Feeling unloved Scootaloo runs into the Everfree Forest to be alone.
While she's in there she meets a certain Queen.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 24th Jan, 2014
- offline last seen 2 hours ago
Ugly-Duckling123
I'm a girl living in Ashley, New Milton. Loved mlp ever since it started showing and got to learn about these fanfic in October 2013. (Also I have dyslexia, so if I make mistakes sorry)
Ugly-Duckling123
Joined 24th Jan, 2014 ·
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Cool story but I felt that Scootaloo gave in too easily. Also I was expecting Chrysalis to be genuine. The betrayal kinda sucked.
I based this on Jack and Pitch from Rise of the Guardians *hence the speech at the beginning*
Scootaloo has been feeling these feelings for a long time, and only needed a few words from Chrysalis to get her to come over.
Its kinda to short and like nightshadow600 said its felt rushed.
Ending felt little strange, they didn't have power to change but to transformation of scoots yea? Way to little world/character building for that idea.
And btw you have reply option top right corner of comment if you don't use it user woń't have any notification
4672969 I was saying it for everypony
4673044
Those things shouldn't be needed to say it should be in story
Perteks is right, way too little wor,d building to pull of an ending that is so stark. For instance scoots freaks out at the social despute having no apparant reason to. Not a bad story, there just needs to be more of it, also editing.
4676451 I can take it off if no one loves it
I'm... well I'm not new to it since I've been here since January, but I was never that good at writing.
I also have dyslexia which doesn't help...
Well Scoots if you don't say the problem, only psychics would know what was wrong. Besides you are talking to the thickest headed pony in Equestria, you would have needed to have tell Rainbow.
4676605 whoa slow down there, it's got more likes than dislikes, and its not a bad story. The final scene with scoots RD and the changelings is well done. My (and others) criticims are meant to help you get better, not a personal attack.
Keep writing. Writing is hard, you've got talent it just needs a little refinement, which is true of every author ever. (cept maybe David Foster Wallace, he probably wrote brilliant stuff in kindergarten)
I would love if this story was continued.
4672814 Well, you see, some assholes are only assholes cause they have no friends. If one is friends with said asshole, the asshole will still be an asshole to everyone else who tried to deal with them and became an asshole towards the other asshole. Get it?
4702484
I dont get it.
4703817 Chrysalis is probably just evil because she has no friends. Scootaloo is nice to Chrysalis, and vice versa. So Chrysalis is evil towards everypony else since they hate her and tried to run her out of town.
4706752
Eeeh... The betrayal just felt forced and out of place to me. I continue to believe that it would have made a better and longer story if Chrysalis sent Dash away and continued to mother Scootaloo. This story had a lot of potential it just didn't use.
4676605
Dont get me wrong I'm only trying to give you constructive criticism. You should definitely keep the story up and keep writing. Improve this if you want. I for one would like to see it improved.
I love ScootaDash stories and Queen Chrissy.
This story really does have some great ideas, but saying what it seems what a few others have, it's far too short. A LOT happens in this fic, and it all feels rather rushed. It's an alright thing as is, but with a rewrite and some solid proof reading and editing, you could have a far superior fic on your hands, with a really great story.
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
4900454 I've just looked... But I think I'll keep it here
Thank you for suggesting it's good enough to go over though
4903467 Wow...
This is a heck of a story here. I like stories that don't drone on and on and on for ages about a single subject. This is pretty good stuff here. Thank you for suggesting this one to me.
I dread to think what the Changelings would do to Rainbow Dash though...
4903467 Though this story has some holes here and there its a generally nice concept. You can do better. Keep going
6850807 Hey thanks...
In fact I do have something in the 'holding bay' of this site which is the story of Scoots before this...
But I've not gotten very far...
6852035 Good luck then
Hope you find one
id love to see a seqel
Wow.
At the end, I'm not even certain how to feel about the whole situation. Nobody here is necessarily in the wrong. Well, it's possible that Chrysalis is just being manipulative, but even still she has a point. Rainbow also has a point, as does Scootaloo. There isn't really a bad guy here, just a series of events that I still don't know whether to describe as "unfortunate" or "fortunate".
This definitely feels like something that needs following up.
sequel where scoots pretends to be rainbow dash for a bit then goes to see dash and mocks her about how "no one seems to be loyal these days "
Princess Scootaloo's theme (if she's f
in pissed): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qsox629IbOk
Other picks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjOZEJOgY4s
Will there be a sequel to this?
10296142
No. No there wont. Sorry
that was...interesting