RarestRarity1779
Joined 30th Jun, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- DarkRyu · 14k words · 133 18 · 5.5k views
- The Dragon Warlock · 2.6k words · 170 17 · 5.8k views
- StripyFlash · 2.1k words · 95 53 · 5.2k views
- storiesatrandom · 2.9k words · 46 24 · 2.9k views
- neorenamon · 53k words · 110 36 · 4.6k views
- Zarius9998 · 3.8k words · 43 1 · 4.3k views
- Flying High · 1.1k words · 87 17 · 4.2k views
- zsunknown · 4.2k words · 51 3 · 2k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.162 seconds
Total duration
765 users online
734,780 hits today, 2,782,760 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I like clop, and I frickin' love Twilestia, but the execution here is sorely lacking. You make simple, easy-to-avoid mistakes (e. g., you need to use spellcheck, only one speaker per paragraph, consistent indents and/or spacing, consistent narrator). There's lots of telling and summary, as with "Celestia sat immersed," "they talked for hours," or "her feelings had grown stronger." Both Twilight and Celestia are OoC, Twilight in her casualness and Celestia with her awkward confusion.
Beyond that, this story seems unsure which direction it wants to take. Is it a romantic tale of love fulfilled? If so, the characters' interactions need to be shown in detail. Is it a piece of contextless clop, glorying in its own gratuitousness? Then cut to the chase. This piece satisfies neither audience.
I hope you find value in my criticism, and I wish you luck in any future writing you do.
I do see value in your criticism, "Thimblefull" and I do accept as I do every other compliment and/or criticism, but please do keep in mind this way literally my second fic ever written. It's been sitting deep within the bowels of my Google Documents archive for god knows how long, and upon seeing it I just uploaded for evaluation by the site's fine moderators. No editing what-so-ever.
Much like art, writers too have their own style. It is not recommended by most, nor is it the proper way to write, I am aware, but my style of writing is to do this in paragraph form. I can't really explain it, but it was the way I wrote through most of my grade school, high school, and college careers. Heck, its even the way I fill most of the papers out a work; meh, it gets me paid and it makes the supervisor or whoever happy that I at least filled the paperwork out correctly... oh, listen to me blabber on.
All that aside, thank you. I'll write your criticism down (as I like to do all) and place it in a folder labeled "complaints". If I get enough of them, for the happiness and ease of my eh... readers, I'll begin to do one speaker per line.
848900 Please, just do one speaker per line. That's how dialogue is supposed to work. I can understand not going back and changing it, but in future works, please just do it right.
848900
The one speaker per line thing is a rule for a reason: It's important for readability.
If you are reading on a less clear screen (eg: Mobile device), or are just a fast reader, then you need the layout to help you keep track of what is going on. It's much easier to lose your place without spacing.
It's not hard to do, and your readers will thank you!
In addition, in Ch1:
>making a rahter loud tap
I assume you wanted 'rather'
849377 Yes- the paragraph rule does not apply to legal documents or things like that, but in fiction and dialog it is mandatory.
Like, "I failed my test because of it" mandatory (I did, a few times.). You should have your own style, obviously, but the paragraphing like that is very important for the reader to understand who is speaking.
Another Twilight and Celestia clop fic?
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/132778352231.gif
and finally tested some of the new, lighter spells on the old books in the library.
At first I missed the comma and wondered why they were torching books.
wish it would have been longer, but really good for only being 1,000 words
ME , GUSTA Thats all folks
848837 I have no comprehension of anything you said sure theirs grammar problems but this story was Amazing and I completely disagree with you
('
');
Good story so far.
HAHA SHE SAID IT SHE SAID IT
852466c.cslacker.com/969l.jpg
921792 When The Fuck Did I Post this?!?!?
what are the old customs?
loved this though
Like every other raunchy TwiLestia story, I like this. Thimblefull does make a point at the end of his/her comment though, is this a romantic tale where something truly meaningful will develop between the two or is it just the two releasing sexual tensions?
5198766
Well, the beauty of it is that it's for you, the reader, to decide. It's not really meant to go in a specific direction as much as it means to leave you guessing. It's one of those unanswered questions that lets you provide the answer.
5198766
Oh, and I'm very glad you liked it!
5214152 I do see how leaving it up to the reader to decide would make the story more intriguing. I will admit, I would hope they would go on to have something meaningful and eventually get married but every reader has their own opinion. Again I like this and thanks for writing such a good story.