Following Chrysalis's scheme to capture every important pony in Equestria and replace them with Changelings, Celestia came to the conclusion that it was time for some new heroes to arise. Some who would take up the mantle whenever the Main Six or Starlight Glimmer and her friends were unable to assist.
She sends Twilight Sparkle and her friends across the ocean to make some new friends, some who would hopefully be able to fight against the forces of darkness and save the world from any new threats that might surface.
Little do they know that it's not going to be as easy as they think...
Chapters (11)
Alright, good start.
Wow, even Spike knows that Celestia is practically useless in a crisis.
Where can I read that story?
7795169 It's the Season Six Finale.
That's hardly fair, Spike; she didn't have any magic at the time!
Good start.
But Starlight should say "hooves", not "hands".
Well, this is off to an interesting start.
Now this is interesting...
So the five ponies in White Wings are the pony versions of the Shadow Five from Friendship Games? Now you've caught my interest with this.
Equestrian ponies. I doubt Sugarcoat has ever heard of Ponyville.
Break ALL THE LAWS, Pinkie! Show these hidey-butt ponies how to have a good time.
...wow. Sugarcoat might be in for a rude awakening once she sees her guests.
7887286 Fixed it.
Good chapter, can't wait for more.
Nice.
Pleasure to meet you Equestrian Indigo Zap.
Queen Cinch? Oh I'm not gonna like her, aren't I... Just remembering the other Cinch, any sympathy I may have for her is probably not gonna exist...
However, I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt. This is the pony world, maybe she's more responsible and intelligent than her counterpart who's a cold-hearted idiot of a bitch.
Be careful White Wings is starting to feel like the Kingdom of Mary-Sues... Not that we've seen any real evidence it's "better" than Equestria, of course White Wings is going claim their Fliers are best, their unicorns are the most magical and their earth ponies are strongest. So you have yet to cross into Mary-Sue territory, but it's something to watch out for. I doubt any pony is more Magical that Twilight, or Faster than Dash. or more wacked out than Pinkie. Also I expect Queen Cinch is the stuffiest of stuff shirt rulers and will likely disrespect Twilight on principal alone. Her character has been established and though Pony Cinch won't be exactly the same she will be very close, just like the pony Shadowblots will be to their human counterparts. Lets be honest Cinch is arrogant, manipulative and passive aggressive.
So Cinch is in charge...okay, my opinion of the place has gone downhill.
Looking good so far!
And the Queen has been unveiled... lets see how this turns out...
This is only a nitpick, but it kinda feels like your making Sugarcoat a little more OP than Starlight, and there are times where I don't think Starlight is too OP. But other then that, great chapter.
...well, I can't say I'm fond of this story's version of Sugarcoat. Arrogant, dismissive, quick to judge...and seriously? No acknowledgement of an alicorn?
Okay, in all seriousness, I do like how Cinch here isn't the stereotypical *bleep* that only gives a flying *bleep* about herself and her reputation and is instead someone that is actually a little intelligent here. And she doesn't insult Twilight and her friends the minute they make an appearance, double points for that.
While I'm still going to give this story a try, right out the bat doing Celestia as the heel and turning Spike into your mouthpiece is huge discouragement to this story and that's the prologue which doesn't set a good precedent for the story.
That was quite an impressive entrance. Umbra is definitely not one to be trifled with.
Hmm...King Umbra's coming across as a bit too much of a Villain Sue here. Just saying.
I really hope the girls whip out the Rainbow Power and own Sugarcoat. Her being all OP would be dull. I don't want the main six to be invincible either but it would feel like a betrayal if they where depicted as weak. Don't mistake me for saying the story is like this yet, it's not.
Oh Sugarcoat... honey... she needs help.
Wait, so Umbra's the worst parts of Sugarcoat made manifest?
*thwacks Sugarcoat with a big stick*
Stupid mare! Dealing with your dark side doesn't work that way! Just ask Henry Jeckyll!
I think I know who the real villain is now...
Now I feel the need to smack Sugarcoat so hard for being such a stubborn pessimist.
I need to see the rest of the EG specials today which look pretty promising. Hopefully Dailymotion won't keep screwing up on me and continue to glitch, screw up the quality, keep popping up ads every 2 minutes-- Oh who I am kidding, DAILYMOTION SUCKS.
But... that's not the focus here.
As far as the story goes, its pretty promising. I love the interactions they have with each other, and interactions is something I love a lot in a story. Good job mate!
An interesting decelopment.
Big time Sugarbuns. Big time.
And now its off on our quest! Insert Monty Python and the Holy Grail questing music!
Pinkie is just so genre savvy.
Don't ignore Pinkie, she's perfectly aware of the power of tempting fate.
Oh scrap. This ain't good...
...geez. That's taking things up to eleven.
OK it's official the characters are OP, the Shadowbolts are OP, the Dragon King is OP. The main six are subdued waaaayyyy to easy. Twilight's magic totally ineffective? Really? Not enough fine, but she can do nothing as an alicorn and the element of magic? I'm sorry but Equestria is depicted and pathetic and it's feels like disrespect for the source material.
8279041
Is that your only gripe? Because it doesn't hold a lot of weight.
8279074
No, it does hold a lot of weight. The main 6 are depicted as weaklings and incompetent while the ShadowBolts are shown as being over powered and much more competent. The idea Equestria is a nation that has existed for over a thousand years yet it's greatest hero's are soft and weak compared to rest of the world isn't interesting or fun. A MarySue wrecks a story, a group of them along side reducing the cannon heroes abilities and compitence ruins it completely. Maybe you don't agree that this is what was done, but surely that if I feel this is what's being done it DOES hold a lot of weight in relation to my wanting to read the story. How can feeling a story insults it's source material when you like the source material hold no weight in likeing the story?
8279132
I based the pony Shadowbolts and White Wings off of Crystal Prep from Friendship Games. An academy far superior to Canterlot High, who has never lost anything once, and who has students trained to perfection. The one change I made was that Cinch wasn't a cold-hearted cow like she was in Friendship Games, and that as a pony, she genuinely cares for her kind. Also, the Shadowbolts aren't completely overpowered. Sugarcoat had infights with them and the other Rainbooms, and Umbra managed to swat them away with little effort. And I at least came up with a reason why the Dragon King and his kind are immune to magic. If I'd just said that any of them were strong and could easily do away with problems, then it would be a Mary Sue story. A Mary Sue is a character who ALWAYS has everything going their way with little to no conflict. The Shadowbolts have problems. White Wings has problems. Anything with problems they can't clear easily is NOT considered a Mary Sue.
Maybe you've just been watching Chloe from Fairly Odd Parents, Xanderfox.
8279194
Look I get that you don't feel this is a case of Mary Suisum, that's clear. I do think it is, and that is more than good enough, I explained what my feeling is was the case to rebuke the dismissive idea that it was poor reason. I am not telling you what to think, I'm telling you what I think, not everyone will like your stories. Don't dismiss criticism, listen to it, look over your story and decide if you agree or not. Guess what you might disagree, but you don't need to "beat" your critics.
And just like that, things quickly escalate all the way to fifteen.
Nopony gets left behind. Especially not Spike.
Hopefully Spike's not dead...
Twilight never leaves behind her #1 Assistant.
Spike, if you honestly think that somepony has to be able to fight in order to be a good ruler, then you have no idea what you’re talking about.
Why was this cancelled?