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CEOKasen and Chessie

Joined April 2012
276 followers

Stories (3)

  • Celestia and Luna Eat a Hot Pepper
    A dispute over housekeeping leads to a battle of the titans.

    4,577 words · 9,533 views · 1,031 likes · 20 dislikes
  • Starlight Over Detrot: Nightmare Night
    At a Nightmare Night party, Hard Boiled gets drunk and tells of how he and Taxi met Princess Luna.
    36,239 words · 1,186 views · 123 likes · 0 dislikes
  • Starlight Over Detrot: A Noir Tale
    In the decaying metropolis of Detrot, 60 years and one war after Luna's return, Detective Hard Boiled and friends must solve the mystery behind a unicorn's death in a film noir-inspired tale of ponies, hard cider, conspiracy, and murder.
    564,922 words · 7,595 views · 540 likes · 16 dislikes

Blog Posts (73)

Source

Monster attacks. Crime. Illegal hallucinogens made from electric fruit.

They say things didn't use to be like this. They say things were different, before Luna came back 60 years ago, but Detective Hard "Hardy" Boiled of the Detrot Police Department has never known any world other than that demarcated by the seedy streets of his beloved decaying metropolis; a world in which the coroners sing and dance, surveillance bugs have personality disorders, and the Chief of Police is a scarier entity than most of the eldritch things the city attracts.

The grey unicorn who turned up dead outside the posh High Step Hotel seemed like just another case, but her missing horn is the pointy tip of a very large and nasty iceberg. It's up to Hardy and his friends - a rejected monster hunter, a psychic cab driver, and an underground antiques heir - to find out what’s going on in an investigation that promises to stick more than a cupcake into the very eye of Detrot.

Especially if Hardy has anything to say about it.

Additional editing by coandco

Featured on EQD - 5 Stars!

Cover art by MisterMech (http://mistermech.deviantart.com/)

Now with TVTropes page here!

First Published
26th Jun 2012
Last Modified
10th Sep 2014

Comments ( 2,469 )

#1 · Chapter 2 · 115w, 4d ago · 7 · ·

This fic is really, really good, and you should be very proud of yourselves.

Also, I plugged your fic on my FIMfic blog. Hopefully that gets you a few more views.

#2 · Chapter 1 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

awesome!

#3 · Chapter 2 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

Interesting. I haven't seen much of this kind of story.

I'm calling it now, the stars are evil. I guess it's Fallout: Equestria talking, but I'm calling it anyway.

Only read the first chapter so far, but I will cut through the second after I've had some sleep.

Read my ass. I’m a cop. - :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:, although he could've been a judge too... or possibly a scale operator.:raritywink:

“Fine, but did they have to be reborn into ponies that dress like they were sexually assaulted by the night sky?” - likewise, :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:.

How many acts are you going to have? Is it 3 acts with a hundred thousand words in each, or somesuch? Because that's one immense novel.

Looking pretty neat so far.

>>851403 I haven't spotted much in the way of grammatical errors in the first chapter, save for one point early on. It seemed to waiver then solidify - I believe you wanted to put 'waver' here.

#4 · Chapter 2 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

Oh god. Noir. Dark Comedy. Pony Crime Thriller.

THIS FIC HAS EVERYTHING I COULD POSSIBLY WANT :fluttercry:

#5 · Chapter 2 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

Your summary of the story is better written and more entertaining that most fics I've read! Saving this to read on my Kindle for my business trip next week.

I wish I could help with proofreading, but I'm still struggling with the rules of comma usage, myself!

BTW, why do people complain about fics being long? If they're good, shouldn't readers want them to last longer? I know I do!

#6 · Chapter 2 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

>>873331

Fic sounds interesting. Will read.

But hey, how did you get this on your Kindle? I wasn't aware that you could do that with any FiMFiction story. :pinkiehappy:

#7 · Chapter 2 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

>>873416

Just download it as text and put it on your Kindle via the USB cable. Works fine! I read most fics on my Kindle because I travel a lot. When I'm driving, I use the read-aloud feature. (And I still can't keep up with all the stories I want to read!)

#8 · Chapter 2 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

Made this account just to comment on this fiction.

Usually, I'm not one to enjoy fictions which are mainly based on OC's but I loved this. The characters, the plot (the story plot!), the descriptions, the mood, everything. I can't wait to read more of this and will be checking regularly for updates.

Thanks for the great read!

:twilightsmile:

#9 · Chapter 2 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

I decided to sleep later and read now, instead.

Yep, spotted a couple places with errant commas and one semicolon somewhere early on, as well as an additional waiver where waver is called for. There were a couple sentences (too sleepy to find them now) which looked strange, as if they had two versions of the same sentence existing in one place. Check for them, if those things are not intended. Otherwise it's fine, however; the problems are not everywhere.

Still looking rather interesting. I'm a bit oversaturated with dark at the moment, but can still appreciate this one.

#10 · Chapter 2 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

>>873688

Ah, it works perfectly! :ajsmug: Thanks!

#11 · Chapter 2 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

Thanks, all. I cannot convey how much your views, comments and likes mean to us, except by commenting on my inability to convey them.

>>873018

We've got a long and grand tale planned. My co-writer's seemingly boundless determination and drive, however, leave me little doubt as to whether or not we'll be able to complete it.

The error you've noted has been corrected; Feel free to PM me with anything else that we missed.

--CEO Kasen

#12 · Chapter 2 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

“Hey! You wanna stick your muzzle there, you buy me dinner first!” So Hardy is a classy broad, then?

Anyway, love the story, can't wait to hear what happened to Taxi's cutiemarks :fluttercry:.

#13 · Chapter 2 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

Forgot to mention this one.

“I’m not stupid! I know I won’t save Canterlot or... or get to fight monsters. I just feel like I should do more with my life than just write silly stories!”

I see what you did there. So she's a fanfic writer too?

#14 · Chapter 2 · 114w, 6d ago · · ·

This is such a good story, so well written!

#15 · Chapter 2 · 114w, 5d ago · · ·

Great read cant wait for more.:twilightsmile:

#16 · Chapter 2 · 114w, 5d ago · · ·

Been waiting for a good noir fic, and I'm hooked. Make it as long as you want, I'll read every chapter.

#17 · Chapter 2 · 114w, 3d ago · · ·

I love it! It's well-written, engaging, and very entertaining. Great characters, great situation, fun dialogue, all very in keeping with the feel of canon Equestria... what more could anyone want? I'm looking forward very eagerly to more!

#18 · Chapter 2 · 114w, 2d ago · · ·

This is good and you should feel good.

Seriously, I'm keeping an eye on this one. Awesome so far.

#19 · Chapter 2 · 113w, 1d ago · · ·

Well shit, i thought I commented basically saying "More!" but i guess i forgot to do that.

Well here it is, my review that is. (Warning I review very harshly, I am not a nice reviewer.)

The plot that I am seeing is a typical, generic, hardcore detective with, again, a generic partner loss history. His job is always on the line but they keep him cause he is good at what he does, generic like the other detective stories. He gets a new partner against his wishes and has to set off to solve this seemingly daily murder.

Now as boring as i made it sound, its not that bad. I am only pointing it out because you could have deviated just a tad bit so your story could be a little different than the others. And honestly that's the only thing i can come up with that I don't like about your story. Obviously you guys have spent a lot of time revising and editing this story.

You have no spelling errors, no grammar issues, your characters are always within themselves (Meaning they aren't bipolar), you gave great background information, and you have very good humor along with it.

I am impressed, by a lot, especially if this is your first story. (Warning this is turning into fan-boy praise)

Seriously though, ill admit I am not a detective fan. I find the cases boring and repetitive. (You can only kill a person so many ways until it just starts repeating) But you haven't even gotten to the case yet and I am eagerly waiting for it. While yes your Main Hero is generic you pulled it off by having wonderful allies. His Taxi driver is what kept me reading, then that intro with the Pegasus incident made me laugh, along with that cloud storm. Further more i was actually interested when he got a new recruit. She is small and funny, or at least the way the Main Character makes fun of her is funny. (I completely lost it when he said Fun-sized, was not expecting that word here)

All in all, I am interested, i hope you don't have a generic partner death where your Main character wants revenge, and god damn it for some reason i really like the recruit. So more of her. And more jokes. Lots of jokes.

Bravo and Encore, I hope to see more soon.

#20 · Chapter 2 · 113w, 18h ago · · ·

Wheeeheeeheeee....Oh dear sir, I don't think you're likely to be disappointed.  The entire point of this was to take 'generic cop detective story' and make it completely insane and pony.  We actually went for following as many tropes of the genre as possible... but only to begin.  

-Chessie

#21 · Chapter 2 · 113w, 13h ago · · ·

Well, about to read this, but with trepidation. I sincerely hope this isn't filled with annoying stereotypes about the actual city of Detroit. That just gets old. Here's to hoping my fears are unfounded!

#22 · Chapter 3 · 112w, 3d ago · · ·

thanks for the great chapter cant wait for more

#23 · Chapter 3 · 112w, 3d ago · · ·

>>967660  This was a nightmare to write.  Originally, it was 8,000 words longer but we decided to simply roll that over into Chapter 4 and release this before we moved too much beyond our promised release schedule.  

This does have a major upside.  Next chapter is already mostly written so we have more time for editing.

I will say, do not worry, Chapter 4 is not going to be shorter.  Goddess save me, it might be longer.  

-Chessie

#24 · Chapter 3 · 112w, 3d ago · · ·

>>968013 Cool its a great story and a good idea thanks for putting time and effort into it :twilightsmile: kind of reminds me of the dresden files and that is the best story of all time

#25 · Chapter 3 · 112w, 3d ago · · ·

Glad to see this keep going. Seriously, loving this so hard right now :D

#26 · Chapter 3 · 112w, 2d ago · · ·

Still wonderful. Still about the only thing I'll stop and read when I ought to be writing :ajsmug:

#27 · Chapter 3 · 112w, 2d ago · · ·

>>971536 Dawww, thanks!  I woke up feelin' all unmotivated and you gave me a big'ol smile.  

-Chessie

#28 · Chapter 3 · 112w, 2d ago · · ·

I've been trying to find more noir fanfics. Will definitely give this a shot.

#29 · Chapter 1 · 112w, 1d ago · 1 · ·

Well let me begin by saying you are a masterful builder of both character and world. I like how you use so many different things to create your characters (for example the way Taxi drives seems in contrast to the otherwise peaceful energy she gives off and I feel it's very telling). Also your very good at showing and not telling which is always a plus.

Put what's really stellar about this chapter is the pacing. There's a certain...patience to your narrative that's sort of hypnotizing. You don't feel the need to throw us into any sort of action right away. I like that. It shows discipline. And even though you're talking your time setting everything up the story is never boring.

Also the writing style is tempered and controlled. You could probably stand to go a bit easier with adjective use (but then again who couldn't right?), but overall it's not overly flowery or detail-ridden, as those are the sorts of things that slow narration to a crawl. You have a very no-nonsense, no-fluff, make-every-word-count style that makes the narration flow flawlessly.

I don't want to say to much on the first chapter, but I will say that this is a fine start. And as an author who is interested in dabbling in similar genres, I feel I personally could learn a lot from you :twilightsmile:.

#30 · Chapter 3 · 112w, 1d ago · · ·

>>976885  Man, this is exactly the sort of critique I love to get.  The adjective thing has worried me for some time and I'm always a little heavy on those.  I'll do my best to back off a little and make it flow more solidly.  

Chapter 3 was VERY difficult (as was Chapter 4) but things should even out slightly as we press on, largely because the framework we have in place now is better.

Trust me, the original was a MESS.  We originally had 80,000 words of this story written.  Just done, written.  Chapter 1 and 2 have been re-written twice.

We made a decision to go back and scrap all of it and re-write it for largely the reasons you've laid out here.  I was, a BAD writer back then.  Just bad.  I'm still in the learning process.  Some of my sentences are still awkward and I've got a lot of problems with a schizophrenic pace (I feel it's schizophrenic) but I am improving.  I'm just glad to have people interested.

Thank you!

-Chessie

#31 · Chapter 3 · 112w, 1d ago · · ·

I'm a little surprised and a little humbled that our effort has been received so positively this early in the tale. Thanks, and we'll keep it coming, promise!

>>976885

I'll be honest - I was actually initially concerned that we weren't getting into it fast enough. Chessie is the one who convinced me that this pacing would work, and your feedback is certainly reassuring me that it is. One of our design mantras is that "It's Not Boring;" that is, as long as we keep interesting things, world tidbits, and character moments happening, it doesn't matter that bullets aren't flying in the initial chapters.

Regardless, we sincerely hope to make the rest of the story live up to our start.

-CEO Kasen

#32 · Chapter 3 · 112w, 15h ago · · ·

I am thoroughly enjoying this story. The characters, pacing, world-building, and plot are all wonderful. It's a big bonus that you've taken the noir tropes and pushed them just enough to bring them into line with MLP's gentile satire and humor. Your characters are complex, engaging, and likeable. Your world-building is logical and well thought-out. The story is so full of interesting stuff that it moves very quickly. In fact, I sat down with this chapter and got to the end only moments later... or so it seemed!

#33 · Chapter 3 · 111w, 4d ago · · ·

Can't wait for more. Your characterization and world building are exceptional.

#34 · Chapter 3 · 111w, 3d ago · · ·

This needs to be turned into a radio play. Get Garrison Keillor from Prairie Home Companion to voice Hard Boiled.

#35 · Chapter 3 · 111w, 3d ago · · ·

>>1009344 Well, lets get it written first!  This is not a short story by any means but if somepony wants to give that a go later on then I'll probably do whatever I can to help.

-Chessie

#36 · Chapter 3 · 111w, 3d ago · · ·

Another fun read, interesting characters and pacing.

Oh and curious what accent does the griffin have? I have it in my head as Scottish but i can't be sure because the "oi" throws me a bit.

#37 · Chapter 3 · 111w, 3d ago · · ·

Heh, I left the accent to the imagination.  Think of it as a really thick brogue.  I just mixed a Scottish and Irish accent and that's what came out.  Don't ask me why.  I have no idea.

-Chessie

#38 · Chapter 3 · 111w, 2d ago · · ·

>>1010451

Ohh i see. The Oi is definitely Irish, i'll remember that for future reading :3

#39 · Chapter 4 · 110w, 6d ago · · ·

This is getting good.

#40 · Chapter 4 · 110w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

Would it be terribly unreasonable for me to demand you write the rest of the story immediately and have it finished within 24 hours?

Because I really want to. In a good way :)

#41 · Chapter 4 · 110w, 6d ago · · ·

Hah!  Oh thank you Flutterbrave!  We're glad to get love.  It really does keep us going.

-Chessie

#42 · Chapter 4 · 110w, 6d ago · · ·

Thanks for another great chapter can't wait for more.:twilightsmile:

#43 · Chapter 4 · 110w, 6d ago · · ·

Poor Mr. Budding! That's a tough life for a pony.

As always, dropped everything to read this :ajsmug:

One of these days I'm going to try to work out WHY this works so well, when other attempts at this genre in poni haven't worked for me. I think it's the gentleness. It's always pulling towards sweetness while starting from noir, not starting from poni and then trying to break it. There's something really heartwarming about that. You do have to make the mental allowance of 'well, horrific ponies DO exist, OK?' but what we see is the good ones trying to cope with that.

#44 · Chapter 4 · 110w, 6d ago · 1 · ·

>>1034080 I've always felt like, in the end, ponies are doing what people should be trying to do.  We should try to be better.  Hardy, Swift, and Taxi (and future characters) may not be good people (any more than the Mane 6 are) but they're really trying to be.  

This story has a lot of twists and turns, some of which will be pretty dark.  You might have noticed Taxi isn't a very happy pony.  Still, it's an adventure and adventures are no fun if it's all misery and sadness.  It won't always be gentle, but if I'd wanted to write Fallout Equestria I'd write Fallout Equestria.  

Mr.Budding might suffer but in the end, I like to think he'd recover.  I might use him again, I might not.  

If I'm honest, the story we have is only perhaps a quarter outlined.  We have an ending.  I'm hoping it doesn't end up anywhere near the length of something like Project Horizons but I will promise, if it does, I will not STOP flogging myself to make it interesting.  I refuse to let it be boring or generic because this is the BEST fandom I've ever been part of and you guys deserve the best.

-Chessie

#45 · Chapter 4 · 110w, 5d ago · · ·

Another great chapter and the whole thing works so well. "Swifts" innocence counters "Hard boiled" with his experience nicely. even some hints at banter all help to add character.

:twilightsmile:

#46 · Chapter 4 · 110w, 13h ago · · ·

What really sells this story is how colourful and deep the orbiting characters are. Sykes, Budding, Jade, and so on all have their own distinct personalities and life-stories that give the whole story such a deliciously gritty life.  

I once lived in a bad neighbourhood (East St. Louis rather than Detroit. The two places trade off every few years for highest violent crimerate per capita in the US.) I can say you've nailed that perfect balancing point of pettiness, ignorance, incompetence, naivete, tradition, determination and shadowy scheming that makes Detrot a place an unfixable cesspool too good to abandon and too awful to stay. How'd you paint such an accurate picture?

:moustache:

#47 · Chapter 4 · 110w, 10h ago · · ·

>>1065070I'm originally from the bad side of the tracks in Charlotte, North Carolina.  I lived on a street full of eccentrics in the middle of a ghetto where murders were a weekly fact of life.  In that environment, the quirks of people start to become real important.  They stick out a LOT.  Everyone is trying to survive and the moments when two people reach out to each other are very powerful when everything seems pointless and dark.  

-Chessie

#48 · Chapter 1 · 109w, 5d ago · 1 · ·

There are a lot of wonderful things about this chapter.  Well-written, in several very-different styles.  Conveys a lot about Hard Boiled indirectly, through what he does and what he thinks about.  (He?  I think I'm inferring that.)  Manages to spend the whole first chapter describing a pony getting out of bed and getting dressed and getting into a taxi, without being boring.  I'll promote it on my blog sometime, assuming it doesn't all go to hell in the next few chapters.

"Read my ass. I’m a cop."  I love that line.  Not just by itself; it took a whole paragraph to set it up.

#49 · Chapter 4 · 109w, 3d ago · · ·

>>1075174 I can't wait to get your input on the later chapters.  You sound like you know what you're talking about and I'm an extremely new writer.  I've never written a fan-fic in my life, much less a murder mystery.  

-Chessie

#50 · Chapter 4 · 109w, 1d ago · · ·

That promises to be quite the story after the first chapters. Eagerly waiting for more.

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