Converting my old 2014-2024 greentexts to prose and posting them here. Also writing new stuff.
It's the end of the school day, the school week and the school year. Sunset comes up to you with flowers in one hand, her heart in the other and a big question for you on her mind. But you don't have any time to spare for another person, nor do you have a reputation to be worried about.
If you really really like Sunset, think twice before reading.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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With all he 2nd person stories around here its about time someone did one like this. Dont get me wrong I have nothing ageist the 2nd person romance but not all of them would work out. The guy and Sunset diden't know each other.
Anyway not a bad story. Tho I can see the Sunset fans not liking it.
Certainly a more realistic approach on this topic. Aside from the seemingly sadistic pleasure the protagonist got out of rejecting her.
An interesting read regardless.
I'm conflicted. It was written pretty well, however...
You weren't lying.
Oh shit dude. Wow.... that was fucked up. Uh-oh, someone rejected Sunset. I bet if you created a sequel, it'll be about Sunset's friend scolding at you for rejecting her in a harsh way, and you give her a chance, or some shit.
By the way, I liked the story, it was pretty cool
Ayyo nice one Greeny
Altough I just cant really grasp his motivation to do that, but its nice reading something different
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More like,the reverse!self-insert roast them about the badness of pity dates and fake relationship, and being honest to yourself is the best policy, attacking the girls with their own fundamentals or something
I'd rather have Pinkie Pie...
Perhaps they never forgave Sunset for all the years of enduring getting kicked around by her even when she reformed and this was probably the perfect chance to return the favor?
7644980 What the hell did you just say?
Wait a min. I recognize this. You wrote this for 4chan!! Did you also wrote all what followed or this is it?
I will admit to being a little biased, as 2nd-person stories in general really aren't my cup of tea, but the title caught my eye so I gave it a read.
That being said, I found it quite enjoyable, even more so than just appreciating the novelty of a 2nd-person protagonist who's such a jackass. It's actually pretty well-written and leaves me wanting a sequel in which the protagonist gets some kind of comeuppance.
Damn that's cold. But a good read.
This sorta thing always puts me in mind of the Voight-Kampff test from Blade Runner...
This would make an interesting multi-chapter tragedy story.
You have to be making more chapters to this story. It's so cold but I want to know what happens next
As a Sunset fan, I felt the pain. But, I liked the story. Going to make a sequel?
Woah, nice story!
This was pretty awesome. Someone finally getting rejected out of all that happy ending bullcrap but he seemed a little maniacal in the end.
Oh well.
7644828 Thanks! And regarding a sequel... I'd probably not want to do that seeing how the green version of this went. I might if I take it in a lighter direction.
7644980 Oh hi, Kul. Neat seeing you here. Glad you liked it.
7645009 I suppose one could interpret it that way, yes. Good analysis.
7645136 I'd convert the rest into proper prose, but I don't have anywhere near enough time for that. Plus, I'm not even finished writing that thing, and it's pretty much a separate story at this point, anyway. In short: yes, this is it, unfortunately. I just can't be bothered to go through the trouble of integrating the rest into here.
7645178 That comeuppance thing actually kind of happens in the continuation version of this, but it got dragged out with overly-detailed narration and needlessly slow pacing that I'd rather not post that mess here.
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As for continuing this while ignoring what I wrote before, I might give it a try (I apologize if I just contradicted my previous statement; I'm still making up my mind). When it comes to the thing I wrote that spawned from this same scene, just understand that it's really long and complicated and I'd rather it not be relevant to what I posted here. It's just more simple and easier to deal with that way.
I want to reply to everyone else, but this comment is getting really lengthy, but just know that I read all of your comments, and I am thankful for the feedback, both positive and negative.
Wow. I'm such an asshole.
Ab-so-lutly fucking glorious.
Well done in making something cold, sadistic and beautiful, you utter monster.
What I personally dislike the most about this fic is, strangely enough, what keeps me from liking most other 2nd person fics too. I see essentially no motivation for any of the acting characters.
It makes as much sense for Sunset to unconditionally love someone as it always does, next to none. Obviously you went for that on purpose, you stated in the story itself that it made no sense, but being aware of a flaw does not solve it.
The next thing is that I see no reason for the guy to act they way he did. It was stated that he had virtually no personal backstory with Sunset, but nevertheless he felt almost sadistic glee in rejecting her. Furthermore he knew exactly what she felt and what she wanted despite having, no personal backstory with her.
Overall this appears to me like a story written for the sheer shock value more than anything.
The writing itself is solid, though some uses of words felt really strange to me like "walking time" for example.
This could be a good deconstruction of all those pesky 2nd person, wish fulfilment, romance fics, if you explained the motivations of the characters in way more detail.
Excellent work. Sometimes a firm 'no' is exactly what the situation calls for.
She's a horse.
Someone should write a sequel for this.
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Oh I’ll write a sequel. It’s about me... TEARING THAT FUCKING 3ND PERSON CHARACTER’S HEAD OFF!!!
And you both make me sick wanting to see this repeat.
You leave a lot of unanswered questions. Why does this person take such joy in rejecting Sunset? Why is Sunset attracted to this guy? There's no real investment.
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EAT DIRT A-HOLE!
Emotional sadist.
Why did he reject her? Is there some history we don’t know about?
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I wish.
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What’s the problem? Also, those are the same comments.
.............oh dear.....
.............oh dear.....
I see now what you mean......... Yeah Im gonna skip for reasons.