The Dragon Warlock
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Hoo, boy. Where to begin? Maybe I'll know when I get access to a proper computer.
1.5/5
219074 This was my FIRST clop fic, so of course it's not going to be golden. I tried to improve some things here and there. Besides you always have to start somewhere.
219080
One's first try will never be golden. That said, one should send his or her fic to a prereader before submitting. Some people do preread clopfics, you know. I happen to be one of them.
219088 I did look this and even an editor looked over and it was fine. Hell if you think it's that bad then you should've seen Version 1.0 of this with walls of text and many grammar errors. I'm sorry if this didn't satisfy you, and I do promise my other clop fics I have on DeviantART are far better.
You need a new editor. I can help.
219136 How so?
219141 I believe the CheeseDeluxe one was referring to...editing. More specifically, you send it to that one, whom reads and marks places for correction, you correct, and then post it.
Also it should be noted, everyone rates on a different set of rules. I personally rate on a basis of 3/5 if I enjoyed it at all, then the next points prioritize how much I enjoyed it, and the final half point is grammar... (unless the grammar is atrocious, in which case it is less enjoyable anyway and gets a lower score
) My opinion is that being the absolute pinnacle of grammar is not something necessary for a 5 star rating. Some are much more...shall I say... clinical about how they rate. 
)
Having accidentally paged past the entire clop scene and read straight from that point, I'd rate the fic an even 4... however the rate button seems to be borked for me at the moment... (s'ok, I wasn't really in the mood for a clopfic anyway... I clicked without looking.)
What you've done well is concision. It is a fic with one purpose --to get Celestia and Twilight together-- and it does so with no excess pomp and adequate amounts of circumstance. It could be written better, there are a few spelling errors, but regardless it was on the enjoyable end of my rating spectrum...(even if I did accidentally skip some
219273 Thank you kind sir.
Ahh, I do love Twilestia. Hay, I wrote a fair bit of it myself ( http://www.fimfiction.net/story/8424/Where-the-Mind-Wanders http://www.fimfiction.net/story/8433/Where-the-Mind-Roams ). As it is, this is a decent start, like a base boullion. What it needs, though, is some flavor, maybe some filling, and as CheeseDeluxe and Sciver mentioned, some editing.
Now, I'm no expert on the matter, but one thing I'd like to advise you for your next fiction is 'Show, don't tell'. The entire first paragraph, where you bring the readers up-to-speed, is 'telling', the 'showing' only begins at 'Focus, Twilight'.
For instance, the first paragraphs could be, hmmm... lessee..;
Twilight Sparkle rubbed the sleep from her eyes, levitating washcloth quickly dabbing away at her flushed cheeks as her hooves clattered along the stony palace steps. Even so, the wet cloth failed to wipe away the lingering memories of the little purple unicorn's latest dream; she could still feel the pressure of Celestia's lips against her own, the princess' breath across her face, the quiet-but-searing longing in her chest as she awoke. This one had been the most intense, the most heated in a long series of dreams, each one progressing from the other like the pages in the dream-diary on her bedstand. Ink still stained her lips from where she fervently suckled the quill, scrabbling for the words to write down an imaginary act of passion that would've seared Spike's eyes clear from his skull had he read a single paragraph.
That, perhaps, was the greatest problem: The shame and nervousness that settled in the little unicorn's belly as her logical mind caught up with her craven desire, labeling her desires as impossible, filthy, unwanted by the immortal mare and mentor who stood as a towering monolith of purity above all of ponykind.
After nervously slinking through familiar palace corridors, guided by the instructions of armor-clad pegasi, Twilight Sparkle found herself standing before the delicately-engraved doors of Celestia's personal chambers with her heart in her throat.
Her hoof raised to knock...
Well, ok, maybe not that. That's a bit overly-verbose.
221476 It was my first clop fic. It's not going to be golden. The grammar I know is not golden, but at least I don't have walls of text, I have periods where they are needed, and have things set. If you want to be my editor, I'll accept you then.
222343 To be perfectly honest though, I wanted to give it a shot as far as a clop fic AND a romantic fic. I think maybe I did focus on too little of the clop and the romance.
222343 Don't worry, the next clop fic I'll try to balance it out more.
221660
It's really not bad for a first fic, really! I'm just trying to be constructive, don't worry, I'm not bashing your work. If anything, you show a fair bit of potential.
222995 Thanks mate. This isn't my first fic BTW though. MY first one is Circus Days, a Spike and Mane 6 adventure. If you like Spike, then go read that.
Well, the plot was sloppy, to say it kind.
This is your first clopfic. So what? A clopfic does not allow ridiculous grammatical mistakes, let alone typos.
Read at least once through your own story. One time should be enough to find about 80% of the mistakes.
252221
1. You're welcome.
2. You did? You really read through this story? I don't know what you mean with English major, well in fact I can get it out of the context. So, I have to say here that you don't even have to come from America or Britain to spot those errors. You don't have to study English at Oxford.
3. Yeah, there are. And those are rated by far worse than this story. What I write now, is for point three, as well as the fourth. A clop fic is no excuse for bad grammar or typos, as I said. You've written a story before, which has, as I could take from a short read through the first chapter, way better grammar than this narration. Point clear?
I couldn't see any effort in this story. What I could see was, a neat name, a main cast consisting out of Celestia and Twilight, a Romance and Mature tag. Furthermore, a text lacking synonyms (14 times 'lilac unicorn', four times the verb 'to nibble' in roughly four sentences, five times the verb 'to kiss' in four clauses), a story with a gruel way to cover the topic immortality (I don't want to see a 'Eternal' or 'Composure' every time, but this was... another way to settle that particular issue), and finally, for the fourth time, a dismal grammar.
I don't want to sound rude, although I am most certainly very offensive.
252341 There's a fine line in offending somepony who writes and criticism. I appreciate the criticism, but Jesus Christ stop being an a**hole and tone it down. Just calm down okay? You're acting like I'm the biggest scumbag of all time. For crying out loud just take a deep breath, got do something relaxing, and calm the f**k down.
okay there has been alot of bashing for your fic.... but you wont get any from me. i liked your story. it was short so not much room for details ( tought it would have helped making it longer) but you got me with the letter from celestia. that was a gold piece. so for your first story.. not bad. wasnt a great story but IT was a good one. i hope to see more from you.
respect from denmark
Editing is seldom kind. Corrections and edits are made with an iron-eyed, cold-hearted assesment of grammar, spelling and the vagueries of style and substance. So, as strident and stern as the editorial advice is, it is being made in good sooth, as they say.
Its hard to properly capture the behavior of a GODDESS. Luna acts like a Greek Goddess, flawed and such. Celestia is a more traditional Goddess, and thusly harder to map in terms of personality beyond a gentle playfulness we see on occasion. For a first try this was pretty well-done, I think. You should write more and continue to hone your skills.
314127 Thanks mate.
283644 I need to finish editing this actually.
Spike sends an intimate scroll knowing it may as well ruin Twilight's relationship with the princess.
I sense trolling.
372394lunachan.net/chat/src/133205454245.jpg
it's ok. that all i can say. i wish there was more to it but there isn't.
the story was a good idea it just need more planning i guess
in the end i would like to say there is definatly potential here so don't stop trying
439319 Thanks.
quite good sir better then most of the Twilestia's that i have read hope for more
541461 Thanks mate.
While Twilight/Celestia isn't exactly my cup of tea, I must say that this was an interesting attempt at a first clop-fic.
I just hope that the one I'm currently working on pays off in the end.
555956 Ooo I look forward to it.
Browsing around for some Twilestia. Got me in the mood, that's what counts.
Some of the wording is a little bit awkward. You might want to try reading it out loud to see if you can catch some of the placement errors, and salvage some sentences.
One thing I noticed with Celestia was the way she spoke, and a lot of writers make this mistake. They make Celestia speak very properly, like a queen (or like her sister, Luna) Remember, this is the princess who says "Gotcha!" when she pulls a prank on the ponies serving her tea. So I'd use a bit less formality in her speech, especially when talking to Twilight.
awwe
yea its so sweet 
219095 This is a great story some people just get mad because it's better then they could ever write.
i feel bad for those low lives.
It was a nice little fic, a bit sudden I guess in terms of romantic development, but of course there is really no point to critiquing it when it was so long ago and you have no doubt grown as a writer from here. I especially liked that they didn't completely uproot their lives to be together unrealistically, it made everything much more believable.
That being said, one line ruined it for me, after reading the following line I could hardly take any of the emotions seriously at all,
"I missed seeing that innocent face, and that eager smile that showed you were ready. I first thought of you as a bit of a sister, but I felt something in me grow overtime. I soon realized that I was falling for you as well."
All I could think about after that was this guy, the complete antithesis to serious emotions...
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hmmm, cant wait to read it. sounds fun.
certain
you might want to make those i's lowercase