Hospital, Canterlot Castle
"Heart Savior, what can you tell me about... it?"
"Well Princess, I can say for certain that there is ABSOLUTELY nothing on Equus like this creature," he said, putting a hoof to his scalp and running it through his mane. "I mean, it doesn't even have ORGANS for Faust's sake! From what I can tell it is almost ENTIRELY made out of magic. He has almost no physical matter in his body and the magic that he has is rapidly running out, most likely from the giant gash in his chest. He seems to be naturally healing, however slowly it might be. One problem it has is that since its healing is so slow and the magic is draining so quickly, it will run out of magic far before it is fully healed." Heart Savior reached down and held up a canister in his hoof. "Princess, if we are going to save it we are going to have to ask for you to fill up this container with your magic. This will act as sort of a 'Magical Transfusion' able to store magic for the creature. The research team has devised a way to replace the magic flowing out of the creature, but the amount of magic required is immense. Due to his entire body being magic the creature needs to maintain a certain amount of magic in its body to maintain its physical form. It requires more than most ponies could produce in a week."
"Couldn't anypony gradually fill up the container? Why does it have to be me?" Celestia questioned.
"Theoretically a pony could fill up the container once,” the doctor answered. “However, if a normal pony was to attempt to do this they would likely fall into a coma from self induced magic deprivation. The intensity of such an action would be so magically traumatizing that they may never recover from it. It would leave them as a sort of magicless husk... I would dread to see the day that would ever happen to somepony. The reason I am asking you, Princess, is because you have more than a hundred times the magical reservoir of a standard pony, being an Alicorn, and a powerful one at that. You could easily recover the magic lost in a single night's sleep.” He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. “I will warn you beforehoof through, the process will leave you feeling a bit drained. After all, you are giving up more magic at once than many ponies could muster in a week."
Celestia still looked slightly skeptical, "Ok then doctor, how often will I have to do this 'magic transfusion'? I want to be able to raise and lower the sun effectively and still attend day court."
Heart Savior put down the bottle and waived his hoof around, "No, no, no, Princess! It won't take long at all! It also shouldn't interfere with your daily duties. The magic transfusion is not likely to drain you too much, most likely about ten percent of your power per bottle. You can easily continue with a normal schedule at that rate. I would like for this to be a daily thing to start off with, to maintain the creature’s health. After about two or three weeks you should hopefully be able to decrease the rate to every two or three days, as when the creature heals it will likely lose magic at a slower rate. I will, however, ask that we fill up two bottles now, as having an extra is always a good thing. In case of emergencies, of course."
The solar alicorn picked up a bottle with her magic, "How do I fill up one of these bottles anyway?” the Princess asked. “I've never seen them used before."
Heart Savior brightened up at this, "Well, Princess, they were originally made for infants who were born with a large magic deficiency. It was made to enhance their magic by adding as much as possible of it to them to allow for their magic to grow with it naturally, thereby expanding their magic pool. All we had to do was expand the amount of magic the storage device could hold; a normal one would simply explode if it had the amount of magic we are holding in it. To answer your first question, all you have to do is to channel your magic into this," he held up an orb-like device with a wire running into a machine, "and I'll tell you when to stop."
"Ok then. I'll do it. You're SURE it won't be too much of a drain?" Celestia bit her lip in worry. This was a devise intended to take her magic.
"OF course, Princess! I've run the figures on your medical records. With all the calories you intake you'll recover your magic in no time! I will ask however that you start your magic slowly, I want to be able to monitor how much magic is coming out so we don’t overfill the container."
Celestia snorted at the slight jab to her eating habits."I'll have you know that my dietary habits are perfectly fine! I'm not fat!" She huffed, grabbed the ball and began to push her magic into it.
"Never said you were fat, Princess," Heart Savior chuckled, "you made that inference on your own. Alright, now stop your magic flow for a second, I need to switch out the bottles."
Celestia let her magic stop flowing for a bit, her thoughts now focused on the creature in the bed before her. What would it be like? Could it communicate with them? Would it be good or evil? Would it even be reasonable? She had so many questions and no way of finding out about them unless the creature was to wake up. She could always find out with magic- there were plenty of spells that could do the job- but those were… less than ethical..
"-rincess? Princess? Are you there?" There was a hoof being waved in front of her face.
"Hmm, what is it Savior?" She shook her head to clear herself of the thoughts.
"I've been trying to get your attention for the last couple of minutes, you seemed to have spaced out there for a bit. You can continue filling the bottle now. Are you ok?"
"Yes, I'm fine doctor.” Celestia shook her head to clear her thoughts out. “I'm just wondering about our, er, guest... We have no idea what it likes or what it needs. It is simply an unknown to us. I hope this decision is a wise choice for us."
The doctor held up a reassuring hoof. "Princess, you are helping a creature in need.” He reminded her. “This is one of the most noble things that you could do. I'm sure everything will turn out just fine." He grabbed one of the bottles and hooked it up to a machine attached to the creature's chest. "There, now we will leave it to heal, hopefully we will see an improvement soon. I would like to talk to the creature and see what got him to this state. Till tomorrow princess." With that the doctor bowed and left.
Celestia sighed and got up to leave. If they were lucky, there would be a difference tomorrow. After all tomorrow would be a brand new day. However, as luck would have it, she found something different right then. As she reached the door frame, a cough sounded behind her and a weak voice spoke out.
"h-hey, pony... don't you know how to greet a new friend? turn around, and shake my hand."
Must resist urge to spoil things
7665407 Spoil things? How so?
Greetings dear author, I seem to have read your story far too early, but nevertheless it was quite an enjoyable story.
I hope you continue on writing this as it is very interesting to say the least.
But I do have some questions, but it's just what I think you don't have to answer them, okay?
Sans is a good Pers...Skeleton that I am sure of, but will they fight Chara together with all the ponies of Equestria? I would truly hate to see a massacre of these poor, innocent, and cute ponies.
Will the timeline be fixed or will Sans go on adventures with the mane six, acting like himself, but if the danger arises because of enemies like Discord, Sombra, or Changelings :They are going to have a bad time:
Great story so far keep up the good work
7665428 To tell the truth I am still up in the air about what is going to happen with Chara. As for what sans is gonna do, well, That would be spoilers!
[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PFmpPE1DcjY]
7665411 he has a woopie cushion in his hand (skip to 23:00)
7665452 lol, no. I will spoil that. He doesn't have a whoopie cushion in his hand.
7665455 Right?
7665459 As much as I would like to do it, I can't. Remember, he just was brought here and he hasn't had time to get one, that and before the fight with Chara he dropped almost everything to increase how agile he was (excluding Papy's scarf of course).
7665476 You could if you had Pinkie sneak him one.
every time i do the sans fight, i never actually intend to beat him. besides yhat point this looks like it will be interesting. cant wait to see where you go with it.
7665536 Or, If he had one in his pocket.
7665669 True
This is very good but tibia honest it needs more puns
7665739 Hey, give me a break, sans just woke up, and he is bonetired.
7665784
I know I'm just pulling your femur
Wait so he's fine??
7652891 Two things to help with that:
You've got some action tags being treated as conversation attributions (including in the edited version). The writing guide has some pretty good examples of the basics of conversation grammar that should help with that, as well as some other handy tips.
Also, when it comes to conversation attributions, "said" and "asked" are your friends. They should be used unless there's a very good reason to use a different one. The reason why is because they're practically invisible to the reader, so they don't stand out, and the focus stays on the conversation. If you constantly switch between things like "murmured", "explained", and so on, well, those are words the reader will notice, and it will detract from the reading experience. Yeah, conversation attributions are a situation where using the same words over and over is actually a good thing.
You have caught my interest. I will be watching you.
7666312 not exactly fine per say. More like he's now conscious and has a giant slash in his chest
oh gosh this seems so interesting~
This has so much promise I will track it~
7667186 He ate a hot cat
7666655 Action tags can be used just as well as conversation attributes, as long as the quote is finished with a period instead of a comma, or it's a break in the middle of a quote elaborating on what the character is doing. As for the 'said' and 'asked' problem... That's probably my fault. I've always preferred knowing exactly how characters say something, so 'said' and 'asked' have always disinterested me. I'll try to cut down on the fancy words next time.
7670809 I'm not saying they can't be used in a paragraph that has conversation, just that, as you yourself say, they are different things, with a conversation attribution being considered part of the dialogue sentence, while an action tag isn't. And specifically, for chapter 1, this instance:
That's an action tag and so should have a period/full-stop. Considering that sort of thing happens a lot more in the second chapter than the first, most likely this one just slipped past you. It happens. And yup, action tags can be used in the middle of dialogue, but then they use dashes. But anyway, mostly just suggesting the author check out ENZ's writing guide, as any author should know the basics of conversation grammar. Editing takes time, and I'm of the mind that one shouldn't waste an editor's time repeatedly fixing the same type of basic mistake. So teach the author, and hopefully spare yourself the work in future chapters
Incidentally, the dialogue in the second paragraph lacks capitals, though that might a style choice for "ghost speech"?
It is sort of weird how jarring the use of the various terms are, but they are, and so they are best used sparingly. Luckily, context can take care of it most of the time, be it through what is said, the situation, characterization, or an action tag. Make a pony hang his head, then say something, and the murmur happens automatically for your reader.
It feels short, but right now that is what I need.
So if Sans is able to heal at 1 HP, but cant do so if his magic runs out, does that mean that a Monster's magic affects their physical endurance? Because if so, Sans should have much more than 1 HP. But hey, I don't run this show, so who am I to question the story. Keep doing what you're doing, because whatever it is it's good.
7665455
Only because he doesn't have one right?
8254706
Values of less than 1 hp but greater than 0 hp can occur, as seen during the Asriel Dreemur fight. Furthermore, as Undyne demonstrates, it's possible to keep going even at zero HP.
And...well...Sans is weird, period.
oh Sans you don't change do you?
I wonder how long it will take for the diarchs to tire of Sans' tendency to defy the laws of space-time to be where he wants to be.
Celly, I'm not so sure about that...
9232305
You're Forgetting That One Of The Elements Happens To Do EXACTLY What Sans Does.
They're Used To It By Now