Sans should be dead, he only has one HP after all, he felt the knife hit him, he saw himself turning to dust. Then why is he not dead?
An Undertale and My Little Pony crossover. Of which I own neither, Toby Fox owns Undertale and My Little Pony belongs to Hasbro. Please enjoy
Featured on 4/8/2017, 5/5/2017, 4/16/2018. 10/8/2018 Also on popular stories! Thank you so much!
100 likes! Thank you!! 200?!?!? 5/14/2017 OMG! Thank you!!! Featured August 27 2017. :D
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Chapters (21)
Well you've got my attention, that's for sure!
Boooooo god damn fucking bitch ass 8bit game due undertale die!!!!
7652779 I hope to deliver on future chapters soon!
7652807 Many people believe that the Undertale community is toxic, this may be true, BUT I often times see people that hate it are just as toxic. Did you even read the story or did you just see Undertale and immediately hate on it?
Needs a major editing run. You should never have two characters speaking in the same paragraph, for one thing. There are other issues as well.
7652879 Yah, I'm not the best writer, this will be my first endeavor into the world of writing so I'm bound to make plenty of mistakes. The important part to me is to learn from them and to move on.
You have my attention. This is quite interesting so far.
This has potential. I'd be willing to edit for this. PM me if you're interested.
Attention granted: looks like someone has to finish the job
7653126 i.ytimg.com/vi/tUdkUbX3jKY/maxresdefault.jpg :3
7652858 In my experience, it's usually best to ignore people like that or, barring that, respond professionally like you just did. I had two people like that a while ago for my Evolve crossover, which is a Displaced and a damn good one too. They asked me how in my right mind could I ever produce something like it, and I responded honestly. Never heard from them again.
From authors notes.
NO. NO. NO.
Dear author. Never, and I mean NEVER put yourself down for writing something, anything, that you took the time to put some effort into. If you concede to the notion that your story will not measure up just because it's your first attempt, then you are already setting yourself and your story up for failure. Basically, you've lost the battle before it even began by saying this. I've seen it before. I've DONE it before. So please, dear author, do not sell yourself short just because you are "inexperienced". Who knows, someone might read this and think that it is the best damn thing that they have ever read.
This definitely needs more to it it has a bright future by my standards
Why why do I read depressing stuff when I'm happy . I need more now
It'll be funny to see how sans reacts to two colored ponys standing in front of him?
Must resist urge to spoil things
7665407 Spoil things? How so?
Greetings dear author, I seem to have read your story far too early, but nevertheless it was quite an enjoyable story.
I hope you continue on writing this as it is very interesting to say the least.
But I do have some questions, but it's just what I think you don't have to answer them, okay?
Sans is a good Pers...Skeleton that I am sure of, but will they fight Chara together with all the ponies of Equestria? I would truly hate to see a massacre of these poor, innocent, and cute ponies.
Will the timeline be fixed or will Sans go on adventures with the mane six, acting like himself, but if the danger arises because of enemies like Discord, Sombra, or Changelings :They are going to have a bad time:
Great story so far keep up the good work
7665428 To tell the truth I am still up in the air about what is going to happen with Chara. As for what sans is gonna do, well, That would be spoilers!
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PFmpPE1DcjY]
7665411 he has a woopie cushion in his hand (skip to 23:00)
7665452 lol, no. I will spoil that. He doesn't have a whoopie cushion in his hand.
7665455
Right?
7665459 As much as I would like to do it, I can't. Remember, he just was brought here and he hasn't had time to get one, that and before the fight with Chara he dropped almost everything to increase how agile he was (excluding Papy's scarf of course).
7665476 You could if you had Pinkie sneak him one.
every time i do the sans fight, i never actually intend to beat him. besides yhat point this looks like it will be interesting. cant wait to see where you go with it.
7665536 Or, If he had one in his pocket.
7665669 True
This is very good but tibia honest it needs more puns
7665739 Hey, give me a break, sans just woke up, and he is bonetired.
7665784
I know I'm just pulling your femur
ahhahhaha
Wait so he's fine??
7652891 Two things to help with that:
You've got some action tags being treated as conversation attributions (including in the edited version). The writing guide has some pretty good examples of the basics of conversation grammar that should help with that, as well as some other handy tips.
Also, when it comes to conversation attributions, "said" and "asked" are your friends. They should be used unless there's a very good reason to use a different one. The reason why is because they're practically invisible to the reader, so they don't stand out, and the focus stays on the conversation. If you constantly switch between things like "murmured", "explained", and so on, well, those are words the reader will notice, and it will detract from the reading experience. Yeah, conversation attributions are a situation where using the same words over and over is actually a good thing.
You have caught my interest. I will be watching you.
7666312 not exactly fine per say. More like he's now conscious and has a giant slash in his chest
oh gosh this seems so interesting~
This has so much promise I will track it~
7667186 He ate a hot cat
7666655 Action tags can be used just as well as conversation attributes, as long as the quote is finished with a period instead of a comma, or it's a break in the middle of a quote elaborating on what the character is doing. As for the 'said' and 'asked' problem... That's probably my fault. I've always preferred knowing exactly how characters say something, so 'said' and 'asked' have always disinterested me. I'll try to cut down on the fancy words next time.
7670809 I'm not saying they can't be used in a paragraph that has conversation, just that, as you yourself say, they are different things, with a conversation attribution being considered part of the dialogue sentence, while an action tag isn't. And specifically, for chapter 1, this instance:
That's an action tag and so should have a period/full-stop. Considering that sort of thing happens a lot more in the second chapter than the first, most likely this one just slipped past you. It happens. And yup, action tags can be used in the middle of dialogue, but then they use dashes. But anyway, mostly just suggesting the author check out ENZ's writing guide, as any author should know the basics of conversation grammar. Editing takes time, and I'm of the mind that one shouldn't waste an editor's time repeatedly fixing the same type of basic mistake. So teach the author, and hopefully spare yourself the work in future chapters
Incidentally, the dialogue in the second paragraph lacks capitals, though that might a style choice for "ghost speech"?
It is sort of weird how jarring the use of the various terms are, but they are, and so they are best used sparingly. Luckily, context can take care of it most of the time, be it through what is said, the situation, characterization, or an action tag. Make a pony hang his head, then say something, and the murmur happens automatically for your reader.
Reading the newest chapter fills you with DETERMINATION!
7671562 :3
CHARA NO BAD CHARA!
7671568 Did you really think they were gone?
7671586 ......maybe
7671591 Don't worry chara would need an insane amount of power to get to Sans. Not like it's just lying around anywhere. Right?
oh, villain chara, i'm surprised, shocked, stunned,
(still, good story so far)
img01.deviantart.net/1ec5/i/2016/043/3/e/chara___undertale_by_ichimoral-d9rfe91.jpg
Erase Do Not
7671614 you son of a *beep*
7671623 love you too :P