- Member Since 8th Mar, 2016
- offline last seen Jul 14th, 2021
Emperial Star
A Caribbean brony, i love drawing and creating my own MLP characters. I also like writing my own fimfictions as well are reading other's. I've also began writing my own stories as well.
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Can't wait to see more.
ohh can't wait to see kmoer this is gonna be good
Honestly, I'm my opinion, try to draw out your scenes more. Your kind of rushing through each chapter.
Other than that good story so far
7787597 Thanks for your reviews, I do appreciate being critiqued. I will do my utmost best to satisfy you the readers.
i guess luna join twilight
Interesting, you caught my attention now I favorite this.
Great story! Keep it up!
When does the next chapter come out?
Good story so far. Hope to see more soon.
Nice chapter! I enjoyed it very much.
7793389 Thank you,
I do hope luna and fluttershy join twilight side,
This is a very interesting story , and I hope to see more in the future.
PLEASE MORE MY MIND BEGS FOR IT
Chapter 4 is almost complete, I must warn you guys though that it will be a shocker.
Interesting. I'll track this for now.
more PLz
I require more
7856459 tho I except all good criticism given, I must inform you that this chapter has been written specifically this way for a key part of the story. And I actually like Flashlight and yes it is moving fast for a reason.
7856985 Oops. I really need to not do this on my phone. its been edited so its legible now. Sorry 'bout that.
1st Nothing against FLashLight. It's just not a fave of mine.
2nd. Just some nitpicks I had. Sorry if I seemed overcritical, but the iodiotball is one of my greatest peeves.
That said this story still has my like.
7857293 I appreciate the critique, It helps me to be a better writer.
Next Chapter now!
How stupid could those certain ponies get?
Celestia said she raised Cadence. I mean, forget wedding stress. Shouldn't she had noticed her nieces aura has changed?
Rainbow Dash made it seem like Twilight was a selfish insane pony. I mean, she can overreact, but Rainbow Dash isn't perfect, as much she would like to believe to! After Mare Do Well and partially wrecking the Cake's entry, she really shouldn't be flattering herself.
Even worse, considering how they reacted, Twilight's Nightmare of being sent to the dungeon and Flash being exuceted seems likely, especially since they don't know they fought back. If she mentions that to them..
7859600
That's a problem this story created with Twilight being able to sense a change in Cadance's magic aura. In the show, she couldn't. She just thought Cadance was rude and that's why she wanted to call off the wedding.
Now here, by giving Twilight this special skill, it makes everypony around her stupid for not noticing. I don't think it's a good change, much like with making Celestia stupidly lashing out when this Twilight actually has more evidence than canon!Twilight ever had. It makes things so blatantly one-sided, you know?
I feel less for Twilight and her group than in the episode now, mainly because the other side is made to look so stupid.
I forsee Rarity, Fluttershy and Flash being obvious ones to leave Equestria with Twilight. I am guessing Cadence will be as well as why would she stay with an aunt who obviously only pretends to know her niece and a stallion who chose a version of her that was a total bitch over his little sister. And likely Luna as someone is gonna need to bring that Book for Twilight to become an Alicorn.
I like the story so far, but I would suggest adding an Alternate Universe tag.
Wow, that is a wall of text up there.
But spelling and grammar issues aside, I think I'm okay with this idea.
This is going great. I can't wait to read what happens at the wedding.
7912907 the wait is almost over
Shit just got real
Okay. Um...I don't want to be see as harsh and mean, but I do want to be critical to this story. I like the idea. I really really do. But it needs some work and an editor. (I would ask for the job, but I have other stories I'm currently editing and I would never get around to it, sorry.)
Here's the deal: One, Cadance is spelled Cadance, not Cadence. Second, There's a giant space at the end of this latest chapter for no reason. Third, I do like how the Wedding is handled for its second part here, since this is basically the second wedding episode in this chapter, but...the Chrysalis backstory felt like filler. Like...you could have still done the same beats without it.
But...I think this is a good prologue over all. (It feels like this is the prologue to the main story) There's a few bumps here and there, but it still works. I also like that not all of Twilight's friends were against her. I like that Fluttershy was there for her, and that Rarity had to interestingly be left behind. Though...wouldn't have Twilight at least listened to Pinkie? It feels like she would've, I can't imagine her being as harsh to her compared to Rainbow and Applejack. I can understand her hating those two.
Overall, not bad. Also, you don't need that giant statement over your short description of the story. You'll just get more downvotes that way. If you need any help with your story though, I'll gladly try and help.
you need an editor man
SHE ASCENDED!!!!
AWESOME!!!
This chapter was painful to read due to the lack of editing and direction it took.
None of the three had any purpose or attachment in their lives beyond being friends with Twilight Sparkle so there was no reason to consult with them or their parents nor was there any reason for them to leave notes as Twilight did.
Intense chapter. Great job. I love what you have done here. It was long, but awesome chapter.
Keep going!
I am really sorry for the grammatical errors, I used my phone to do most of the work and didn't know that this would be the result. I can however assure you that chapters are being edited and any future ones will be thoroughly checked before being posted. Again I am really sorry for the inconvenience.
Nice Chapter Cant wait for more!!!
You probably meant fate.
Just need to clarify does this mean Twilight is an Alicorn now or going to be or not?
7944642 She has ascended
These two bits made me giggle so hard because I just kept picturing this ghetto where the alicorns run gangs and chrysalis is that preacher for the corner church who wants to "take back the neighborhood."
7944561 shhhh, you're ruining my perfect headcannon!
now the story truly starts
7945072 Excuse me Sir.
Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior....
i.ytimg.com/vi/nYC5fsJufZA/maxresdefault.jpg
7943263 One of the many problems Celestia makes is that she really doesn't learn from her mistakes and tries to hide it. And when force come shove, she reacts horribly to the change. In my opinion she really doesn't understands friendship at all and her views on it are...warped. maybe that's why the Elements don't work for her, the pain caused by Luna's banishment may have twisted Tia's views and concepts on friendship over the 1000 yrs.
7943085 The Crysalis backstory was there to be a catalyst. The moment when Twilight realizes that she's been deliberately kept in the dark by Celestia (or something similar, that's the feel I got from it).
7946043 Eh...I would agree, but Twilight is already against Celestia in this story. But I guess you could see it that way. Good point.
How confusing it was, the bit of backstory about chrysalis is nice to know, i must say that, at multiple time, i felt they were talking over some tea, all the tension of the invasion just vanish in a few line. There is a huge lack of description, of emotion to.
Anyway, i like the direction everything is taking.