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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well, I guess I'm gonna be the first to mention this... how is
TwilightPrincess able to speak while getting her legs chopped off? Also, just so you know, this chapter is really pushing that teen rating.8084975 actually, Princess never speaks during... those parts. perhaps my wording on that could be a bit clearer, but it is true. she speaks between injuries, during parts where twilight is monologuing and such. now, I've never had my arm chopped off. but I figure there are two possible reactions: either a person immediately goes into shock and enters a catatonic state until they die. or they get filled with adrenaline and power through- until their injury catches up with them and they die. I also tried to show princess getting weaker the whole time.
it's kind of important to differentiate by name. twilight is our protagonist. sparkle was her friend that died. princess is the name given to the version who was in equestria when sparkle died and spike arrived. twilight sparkle is the name of the legacy character that each new version becomes after returning to equestria.
this is the second time I've been warned about the rating. the first time, I thought it was fine. but honestly I'm starting to have doubts. the amount of violence could definitely be upsetting. it's... well, its the kind of shit that could get an r-rating or a tv ma-v rating. unless there were a huge number of discretion shots. blood on the walls, and such. but I don't know how i'd write that, so I just write what happens. do you think I should change the rating? or should I try to re-write it with the 'discretion shots'?
8085268
I can see the different reactions happening, though I would have gone with the catatonic state.
Name corrected.
With the rating, maybe ask in the author's notes and see if more feedback comes in... or you could PM a site moderator/ other well-known individual about it. List of site staff here. For well know individuals, I might recommend: PresentPerfect (probably best choice), horizon, or Titanium Dragon.
8085313 eh. I also figure that alicorns are physically tougher, even without magic. I also like the blatant difference in attitude between twilight and princess.
I think i'll pm the guy who actually approved the story in the first place. see if his opinion has changed. if I want a second (or third, as it were) opinion, i'll ask presentperfect.
Pretty dark. I like it.
Not a very smart move princess. You can't appeal to the equineity of someone who has been in, as you said, "close enough to Tartarus."
Okay now that is bone chilling.
But Not The Right One have given the full brunt to me.
8379241
this was when I switched the rating to mature. I take full advantage of it.
There was a chance of her becoming sane, when she was showed that Spike is dead... it didn`t work.
Uh oh it seems that Guilt tripping won't work