After Twilight returns to home from Canterlot, things get strange.. In less than 20 hours nearly all of Ponyville is infected with a deadly disease that spread like wildfire.
I agree, its a real nice idea and can grow into a pretty good story with a bit more help. I just have one main issue at the moment and that is this: how exactly did Rainbow Dash smell the death and decay if it had just started?
A nice idea, as everybody seems to agree, but a less than perfect execution. Other than a few grammarical errors, the whole thing felt to short and rushed to have any emotional effect on me. Consider putting more time into your next chapter, it may make all the difference.
7576729 it had actually begun when Pinkie went out to stop the fight with the two stallions. Many of the townsponies were bit in that struggle, which caused many of them to turn.
Alright, after skimming through the first chapter, I can only say that I'm neutral about this story. There were a lot of errors, and one of the many that pissed me off is the over-use of "..." Way too many pauses, bro. After the first and second time, they lose their luster.
“Uhm, Twilight? You alright sugarcube?” Applejack asked, worried for her friends health.
Correct this to:
"Uhm, Twilight? You alright, sugarcube?" Applejack asked.
Applejack asking Twilight if she's alright IMPLIES that she is worried for her friend's health.
Like others have said, this seems like an interesting idea, but rather poor execution. However, I wish you luck on the next chapter.
7578105 Yea, after reading the chapter through I realized I shouldn't use the style of writing I used. I wrote it as I would speak it. I'm a very dramatic person, so by adding pauses it would correspond to how I would naturally speak. Thank you for the feed back, I'm currently working on the next chapter!
The beginning was underwhelming with barely any build up at all and with the immediate monster nom it seemed cheap.
We went from one scene that had all mane six to a single member in a different location several hours later with no divide between the other scene, twas confusing to say the least.
How would Rainbow know the smell of death? Explain her experience.
How was one of the first characters we saw in this story killed? The death seemed underwhelming for one of her long time friends.
Why did Rainbow decide to go to the boutique in the first place? Explain her reasoning.
Not a bad idea, but it could use some work I suppose.
I agree, its a real nice idea and can grow into a pretty good story with a bit more help. I just have one main issue at the moment and that is this: how exactly did Rainbow Dash smell the death and decay if it had just started?
A nice idea, as everybody seems to agree, but a less than perfect execution. Other than a few grammarical errors, the whole thing felt to short and rushed to have any emotional effect on me. Consider putting more time into your next chapter, it may make all the difference.
7576729 it had actually begun when Pinkie went out to stop the fight with the two stallions. Many of the townsponies were bit in that struggle, which caused many of them to turn.
7576418
7576852
Thank you for the positive feedback! I will admit, I did rush a bit. That won't be a problem in the next chapter!
One question would ocs bo ok in this when nedded
Alright, after skimming through the first chapter, I can only say that I'm neutral about this story. There were a lot of errors, and one of the many that pissed me off is the over-use of "..." Way too many pauses, bro. After the first and second time, they lose their luster.
Correct this to:
Applejack asking Twilight if she's alright IMPLIES that she is worried for her friend's health.
Like others have said, this seems like an interesting idea, but rather poor execution. However, I wish you luck on the next chapter.
7578105 Yea, after reading the chapter through I realized I shouldn't use the style of writing I used. I wrote it as I would speak it. I'm a very dramatic person, so by adding pauses it would correspond to how I would naturally speak. Thank you for the feed back, I'm currently working on the next chapter!
7577617 I don't plan on adding any PC's in this. At the very most ill add a background character or two
7579163 fair enough but love the story
7577071
The beginning was underwhelming with barely any build up at all and with the immediate monster nom it seemed cheap.
We went from one scene that had all mane six to a single member in a different location several hours later with no divide between the other scene, twas confusing to say the least.
How would Rainbow know the smell of death? Explain her experience.
How was one of the first characters we saw in this story killed? The death seemed underwhelming for one of her long time friends.
Why did Rainbow decide to go to the boutique in the first place? Explain her reasoning.