In the midst of a war between Russia and the U.S., a Navy F/A-18E pilot is shot down over enemy skies. What the pilot discovers is a land entirely unseen before by human eyes. As he slowly copes to it's inhabitants, he will also begin to learn about the realities of war, and the true meaning of home.
This is my first fanfic, so constructive criticism is welcome. Also, If anyone wishes to make a good cover art or suggest something good, then I will make sure to promote the artist and the person who gives the suggestion. Enjoy!
Chapters (4)
Looks promising.
I like, read it before the redo and liked it then.
tracked
72423 Well, I'm really happy to hear your support for the story. I've decided to put a lot more work and detail in. It'll be even more than 20% cooler
Firstly, I can't seem to find any grammatical flaws in this at all. I thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart, for making this very easy on the eyes- a lot of newer writers on here make me cringe with how utterly unreadable their fics are (grammatical wise ofc, but I digress).
Secondly, there's some good build up here. Most HinE stories are just something along the lines of 'I went to sleep one night and woke up with a manic pink pony jumping on my back, WTF?', but I liked the angle you took with this.
However, there's a lot of military jargon in this, which might put some people off. Instead of simply naming the aircraft or evasive manouvers, for example, and expecting us to go and find a picture or wiki article on it (or a Youtube video, as you did), you should probably give a brief description of the aircraft or manouver itself for us. Remember, as the writer it's your job to paint a picture for us by enticing the senses (in this case, our eyes).
It's also a good idea in dialogue heavy scenes to have some insignifcant action performed by the characters in order to break up the empty space between the lines of speech. This has a double effect of both making it less distracting for the reader, and it also means that your characters are actually DOING something,as opposed to standing rigid and motionless while they are speaking. In other words, those little extra details go a LONG way to making your fic more enjoyable.
Of course, it's your fic- do what you like with it, and people will probably bitch at me for being so wordy in my feedback. But whatever, I'll track this and see where it goes. So far, I'm liking where this is heading.
|AReallyBadPonyWriter|
The F/A 18E only has 11 hard points. The external fuel tank uses up the 3 hard points under the fuselage. Other than that I like how you said tree instead of three. Proper radio communication in fics is uncommon but not something I usually comment about. Good show I must say. Your foreshadowing is horrible though unless you want people to know whats happening, then your doing a good job.
I require more to sustain my appetite
But srsly, MOAR!
More please!
Fabulous story, I cant wait for your next chapter
I'll definitely be keeping an eye on this story, keep up the good work.
I agree I want more
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxt5a1FuLX1qjbhq0.gif
....WAIT*checks unread tracked stories and sees new chapter*YES!
190416 Oh come on now, it can't have elicited that strong of a reaction from you... could it?
191634.......This story is that good.
ignem ex caelum, hmm...
Either sky of fire, fire in the sky, or something of the same effect.
192615 WARNING SPOILER:
Fire from the sky
Legio mihi nomen est, quia multi sumus*evil grinn* I like this story !
at least you used my base image for the tatt
Awesome story dude.
193913 Yes. Yes I did. You should be proud of yourself for the contribution.
if you need more ideas feel free to send a message and we could throw some ideas around
I know a ton about aviation history and planes in general. My expertise is generally in the field of Dogfights and Vietnam/WWII-era aircraft...
But still. If you need advice/ideas PM me.
Also, I freaking enjoy this story so far. Keep it up.
great story sexy mama
Could we have MOAR please? :)
Please sir, I want some more.
When will you continue it?
Because you should make at least a little update or something...
This is by far one of the most well written fan-fics out there.
I guess you have a busy time with your work/school and all that, but I can hardly wait for the next chapter!
"This...is...AWESOME!!"
Come on, man! Can't you just give us a little update that's telling everyone how what's going on and how the story is coming down?
Am I reading Tom Clancy or a fan fic?
Great job, man.
One thing I noticed, before they engage their enemies, they don't use "Over" at the end of their radio chat; This is done to make sure that you weren't killed/radio didn't short out/etc. Same while they're in combat. Looking forward to Chapter 2.
Nice job, I can only imagine what was going through the minds of the characters as an F-18 barreled to the Earth.
No joke, this is one of the better fics I've read.
My god, they just get better.
Take your time with this though, I look forward to seeing your work.
This is an absolutely fantastic bit of fanfiction! I can't wait for more!
Dude, I got to ask. Any ETA on the next chapter?
aww...
It's ok dude. I am just glad you didn't cancel.
I know that feel, brony. It's like hitting a wall, then that wall crumbling on top of you, and having to dig your way out.
Hmm, the 3rd quarter slump didnt hurt me at all this year. This year is was the first-semseter that got me. I walked into my english final with a 55
No worries, hopefully my tie in will keep them occupied, haha.
You just reminded me to work on the cover art too.
560193
Oh don't worry about that. Your story has been feeding me so many victims.
I-I mean, readers. Yes, many new readers.
560207
Haha, I link it like crazy.
How am I doing with Owens so far? I planning on stopping after the night, so you can lead it up from there.
Trying to help with ideas. D:
having a similar if not the same problem myself.
Protip: blog posts are good for these kind of announcements, but if you prefer it this way it's fine too.
some people get pissed that it's "not actually a new chapter"
'sall good
Just a suggestion I really enjoy both you and Rightious sinn's fics but are you going to have his char in your fic or is it just going to be yours in his
Summer's here. Update soon?
This is really well written. Your military knowledge and the way you him into Equestria was done well and rushed and awkward like most HiE fics.
Keep this up!
Silver out!
you... a... some...
PLEASE MOAR!
This fic looks quite promesing, can't wait for more.
When does the next chapter come out?
Update?
I believe this is a dead fic.
Will be marked until the story gets an update, then this comment will be removed by the author or me.
Translates to fire from heaven
Well I still can't wait to see what happens next