//------------------------------// // Act 3 Chapter 14 : A Long Awaited Party // Story: Starlight Over Detrot: A Noir Tale // by Chessie //------------------------------// The Crusades were a time of terrible strife for much of Equestria, but history is made everywhere at once, not simply in tiny corners of particular violence and very few ponies really conceptualize just how big the country is. Even dragons intent on bloody mischief couldn’t have laid waste to the entirety of the nation. While few places escaped at least some attention, the Dragon Lords were familiar with a form of combat emphasizing brute force over tactics. If one wishes to be brutal, there’s little point in burning a few huts or a row of trailers in the middle of nowhere. Sure, the atrocity might creep back to the news networks at some point in the distant future to cause dismay and demoralization, but that is an investment of resources and scale-power to very uncertain effect. To that end, most dragon attacks were hit and run on major population centers. Equestria’s greatest power has always been adaptation and the dragons required a considerable reconsideration of old ideas. Phalanx combat was abandoned in favor of very mobile squadrons. Short range weapons gave way to rifles, cannon, and eventually launcher. For all it was hideously destructive, the war left many places entirely untouched save a distant relative dying in some famed attack. Celestia took this as incentive to spread her population more widely, causing a considerable upswing in the number of ponies in many small towns and farming communities, followed immediately by a spike in breeding. Whatever else the dragons might have had, they could never have matched equinity for sheer weight of numbers and innovation. While one dragon might be quite a powerful foe, a hundred tiny horses with rocket launchers is a force to be reckoned with. -The Scholar ‘Turbulence’, she says.  ‘Rough ride’, she says. There’s no gentle way to push through the barriers of reality, but whatever it was we did then was more akin to crashing face-first into them. If that first hop was a bit disturbing, the second one was a kind of torture. Swift was arguing with six copies of herself. Taxi was inside out. Limerence sprouted insectile wings, then burst into flames. Then things got really weird. There’s just a place beyond which the equine mind refuses to accept that anything it’s seeing is real. I reached that spot pretty quickly when I found myself listening to the ticking of the complex clockwork that—at that particular moment—made up my entire biology with the exception of my left ear and one hoof. I let myself fall slowly into a sort of warm mental soup, laying there howling for it all to end as my sanity fractured into a million pieces scattered across many different universes.         I could hear my friends’ thoughts. I ate a cake made of my own teeth. I bled molten metal.         We twisted and flailed in the grip of powers beyond the ken of gooshy little flesh creatures who should never have dared tread beyond the veil of our tiny ball of dirt. Pain is one thing, and there was plenty of that, but there was loss and the sensation of aging a thousand years in a second, alongside a hundred other feelings the brain just isn’t prepared to process. It went on and on, physics and reality shaking apart and reforming all around us like a waterfall of broken mirrors.         And then...it was done.         I lay there, my chin buried in the shag carpet, eyes tightly closed, waiting for whatever was coming next. My heart was pounding and the anti-magic armor still let out unhappy little whimpers and squeaks, but I was me again. Cautiously touching my own face, I swallowed a mouthful of bile and flipped onto my side, gagging softly at the hideous taste in my muzzle.         It felt like it’d been hours. Days. Centuries. I’d spent a millennia trapped in that horrible space between spaces.         Nearby, I could hear ragged sobbing. That was what finally brought me out of my own stupor. My legs felt weak, but when called upon, they responded. I fought my knees under myself, then heaved up to a standing position. There was no sunlight to tell me what time it was, but then, we might have been underground. Wiping my eyes clean, I glanced around at the inside of the carriage. Swift was propped against the wall, hugging herself and hiding her face in her forelegs, while Taxi was back in her carefully arranged meditation position. My driver’s eyes were sunken and hollow, her breathing barely controlled, but she was doing her best to find whatever peaceful place she’d been in a few minutes ago. The weeping was coming from Limerence, who was repeatedly bumping his forehead against the wall as he whispered to himself like a frightened foal. “Not real. Not happening. Not real. Not happening…”         Deciding quickly who was in greatest need, I shakily stumbled over and pulled Limerence into my forelegs. He stopped trying to bang his head on the wall and began crying into my shoulder as his mind slowly crept back from whatever hole it’d crawled into. A minute later, I felt soft feathers and a tiny legs wrapped around my middle. Finally, I smelled incense and a cheek resting on mine.         The four of us—friends in the worst time our world had seen in more than thirty years—had somehow mutually acknowledged that we were going to sit here like the matched set of emotional cripples we were, clutching one another for comfort. No pretending to be heroes out to save Equestria for a bit. The smell of the train faded away and with it, I let the memories of what’d just happened go with it. It was horrible, yes, but there was no solid way of storing such horror in the mind. Whatever might have happened, we had each other. In the grand scheme of things, I suspect that might be all that really matters. Sometime during the following twenty minutes as my friends and I lay there on the carpet, trying to recover our sensibilities, Mephitica stuck her head through the door and set a tiny box of tissues down, then retreated back to the front compartment. Truth be, holding Limerence and Swift while they both bawled like little kids into my mane was better therapy than all the months I’d spent sitting in a shrink’s office after Juniper died. It certainly made what we’d just been through seem a bit less horrible. Not perfect, not something I’d ever want to repeat if I could avoid it, but a bit better. ---- It was almost an hour before any of us were in a condition to get up. Mephitica reappeared with a tray full of muffins and cups of coffee, but wisely kept silent as we picked over the offerings without much enthusiasm. Finally, I took what was left of my intestinal fortitude and began the process of jamming the trauma into that little box in my head where I keep the hundreds of other skeletons that make me fundamentally un-dateable. ‘Do the job. Don’t go mad. You can’t afford to be insane. You’ve been insane before and all you did was drink, cry, and work yourself to death. Do the job. You’ll be fine. When it’s all over, you can rest. Do the job...’ “Meph…” I started, then coughed a few times as my throat seized. I gulped in some air and waited for my gag reflex to relax before trying again. The conductor offered me a glass of something and I gratefully chugged it. It could have been dog piss and I’d have been grateful, but it was just water. “Mephi...wha-what was all that?” “Turbulence,” she replied, cracking a tiny smile. “Forty years and I’ve never had a breaching action like that. Horny sends his apologies, by the way. Space is a disaster around here.” “We...w-we made it?” Swift stammered, shaking so hard she could barely sit up. Mephitica nodded, holding up a little brochure with the words ‘Ponyville Tourist Board’ across the top. “Welcome to Ponyville, honey. Local time...a bit after dinner, but the bars should still be open.”         Limerence had managed to compose himself enough to get his notepad out and began chronicling that last re-entry. I rested a hoof on his shoulder and nodded in the direction of the door.         “You know anything about Ponyville?” I asked.         He shook his head, turning his face away. Tears were still trickling down his cheeks, but his voice was steady. “I’m afraid I...I can’t be of much use, Detective. I didn’t know we were going to be visiting and had no reason to research a place like this. It’s a medium sized agricultural farming community. There are a hundred like it between here and Detrot. Nothing of note has ever happened here. It is only unique insofar as it is as close to Canterlot as one can get without actually being a suburb.”         Trotting to the window, I peered out through the thin, twisted glass. There wasn’t much worth seeing; a grassy field with a wood in the distance, a second train track running the opposite direction we were facing, and what seemed to be a huge quarry.         Turning, I headed to the other window, but all I could see there was the train station. It was little more than a long, covered concrete platform running alongside the track. The ticket office sat just beyond, windows storm-boarded. A few heaps of leaves or grass were piled against a dozen or so dilapidated benches where they’d been blown. Aside a couple of fat old crows rooting through an upturned garbage bin, nopony was in sight. Far away, the eclipse hung there; shining red light, spilling deep shadows across the empty station.         “Looks clear enough,” I mumbled, more to myself than anypony else. “Mephi, you going to wait here?”         “Yepperoni! It’ll take a few hours before we’re fueled for another hop and I cannot wait to have a look around, but I’ll do that after we’re ready.” She shut her eyes for a second, then grinned. “Horny says we’re safe for right now, but there’s an awful lot of residual energies in the air. Dangerous energies! Oooh, this is going to be fun!”         Swift was adjusting her gun harness, fitting Masamane back to her leg and the Hailstorm across her back. She lifted her head sharply at the word ‘fun’ and shivered. “Sir, I don’t know if I can do another of those trips if it’s going to be as bad as what we just went through…”         “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” I replied, “Right now, I want to get out and look around. This may involve a walk to Canterlot. Maybe we can catch a ride with one of the locals up to Canterlot. There’s sure to be an emergency air-chariot this close.”         Picking up our supplies, Taxi threw them across her back. “Is there an actual plan or are we just winging this again?”         “There’s a plan. It’s not a good plan, but it’s a plan. If there are Royal Guards nearby, we’ll find them. Maybe some members of the parliament or Celestia’s School are still out there. If nothing else, we might be able to get some news from around Equestria.”         “That’s an awful lot of ‘ifs’ and ‘maybes’, Hardy,” she replied.         “Yes, well...when you want to be in charge again, I’ll be happy to sit back and take orders. Until then, come on.”         Mephitica appeared at my side, passed me a map of Ponyville, then vanished again just as quickly as she’d come. I didn’t feel the need to pick up my trigger, since there were very few things that could sneak up on the Bull.         Moving to the back of the car, I fought off the urge to take a deep breath, but instead pushed open the door and stepped out onto the platform. A stiff breeze was blowing, carrying with it a bit of grey dust. At first I thought it was ash, but it seemed too fine. Everything was coated in a thin layer of it, leaving the details washed out. That air was clean and sweet, but I think an open sewer would have been clean and sweet after however long we’d spent aboard the train. Motioning my friends off behind me, I stepped to one side so Limerence could disembark, followed by Swift. Taxi brought up the rear, dropping the sack at her hooves. Pulling open the knot around the top, my driver dug out the set of walkie-talkies and began passing them around. I checked the batteries, finding them fully charged, then turned the little dial to ‘station scan’. The speaker let out a soft static rumble as it ran up and down the frequencies before settling on an emergency broadcast of some kind. A sweet voiced mare was reading a prepared statement. “-not safe. The local area is heavily contaminated with magic. I say again, if you are hearing this, do not continue on to Canterlot. There is nothing for you there. Return to your homes, stockpile what food you can, and stay tuned to this frequency. We will let you know as soon as the situation has changed. If you can make it to the following cities, there are refugee centers set up there.” The mare stopped and another pony, a stallion with a strangely monotone cadence to his voice, began reading a list of towns. Most were over a hundred miles away and Detrot was noticeably absent. The closest was Manehattan. After a moment, the mare was back. “This crisis will be resolved soon. Please keep listening. I’ll...we’ll find a way to bring the Princess's home. This is the Equestrian Royal Guard and we have the situation well in hoof. This broadcast repeats.” I turned the radio off and shook my head. “That’s a bit...ominous,” Taxi murmured. “No other stations broadcasting? Not even something local?”         “If it’s an emergency broadcast, it’s probably overwhelming all the local stations. Let’s see if there’s anypony in town. Somepony must have noticed us coming in,” I said, stepping back and turning to face the Bull. Two large, expressive red eyes opened a couple of meters above my head, centering on my face as I addressed it. “Cord Breaker...If we’re not back in twelve hours, you get Mephitica out of here. Understand? Even if she objects, you take her and you leave.” The giant eyes blinked at me, then the entire passenger car heaved up on the wheels on one side and shook up and down like a wet dog. I took that for a nod.         “Alright, let’s go,” I said, setting off, leaving train and conductor to their own devices while we headed into a very big unknown. ---- The weather was good, but any weather that wasn’t spontaneously turning a pony into some other species is good weather. We strolled along the platform and took a moment to peer through the cracks between the storm boards. “Mercy, I forgot what these rural types live like,” Taxi murmured as she tried the door, finding it unlocked. “Hardy, you want a farm one day? You, me, Swift, and Mags? Limerence if he’s interested? Get ourselves a few chickens and grow fruit. Have some strawberries in the summertime and leave our front doors open for the neighbors to come and go.” “I don’t need those thoughts right now, Sweets. These people have been just as screwed up as everyone else by what’s happened and they’re probably just as armed.” Swift gave her trigger a gentle nudge as we reached the end of the platform. The town was just around the corner, along with whatever dangers might have spawned in the last week and a half. “Are we going the ‘friendly’ route, Sir?” my partner asked. “Friendly is as friendly does, kid. Don’t shoot anyone who isn’t trying to kick, shoot, or eat you and try to keep it to kneecaps until we’ve established what’s been going on here,” I replied. Inhaling slowly, I stepped around the side of the train platform, ready for almost anything.         Of course, being ready for anything makes it entirely likely that you’ll end up standing there with your jaw hanging open like a fresh caught trout when what you run into turns out to be nothing. Particularly when it’s the most thoroughly ‘nothing’ nothing you’ve ever seen.         Ahead, a field of grey stretched from about fifteen meters beyond the edge of the platform all the way to the horizon. Far off, a dust devil billowed and twisted in the wind. It could have been three meters or thirty. There was nothing to give perspective. Nothing at all.         Somepony made one of those sounds that are really just a bit of air escaping through vocal chords locked up tight. It’s a sound you can’t really replicate if you’re trying, but it’s easy when your guts are doing flip flops and your heart is thumping along like a frightened bunny in your chest.         Fishing the Ponyville Tourist Board pamphlet Mephitica gave me out of my pocket, I held it up. A shrubbery just behind the train platform was visible in the image on the front. Somepony had been standing right where we stood when that picture was taken. Maybe a bit to the left.         The picture was of a thriving, rustic village. Brick houses. Perfectly cut lawns. A smiling couple with two foals waving to the camera.         In the background, hanging right below the sun, there was Canterhorn; the Lonely Mountain, with the city of Canterlot hanging off the side.  A couple inches of the road that lead straight through town was still there along with some grass, but beyond that it was as though someone had drawn a line right across the world. There was only the dust remaining for miles and miles. The mountain was gone. Ponyville was gone. How? Why? To what purpose?  Those were questions so big a little pony like me shouldn’t even be trying to answer them. I wasn’t aware of having sat down, but I had. The concrete was cold under my backside, but I didn’t feel like moving. Where was there to go? There was nothing out there. Not even a little backwater town with a friendly bar-keep and a piece of apple pie. “I...I knew that it had disappeared,” Limerence murmured, eyes wide as he studied the emptiness ahead. “Intellectually, I was aware. I thought there might be some part of the mountain still there, though. The power necessary for an act like this-” “Limerence, I mean this in the kindest way possible,” Taxi said, quietly. “Please, shut up.” The librarian cocked an eyebrow at her, but did as he was told. We stood there, letting the horror settle in for a while longer. Finally, after a good four minutes of that, I’d had enough. “Alright...screw this. Swift? Get in the air and get us a scouting report. All three hundred and sixty degrees. You have some field spectacles on you?” My partner nodded, digging a small pair of binoculars out of one of her pouches. “I...I do, Sir, but there’s nothing out there…” “Do you want to be sure before you say ‘Yes, I want to hop right back aboard the Bull and shovel some more coal.’?” She glanced back towards the train sitting in the station, tooting along happily to itself. An eyeball on the front was casually watching us. “No, Sir, I think I want to get in the air and give you a scouting report. All three sixty.” “If anything or anyone takes a shot at you, get back here quick as you can.” She dipped her head, then gave her wings a few light beats, lifting off. Starting a slow spiraling action, she tucked her legs up against her stomach, swooping over the station to build up some momentum before rocketing off into the darkened sky. She was pretty easy to follow—being bright orange—hence I was hoping whatever might be out there wasn’t looking up just then. We waited in silence. What was there that was worth saying? I almost pissed down my leg when my walkie-talkie screeched to life. I felt a little better when I glanced over to see Taxi was halfway into a fighting position and Lim had a hoof tucked into the part of his vest he usually kept his knives in. “Sir? Are you there?” I tapped the talk button. “Yeah, kid. We’re here. What do you see?” “It’s about like it looks, Sir. There’s a really big circle right where the town should be, then a much larger one which is where I think Canterlot used to be. Perfect circles. I think there’s another one farther off, too.” “Multiple spell points?” Limerence mused, pulling my hoof closer so he could speak into the mic. “Did I hear correctly that there are several locations that seem to have been hit by this simultaneously?” “Yeah. I don’t think there’s going to be any refugees, Sir. The damage to the forest is...I don’t even know how to describe it. It’s like a bunch of tornados danced all over it. Everypony was evacuated to one of the nearby cities because of the storm. They used atmosphere shields to keep the magic away, remember?” I had a thought, then took three steps back to look at the train platform. “Why would they board up this place? I mean, magic shields should keep out the wind, right?” Taxi shrugged and nodded towards a point further down the tracks where a section was bent, torn free from its moorings by the passage of something. “It’s the edge of town. They probably didn’t want to make the shield any bigger than they had to. I bet the tracks are a mess, so they decided it’d be easier to just rebuild if it was destroyed. The train station isn’t anypony’s home or anything.”         Puzzle pieces, puzzle pieces....         “Limerence, if I needed a target for a really big spell and I wanted to make sure that everypony in the area was inside it, how would I go about it?” I asked.         His muzzle settled into a grimace. “Rhetorical as I think this answer may be, you would create a very dangerous environment full of unstable magic, force an evacuation, then target the defensive measure. Of course, it would be difficult to achieve, unless you happened to know the precise magical frequency of the shield...”         “I think it’s a safe bet that they’ve got people on the inside of just about every organization we interact with. Maybe not the Aroyos or the Stilettos, but even then, all it takes is stealing a couple of foals to get yourself an insider.”         The librarian gave me a look that reminded me an awful lot of his father. “You would make a very good criminal, Detective. You certainly think like one.”         “That’s one of those compliments I’m never sure how to take. Now—”         Our walkie-talkie squeaked, then Swift’s voice broke in.         “Sir! I see something! It looks like...um, I think it’s three ponies, about three kilometers from your position! They’re just...standing there beside a really big tank. I don’t want to get any closer. I think two of them are watching the sky. There’s an anti-air gun on top of the tank, too.” “That might be exactly who we’re looking for,” I said, tapping my chin. “Alright, kid. Can you see us?”         “Yep!”         “Stay up there, keep them in sight, and if they make any moves let me know. Give me a general heading.”         There was a long pause. “Um...how, sir? The sun isn’t moving and my compass is just spinning in circles.” Limerence stepped forward and said, “The train-track heads due south west towards Appleloosa and due East towards Canterlot.” “Okay...I think I can direct you. You’re standing on the end of the platform, right? Turn twenty degrees due east.” Taxi held out her compass for reference and the needle was, indeed, just spinning. Still, we were able to get a reasonable estimation of where twenty degrees was from the notches around the edge. There was a moment’s hesitation at the edge of the grass, but I forced myself to take another step into the strange, dark dust. It felt like stepping on a cloud and squished around my hoof. I stepped back and there was a perfect imprint of my toe left in the surface. “Huh...weird. It’s not like normal dirt.” Limerence scooped a bit of the surface up and let it dribble through the air. “Incredibly fine. I would almost say one might use this for lubrication in a weapon or engine if they saw fit.” “I don’t want to even consider the possibility that you’re thinking of lubricating an engine with the remains of all those ponies,” Taxi grumbled, settling our supplies on her back once more. “Merely making an observation. Still, I don’t...believe this to be magical excretia of any kind. The size isn’t uniform enough,” he replied. “Not magical? The whole city disappeared. Two whole cities disappeared! What’s not magical about that?” she demanded. He shook his head. “I say only what I see. If you want more, bag some up and as soon as I get to a laboratory with a working microscope and an arcane isolation chamber, I’ll be glad to tell you what we’re walking through.” My driver frowned, then lowered her ears and looked abashed. “I’m sorry, Limerence. I didn’t mean to snap at you. My talent is acting very strange.” “What’s it saying?” I asked, curiously. She bit the inside of her cheek, then sat down, reaching back with one hoof to rub the scars on her flank. “Nothing. That’s what’s weird. It’s as though this whole area is...empty. Like I’m floating in space. Usually my talent says something. ‘That pony needs to get home right now’ or ‘Don’t cross the street’ or ‘Go over to Hardy’s place and flip him so he doesn’t drown in his own vomit’. Right now? Not a thing.” “I know you don’t much care for your talent, but...keep listening, alright?” She nodded and we began our march across the billowing, dusty dunes. ---- The going was slow. Every step was like plowing through snow. Walking in one another’s steps helped a bit, but it was exhausting to walk like that. Still, progress was made. Limerence was mumbling to himself, stopping now and then to swing his horn back and forth at the ground. It let out some weak light, about as strong as your average lighter, but nothing I imagined he could use for anything. After a good ten minutes of this, I asked, “Lim, what are you doing?” “Hmmm? Oh...apologies, Detective. Trying to get a read on this area. My horn might not be up to lifting a pencil, but I can still feel magic. There’s chaos here, but it’s not elemental chaos. I can feel spellwork. It’s not Equestrian, though. Nor draconic, nor any other spell-casting species I’m familiar with. Very, very odd.” “What about this is normal? Just add it to the stack of other mysteries and we’ll deal with it later.” I lifted the walkie-talkie to my face. “Swift? How we doing?” “Over the next rise, Sir,” came the reply. “I think one of them might be hurt or something. They keep stumbling back and forth. The other two are just watching the air. I found a little bit of cloud to sit in and I don’t think they’ve spotted me yet.” Ahead, a crest of blown dust had formed a bit of a small dune. I threw myself at it, scrambling up the face as my hooves almost slid out from under me. It was like trying to ice-skate up a mountain, but after a few minutes and a couple of muzzle-fulls of dirt, I finally struggled to the top. Down below, about a hundred meters away, a heavily armored vehicle of some kind was squatting out amongst the shorter piles of dust. Swift’s ‘tank’ was a long, white vehicle running on a pair of fat treads with a set of foldable metal stairs leading down one side. It reminded me a bit of a limo that’d been converted for military service, albeit purpose-built rather than hacked together. On top sat an unmanned turret with a heavy caliber machine gun. There was a seal on the door; the Equestrian flag, Luna and Celestia chasing each other’s tails in a little circle. Behind them sat a purple eye, rather than the usual sun/moon motif. The path the transport must have taken stretched out for some distance before disappearing as the wind erased it. What I didn’t see was anypony else. Putting the walkie-talkie to my mouth, I said, “Kid?” “Yes, Sir?” “You said there are three ponies here?” “They’re right in front of you, Sir. Can’t you see them?” “No, kid, there’s nothing—” “You move, you die.” I went rigid from nose to tail tip and I imagine that probably saved my life. That voice had come from directly below me. Right below me. I slowly began to look down, but something very sharp and businesslike pressed against my stomach, just below my solar plexus. Behind me, Taxi let out a whinny of alarm. That voice. It had a funny sound to it. Monotone, feminine, but with a slight guttural buzz. “Is breathing going to get me killed?” I asked, softly. Whatever was down there ignored my jibe and said, “Order your pegasus to land. If I see her reach for her trigger, you will die and I will be gone before she can fire.” With an exaggerated slowness, I lifted the walkie-talkie again. “Swift? We’ve got a bit of a problem here. Listen carefully and pay close attention. Unless I tell you not to, I want you to strafe the entire area with your Cloud Hammer in thirty seconds, destroy the armored car, and kill everyone standing there. Clear?” “Sir? What are you—” “Say ‘Yes, Sir’, kid.” Swift hesitated for all of three seconds, then replied, “Yes, Sir!” “What did you say?!” the voice barked in surprise. “Tell your—” Raising one rear hoof, I stomped it down directly below where I’d been standing. Something let out a pained grunt, then tried to rise out of the dust where it’d been hidden. I rolled sideways, snapping out my rear legs once I was on my back and wrapping them around what felt distinctly like a knee. The blade that’d been jabbing me in the stomach was attached to some kind of hoof-guard sticking straight out of the dirt. Hooking it in place, I hugged one foreleg around the hoof itself and slammed opposite rear leg down where I presumed the creature’s neck to be, assuming it was shaped anything like a pony. Taxi had moved the second I started my roll, getting into position and pinning whatever it was while Limerence drew an ugly looking twelve inch knife, sticking it an inch into the ground in roughly the spot our opponent’s genitals might be. All he needed to do was lean a bit of weight on it. All at once, it stopped struggling, letting out a low hiss that sent up a plume of dust. I still couldn’t get a look at what we’d caught. It seemed to almost blend into the ground, like a chameleon. I’d dropped the walkie-talkie during my attack. It lay nearby, the talk button locked. “Sir? Should I commence with ‘Cloud Hammer bombardment’?” Swift asked, nervously. I raised my voice so the mic would pick me up. “No, kid...I don’t think that’ll be necessary. We’ve got everything under control here.” “O-okay, Sir! Should...should I come down?” “No, stay up there and keep an eye on the car.” “Yes, Sir…” The feint had been a bit of a gamble, but it seemed to pay off. I had a good grip on my assailant and unless they were double jointed in about four different places I doubted they’d get out of my hold, though if they did they’d have to deal with Lim’s knife in their fun bits. I was just starting to relax, getting ready to give a few orders of my own when a brilliant purple glow surrounded my body. My armor let out a squeal of anguish, then hot sparks spat in my face. I felt myself go weightless a half second before I was ripped away from the ground and thrown into the air. Sky, ground, sky, ground. I caught a flash of Swift who’d somehow gotten just a few yards away. She was trapped in a violet bubble, flailing at the air, but before I could do more than gasp I was spun around again so I was facing the ground. My attacker was digging themselves out of the dust. The shape was vaguely female, though very tall and lithe, though that was all I could really make out. Something about it defied light to reflect normally and it blended into the background almost to the point of invisibility. Taxi and Limerence drifted through my vision together, both encased in the same magical field. Sweets was glaring off at something down and to the left. I followed her gaze as best I could, but the inside of the bubble was almost completely frictionless and I ended up flopping onto my side instead. Slowly, we dropped nearer to the ground and I could finally get a look at who or what had managed to snag me. They were generally pony shaped, leaning drunkenly against one of the limo-tank’s giant treads, wearing a very elegant hooded robe in a soft yellow. The hood was pulled up, obscuring any details. A bottle of the highest-end apple cider money could buy, Sweet Apple Special Number Six, was hanging in the air beside them, half empty. “Mayfly...are you hurt?” the hooded figure asked. Her voice—definitely female this time— was pleasant, authoritative, and a bit on the soft side. I couldn’t peg an age from the voice alone, but it was the voice of a leader. My assailant flickered, and I caught a glimpse of glowing green eyes. “No, ma’am,” the strange pony replied. “Just my pride.” “I think you can drop your disguise now,” the hooded mare murmured, pushing herself up to a standing position. “Yes, ma’am.” There was a burst of brilliant, green fire and something out of my nightmares was very suddenly standing just below us. Thank goodness Swift screamed first, or I might have. It was a monster; a gigantic insect a solid head taller than I, with vaguely the proportions of a pony but nothing beyond a passing resemblance. Dig around in the distant development of the equine brain and there’s something that just doesn’t like a spider you can’t squish, much less an enormous bug masquerading as a pony, with fangs long enough to tear your throat out. Her legs were pitch black, covered in a shiny chitin that caught the light at funny angles. Holes and pits filled them, through which I could see the ground on the other side, and brilliant, slitted eyes studied me like a snake watching a particularly delicious rat. I’d seen a few pictures, now and then, but photos don’t do their kind justice. How could an image of a frightened little bug pony huddled in the back of a P.A.C.T. transport van come anything near the terrifying majesty of a healthy specimen in her prime? To most ponies my age, they’d taken on an almost mythical quality. After all, everypony born in the last sixty years knows the story of the Canterlot Wedding: how an army managed to sneak into Equestria and only through the strength of Princess Celestia were they driven back. The country-wide effort to root out the remains of that army would have constituted the greatest Equestrian conflict of our times if the Crusades hadn’t come along to redefine the word ‘war’ in its entirety. She was a changeling. Worse, if I remembered my brief Academy xeno-biology course, she was a changeling queen. The part of my mind that wasn’t in a full blown terror spasm had noticed that the creature was wearing Royal Guard armor, form-fitted to her unique biology, but that didn’t reassure me much as to her intentions. She’d almost torn my guts out, after all. My trigger tasted awful, since it was coated in the fine dust, but I held onto it anyway, wishing I’d thought to load it with the Crusader ammo before we left. I still had the special clip in my pocket, but doubted the insect would give me time to get it into the gun. That said, she wasn’t the one holding me in a magical bubble or, for that matter, giving orders to a changeling queen. And if the changeling might have used her magic to kill me, why hadn’t she? Not taking my aim off the queen, I turned my attention to her companion. The mare was certainly not sober, judging by the mighty pull she took off the bottle, but her spell was still keeping us trapped. Tilting her head back, she sat down against the limo. I caught a bit of purple light under her hood, but still couldn’t see her face. Of course, that meant she hadn’t seen mine either. “I’m sorry about Mayfly. She takes my safety really seriously,” the mare mumbled, rubbing her cheek. “Do you ponies promise to behave? I’d like to put you down now. One of you is wearing anti-magic armor and it’s kind of giving me a headache. That and I’d like to actually see you, but I don’t want to look up or I think I might be sick...” I waved towards Swift and gestured for her to drop her trigger, then cautiously set mine down. “We’re not here to hurt anypony,” I said. “Just checking out what happened to Canterlot. Are you Equestrian government?” The mare giggled at that, almost dropping her bottle. Thankfully she seemed to have a better grasp on the four of us. “You...you could say that, I guess. I’m going to bring you down, now. No funny business?” For all the changeling was treating her with deference, she didn’t sound like some kind of government official. Why would a changeling be treating a pony with deference? Oof, questions for later. I wanted my hooves under me. “No funny business,” I agreed. “You hear that, guys?” “I hear, Sir! I just don’t believe! She snagged me out of mid-air!” Swift complained, trying to spread her wings, but finding the bubble didn’t have enough room. “This shield would survive a Cloud Hammer strike, Detective,” Limerence murmured, tapping on the wall of his little prison. “It’s unlikely we will have the opportunity for our business to get ‘funny’ from inside of one of these.” The mare pulled her head back a couple of inches. “Wait...Did he just call you ‘Detective’?” “That’s right...Detrot Police Department,” I replied, flipping my badge out of my armor. The bubble I was in began to descend suddenly, floating closer to the hooded mare. As I reached eye level, I finally had some perspective on how big she was; a full head taller than me. Maybe not as big as the changeling, but still an intimidating presence. As she got her first look at me from under the hood, she drew back. “It...it can’t be…” she whispered. “You?! Here?! Now?! It’s...it’s impossible! You are not possible!” Her apple cider bottle popped out of existence and her horn flashed. The smell of alcohol around her faded completely. “I’m afraid you’ve got me at a whole heap of disadvantages, miss,” I said. “Should we drop them in a pod for interrogation, Ma’am?” the queen called Mayfly asked her superior, adjusting the golden helmet atop her head to pick a bit of dust out of her strange, membranous green mane. “My latest generation of interrogator drones would love to actually get to do their jobs for once. They’re spending most of their time learning to cheat at cards.” “No, Mayfly,” the mare answered. “I think this stallion might tell us things if we just ask nicely. You know, nicely? Or did you forget we can do that again?” Mayfly stuck her lower lip out and somehow managed to look pouty. “I know, but I’ve wanted to try a proper interrogation for forever!” “I know you have, but...maybe we should introduce ourselves instead? This pony came a long, long way to be here and...if half of what I know about him is true, he’s had a really crazy couple of months.” She cocked her head to one side and smiled, knowingly at me. “Isn’t that right...Detective Hard Boiled?” Reaching up, she pulled her hood back. ---- Surprised? I suppose I should have been. Mare in the middle of nowhere, in the dusty remains of the most important city in their world, knows your name and you should be surprised, right? Plenty of ponies live their whole lives without interacting with Equestria’s government except to pay taxes and parking fines. Still, after the day I’d had, I felt pretty sure there wasn’t much left that was going to surprise me. It turns out I’m kinda stupid. ----  It was a feat not to swallow my own tongue. She was cute. Maybe striking is closer to the word I had in mind. She reminded me of a filly I’d asked out back in my Academy days who was smart enough not to go out with me. Fur the color of fresh grown grapes; a rich, royal purple. Her mane with the sort of no-nonsense cut I’d always liked in a mare, with a little streak of pink in the middle. Business with a fun side. Funnily, the whole thing was bobbing and swirling in the air, though whatever breeze it was blowing in I couldn’t feel. It was the kind of style ponies in the city favored from time to time, propped up by a bit of illusion to make it flashy. Her horn was huge, even for a pony her size. My bubble, along with that of my friends settled on the ground, then vanished. I stumbled, catching myself before I could pitch forward on my face. “Sounds like you know me,” I replied, lifting my head and tamping down my hat. “So long as your changeling friend here is playing nice, I suppose we can afford to as well.” Mayfly stuck her forked tongue out at me in a way that reminded me more of a petulant teenager than anything else. “I rarely deal with ponies capable of such irrationality! You didn’t even have a Cloud Hammer! If we find ourselves in a similar situation, do believe I will cut first and offer conciliation second!” The mare rolled her eyes at her companion. “Mayfly, I do wish you’d spend some time on our diplomatic missions doing something besides teasing guards and haunting brothels. At least Orb can pretend to have manners from time to time.” “Hello? Changeling. It’s not as though I get dinner anywhere else these days,” Mayfly coughed, seeming to remember she was in unfamiliar company. She quickly added, “Eh...Ma’am.” “Huh...well, you apparently know me. I’ll ask some questions about that at a point, I’m sure,” I said, turning sideways and holding out my leg. “Anyway, this is Swift, partner and sharpshooter. Limerence, research and intelligence. Taxi, my driver.” Limerence touched his forehead, while Swift gave a little curtsy. Taxi nodded, respectfully. “Well, I’m—” the purple mare began, but Mayfly took a step forward. Mayfly piped up, bouncing up and down on her front legs. “Oooh! Can I do it? It’s been ever such a long time!” The purple mare shut her eyes and drew in a long, calming breath like one might with a particularly enthusiastic toddler who's just asked you to do a trick for the ten thousandth time. “Fiiine...So long as you don’t do the entire—” “Thanks!” Mayfly chirped, then swung to face us, puffing her armored chest out. “Mares and Gentlestallions! The High, Eternal Queen of All Hives, the Shadow Trap, She-Who-Wields-The-Rainbow, the Sun’s Dagger, the Elemental Magic, Lady of Friendship, Horn of Minos, and Heavenly Blade of Griffonia! Bow your heads!” We all blinked at her and she frowned slightly, then said, “No, really...bow your heads.” Giving her a skeptical look, I took a step back and lowered my chin a few inches. My colleagues followed suit. Satisfied, Mayfly continued, “I present you...Princess Twilight Sparkle!”