• Member Since 29th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

WorldWalker128


Comments ( 109 )

Though this is not the first dirty fic I've ever written, it's the first dirty PONY fic I've ever written and regardless of the reviews it gets, will likely be the only one. To anyone wondering why I did it given what I've written before, I originally did this as an experiment to see how it would be received in comparison to everything else I've written.

So, that having been said, did anybody like it? :trixieshiftright:

>dat ending
aahahahaha :rainbowlaugh:

Alright, the ending was SHOCKINGLY hilarious. The story wasn't bad. It was certainly well-written. Have a hard time seeing Rainbow Dash resorting quite to that, but the whole thing was amusing no less.

857162
THis is the second fic I have seen here resort to that.

And here is my reaction to the fic
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lu6r28Cx4M1qczvpto1_500.png

HAHHHH! :rainbowlaugh: Excellent punch line!

That was.....................wow.
Awesome.........

That lucky........lucky guard......damn.
XD

857194 hey i been following you for a long time and i wonder why are you and all the storys i have read so far :pinkiehappy::flutterrage: it great to see that you read almost the same storys as me tough :pinkiehappy::yay:

These comments are forcing me to read it, but I'll have to do it later.

Nice! All I gota say

Well, you had me laughing through most of the way. Guards have it hard and don't get any action. Not to mention Celestia could probably defend herself from the assassins, which don't exist because nopony wants her dead because she's doing everything right. That aside, I'll get to it.

There seem to be two problems with this fic, which are both connected. In the first place, the main problem with clopfics, or any not safe for work story is that it is very difficult to make the acts that occur in them seem feasible. All joking aside, I just really can't see Rainbow going to the extreme of performing sexual acts in public just to aggravate a palace guard.

Secondly, the pacing seemed a little bit off. One second she's rubbing his stomach and the next second she's stroking his stallionhood. Seems like she skipped a step there. The idea could be that she was trying to finish the guy fast (being in public) but one can't be sure.

Also a nitpick for you: About a third of the way in, when Bright is standing guard outside Sugarcube Corner, you write, "most of those female rather cute." I think you meant, "most of those females seemed rather cute."

Other than those things, I think this was an amusing and diverting read.

Pacing was pretty good, but you had grammar errors, homophone errors, and a lot of poor phrasing. But, I will give you this, the plot wasn't shit and your OC wasn't a complete Sue, self-insert, or bland piece of shit. Just a bit of refining and this would be brilliant.

That ending...
I just died laughing. :rainbowlaugh:

BWAAHAHAHAHAHH~! :rainbowlaugh::rainbowwild::rainbowlaugh:

That end was the funniest, and most wrong I've ever read HAHAHAHAAA~!

So fucking awesome!

INSTA-WATCH!!!:pinkiehappy:




~Jack

Welp! Imma going to hell! Oh well i got reservations

That ending was sick and wrong in so many ways and goddamnit it was perfect :rainbowlaugh:

well.....ive just boarded the express elevator to hell......

In a few years, Appleblooms is going to remember that and will never sleep again...

why does everypony think there going to "hell" (whatever that is) if they read a clopfic?:ajbemused:

W-why... :applecry:

I won't say anything to avoid spoilers but... wow. That ending makes me want to laugh and hurt you at the same time.

857375
I want her dead, don't I count as a pony?

damn Dash you think maybe, just maybe i dont know why im saying this you may have gone a little to far.

Dat ending. :rainbowlaugh:

Woah! :pinkiegasp:
Hadn't expected that many comments within the 24 hours! I'm not sure whether to feel proud of myself :twilightsheepish: , or ashamed. :applecry:
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857511
That pic just :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
I love perfect-caption-pics like that!

And yeah, trying to get a character to stay in-character for that would have involved alot more work than I felt like putting into a simple experiment. I'll still mop up the errors I've made over time, but I'm not good at writing romance. I've tried it before for another fandom on a fic based majorly on Rumplestiltskin plot-wise. It came mediocre.
--
The Question:

857144
The Answer:
850741
:rainbowderp:

858355

Google it.

But you go there because people are aroused by a children's cartoon.
Shame on all of you. :ajbemused:

I found This........Amusing:yay:

At first I was like
i54.tinypic.com/1znlclg.gif

but then I read the last part and now I am like

threadbombing.com/data/media/2/samuel_L_Jackson.gif

859358 i loved the fic just the last part of appleblomm leaved me a little more traumatized than i already am :applecry: not that is bad, the more the better :yay::pinkiehappy::pinkiecrazy:

ROFL! I think it was well done. Not nearly as blatant or unrealistic as most clop fics. And the ending, brilliant!

I guess you could call that..
*Puts on sunglasses*
A rain-blow-job
YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHH

Being in Luna's guard I never get that luckey

861513
Not even during her curiosity-visit to a Night-club? :derpytongue2:

I was expecting the "twist ending" to be that Dash was actually polishing the guard's sword (albeit in a very raunchy manner), whereas the whole story was leading you to believe it was sexual.

Welp. That didn't happen. But, this ending was amusing too. Have a thumbs up. :ajsmug:

*Starts reading.* Oh, this isn't bad.

*Halfway through* :rainbowderp:

*Ending* :pinkiegasp::applejackconfused::applecry:

Dat ending. :trollestia:

HECK YEAH!

Not bad. It was alright for what it was; an experiment. Out of character RD and inherent silliness are all fine and dandy though, so I don't mind.
a 6/10 and a like will do ya some good. :pinkiesmile:

After considering it for a day and a half, and having read the comments about Apple Bloom (Yes, I acknowledge it was gross. I just wrote whatever came to mind) I tihnk it might be a better end if I swapped her character out with somepony else. Given how goofy and innocent Pinkie can seem to be, shall I trade the unripe Apple for a Pie? The dialog might change a little, but it'll still essentially be the same.

850741 I LOVED IT!
Rainbow Dash always has been the competitive one, so seeing her utilise that in a clopfic like this...
It can only end well.
5/5 Rainbow Dashs :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

857144 Because it's hilarious

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