OnEye
Joined 8th Dec, 2015 ·
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I like this story....very much...
I don't see nothing wrong in it....i wonder why ? :b
It reminds me of the Death Race movie ( the mask i mean )
Nice cover pic for the story. Fits it nicely.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
First! I think. Lol
Why is this rated M?
7853403 It is rated M for later events following Thomas's past leading up to his arrival to Equestria.
I really like this story
Your story is interesting, but I think it's better if you make the chapters longer. Probably in the 4K-6K range.
7890917 I was planning on doing attempting to start that for the tenth chapter, however doing it for every chapter would take me a while to release other chapters.
Thank you for reading
You know, to show his intelligence in an interesting way, you should have him start writing things on the walls, draw pictures, etc.
Even if the Equestrians have a different written language, they will realize from the patterns that this is a written language they do not know and many of the things he drew they do not recognize.
What if, even though he has amnesia, he was an artist and still possess his artistic skills? He draws cars, he drew the flags of every nation with their names, he drew famous Humans, etc. He starts drawing these pictures of Human tech and famous Humans as his memories start returning slowly.
7895167 I'll keep that in mind for later events then, thanks for the suggestions
Well, referring to my idea before, I think he should be getting occasional flashbacks, starts writing things and drawing pictures on the wall of Fluttershy's house, start acting like a normal person instead of a dumb animal like being able to cook, use currency, etc.
What I'm asking is for him to mindblown the ponies.
Eventually, he should be able to tell them his past and where he originated from.
I think you mean "My human attacked and nearly killed me."
7912927 Thanks for helping me fix that mistake
my whats? is raising.
One major issue I have is with Light. He seems to be overly concerned for the native humans. But I feel that we no nothing about tyat situation to even form an opinion. Sure we think it sucks because we know better. But humans have domesticated animals for thousands of years why would domesticated humans be any stranger than a magic pony civilization. I would think finding a way to improve my situation should come before any plans of overthrowing the status quo. It makes me question Lights priorities and motives. I even question if he isnt manipulating my own memories and feelings.
So he was a soldier? Better than I expected. I was thinking Spetsnaz for some badassery.
sovietarmystuff.com/images/products/201107281643100.stalker.jpg
Overtime, I think he should meet other Humans who ended up in Equestria like other soldiers, policemen, doctors, scientists, etc. from all over the world.
If you need help in making other Human characters, just ask me.
So Thomas is a WW2 soldier?
Kill them all Thomas
7963887 What makes you think he's a soldier from WW2? I suppose its how long he was captured and tested on, right?
7964120 The way you portrayed it, it sounded like he was captured and tested on by Nazi scientists.
Me:media.giphy.com/media/MvS6aL7FX0Iz6/giphy.gif
I would've smacked the shit out of even Fluttershy if anyone says that while putting a collar on me.
Short but a pretty nice chapter, though you do have some grammatical errors. If you want, I can edit for you.
Here's what you do when you have writer's block make a random story don't think about it just write whatever come to you you don't have to post it but by doing this it should help your writer's block like I said just write anything that comes to your mind no matter what it is just write it down and don't think about it
And the store's been good so far keep it up
For God's sake, find yourself someone to proofread this, punctuation and grammar are not optional, but rules.
This right here is one of the worst I've seen in a while. It should be something like this:
7964130 I figured he was a WW1 soldier what with all the gasses. That's when chemical warfare was really popular.
8016035 Yeah I missed that part
Short but kind of nice, wish it was longer though.
Btw, An Diplomatic Proposal?
No no no good sir, A Diplomatic Proposal is the correct term.
Look at the bright side, he can break Twilight by showing he's intelligent.
8039780 how about having him write Random lettere on a paper and 'accidently' write real words in between that ultimately is 'proof' (in Twilights eyes) that he is sapient..... Just for him to eat it all up!
7993040
static2.fjcdn.com/comments/I+m+a+virgin+anyway+_8963e039ca627d457996aed9e42131fd.png
static4.fjcdn.com/comments/Considering+you+posted+flora+i+think+you+want+a+little+_1af0a752003c0e50dff7c81fd216e047.jpg
Literally just googled whyboner.
Twilight is his arch-enemy?
First, it's spelled Discovery
Second, you're rushing this. Slow down, you gotta add more details.
68.media.tumblr.com/f8d306007614d5c2bdddd86fdfbc94e0/tumblr_nna5xeJO681t9sksvo1_400.gif
All I need now is to figure out who is next to find out about Silver/Thomas.
*dodge
*dodging
Already calling him Thomas before he introduced himself.
*begin? Oh, I know
Also, noticed a lot of other spelling errors; To the point where I would reccomend some extra proofreading before publishing.
Originally planned. Side stories I think would just bog down the main story.
every
soldier
Missing comma.
Missing apostrophe.
are
Would she not refer to him as ‘Silver’ in public? She only knew his name was Thomas after he told her.
unexpected
‘‘set aflame’’?
Remove the spaces.
worsens
Remove the comma and capitalize the second H.
Originally planned stuff. Same reason as Mr cold ghost's.
This took an interesting twist...
But there are a few things that bothered me (you could consider them nitpicks):
Considering it is Twilight's POV, that part is very confusing.
Towards the what?
said
He is still alive? (I could have not been paying attention)
You forgot the closing brackets.
Cookie?
Why the ‘the’?
‘‘the form of’’
I see two unnecessary commas.
Comma should be period.
Uneccesary comma.
acknowledged
Unnecessary comma.
Lowercase B should be uppercase.
it's
Missing comma.
Question mark should be period.
Unnecessary comma.
Lowercase W should be uppercase.
Uppercase Y should be lowercase.
Not sure wether there should be a comma or a colon.
Missing comma.
Unnecessary comma.
Lowercase Y should be uppercase.
won't
Missing comma.
tried
Missing comma.
Missing comma.
Huff... Puff...
Se que se abandonó pero está bien para pasar el rato
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This is a really great story I would love to see more when ever the person gets back from the hiatus I hope they didn’t forget about it and move on .?
