The last thing Applejack could remember, she was happily working in the fields of Sweet Apple Acres. But between one breath and the next, she finds herself transported to a world she barely recognizes, and fleeing for her life from foes straight out of legend.
When she discovers a small band of survivors, she is quick to learn that ten years have passed since anypony had seen or heard from her, and her once beautiful home had been reduced to a wasteland.
The leader of these survivors turns out to be none other than her sister Apple Bloom, now grown and scarred from the long years of battle.
Can Applejack find a way to turn the tide of war, and reclaim the world she remembers, and a sister who she barely knows?
Cover Art courtesy of Clara
[This is the revised version]
It's a bit... vague, but I'm assuming it'll make sense soon. FIrst thumb!
826201
Hmm, I see where you're coming from, and I know why that is too.
I have a point I'm trying to get too, and rushing the setup a bit.
I'll see what I can do to slow it down and be more descriptive.
I liked this story. It earned a green thumb, a favorite, and 4 mustaches.
Applebloom tag but no Applebloom yet? RAGE!!!!!!!
This looks promising but I'm not really a fan of post-apocalyptic setting.
And since the Windigoes are back, that means that ponies be fighting amongst themselves
Hrm... you've earned yourself a tracking on this one, want to see where it goes to :)
Oh... Now I see why the Vague comment... Importing it skipped some of the paragraphs.
D'oh!
Fixing it now...
This reminds me a little bit of that 4400 show from a few years back. Can't help but wonder if the fact that they all disappeared at the same time means they all reappeared simultaneously too, and what happened with Spike during all that time.
930837
Yes, that, and Terminator, were certainly inspirations. I'm hoping that the story has enough originality though in spite of that.
1303019
Yeah, it's not much more than a vague similarity in the basic premise, really. People from the past mysteriously pulled out of time suddenly reappear one day. Beyond that's it's pretty much different, and I'm really not sure where this story is going yet, seeing that there's no reason to assume it'll necessarily have a happy ending.
The rewrite is much better. Pacing has improved, word usage, and descriptions flow better. Keep it up!
3805027 Thank you, that means a lot to me!
This is interesting...
Nice pacing and characters, left me very interested in what comes next, but it needs another editing pass:
I assume this is supposed to be Appleoosa.
Saw several other derps, but all in all, I must continue reading.
4033286 You are totally right about that, I kept trying to get editors interested, but sadly had no luck. I'll fix those derps post-haste!
I am totally following this one.
I like the concept and am interested to know what happens.
Okay, the latter half of this conversation makes no sense to me. Applejack already knows the girls vanished because Apple Bloom told her in the preceding chapter...
4033505 thanks... You're absolutely right of course.
I'll fix it.
Note to self: work on continuity.
Here, have a cookie!
4033505
Honestly, I kind of interpreted that part as Applejack starting to make sense of things in her head, considering the possibility that they could be alive. Not learning for the first time that they were missing.
Spokes' gaze locked with Applejack's. "Out of nowhere... With no memory of the past ten years..."
Right here it shows that she is trying to make Spokes understand.
4034606 that's more or less what I was going for, but I wrote the chapter so long ago that I forgot I had already had her learn that piece of information. It's going to need a bit of tweaking either way... And demonstrates how badly I need an editor
4034733
Oh, i wasn't saying you unnecessarily repeated information. Repeating questions for confirmation is pretty normal for everyone. I've had conversations pretty similar to that one when proving a point to my sister.
BTW, for someone who doesn't have an editor, your doing an AMAZING job writing this.
Now the question of what happened to rest of five remains.
4038778 Indeed
we haven't found Andy survivors
Either this should be "any", or I'm severely out of the loop.
Also, when did she get her hat back? They confiscated it in Chapter 2, and I can't find any mention of her getting it back. Did I miss it, or did you?
P.S. I guess Applejack was too stunned to ask why they locked her up in the first place. Unless that's what passes for guest accommodations in this bunker.
4059531
Autocorrect strikes again
That's another continuity problem, I'm afraid. I'll do my best to avoid those, and fix it in the meantime.
Pretty much, yeah. I saw her as a bit overwhelmed by the whole situation, and understood the logic of not giving a new pony free reign right after arriving. Buuut... I'll see if I can make that more clear.
Can't wait to see more of this!
That ending...
I feel bad for Apple jack. Everything that she knew is just gone.