• Member Since 31st Jan, 2014
  • offline last seen Tuesday

Gold4tune


Just another semi-successful clop writer

Sequels3

Comments ( 343 )

Wow, just wow. Best story I have ever read in my life. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy: I :heart::heart::heart::heart: this story. Welcome to fimfiction and I hope you keep writing more interesting stories.:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

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Thanks:pinkiehappy: It means alot to me to hear you say that. And I fully intend to write more, so don't worry about that.

TBL

I usually don't write comments but this story deserves compliment.
Very well written, nice work. :twilightsmile:

In my mind, Asmodeus is voiced by Dan Green. Because this seems to be exactly the kind of thing he would lend his voice to.

Comment posted by Loyal4life deleted Feb 1st, 2014

Oh I remember this, nice that you posted it as a standalone, it was certainly good enough to be one.

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Thanks a lot man.:pinkiehappy:
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Lol, I can see it
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:pinkiehappy:
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I am fully aware of that in all honesty. And I am re-working part 2 so I can fix that as best as I can. IF I had to have an argument against what you said, instead of saying clop I would say: Asmodeus has lived for thousands of years, literally perfecting every aspect of his character he can. And hes a demon literally made for seduction, so when in situations like the one in the chapter he knows exactly what to do. So thats why he came across as Gary Stu. But as I said before, I do hope to rectify that in the following chapters so please tell me how well I end up doing that.

Half expecting Celly or Lulu to be the "Ex-Girlfriend with a Grudge." Or Chrysalis if you want the funny without the possible drama. Wonder what Cadance will think of him. Shiny's going to have a little bit of a difficult time with the traditional big brother threats.

Anyways, that was pretty hot, can't wait to see more.

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I already have plans for Celestia and Luna, and it doesn't involve an Ex with a Grudge. I haven't given much thought to Chrysalis though, that might be cool. But In all honesty, I don't know how long this is going to be, I'm not thinking more than 5-6 parts, with a few interludes and bonus chapters. And putting more and more stuff in may make it get convoluted, do you get what I'm saying?

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It wasn't a suggestion, just an idle thought. I found the mental image of Asmodeus hiding under Twilight's bed while one of the local immortals was telling him to come back so they could castrate him amusing.

Could always put it in as a sideshot, make it Celestia (Trollestia) messing with him about corrupting her student or something. Play a little Yakety Sax.

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My bad, misunderstanding. But that is a good idea for a bonus chapter actually. Thanks for giving me it.

Comment posted by Arxsys deleted Feb 1st, 2014

Sweet Celestia that was intense. Not to mention hilarious at the appropriate parts. I look forward to the next chapters with immense anticipation.

I think Asmodeus is the good kind of 'Gary Stu' where he uses his OP abilities in the perfect way so its like the perfect fantasy for anyone. So in my opinion don't change anything about him you sexy horse word writer. :pinkiehappy::ajsmug::twilightsmile::raritywink::heart::rainbowkiss::yay:

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I get what you're saying, but in the interest of having a good plot as well as good plots (heh), I want to make Asmodeus as believable a character as I can. So theres an actual pony behind the sex demon. But don't worry, And, "Sexy horse word writer", i like that.

I'm loving this so much the only word I have for you is "awesome".

I'm really liking Asmodeus. Not sure why, but I like this character, even if he is almost like those alicorn OCs nobody likes. Know what I mean? I guess that is because he has solid reasons for being like he is. Can I hope to see him interact with the princesses? After it was mentioned that he is Celestia's friend I can't get it off my mind!

Anyway... Keep doing what you're doing! It's working!:rainbowwild:

First of all... Daaaaamn!
Second... Thank you for giving Spike wings.
This is Sparity clop done right.

You amenable to some fixing of typos?

I JUST finished reading the previous chapter and BAM new chapter, time to read!

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Thanks for the comments. And the Princesses are going to make an appearance in part 4, most likely. Depends on how things go. The scene I have planned out for them is something i'm definitely looking forward to writing. And damn straight I'm going to give Spike wings, I don't know why others don't.
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Of course, just tell me where you see them and i'll get right on it.
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Releasing the third chapter was actually an accident. I meant to do it later today, but I clicked publish instead of edit and just decided to roll with it.:twilightsheepish:

I was listening to incubus while reading the description for this story.

This has a dragon seal of aproval

This is a nice bit of fun, but it does need a considerable amount of work on grammar & punctuation, as well as description & word choice if you want to submit this to the High Quality Mature Fiction group. The last one is probably going to be the hardest because since you've got so many varied positions and acts you'll have a lot of work beefing up the descriptions and keeping it all feeling "fresh". Just a personal bit of advice, but you also might want to use 'cunt' less. It can be effective for spicing up a very intense scene, but like all strong spices it's best used in moderation and only when it won't overpower everything else around it.:twilightblush:

I'm loving this story, but I cant shake the feeling that something really bad is going to happen. :raritydespair:

The filly’s face suddenly darkened into a cruel smirk,
“You’re Buck-Buddies aren’t you?”

I laughed so hard at this...

Personally, I don't care about grammar or spelling mistakes, I just say what I like and what I don't like. And I like your story enough to wait as long as you need to upload the next chapter. Take your time.

That said, I really like your explanation about the different kinds of magic. And Thank you for not using Discord's vines as the model for the tentacles. It worked pretty well with "Nightmare Moon's magic". If I would complain about anything it would be about the "cum om command" thing. Well... Just my opinion.

Looking forward for next chapter! :rainbowwild:

"Pump the next chapter out" huh?
Is that what they call it now-a-days?

(Tentacle Start)

......LET IT BEGIN......

A few hiccups in tpology

The demon in behind Twilight suddenly disappeared, and the unicorn fell onto the couch with a soft thump. Grumbling in annoyance she turned around to yell at the demon but shut her mouth when she saw the red sparkling cloud near the ceiling. It looked extremely similar to NIghtmare Moon’s transformation, and on second thought it was probably the exact same thing.
You have 'heavy' fingers. Capital N capital I in this case.


Two tendrils descended slowly, stopping right in front of her faze. They lazily swayed about, as if they were staring at her curiously. Twilight giggled and reached out a hoof curiously. One of them moved forwards to meet her and the unicorn giggled again once she touched it. The tendril was solid, and when it touched her it had a slightly tingling feel to it. The feeling spread through her leg, making her muscles relax slightly.
You meant 'face' not faze.

The combination of sensations for the mare was too much for the mare to handle, and she suddenly passed out without fanfare. The tendrils immediately stopped fucking the mare, and withdrew from her abused holes and gently deposited her on the couch. Carefully wrapping themselves from around her they placed her in a comfortable position.
The sentence in question is just a bit wordy. Perhaps something like:
The combination of sensations was too much for the mare to handle, and she suddenly passed out without fanfare.

Her orgasm triggered Asmodeus’ as pussy tightened immeasurably in its quest to milk the cum out of him. The demon slammed her down on his cock, hilting in her one last time before the first rope of cum shot out. Rainbow screamed again as she felt herself being pumped full of the demonic cum. The massive warmth of it pooling in her womb, filling it completely in the first shot. The two of them held each other in death grips as rope after rope of cum forced its way into the mare. The sheer amount of it caused a visible bulge to form on Rainbows abdomen. Eventually their orgasms died down, and the ponies muscles relaxed. Rainbow was delirious, reveling in the feeling of the mass of cum sloshing around in her.
I'm embarassed to ask this, but, who's pussy tightened? No one 'owns' that pussy in the sentence, if that makes sense?

You have little hiccups with punctuation, like here:
“What are you thinking of? Twilight asked the tendril in front of her, already knowing the answer. It moved forward and traced the unicorns jawline, Twilight could see the demon’s smirk in her mind’s eye. She rolled her eyes,
And:
Asmodeus’ cock suddenly hit a particularly sensitive spot in the mares snatch and Rainbow broke their lips’ embrace to let out a loud squeal of pleasure. Without missing a beat the demon began giving the mare small lovebites up and down her neck. Rainbow rested her head on the demon’s shoulder, shuddering in pleasure as the demon fucked her.

Overall, a rather enjoyable story.
Yes, I am glad to see that the Plunder vines weren't used as the model for the tentacles. That... Ick... Doing that would DEFINITELY involve like Dark, Gore.

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I didn't see any problem with Asmodeus' application of the 'cum on command' thing. It was an example of Demonic magic. It's natural for him to do something related to Lust, which is what Asmodeus is a demon of. But, that's just me.

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Yeah. Like I said, it's a matter of opinion. I think that it's a bit "cheap", but it's a bad word... I mean, I don't think that it was wrong in any way, but struck me as cheap because sex has a certain rhythm to it.

cool, this guy is awesome :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

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This is a little bit of a spoiler, but not really. I don't intend for anything bad to happen, this is slice of life for a reason. I envision this story, and the subsequent side stories and (maybe) sequels to focus on a "sexual revolution" of sorts in Ponyville. And i don't mean that the town becomes Equestria's brothel, if you get what I'm saying. I don't think there will be an overarching plot with antagonists and all that jazz. I already know where I want to go with this story. That being said, stories following this are considerably less thought out. So alot of things are possible.

And about the "cum on command thing" I used it as an example of demonic magic and that's all really is, i do not plan on using it as a cop-out in clop scenes in the future, so if you're worried about that don't be.

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:twilightblush: lol, didn't catch that

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:rainbowwild:

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Awesome, I'll make sure to fix all those errors when I get to this in my re-work. Thanks alot.

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Glad to know I'm doing something right

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Yeah, I can agree with that. There's definitely a case of it seeming cheap, tawdry...

When the devil did i hit the downvote button? Lemme fix that.

“Is ‘I got laid’ an acceptable answer?”

Yes, yes it is:rainbowlaugh:

BAHAHAHA that plan totally backfired on her :rainbowlaugh: but this was really really hot :moustache::moustache::moustache:

We've gotten through most of the main characters in play for this thing....

---Applejack, Twilight, Rainbow Dash (Asmodeus)
---Fluttershy (Macintosh)
---Vinyl Scratch and Octavia (no male, no problem :raritywink:)
---Rarity (Spike)
---Princess Celestia and Princess Luna (Asmodeus)

I am definitely looking forward to both Fluttermac and OctaScratch, and yes, there is a pervy desire on my end for them as much as I loved Sparity. The reason? Both Fluttershy and Octavia seem to be as decidedly in the genre of "It's always the quiet ones" when it comes to sexual fulfillment and fantasy. In a related way, Spike's in the same genre because they are all hiding/resisting their natural urges for the sake of society or their loved ones, but boy---when they let it go, I bet they all REALLY let it go!!! Just like how Rarity was vastly surprised (and immensely pleasured) when Spike let out his "Bad Dragon" to play, I definitely think that both Mac and Vinyl are gonna be in for a hell of a surprise when "Mistress Shy" and "Octi Val Jean the mob princess" decide to join the afterparty. :pinkiehappy:

And as a little bit of an aside, I kinda have to wonder where Pinkie is, but knowing Pinkie, I bet she has her ways to deal just fine---possibly because she's in the same place as Mr and Mrs. Cake. There has to be a reason why Pinkie's paying for room and board at Sugarcube Corner, and considering that it's that time of the year for all mares, it's a good thing that Pinkie has a stallion and a mare ready to take care of themselves. How else did Pound and Pumpkin come here in the first place? :moustache::trollestia::trollestia:

I know short comments kinda suck, but this chapter was simply amazing, and quite fun to proof-read. Can't wait for more! :twilightsmile:

Dang.... that was hot! :pinkiegasp:

That was unbelievable. Great job :pinkiehappy:

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:pinkiehappy: thanks!
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Little bit of a spoiler here, but not a big one so don;t worry. The Octascratch interlude (which I plan on starting today) will be kind of like the Sparity bit(edit: not as muchas I originally thought). But the Fluttermac is going to be my attempt at "making love" as it were, partially because I want to try my hand at writing it, and also so there is a variety of clop in this story, cause that never hurt anyone.

Now onto Pinkie, she is going to appear in Day 3, but I am on the fence about putting her in a clop scene. I can read clop about her fine, but writing it just feels weird to me for some reason. That being said, anything could happen.
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I appreciate your help, as always.
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Glad to know I'm doing something right.:pinkiehappy::rainbowwild:

minor spelling errors like teh, and eddorts instead of the and efforts these were before Twilight, Rainbow and Applejack were caught other than that great story as always :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy: orgasm spell :facehoof:

I rather enjoyed that chapter! :twilightblush: :rainbowwild: :ajsmug:
Keep up the good work!! :trollestia:

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