When Princess Cadence went to the remote mountainside village of Mountain Meadow to check the veracity of the local matchmaker, she didn't expect to find the one pony who would have an edge over her competition.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 14th Jan, 2015
- offline last seen Jan 24th, 2023
GreyPon3
I really like MLP stories. My favourite are shipping stories featuring Octavia and Vinyl and Twilight and Trixie. Luna is my favourite Princess.
GreyPon3
Joined 14th Jan, 2015 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- D4ftP0ny · 20k words · 34 3 · 1.1k views
- AniMun · 2.5k words · 69 1 · 2k views
- Teal · 20k words · 41 1 · 1.2k views
- Ugly-Duckling123 · 2.7k words · 44 9 · 2.5k views
- Thait · 2.5k words · 58 2 · 1.6k views
- Heartland · 1.1k words · 195 7 · 4.3k views
- dungeonguy88 · 15k words · 193 2 · 4.3k views
Featured In14
Slice of Life8,171 stories ·1,464 members
Queen Chrysalis's Changeling Swarm2,759 stories ·3,962 members
Completed Story Compendium21,078 stories ·1,703 members
Everypony is the Best Pony6,505 stories ·1,051 members
Cadence's Library10,529 stories ·1,378 members
Fluttershy's Library3,904 stories ·813 members
Under-appreciated Story Hub364 stories ·44 members
Stories on Goodreads28,599 stories ·492 members
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.116 seconds
Total duration
909 users online
190,928 hits today, 2,591,549 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
so good much feels 10out of10 wood read again
7536747 Thank you.
It was a nice, sweet little story, however the dialog felt a little stilted, you might want to work on that.
Memory loss is always one of those plot points that you can never be sure what you think of. If pulled off right it's a great plot, if not... eh. Your story is quite good and I have mixed feelings for Chrysalis's memory problems. Would you rather let them live a normal life never telling them what they've done? Or would you tell her her past, and risk breaking her utopia?
Choices, choices...
I would love it if this was a last ditch ploy by the Changelings to save their Queen and allow their hive to survive...erase the Queens memory and have a few lings hide here and there to keep her safe and viola...Changeling witness protection program...like the FBI version...except with competent folks running...well compared to the ponies...I often wonder if it's just the writers or if there something going on upstairs that we need to worry about in ponies heads...
Enjoyed the premise and the story, but somehow I feel Cadance's feelings here were left a bit... unexplored. I get the vibe that it could work to be fairly interesting if Chrissy here were left wondering and looked about in newspapers, then came for Cadance for explanations... Cadance's doubt in not being sure if she wants to tell her the truth or not... Chrissy's growing confusion about this all and why ponies look at her weirdly...
I'm tickled by the idea, at the very least. ;)
Cadance sipped her tea happily, glad to have found a new friend in an old enemy, when suddenly, her body goes stiff. "W-what?"
"Hmhmhm, did you really think I wouldn't remember you, Princess," Chrissy, no Chrysalis said with a wicked smirk. "You know, I truly appreciate you visiting like this. Had you not, I would still be that pathetic, spineless matchmaker." She spits the word like it's filth.
"N-no, stop."
"Don't bother, pony, you've already sealed your fate. Really, who accepts tea from their mortal enemy and doesn't suspect it to be poisoned?" The changeling queen shakes her head piteously, before grinning again, making her way back to the kitchen. "Oh well, who am I to complain. your stupidity works well in my favor."
She returns with a large knife in hoof, frowning at it. "To think I'd be reduced to such a barbaric method without the use of my horn. I have you to thank for that, but don't worry, your debt shall be paid now. I won't make the same mistake twice by letting you live." Suddenly, she's engulfed in green flames, and her black visage is replaced with pink. "Luckily shape shifting doesn't require a horn. I'm so glad, I've been hoping to have another taste of that sweet, foolish husband of yours, and this time, I won't leave a drop."
The princess of love watched helplessly, paralyzed as she herself loomed over her prone form with an obscenely large knife. Tears welled up in the corner of her eyes as the blade flashed down like lightning. Her last thought, Forgive me, my beloved...
This is a nice little story, but I would personally be a little suspicious after meeting the mayor. [I had to go back to make sure the Mayor was a he, it's only mentioned once] He seems to be speaking in rather short sentences with a minor habit of repeating himself.
7544501 That's just the mayor's personality quirk. His voice reminds me of the Puppet Master in Inspiration Manifestation. I thought it was clear the mayor is a stallion. There were five hes I counted.
7543687 That was a nice wicked twist!
7540392 I agree about Cadence's feelings. Looking back, I'd like to have expanded on her thoughts. This was meant to be a one shot and the inspiration hit me fast. It was literally less than a week from start to publishing so it was kept short. I'm seriously thinking about making a three chapter story done in second pony from Chrissy's (Chrysalis') point of view then Cadence's and the last chapter in third pony.
7539306 Chrissy did get a vibe from Cadence about her trouble with a bad pony that she reminded her of. When she asked 'She was that bad pony, wasn't she?', she had the idea it might have been her. But, she has no memory of her past and since she's happy where she is and doing what she does, Cadence left her be.
7546236 Might be worth exploring indeed. Cadance trying to get Chryssi with her as she wants to explore this further and/or Chryssi being curious what's this all about, a princess must visit her for a reason...
'There is no way I can let Shining know that Chrysalis is back. Even though she kind of isn't... I think. He'd lose his marbles - buck, I almost did! Think, Cadance, think... there has to be some way I can have her with me without- ' She paused and almost facehooved herself: 'I can't believe I'm about to ask this, but I need some way to get her back to Crystal Empire without arousing suspicion...'
"...can you shape-shift?"
"...sorry, what?"
"...s-shape shift? You know, look like other ponies?"
"Isn't that impossible?"
Cadance could only stare for a moment, then sighed: "...yes, yes it is." 'Back to the drawing board...'
7547331 I like it! Would you mind if I actually use that (or something close to it)? I wonder if the last chapter could go from each of them in the second pony? It would switch about every other paragraph, or so. Chrissy's thoughts in green and Cadence's in pink with their dialogue in black.
7548082 Feel free to use my silly ideas, of course :)
I would probably say sticking to third person just describing their thoughts as normal would be more concise - sticking to same perspective for the whole story usually works best. A la so:
---
'...back to the drawing board, then', Cadance mused. There had to be some way for her to get Chrysalis- that is, Chryssi back to her senses. A thought at the back of her mind kept nagging at her to just leave things be, but a stronger thought at the forefront of her mind pushed that thought back to the broom closet usually reserved for what Shiny did when he thought Cadance wasn't in the palace. It wouldn't be right. If she left Chryssi here, knowing she'd lost her memory and Cadance could help restore it...
"Never mind. I would... uhm, like to extend you an invitation to the Crystal Empire, though." 'Sure, this will work out. Somehow. Just keep your cool, you're a princess after all.'
Meanwhile, in Chryssi's head an entirely different, yet worrying inner conversation was taking place: 'Am I trouble? Was there something wrong with my tea? She's been so quiet, and that last question, I don't understand...' she frowned briefly almost in mirror with Cadance.
They both blinked, then simultaneously forced polite grins as though no earthshaking inner turmoil whatsoever was going on.
"...wait, what? To the Crystal Empire?" Chryssi asked, bewildered: "What would you need me for?"
'Don't be an idiot. A freaking princess just asked you to come with her! Agree already, you dolt!', she berated herself immediately after.
"Of c-course, Your Highness."
"Please, call me Cadance."
They both flashed a brief look of uncertainty, then it was all smiles again.
'What's the worst that could happen?'
---
...not that I am enjoying this premise at all. *COUGH!*
7785157 It was meant to be a one shot but I am a fan of epilogues.
That was..unexpected and cute.
7871375 I wanted to soften up Chrysalis and give her a happy ending.
7876505 haha, soften up. Yea, blunt force trauma to the head would do that
Aww, this is such a lovely story!
Although the core idea is not particularly original, The Love Bug take on it is very entertaining! And a bit bittersweet too.
Also, I feel this has a great potential for a sequel, I mean, what happens to the Changelings now? Will they die without her Queen? Could be a great story, probably, to see Chrissy team up with ponies to try and save their purposeless existence, or something.
7937837 Thank you. I wrote this as a one shot and have tinkered with ideas to make a sequel for it. I hadn't considered the other changelings and what happened to them. Would they be starving and disconnected from each other? Would one of them find her and realise she is disconnected from the swarm? Would her current personality cause them to change? Hmmm... Some food for thought.
D'awwwww
A nice and simple feel good one shot.
8401214
Thank you. I felt that this would be a good way to give Chrysalis a redemption and happy ending.
A nice gentle feel good one shot. Thanks for it, it was a pleasant read.
I just can't help wondering though, if Chrissi happens to have a fluffy, pink, taco eating, pony friend, who tends to make rude noises with her tongue and dance on rainbows?
Aw, I love this.
9158082
I've been toying with the idea of a sequel for Chrissie that involves a pink fluffy pony.
9427067
Thanks. I had fun writing it. I wanted her to have a happy ending.
You can has review!