An Ivory Shadow

Sweetie Belle's big weekend is initially ruined by Rarity's selfishness. Luckily she has her darling new pet to keep her company.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 10 )

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Mister Phoenix

Mister Phoenix #1 · Oct 7th, 2016 · 1 · ·

Why no Princess Luna tag, if you couldn't fit it in you could have just gotten rid of Scootaloo's, seeing you already have the CMC tag which shows that both Apple Bloom and Scootaloo would be in there.

PurplePolymath

PurplePolymath #2 · Oct 7th, 2016 · · ·

7624962
Technically Princess Luna doesn't appear in the story, she's briefly mentioned a few times, but doesn't get a cameo appearance.
Sorry. ^^"

NotSoWickedWitch

NotSoWickedWitch #3 · Oct 7th, 2016 · · ·

7624987

If that's the case, the description comes off as a little misleading. As readers, such as myself, might arrive thinking they're receiving a story containing Sweetie Belle and Luna in some deep conversation, or at least a plot similar to that.

Kurausuki

Kurausuki #4 · Oct 8th, 2016 · 1 · ·

Certainly better than when I read the draft. Nice to see a bit of it cleared up. A few things struck me all the same. Grammar in the form of a bit of running sentences, as well as overuse of the comma, stood out periodically. Nothing /major/ but noticeable. There was even an instance of one of the greatest sins of writing ever. You used 'their' instead of 'they're.' ;)

The line should be...

Rarity sighs, “Honestly, they're always at each other’s throat eventually.”

And even going over the fic again, I enjoyed the read all the time. Thanks for the effort, I truly appreciate it!~

... Also, while I may have a *ahem* healthy respect for AJ, it is rather surprising Soryu hasn't literally tried for AJ's throat at some time. Curse her 'care' for AB. >.>

Mister Phoenix

Mister Phoenix #5 · Oct 8th, 2016 · · ·

Huh, because of the whole first thoughts I thought this would be another dumb Luna ship story, I still think this could have been gone better after reading it, like why is the mouse named Diamond if it's enter spoiler here?

But I'm going to givs it a like anyway because you found my only weakness to my cold heartless body. The ship in this story, I don't want to give anything anyway just in case somebody reads the comments before reading the story.

PurplePolymath

PurplePolymath #6 · Oct 8th, 2016 · · ·

7625001

That seems to be the case, seeing as someone put the story in a Luna folder of their own in haste. I'll... have to make a few changes then, being subtle isn't always best.

Lewis a Cute Pegasus