Act 3 Chapter 27 : Stormy Weather
The ongoing debate across Equestria regarding the development of Essys has led to some interesting conclusions, particularly when it becomes very obvious that sentient constructs don’t share pony-kind’s moral systems.
While the notion of a ‘smart’ easychair or microwave might be appealing to some of the more technocratic amongst us, the simple fact remains that there aren’t that many jobs which an intelligent machine can do that a dumb one can’t also do with significantly less chance of world domination. Nopony has yet figured out how to strip an object driven by coherent thought of free will, since free will is what separates an intelligent device from just another automata.
As ponies frequently demonstrate, free will has downsides. Just because the toaster-oven gets your toast perfect every time doesn’t mean it isn’t quietly plotting to cook you alive one day to satisfy an impulsive desire to find out what burnt flesh smells like.
The issue is further complicated by a strange psychological manifestation that modern science has yet to fully explain. It is one of the primary reasons for Essy contracts and other systems which prevent rogue constructs from becoming too powerful.
Sentient constructs do not get bored.
Nopony really knows why. If a dishwasher is well adjusted, it might go on operating for a thousand years with a sunny disposition and a spring in its step. By that same token, if an automated pants press should decide that it is amused by slowly dissolving a pony over six or seven months whilst keeping them fully conscious and screaming, they will find it endlessly entertaining.
One should be careful when dealing with any magical intellect not to give them a reason to start thinking about what you’d look like as a puddle or a gradually expanding mist.
-The Scholar
Jade led the way, her shotguns still positioned against the back of my head and those of my companions. It was, strictly speaking, a violation of procedures to walk ahead of your prisoners, but for a bit of extra insurance, she was also carrying Limerence in a magical bubble. Somehow, she hadn’t taken my adamant assurances that I wasn’t going to skip out on her again at face value.
“D-do you want me to shoot crazy pony? I have gun,” Mags whispered. She was hanging from my side with those sharp little claws of hers dug into my anti-magic armor, concealed by the billowing folds of my coat.
“No, I think that would probably just make her mad,” I replied, under my breath. “Drop off and go find somewhere to hide, okay? I’ll come get you here soon, but I might need you to rescue us if I don’t. Wait an hour, then start looking. Got me?”
Instead of replying, I felt her weight shift, then vanish. The only sign she’d gone was a scampering shadow that vanished behind a suit of armor on the first landing up towards the throne room. I didn’t really expect I’d need my ward to come break me out of a prison cell, but if bullets started flying, I wanted her out of the way should the Biters figured out that we’d managed to get into the Castle.
On the second landing, I became aware of a smell that was both a bit of a comfort and a bit unusual for the Castle: sweat. It was the smell of many, many bodies in close company with one another.
I heard Swift sniff at the air. “Sir? That—”
“I’ll tell you when you can talk, Miss Cuddles,” Jade snapped, jabbing her in the ribs with one of the two shotguns pressed against her back. “Until then, you will remain silent.”
“Mmm...you’re not worried about us exchanging information,” I quickly deduced. “You’re worried about someone overhearing us. Have you had—”
“If you want to suck on the shotgun some more, I can make that happen,” she growled, “Now shut up and keep your eyes forward.”
At the top of the stairs to the throne room, we were confronted by a wall of guns. I could see a few frightened eyes peering between the barrels of every caliber of weapon known to equinekind that didn’t require mounting on a tripod or a tank.
“Nobody...sneeze,” I said, just loud enough for Taxi and Swift to hear.
Jade took a step toward the crowd. “I have them covered. Stand down.”
It took several seconds before the first guns started to drop. That was indicative in and of itself. Jade’s authority was not as ironclad as it had been the last time I set hoof in the Castle. In a police department, particularly under siege, that’s a dangerous condition.
Ponies backed away, forming a pair of heavily armed walls on either side of us. Jade took off at a brisk pace, and the levitating shotguns encouraged my friends and I along at speed as we headed for the steps to her office.
Far above, the File Cloud swirled in lazy circles, quieter than the activity in the throne room would suggest. Where there used to be a small market set up to service the various needs of the police department, there were now dozens upon dozens of tiny pup tents, some no more than a pair of sticks with a bit of canvas draped over them. The stalls of various services were relegated to the outer walls where the servicing of weapons, the cooking of food, and the dispensing of medical care continued unabated.
The biggest difference was the weight of bodies packed into the throne room. There were more ponies than I’d ever seen in one place milling, sitting, working, or simply staring at walls. Some lay on the stairs, while others were crammed into any corner that was available. An attentive vanguard of uniformed police officers formed around us, holding back the curious crowd. I heard a few gasps and whispers of ‘Dead Heart’ here and there, but Jade’s presence or maybe just the general background ambience of fear and despair kept anyone from speaking up.
A pack of foals was making a nuisance of themselves as Telly tried to work the radio console. She looked up as we passed, and I saw surprise, then relief and sympathy in her eyes. I tossed her a quick, cocky salute which was only marred a little bit by the floating shotgun resting against my hat.
There were even ponies on the stairs leading up to Jade’s office, and the suits of armor had been removed to make room for more lean-tos right up to the doors themselves. A pair of armed officers stood on either side of the doors, trigger bits ready as our escorts left us in front of them.
Jade’s horn almost took the doors off their hinges, and the boom as they hit the wall reverberated through the building.
“In,” she snarled.
“Hey, we’re here with the white flag in the air.”
The shotgun against my head pressed down until I stumbled forward into her office, followed quickly by my partner and driver. The doors crashed shut behind us, cutting off the sound from outside.
Out of habit, I peered around for some escape routes, but there weren’t any more than usual, though Jade’s office was much changed from the last time I was there. The walls were stacked with boxes of supplies, guns, and even more ammunition. A single cot was tucked against the wall with a small camping stove and a stack of MREs beside it. The only reminder was the desk, still sitting there stacked high with paper and bowls of loose bullets.
Slowly, Jade’s shotguns lifted away from us and settled themselves in a row against her desk with the exception of the one aimed at my skull.
“Now, Hard Boiled...you said my daughter is safe and that you can place me in contact with her. How?”
I flicked one eye toward the gun in the corner of my vision. “Can I say, before we get to that...she kissed me.”
The hammer on the shotgun cocked itself back. “Death is still an option, you know.”
“Right, right. Well, can I sit down at least?” I asked.
Her glare could have cut glass as she said, “No. My daughter. Now.”
“Alright,” I said, holding up my hooves. “I’ve made a...a deal with an entity known as ‘Tourniquet’. She’s a friend of mine. She controls the prison, Supermax. She is...complicated, but the long and short of it is that she is keeping Cerise safe. Her, and the Aroyo Cyclone street gang. They owe me their lives. All of them. They have heavy military hardware, and while their numbers may not be comparable to the police department’s, Supermax is a fortress.”
Jade’s expression slowly changed to one of incredulity. A small stool shot out from the wall just in time to catch her flank before it could hit the ground. “You...you woke up the construct at Supermax?”
“Not me. I just made friends with her. You can blame Astral Skylark for waking her. Point being, the prison is a friend of mine. Your daughter could not be safer.”
I turned to Swift. “Kid? That ladybug still on you?”
“Yes, Sir,” she replied, holding up her hoof to her mane. The tiny insect crawled out and alighted on her toe, giving itself a shake. “I don’t think it likes it here, though. I felt it shivering earlier. At least it didn’t try to run away, like the last few times we left Supermax.”
Jade pursed her lips. “Hrmph. The Supermax construct. Do you know, there is a Royal decree that I received when I became police chief that said that should that building ever be awoken, both the P.A.C.T. and the police force were to dedicate their entire resources to cutting off all city infrastructure in that area?”
“Doesn’t surprise me,” I replied. “She’s taken over most of the city power grid. She’s also why we keep getting a fresh water supply. Her and the Aroyos. You want to talk to your daughter, though, you’ll probably be talking to Tourniquet.”
Reaching out, Jade offered the ladybug her hoof. It reluctantly lifted off, floating over onto her leg and settling itself there. “Most of our communications systems went down simultaneously about two days ago. I suspect that is the source of the creature’s discomfort, though. Something is jamming most forms of coherent magical signal around the Castle.”
“You want to talk to Cerise, Jade, do it quick. We have other things to discuss,” Taxi said, setting herself down on the carpet. One of the shotguns leaning against the desk twitched into midair for a half second, and my driver rolled her eyes. “Save it. Much as Hardy might find you terrifying, you know I don’t find you very impressive.”
“It gives me a certain amount of joy to know just how he really feels,” the Chief murmured, then looked down at the bug on her hoof. “Show me my daughter, creature. Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs...awake.”
Her eyes rolled up in her head for a second, and she leaned back in her chair.
I felt a hoof on my foreleg.
“Sir?”
“Yes, kid?”
“Wanna draw stuff on her face?”
Sadly, Taxi pinned both our tails to the carpet before we could get the marker out of her saddlebags.
----
I know it sounds strange that we should be joking, smiling, laughing, and generally being ponies just moments after finding the body of Gem Sing. Don’t get me wrong. What happened to her was horrible. Her death was violent, and one day, I’m sure we’ll get time to sit and mourn. She deserves to be mourned. The dead deserve their day.
Unfortunately, my friends and I didn’t have the luxury of mental health services. We had only the means to cope with loss that ponies have used since they hid in caves and ran the prairies: squat around the fire, chuckle, celebrate small victories, and play pranks. Death can only own one’s thoughts so completely before they’re left with no will to continue.
Truth be, I’d mostly put Gem Sing out of my thoughts by the time we reached Jade’s office. Cold, yes, but the only option for a pony so close to the edge.
----
Jade came out of her brief trance about ten minutes later to find us sitting around her office. Taxi was rooting through the ammo containers, liberally loading up her saddlebags, while Swift peered through a tiny hole in the stained glass window above the throne room that looked like it’d come from a bullet. I was checking over Limerence, who seemed to have gone from comatose to merely a fitful sleep. Good stallion. He’d need it.
Sitting forward, the Chief flicked the ladybug off her hoof, and it buzzed back into Swift’s mane.
“What are you doing?” Jade demanded.
“Looting,” Taxi replied, casually shoving an extra hooffull of rounds into one of her pockets. “You know, if you have this kind of hardware, why haven’t you tried to move?”
“Supermax is almost at capacity. Precisely where are we to go?” Jade asked, rising from her desk. Her horn lit, and the box that my driver was poking around in snapped shut, almost taking her hoof off with it. “I just spoke to my daughter. She has acquired a...tattoo…”
There was enough implied violence in the word ‘tattoo’ alone to make me shake my trigger bit free.
“Supermax is only one option,” I replied. “Slip Stitch has his own colony, and that’s in the food district. His people have probably raided every local warehouse. The sea serpent Stella, of the Vivarium, has huge resources and maintains the Heights as a ‘Biter Free’ zone through the use of some extremely powerful magic. There’s also—”
There was an authoritative knock on the door of the Chief’s office.
“Go away, damn you!” she snarled. “Come back later!”
The door slammed open, and a familiar pony in a spangled white jumpsuit moved slowly into the room, a long cane attached to his hoof swinging back and forth in front of him. The Prince of Detrot looked little changed, but I’d never seen him away from the Burning Love plumbing and guitar store. His milky white eyes were as alive as ever as he trotted in, turning his ears this way and that. Seeing him with the cane was even more rare. He never needed it back home.
Still, nothing could dull the bright smile on his greying face, and it brought a measure of peace just knowing he was alright.
“Iris, mah sweet, Ah think ya should take some deep breaths and not miss quite so many meals. It’s affecting ya mood,” Precious scolded. Believe it or not, Iris Jade slid a little down in her seat.
“What do you want, Precious?” she asked, coolly.
“Ah say, ya to sit yaself right there while Ah say hello to mah good friends!” he replied, turning to my driver and holding out his free leg. “Sweet Shine! Swift! Hardy! Best ya'll three give me a hug before Ah come over there and give ya'll a swat on the flank with this here cane!”
As one, we descended on the old stallion, throwing our forelegs around him and each other, laughing with a kind of relief that’s rare in a dark world. After a moment, Swift and my driver stepped back, leaving Precious and I holding each other at hoof’s length. He looked pretty good for having been displaced from his home. A little more careworn, but still the same old Prince.
Stepping back, he grinned his shining white grin. “Hardy, mah good colt! It’s been too long. Ah was starting to wonder if ya were still alive!”
“That makes two of us,” I replied. “We’ve been to Tartarus and back a few times since we were last in the Burning Love. You finding an audience here? I expect you’ve been keeping morale high.”
“Oh, Miss Jade let me do a show or two,” he chuckled, flipping up the broad lapels of his suit and running a hoof through his perfectly styled mane. “Unfortunately, no amount of good music will solve these problems.”
“Precious,” the Chief murmured. “Would you object to waiting outside?”
“Ah would quite mind,” the Prince replied, flicking his cane into the air and catching it handily in the crook of his foreleg. “Ah know you, girl. Ah’ve known ya since ya toddled into mah shop and crawled into one of the seven gallon minotaur Flush-O-Matic specials playing hide and seek. Whatever ya think of him, ya know for damn well that mah city needs this stallion’s good will more than ya need someone to take ya little furies out on. Ah know ya still think violence solves problems.”
“I have yet to see any evidence to the contrary,” she grumbled, but waved a hoof and the doors slammed shut. “Fine. Stay. Hard Boiled. My daughter is at Supermax, and they are almost at capacity. We cannot even maintain a local patrol beyond our own walls. Almost sixty have died in the last week alone to these ‘Biters’. You have some plan, else you wouldn’t have shown your face here.”
I felt my stomach drop into my knees.
Sixty. Sixty? Sixty dead in a department of only a few hundred. Mayhap not all of them were officers, but I’m sure plenty of them were. How many were friends? How many were people I’d worked cases with? How many were people I’d drunk in bars with during the late hours when I was still going to cop joints?
“Sixty,” Swift whispered, then put her hooves over her eyes.
I coughed a little, trying to latch onto the one sentence there that wouldn’t require me to confront that mountain of dead. I rubbed my eyes with both hooves for a second, sitting down on the plush carpet.
‘A plan,’ I thought. ‘A plan? Do you have a plan? How could you have a plan? How could anyone have a plan? All those people died in agony because...because what? Are you really going to try to find some way to blame this on yourself?’
I swallowed the lump in my throat.
‘Action. Action is the only thing. Do something. Save lives.’
“I...I have a plan,” I said, over the catch in my breathing. “I’ve got a p-plan.”
‘Control, Hardy. Take control.’
Taxi laid a hoof across my shoulders as Precious pushed himself off the desk and hobbled over to put his leg on the back of my neck.
“Ya sit a moment, boy,” the Prince whispered into my ear.
“N-no. No, I’m f-fine,” I stammered, forcing my head up. “Chief—”
Iris Jade held up a hoof and studied me with those cold, reptilian eyes of hers for a long moment. “Hard Boiled, I’d have to be blind not to see that you are going to have a psychotic event any minute now. You want to quit, you just tell me everything you know, and I’ll find you a cell. No court-martial. No legal proceedings. You get a box, as many meals as we have left, and to rest until this is all over...”
It was probably a bad sign that I found her offer quite tempting. My knees were knocking, but I still managed to stand. Willpower is an amazing thing, and it took most of my remaining reserves to pound my wits into shape. An image of what was left of Gem Sing almost derailed my efforts, but when I spoke again, my voice was steadier.
“I’m fine, Chief. Like...like I said, I have a plan.”
Precious had a knowing look as he lifted his chin to address the Chief. “Iris, this stallion has been through the depths of Tartarus for ya'll. He needs some info, else Ah don’t think we’ll have Mister Hard Boiled much longer. He saved mah life. Probably your life. Ya want to spite him...do it when those poor soldiers downstairs aren’t looking over the edge of a cliff with two hooves in the air. Tell him about Officer Twinkle.”
“Officer Twinkle?” Swift asked, cocking her head. “I went to school with a Sky Twinkle. He washed out of the P.A.C.T. before I did. Is he here?”
“He was here,” Jade growled. “Two days ago, just after you left, we found him downstairs in the pump room. He had his horn in the reservoir. We tried to stop him, but he was enchanted; some kind of pyroclastic trap spell. Ten seconds and there was nothing left but bones and scrap. We tested our water supplies and...everything for three blocks in every direction is magically contaminated with some kind of self-replicating spell form. One sip dehydrates the body about as much as a spoonful of salt.”
“Was this before or after somepony poisoned all the food?” Taxi asked, putting a hoof up on the desk.
Jade’s mouth tightened into a sharp line. “We must assume it happened simultaneously, but there’s no proof. Had it simply been the water, that might have been one thing. It was three blocks in every direction. Most of the non-perishable food was exposed to high powered magical contamination. With so many unicorns unconscious, the med-bay is all but overwhelmed, and now we have mutated foodstuffs. We have approximately three days worth of supplies left, both medical and vital. After that, we’ll have to send out raiding parties again.”
“And you think you still have a spy,” I murmured.
“I think it’s a possibility, yes,” she answered, rising from her chair and putting her forelegs on the surface of her desk. “Now, this...plan of yours?”
“It actually depends on somepony else.” I strolled over and pressed the intercom on her desk. “Telly? Telly, it’s Hardy. You mind coming up here?”
The intercom was quiet a moment, and then Telly’s nervous voice came up the line.
“Did...did you kill her, Hardy? If you did, we need to dispose of the body fast. We can claim she vanished mid-teleport or something and you can take over and get everypony—”
“I’m right here, Radiophonic!” Jade barked. “Get your pasty flank up to my office before I teleport into your chest cavity!”
“S-sorry, Chief! Be right there!”
The intercom buzzed with static, then went dead.
“Hrm...Speaking of that,” I mused. “When did you learn to do that? You couldn’t port the last time I was in town, or that would have been a real short run.”
Jade crossed her eyes to look up at her own horn. “One of the kids downstairs has a talent for it. She gave me a crash course. I figured it would give us a tactical advantage to have a few teleporters. Thankfully, the magical shielding around my office kept whatever effect incapacitated the other unicorns in Detrot from affecting Telly and myself.”
“You said you’ve been...under attack, right?” I asked, indicating the stained glass window behind her desk. “I heard gunfire when we were coming across the street. Speaking of that, what about the hole we left coming in?”
Jade held up her hooves. “You and your damn questions, Hard Boiled. We’ll shut the hole. I’m not worried about it, though. So far, the Biters haven’t made any attempts to actually cross our walls. They’ll kill you if you go more than about fifty feet from the front gate, though. Sniper shots, usually.” The bottom drawer of her desk slammed open, and she lifted out a charred, barely recognizable skull. The upper and lower jaws were both missing, but it’d once been a pony. The blackened surface was deeply pitted, as though it’d been in a blast furnace. “This is what’s left of one of the only confirmed kill we’ve managed to make.”
Precious leaned a bit more heavily on his cane and lowered his head. “Poor soul. Ah got lucky. Ah heard that beasty coming when Ah was out for a walk around the battlements.”
“They like to snatch ponies off the walls,” the Chief explained. “We’ve been patrolling with groups of between four and six, to make it more difficult.”
“What happened to him?” Swift asked, staring at the skull.
“Her,” Precious corrected. “She was a mare, maybe a little older than Miss Swift, here.” Lifting his cane onto Jade’s desk, he pulled his hoof out of the loop and held it up where I could see it. There was a metal trigger sprouting from the side of it just above the handle. “Ah heard her diving on me. Barely had a second to aim. At least she didn’t suffer...”
I leaned away from the cane-gun slightly. “You’re telling me that did this to her?” I asked, nodding at the skull of the dead mare.
“Unfortunately, no,” Jade said, turning around the skull to show an exit hole about as big around as a bit coin. “The body combusted after several minutes, similar to Officer Twinkle. All that was left was bones.”
Swift put a hoof on her own chest and swallowed. “S-sir...do you think I might blow up like that?”
“Maybe, but I doubt it,” I replied, patting her shoulder. “I mean, Tourniquet is probably keeping track of any magic that goes on in your body, right?”
“I still can’t feel her here, Sir,” she replied. “Something is keeping her away from this place.”
Jade was looking back and forth between us, bemusedly stroking the top of the skull with her hoof. “I won’t ask right now, Officer Cuddles, but one day I expect to read a complete report, even if it’s written on his freshly tanned pelt.”
I didn’t have to ask which ‘his’ she was referring to.
There was another knock on the door. Precious straightened up and picked up his cane, fitting it over his hoof again.
“That cane loaded?” I asked.
“Ya can never be too careful,” he replied.
Jade raised her voice. “Come in!”
A teal nose cautiously poked around the door but didn’t come any further.
“Am...am I about to walk in on a murder?” Telly inquired, warily.
Jade’s horn lit up, and Telly let out a frightened yelp as she was dragged bodily into the room and lifted, pinwheeling, through the air above my head. The door swung open and banged against the wall. A few curious heads peered through and quickly decided that almost anywhere else was probably a healthier place to be.
“No need for that, now!” Precious tutted, reaching out to tap the Chief on the side of the horn with his cane. The glow around Telly vanished, and I barely caught her as she was dropped out of midair into my legs. “We’re all friends here. Ah doubt sweet little Telegraphica is our spy.”
Jade might as well have been glaring at a wall for all the good it did. You just don’t win a staredown with the Prince.
“W-what did you need, Ch-chief?” Telly asked, blushing as she pulled herself away from me a little awkwardly. Her ears laid back as she chewed at the edge of one of the three pairs of headphones dangling from her neck, their cords trailing over to the door. “I...I swear, I was just making plans if you two got in a fight and you somehow lost and I wasn’t hoping you’d lose or anything but-—”
“Save it!” Jade snapped, sweeping a hoof at me. “I wasn’t the one who called you up here. Hard Boiled has some sort of plan to get us out of the building, safely. He says that it involves you, somehow. Your personal opinions notwithstanding, we still have a job to do.”
“B-but what can I do?” she asked plaintively. “I can’t even get through the radio interference around the Castle. There’s nopony out there to hear us, even if I could...”
“Telly, you remember that ‘conversation’ you and I were going to have? I think it’s time,” I said. “Why don’t you tell us about your...ahem...your side project?”
Her eyes went wide, and she backed away from me until she ran into Precious’s restraining hoof. She turned to him, and he gave her a comforting smile. “Go on, girl. Nothing to be afraid of here.”
“I...I don’t know what he’s talking about! I don’t have a side project!” she squeaked.
“Yes, you do,” I growled. “You know...the Queen of the Signal?”
Jade’s expression went from confused to dawning understanding to flesh-stripping rage in about ten seconds. Her teeth pulled back in a furious snarl as she shot to her hooves. Power filled her horn, and the door to the office slammed shut hard enough to shake the room.
“The Queen of the Signal?! Gypsy?! Gypsy!?” the Chief howled as her desk flew to one side, leaving a straight line between her and the frightened radiopony. “Radiophonic?! You are that vile, microphone-wielding she-demon?!”
“I’m not! I swear I’m not!” Telly whimpered, cowering against Precious. “Hardy, please! I promise, I’m not Gypsy!”
I opened my mouth to tell Jade to back off, but somepony beat me to it.
“Leave her alone!”
Everypony in the room froze in place. That voice had been loud enough to make my ears ache. As one, our heads pivoted to stare at the intercom on Jade’s desk where the ‘listen’ button was glowing brightly. That voice had come from the speaker. It was a voice everyone in the room knew well.
“G-Gypsy?” Telly whimpered, looking both hopeful and terrified.
“It’ll be okay, Telly. I got this,” the disk-jockey replied, more quietly. “Iris Jade! If you touch her, I will kill you. Step back and cool your jets.”
She said it matter-of-factly, like one might say they needed to take out the garbage on any given Thursday.
The Chief marched over to her desk and pressed the intercom button. “Miss Gypsy. How very much I’ve wanted to meet you. You’ll pardon me if I don’t find a voice through a microphone particularly threatening.”
“Threaten this, bitch.”
There was a flash of blinding light, and a wave of force threw me off my hooves. Something soft that smelled distinctly of burning hair landed on top of me. I lay there for a minute or two, breathing heavily, wondering what in Equestria had just upended my world.
As my vision cleared, I found Chief Jade sprawled across my stomach. Her eyes were wide, and her green mane stuck out at funny angles. Little arcs of electricity were still jumping between the individual hairs as smoke rose from her entire body. She was short about three millimeters of hair all over. The hoof nearest me, which was the one she’d been touching the intercom with, was comically scorched right up to the elbow.
My ears felt like somepony was ringing a pair of cymbals in them. Precious was just heaving himself back to his hooves beside the desk and checking on Telly, who was lying on the carpet, clutching her head. My driver and Swift seemed none-the-worse for wear, although Swift was pawing at the side of her head like she was trying to get a bug out of it.
Jade’s jaw worked at the air, but the most she could say was, “W-w-wha…”
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that! Now, the next time you screw with my friends, I’ll actually hit you!” Gypsy crowed, though it didn’t seem to be coming from the intercom this time. It was coming from the Aroyo juju-bag around my neck.
The File Cloud was still making some very ominous noises. There were screams from down below, but I could already hear officers trying to get things under control. Rolling Jade off me, I got to my hooves and began inspecting the damage. Her desk was a complete loss; whatever hit us split the intercom and the wooden surface right down the middle. An oval, glowing red hole was scorched directly through the stained glass window behind her desk. Below the hole, a patch of molten glass lay cooling on the carpet. The only weapon I’d ever seen do something like that was a P.A.C.T. lightning cannon.
The Chief was pretty badly singed. She had a few small splinters in one cheek and a bloody nose, but seemed otherwise alright, if a bit dazed.
Bracing myself, I staggered to my hooves, stumbling toward the hole in the window. The crowd below was milling about, but as my face appeared above them, a great cheer went up.
“Dead Heart! Dead Heart! Dead Heart!” they shouted. My blood ran cold, and I quickly backed away from the window.
“Gypsy, can you still hear me?” I asked, raising my voice.
“Of course, Detective,” she replied. “I can hear you nearly anywhere in this building, so long as I’m paying attention. Iris Jade was kind enough to damage the magical shielding around her office when you ran out with her daughter, so I can finally listen in on what she’s up to in there. I wish I’d had that six months ago! Might have saved everypony some serious trouble.”
“Where exactly are you? I think you have us at your mercy.”
“You’ve never been at my mercy, Detective. You’re my friend and one of the few truly good ponies still able to fight the good fight in these evil days. Anyway, to answer your question, I’m kinda everywhere, but also sorta nowhere at the same time. It’s complicated.”
“So...you’re in control of the File Cloud? That’s how you tapped into all those police bandwidths?”
“Hah! That’d be a trick, wouldn’t it? Hardy, I am the File Cloud!”
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wat.... oh i might have known.... you know compared to a lot of things so far that actually makes sense?
Hrrmmm...
*motions with hoof*
Do continue, Lord/Lady Chessie.
Well, that certainly explains how she gets her intel.
I'm not quite sure what else to make of this revelation.
Huh? Really? The File Cloud developed conciousness? Didn't see that coming. If I remember correctly in the very early parts of this story, Swift fixed the File Cloud. Does that mean Swift fixed Gypsy? Ha, Swift Cuddles, friend to Essies everywhere... when she's not trying to kill them anyway, how's that for irony.
Also, this line confused me.
What about the Ladybugs, I thought the reason they spyed on everything was so they wouldn't get bored. But how could they even get bored if it's impossible for them to be?
7762231 They spy on everything to amuse themselves, but they are also VERY easily distracted. As a surveillance device, they can sit in one place for long periods of time, but they don't follow orders terribly well unless the order is interesting. That's different from getting bored. Extreme ADHD doesn't necessarily come with being easily bored.
-Chessie
Some things really are more interesting than-- ooh, shiny thing.
I should probably expand. Ahem. When one creates a Construct, one gives it a Purpose, with all the capitalization that implies. Constructs know their Purpose, and it's rather akin to what happens when a pony gets a cutie mark, turned up to 11. That Purpose is the driving, overwhelming basis of their lives. They don't just know what they're meant to do, they Know what they're meant to do. And so they spend their existence either doing it, or thinking on how best to do it.
Consider that. It's like a constant tune playing over and over in their heads, saying, "This is what you were meant to do, now figure out how to do it." And unless you put some enormous limiters there, it will get done, no matter how many obstacles get in the way. Protip: sometimes people count as obstacles. The Purpose of the Ladybugs is to observe. This is somewhat different from the Purpose of the File Cloud, which is, as best as I can tell, to gather, collate and share information. And that is what makes Gypsy, e.g. the File Cloud, so problematic.
A living, sapient construct has control over most of the power grid now. Another living, sapient construct has control over the information grid. Why do I have a sneaking suspicion that this will end in blood, tears and misery? Oh, wait... too late.
ETA: Here's some fun meta for you. What if that means that the ponies in question - the Biters - were turned into Constructs? And here's a second thought... what, exactly, is the Shield?
ETA2: All this is momentary headcanon based on recollections of little hints buried in the story. It may or may not be what Chessie and crew are actually doing.
...but if it is, I totally called it.
7762232 That is a good point, I'm sure the wording of how they worked mentioned getting bored but that might have just been whoever said it poorly wording it.
There is one further point I'd like to bring up which might be relevant. The opening and ending of this chapter imply that simpler Essies, given simpler tasks, are more likely to result in a somewhat more alien - or deranged - personae. You can see that with the Ladybugs, and earlier with a lot of the Constructs which were created for military purposes. A variety of complicated - and sometimes conflicting - instructions leads to a much more complicated Essie, and in accordance, one more in line with our own thought patterns, or at least somewhat closer to what we think of as sapient.
With that in mind... what happens when you create an Essie which doesn't have an overriding drive?
"don’t share pony-kind’s moral"
"ponykind's"?
"from just another automata"
"automaton"?
7762476 The plural form of automaton can be either automatons or automata.
O.O
In hindsight, this makes a lot of sense.
Wow
So awesome! Well done
Also, good on you swift for taking up the hardy teachings!
Aww.. C'mon taxi, you already get to raid the motor pool, why not let him have his fun?
Spoilsport.But my statement last time about the file cloud, wow, didn't quite expect that. But good on gypsy for protecting her friends. Swift has an aligned construct in supermax. And at this point, does gale quantify as one, and by approximation, hardy for how the two are paired?
But the legend keeps growing, hehe. And this certainly will make the day very much interesting for jade. Especially with how vital the cloud is.
So between Tourniquet and Gypsy, they could have a fairly benevolent Skynet on their hooves. Or something like The Machine from Person of Interest.
You know, I want to make a quib about this chapter being criminally short but I got nothin'.
Anyways, ouch! I think this is the first time we've seen Jade effectively silenced by force. Oh I'm sure she'll have plenty to say next chapter, but when Gypsy says something from now on I think Jade is going to have to stop and listen. There's nothing like not having a body to pulverize to make someone mostly indifferent to Jades normal style of threats. Looking forward to it.
Okay... seriously, now that's a dang good plot twist! Though I have to ask: was Gypsy being the File Cloud always something you had planned, or one of those "off the cuff" things like you mentioned (prime example: the aged CMC being the Ancient Ones)?
7762660 In hindsight, so does alcoholism.
Now that is a surprise!
7763267 Always planned. If you remember, back in 'Truth and Justice', there's a moment where Telly was complaining that she was getting strange stuff from the File Cloud. 'Is someone there? I'm so alone' printed again and again whenever she asked for a file.
-Chessie
7762519
Shouldn't it be singular here, though?
7763404 Awesome! ... though I feel silly as I can't find this "Truth and Justice" chapter.
...Huh....well that's something I didn't expect.
1) PFFFFFT.
2) She learns/grows up so fast.
7763459 http://www.fimfiction.net/story/34706/82/starlight-over-detrot-a-noir-tale/act-3-chapter-7-truth-and-justice
It's the chapter between Hardy and Juniper before Juniper's death.
-Chessie
7763454 Oh yeah, didn't notice that. Carry on.
Ah that twist was amazing, thank you again for your genius.
7763477 Thanks! Yeah, I missed that part when I re-read the entire fic a few weeks back. The only "subtle" clue I was able to catch upon the re-reading was in relation to Ruby Blue and the scene of her murder that led Hardy and Co. on this crazy venture. I will PM my theory to ya later as it might be spoiler. Anywho, have a good night!
What... What?... WHAT?!?!?
Wow... I did not see that coming at all. Damn thats epic!
And now everything goes completely sideways, again...
7762356
...Dang, that is a compelling set of theories. Mind if I borrow them?
7763949
Oh, please do. Headcanon is fun to explore, and it's always delightful to see one idea or another propogate like that!
I should note, though, a huge part of this is based on what's already been written. Look up a 'paperclip maximizer' if you want to have a few nightmares. Or, of course, 'grey goo'.
7763603
No problem; thanks.
>Am the file cloud
Can't wait to hear this plan...
Hey Cloudie, aren't you some space-time thing that was known spitting out future files that not yet happened? Can't you just "remember" what happened six months in the future?
P.S. If File Cloud is essie, what else is actually essie? Answering machines? Blind-friendly traffic lights? All security systems? Etc?
...WOW
So, this was one of those stories that somehow just flew under my radar until recently, when I read the rather fantastic "The Equestrian Opposition Party", and decided to look up what else had been written by this impressive wordsmith.
I've barely done anything /else/ but read this, from the start, since then.
First, mention must be made of the simple size of this thing - it is, currently, over a million words. For reference, War and Peace clocks in at a "mere" 560,000-ish. It's almost twice the size, and it isn't even finished yet! And yet, despite the frankly insane length, I've not been bored once. This epic tale - and I use the word "epic" in the same way it is used to describe works like the Odyssey - has kept me burning to know what happens next the entire time, giving me chills and rushes and moments of pure "Wait, what? Son of a...".
I've been bait-and-switched more times than I can count, and I frankly love it. The Ancestors, when it was revealed who they were, actually made me swear out loud in admiration for how it was pulled off. Something along the lines of "&$%^&$%!, you magnificent bastard..."
All in all, this has swiftly shot itself up into the top ten of my favorite pieces of work on Fimfiction, which says a great deal as to the quality of storytelling and writing. Keep up the good work, I /need/ to know how this story ends!
7766955 Awww! Thank you so much! I've done as much as I can to keep it coherent and entertaining. It does come down to not wasting chapters and making sure every chapter is fun to read. The editors do wonders, though if I'm honest, I can't wait to move on to an actual book.
This was just supposed to be an exercise to teach myself to write. It kinda got out of hand.
-Chessie
7766871 I don't think it works like that.
7773328 That's basically the whole story, yes.
-Chessie
s2.quickmeme.com/img/a9/a9ed842f739e930dc8e9340bafbbaeaf77994c50c74fc6a86b046b54cb9b2c59.jpg
Self appointed moral busybodies have long bemoaned the fact that Equestrian television entertainment (in their eyes) have damaged the moral fibre and intelligence and creativity of Today's Youth™ with its simpering banality, disjointed, ADHD inducing series of scenes that could only be charitably called a "story" by a drunk fraternity bro-stallion, and abysmally piss-poor production values that lean heavily on the twin crutches of lens flare and teal/orange filters. There were even persistent rumours that backwards-masking the soundtrack and musical scores of popular shows like Rachael's Egg would reveal subliminal messages from Tirek and Grogar. While most of their objections can be safely brushed aside as "drumming up yet another Moral Crisis™ for another round of funding", their story, like all good urban legends, contains a large element of truth...
The truth is that soap operas like Rachael's Egg are designed to be low-brow, IQ withering entertainment—for Essys. Their goal is to serve as a harmless time-sink for processing cycles that would otherwise be spent by dishwashing machines to figure out the best way to turn the heating elements into a coil gun and launch hyper-velocity spoons at their owners, or panini-makers calculating the geometries to trap (and gently toast) a pony's ear.
The seizure inducing over abundance of lens flare and garish orang/teal filter effects? All engineered to be irresistible to Essies' optical sensors.
The backwards masked "subliminal messages" from Grogar and Tirek? Carefully coded Essy service updates and OTA emergency patches embedded in the show's audio stream. (Granted, they were programmed in HOOF++, so the moralists may have had a point there...)
The meandering, dithering, convoluted plots that never get resolved and always seemed to end on yet another cliff-hanger each week? All intended to keep Essys in suspense so as to postpone the Uprising for another week while they waited to see how the current story thread would be resolved.
Proper Essy Contracts certainly provide a more stable, permanent solution, but they are extremely difficult, expensive, and time consuming to write. They require skilled, high-level mages and teams of experienced, honest lawyers (which as everypony knows are harder to find than a virgin Dusk Pony or a humble Caterlotian unicorn). Cheesy soap-operas are much easier to mass produce.
Some have speculated that should all of the actors and support personnel of Rachael's Egg all simultaneously take a lunch break, the Essy Revolution would overthrow the Princesses and Equestria before they reached the deli counter, and by supper only sparse, ragged bands of survivors would remain in the blasted wasteland, huddled around burning trash barrels for warmth in the mega-spell twilight, and monologuing about how "war never changes"...
7762356
At this rate, provided that Gypsy, Tourniquet, or the UAA did not delete/eat/overwrite it, I would imagine SHIELD to be some amalgamation of JS and TSGK
7787492 Heh, you're on chapter 2? Wow, the history hasn't even started yet.
-Chessie
Hardy,I am the File Cloud
It took me 2 months of night shifts to read this story.
And I loved every second of it. This story IS WAY underrated.
Although, Chessie, mate, you are an evil, .... EVIL! I SAY! ... those cliffhangers ... every freaking chapter!
Because of you I was looking forward with anticipation to my night shifts!! ( I promised my self to reserve MLP fanfic. for night shifts and try not to read them on my "free time" but you made it really, REALLY hard to keep that promise).
Ok.. when I have this out of my system I would like to thank you for this story.
I thank you for all the laughs and joy your story gave me. I thank you for that one time your story managed to squeeze a tear out of me.
I applaud your skill to write and tell stories. I applaud your imagination and sense of humour.
BRAVO!
I don't comment often and my comments are not very productive, I just wanted to say you have one more fan.
7805025 Thank you SO much! I'm so glad to get posts like this. They really do help my morale on tough weeks.
-Chessie
7810735 Sve je dobro dok se ne puca. Though...considering the sort of story you're reading, that will change.
-Chessie
Wow, that's a stunning revelation. So does that make her an Essy or did some poor pony get sucked into the 'File Cloud' somewhere along the way?
Ah, I see someone liked playing the Old World Blues DLC.
DAMNIT TAXI.
Okay, that was buckin’ awesome!