12 years ago, Princess Celestia set a wager, and whoever had completed the challenge set to win said wager would have her sister's hand in marriage. What is the wager? Will any man finish such a challenge and if one does who will he be? Most importantly how will the young Princess live her life with her new husband-to-be? Many questions and an endless amout of answers.
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umm this is good-ish.... its creepy that you made Celestia make the wager when she was 13 years old so that would mean everyone that cheered would be pedophiles..... also you're rushing it I mean in just this chapter it went from the decleration of the wager to someone who found her.... in my opinion (which doesnt mean that much) I would have liked to see what happend around the time that Celestia made the announcement (before she did / after she did), how Luna is dealing with living in a forest (even though you said she only had to stay in the forest at night her reaction to Logan was one of someone who hasnt been in contact with people for a long time), who is Logan cause I didnt know who the main character was (thought it was James), also how they can use magic in this world (scheduled weather means pegasi so humans with wings? or some sort of technology that enables them to do this)
1251680
You have many good points but I'll try to clarify what you misunderstood. Yes you're right I guess I rushed it because I've been meds that a side affect is a problem with creative process, yes I guess I didn't think the who 'Luna is a 13 year old girl' thing and my initial point for introducing Logan was to introduce his lazy, best friend James first. And about your feedback on the whole before and after the wager I will work on fixing that later this week but there are parts I will still keep for later chapters, same goes for Luna's reaction to living alone and Logan's background. And I know this last part might make me sound like an ass, but when I put 'scheduled' I meant a meteorologist predicted rain, like in the weather forecast.
But besides that I'm actually glad you mention all this.
1252011 OCD brain doesnt stop yelling at me if I dont point things out
This is great so far!
Please do continue, for I'll be watching!
1252037
Well thank you OCD for me.
1252066
Thanks man, I'll be working on this about 3-4 days a week so updates will be around 2 weeks a peice if I get real busy.
1252090 Uh-oh. 2 weeks?
Thats quite a while! But! I'll just go on and write away on my fic, and read other fanfics aswell, and so on!
1252090 is English your second language?
1252210
Well actually no. I was born in Mexico but I was raised in a small town near Atlanta, Georgia.
1252121
Yeah it is a long time but I got three other Fics I'm working on, plus the homework of a freshman will take most of my time but I'm gonna split my weekends working on this story and 'Road To Love'.
plz continue. it was great.
this is better but I still found a few things: 1) "Luna's personal guard. He was assign to " I dont think you need "He was assign to" in there. 2) "McCartney Spenser, both of you" it should be "McCartney, Spencer both of you." 3) insist = to demand, isnt = is not. Hope this helped a tiny bit
1261969
Actually it does. I once again Thnk your OCD.
1262396 *thank
..... nag out...... pffffft BWHAHA *falls out of chair* owww anyway I say leave that in cause its just to damn funny. But on a serious note the conversation Logan has with Luna is waaaay to...... odd.... it doesnt seem like a natural coversation between two kids but I cant put my finger on what makes it feel odd..... *shrug* also in the last chapter Celestia said that Luna only had to stay in the cabin at night which makes it seem that shes in the city during the day yet Luna's reaction to another persons pressence is one of pure isolation at its finest.
Good chapter anyway the "childhood friends who lost touch but ultimately rekindle that friendship after a few years and it turns into them realising they love eachother" never gets old
Seems alright, just realized now that the characters are humanized-ponies, Which is not bad mind you. its alright so far man, keep up the good work
1262755
I'll be leaving a twist for later so yeah.
I'm loving this story keep it up
Luna would not know the exact day after 12 years. On a different note: wow a story which has the main characters admits his feelings thats original (it actually is) keep it up
1266703, 1266359, 1262895, 12522121
Great to hear you all like this story. I've updated this story three times in a week, so I'm just gonna say this clearly.
I'VE WORKED ON THIS STORY TOO DAMN MUCH SO LET ME BE FOR A WEEK!!!!
No I'm kidding but I'll be working on my other projects until the weekend so yeah.
1. Luna is going with Logan to dinner where his friends are going to point out they love eachother but he will deny it
2. Once Celestia finds out that someone found her sister but he doesnt love her she will do whatever she can to get them together
am I close?
also this entire marraige thing could have been Celestia's way to get rid of Luna so she could rule Equestria (or wherever they are) alone I mean it would be really easy to make up whatever you want when nobody can question it. SO Tyrant Celestia?
Seems alright. At the least the protagonist is not settle with the idea with being with his dream girl so willingly, if not forcefully, so that's a plus my friend. Seen many similar fics that goes pretty much "I-wanna-be-with-you-for-the-rest-of-my-life" too darn early in the story for my liking (Where is the character development, the fun stuff?). Anyways I hope Celestia doesn't catch a whiff of who finally finds her poor sister Luna, it'll be ironic once she realize who out of all people found her.
Anyways keep up the good work man. I hope your fic turns out well to your liking. Best reards.
MUST not cry!
It was beautiful mate.
moar chapters, now.
Yay you're back! But what happend to me editing?
Nice to have an update again, 2 updates at that, good job man. It seems that Logan is still hesitant on marrying Luna which is nice, makes a good obstacle for the plot. The format could use more work, such as dialogue for pointing out who is making conversation and who is joining in said dialogue. Other then that grammar could use a little more polished, but I wouldn't worry too much about it.
Overall, nice updates. keep up the good work man. Best regards
1395627
I know I forgot but I posted these in a daze. I'm sorry but if I don't post now I'll feel terrible.
1395753
I'm going to get this edited later when my head is clear.
1396134
No worries, take your time man. there is no rush
Interesting storyline; however, I hate the humanized concept, yet I cannot pull myself away. Thumb'd and maybe fav'd later
I find the some of the reasons used in this story to explain things to be propitious. Like the whole 'Family tradition', doesn't seem to follow Celestia's character; but hey who am I to whine about your story?
you mean it isnt dead?
YESYESYESYESYESYES!!!
2376012
Yes mate, IT LIVES!!!
These few chapters are adorable and sweet, but ultimately, the fic's not to my preference.
Not my type of fic I usually read, but fuck it. I enjoy this story so I hope you will make more chapters quicker and longer.(do not stress yourself when writing the chapters or hurry them, write at the best pace you can when writing a chapter, just make the chapters longer(if you wany me to enjoy the story better))