar theme. :) I like your writing style. Keep up the good work.
9232810
Thanks. I do my best.
9232815 You are very welcome. Keep on being awesome.
9232831
10-4, good buddy.
9232848 Thank you for the follow. :) I added you as well.
9232854
No problem.
9232866
You got me so good. I was like: "Oh, hell yeah, we out here racing carriages and shit, this is gonna be awesome."
Then I got to the end and I shed the manliest tear, truly underrated story.
9567131 Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and for the kind comment. :) I am glad that you liked it. And thank you for the favorite/ following my writing account. I will follow you as well. Keep on being awesome.
9572046
I'll try.
9572215 I am sure you will do great. :)
9572221
Thank you. :P
9572225 You are very welcome.
well Remembrance? I must ask did you get that title from Argodaemon?
Also an interesting well done story.
11255470 I actually thought of the title separately but that's an interesting video. :3
Thank you for taking the time to read my story and for the kind comment. It is very much appreciated.