- Member Since 19th Sep, 2016
- offline last seen 5 hours ago
DeathKing
Just someone who read a fic and loved it, and now I'm stuck wanting to read more.I might even try to write a story or two.
DeathKing
Joined 19th Sep, 2016 ·
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This is good so far and I can't wait to read more of it.
7792318 Thanks. I hope to make this story enjoyable for all who read it.
7792358 your welcome.
Few minor Grammar errors. Good read otherwise. Like the approach with the poisoning peace.
Good times create weak men.
Weak men lead to bad times.
Bad times create strong men.
Strong men lead to good times.
You seem to switch an awful lot between 1st and 3rd person. That makes it kinda hard to read. Some Grammar errors again, but nothing a trained Grammar Nazi can't fix.
Keep it up.
7808989 Thanks for the advice. I will add a pov change when I switch between 1st and 3rd person from now on. And when I get a chance I try and fix the errors in the other chapters.
Sorry man, but this is too cliched and overdone now. Plus that 4th wall breaker Pinkie is very annoying now too.
7826237 Thanks for your opinion. But I gotta ask, which part was too cliched and overdone. I want to use them as a reference for later chapters and stories on what not to do and such. Please and thank you if you can.
Good job keep it up can't wait to see the next chapter
7826681 Thank ya. I should have the next chapter out by the 30th or 31st if I finish updating Rose World story sometime today that is.
good job
Giving him a limiter that he can ignore if he want to, i smell naruto =D.
And Cry rely, damn she is a bit stupid. "I will bring over a being of massive power to shield and defend the population", lets nerf him because the population might rage at the form needed to contain the power. But then again i don't see this as a permanent problem he/she will probably be able to grow into her full power over time. The stronger/older her body becomes the more of the seals she will be able to permanently break (I hope).
7917267 Your about right about the naruto reference of ignoring seals to be OP and that. Also about Cry being stupid... well just look who she's related to and think is really stupid or playing a angle of some kind.
7917496 I am sorry to say, but yes with the info given she is a bit off the main road.
We don't know what she will be facing and when, and the info given to our hero is more or less "I did not want a political scandal so, yee". Funny if our hero faces a horror above his power lvl and Cry goes "ops did not see that coming!". But lets see what the angle is, and hang her later if its not valid.
Good job keep it up
I'll be honest with you, I gave the story a chance but I don't think I'll follow it until you get a bit better at writing.
You should stick a note on your monitor saying 'Check Yo' Tenses!' because I've seen its one of your main weak spots. Try to read the chapters before making them public. Maybe you can improve a bit that way? Or if you can, get a proofreader. I think this story can improve and earn more readers that way.
I wish you good luck with the story, but I think I'll be off this ride for now.
7932516 Thanks. I try and do that. God knows I'm not the greatest writer.
7932625 I'm far from being a good writer but practice makes the master, so keep it up and you'll see improvement in time. Just keep trying your best, and check on the internet (or even around here!) about writing and how to improve if you have the time.
This is a good story. Any plans for romance later in the story?
7967810 Thanks.
And about any romance with Rose, I'm still debating if I should give her one. I did thought one up when she was Seth and plan to add side chapters going over that and other stuff about her past. But anything relating to a future romance for her well I'm up for ideas if you got any you want to share or think will go well with her.
So she's an Earth Kirin?
7970550 So you read my blog post thing.... I forgot about that....
Anyway yes she falls under earth kirin. I do plan on adding a second name to sky and magi kirin making them longma and qilin. However I'm debating if I should just leave earth kirin name alone like their earth ponies counterparts.
MORE!!!!!
So canon or not?
8005771 canon
OSHIT!!?!?!?
nice setup
That was demonic........
why am I thinking of death and destruction of everything (no seriously I am and it's rather freaky)
8057888 Thanks.
I hope I can keep it.... Now if only I can decide if I want the chapter with luna first or AJ and Twi.
lol that ending can't wait for the surprise
O.O
what?.......
pregnant?......
(huhhhh) this is going to be awhile
8058025 Don't think about it too hard. It was a last minute detail to help breathe some life to Accords character..... that and I was bored and felt like writing.
8058045 how long has she been sleep deprived if I may know?
8058140 Well for a human a 24 hours without sleep is like being drunk. Two days without sleep affects one mood and what you see as important. But if I have guess base on what I planned for her race and such then probably several years at least three or more. Seeing how Accord acted like a loving being at the start story, and not a crazy person who makes Discord looks sane.
oh...
only if I hadn't any school tomorrow I would probably write a blog about this even if no one reads it..
8058179 DAAAAMMMMNN only if humans could go that long as well i'd be up for days acting hyper and missing around but no we cant so i should sleep soon it's 1:09!
"I need sleep"
"no really."
"quiet dash"
"what*laughing*ever you got pie on your face"
7970550 what is a earth Kirin
8168979 A earth kirin is basically a earth pony who is part dragon. I plan on adding more information on them in future chapters. If you want to know more about them now then I have a blog in the story description that talk about the world setting and the kirin race as a whole in it. Also thanks for the fav.
8169048 thanks
Would have been hilarious if she went full Khorne worshipper on Discord " BLOOD BLOOD BLOOOOOOODDDDD!!!" Gods... I wonder if someone has written an Ogryn in mlp yet...
It'd have to be a Bonehead because they literally are the only smart Ogryn's...
ITS ALIVE!!!
8286211
Once I start something, I finish it. No matter what.
Of course it is.
8286227
YAY!!! when is the next chapter gonna come out?
8286361
I'm gonna try to get out one or two chapters out, before I have go back to work next week.
8286440
Sweet!
.............. MORE!!!!
more?
8621428
I should have it out in a few days.... Unless something distracts me again.
8621926
ok