I hung my head staring out the window, looking at all the ponies with their families, laughing, playing, talking. I had no family, my own didn't love me enough to even care for me. They just left me all alone in the cold all those years ago... I was just a foal, in the cold during Hearth's Warming Eve. That day is just a terrible reminder that my family didn't want me. For the past 12 years, I've wanted a family to care for me and love me. Is that too much to ask?
This is my first attempt for Fluttercord and Screwball story, so accept any errors that won't be fixed.
Thank you atronosthelast for helping me with this idea and editing it for me. I wanted to post something for Christmas since it's one of my fave holidays. (Along with my Birthday)
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This was a great story so far, I can't wait to see more of it!
Also, little suggestion. Every time there's a new paragraph (or piece of dialogue) you can skip another line so there would be a space between it and the previous paragraph. It makes it easier to read. Here's an example.
Besides that and some grammar mistakes (yes, I saw the AN) it's an amazing story! Also, I like Astar, he's kinda cute!
7831684 Thanks for the criticism
(not trying to sound like an ass, i promise. i just realised that sentence could be taken as me being an ass.)
Normally i can get to these stories very early and edit out any mistakes that may have been made but with the christmas holidays i have been incredibly busy. Now that it's over i can get back to editing for people, and have just finished editing this story.
7832070 No problem!
I can't wait for the rest.
7831684 Thanks. My friend helped me think of the name so I kinda don't know how to say it. Glad you liked it!
7832500 I wanted to submit it anyway and add the edit for when atronosthelast finished it but it didn't submit till yesterday. I will add in the edit today and soon hopefully decide to finish it before next year or finish it for new years...
7832786 Alright
7850116 What, where??
do you still write on this? I only want to start when there is going to be more.
8476464
I REALLY REALLY hope to finish it this year, if not, it would be updated AT LEAST yearly for the holiday, and MAYBE new years... I have a bit of an idea where the story is going, but having trouble with my word chapter goal... it's a bit more tricky now that I'm on my own for editing
8480508
So is his supposed to be just a short one?
I think I saw a spoiler for the final episode or something , do you know more about it? I think I saw someone dressed like Stawswirls the bearded or someone that could be him, but I'm not sure if I would like that, he always appeared to strong for what I heared here and there, so strong that other unicorns appeared to be never able to be able to reach half of this power level which I didn't liked.
If I remember it right Starlight is somewhat a descendant from him? I just liked that there was a character somewhat as powerfull as an Alicorn, a different one that Starwirls
8481508
Yes, it's state swirl, he is in the season finale
8482684
oh my god, I probably said it already, but I dislike his almighty appearance, mostly because of the other unicorns and what it had meant for stories before Starlight came along. To be honest I just had seen a part of the episode that was released and it seems all legends are still alive, which doesn't really makes them legends, but actually pretty realistic and not to old heroes.
JUst the combi power looked strange.
oh and thank you.
Just saying it, I would love it if something like this goes longer than a few chapters. The one story that was with a human turn "little Screwball", didn't got an update, the moment the first people said they didn't liked that it turned away from the adoption theme for two chapters and turned into some sort of nightmare/discord horror movie.
8483598
I MIGHT continue on MAYBE sometime after new years if I am able to break through this wall of writer's block...
This is a nice chapter.
I think I heard a tip for writers block. If I remember it correctly you should try to force yourself to write it down no matter how stupis is looks to you if you have an idea.
If you have something on paper it appearently is easier to work with it. Not sure if I remembered it right but I think someone said it like that.
8628858
Oh and thank you for the new chapter, no matter how short it is, right now I'm jus glad that we got a new one and that I don't have to much to finish right now. To be honest at the moment I have to much to read.
8629201
Yeah, I handnt updated since last year
More..?
8677343
I'm working on it, just been busy with school lately...