OverusedUserName
Joined 2nd Feb, 2016 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Mr Unidentified · 288k words · 79 4 · 1.2k views
- The Mountaineer Brony · 20k words · 42 0 · 1.6k views
- Chemtest · 13k words · 106 10 · 1.3k views
- Sassy_Changeling · 221k words · 342 95 · 7.1k views
- Hazmat Man · 14k words · 57 1 · 1.3k views
- The Warrior Of Darkness · 22k words · 268 31 · 4.3k views
- Death_wing · 25k words · 64 6 · 938 views
Stats
Page generated in 0.12 seconds
Total duration
1,078 users online
2,389,157 hits today, 2,829,583 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
First off, just wanted to say that I believe that this was a very strong start for a first chapter. Your characters have believable personalities, you stay in one point of view (somewhat difficult for some), and you gave very nice, but not overly detailed, descriptions of your characters. There were a few biology part mix up for the narration. For example,
Here you used arm instead of his foreleg. Besides that though this is shaping up to be quite a story. That's all I've got for you so until next time, take it easy.
7588410
Thank you! I personally wasn't completely sold on my chapter but I really didn't want to rewrite it again. This was the 2nd or 3rd rewrite, but I'm glad you enjoyed it so far!
Also just realized I forgot mention my editor. Whoops
Hello again, just wanted to take a second of your time to ask if this story will be continued or if it's in the works. I was going through my read it later bookmarks and found Parallel and was curious if it was going to be continued or not. Thanks for your time!
7920891
Hey there, yes I'm still active and yes the story is still in the works. It has just been more behind the scenes work after my first writing of the second chapter made me realize I had some holes that needed filling (not to mention it was awful to begin with). That plus real life being a bit in the way has delayed the second chapter a bit longer than I would have liked. But yes, the plan is to keep working on it!
IT LIVES! So glad this has been updated. I loved the premise of a changeling rescue squad.
I am curious about Jolt's background. Another question I'm wondering about is what time period of MLP this is happening during. And then there is the squad themselves. They did just lock Duena in a cell. What are they playing at? Now I'm becoming curious as to whether its ACTUALLY a rescue squad or a capture squad instead.
Questions everywhere and so few answers. Guess I'll just have to wait and see. Thank you for the update.
8774165
It's been a while, hasn't it? I was actually quite happy to finally get an editor again to be able to put out another chapter. Here's to hoping it won't take forever for another chapter, eh?
Gotta say, I did not like Mr. Hippogriff. Personally of course. As a character though, he was quite well written.
I'm hoping Star was let out as well and that we get to see more of him. He intrigues me.
________________________________
Correction(s):
was
Neat! I almost forgot this story existed. Glad I didn't.
Your writing is really starting to show some polish. I didn't find any grammar issues or homonym swaps. Bonus points.
Your story's plot is also starting to pick up as well, especially with this "council of truths". They come off as high functioning fanatics to me honestly. I forsee conflicts of interest in the future between them and Duena.
And then there is Duena herself. I empathize with her on going along with something just so she doesn't dissapoint. I myself have problems with refusing people who want me to do things, even when I haven't known them for long. It makes her a little more relatable to me. Nice little touch there with her character really.
There's also star who appears as some mysterious enigma wrapped in secrets. Doesn't even give his real name which sets of little red flags to me. I am really curious as to what his background is and how he came to acquire so many scars. So many questions and so few answers.
I am also curious as to where the illustrious rescue squad has gotten to. Mayhaps they're near the beheadings or on another mission. Only time and much frustrating writing will tell I assume.
That's all I have for now. Thank you for another enticing chapter to sate my boredom. It twas a lovely little slice of entertainment to enjoy. Good luck and good fortunes to you and your future chapters.
Alright! More Duena! I was in the middle of work when this went live so apologies for the delay.
Anywho, glad to see more lore being passed around. Bandit seems like he's a good squad lead and he comes of with that air of not really wanting the position but just being to good at it to quit. That kind of gruff seargant, you know?
Although I will say that Jolt threw me for a loop. Wasn't expecting that level of anger straight out of the gate but it does really fit his rash personality quite well.
Hierarch has this pony of shadow vibe to her. Like she could remove you and no one would even notice. Kinda like a mob boss or sumthin.
On a side note, everyone seemed to want to post a chapter today.
Almost forgot! I found this little bugger in the chapter.
Pretty extra sure this was supposed to be Duena. Other than that it was an excellent chapter. I look forward to the next chapter!
Ah shucks, you're going to make me blush
It's nice to see that Darling was innocent but I have a feeling that hierarch found something else they didn't like.
Dee is getting feisty with lightning. I like it! The two have good chemistry.
The grand library (/community center) sounds amazing. It's like a YMCA but with a library and a garden. And having seperate areas designated for mass teleportation is well thought out on the architect's part.
I already like Penelope judging from her twilight like enthusiasm. I'm curious to see how much she might badger Duena about her physiology. Seems like the type to me. Although you might want to add some descriptors of what she's looks like. We don't even know what type of pony she is. I would bet unicorn but who knows.
So Dee finally has a new home in the bustling city of Baltimare. I wonder if they have a Baltimare precinct or if its just the Guards?
That's all I have for ya this time around. As always, I look foward to reading more on Duena and her adventures.
P.S. found this misspelling, thought you should know. Chapter looked great otherwise.
Bag