I really like MLP stories. My favourite are shipping stories featuring Octavia and Vinyl and Twilight and Trixie. Luna is my favourite Princess.
Trixie's life is just fine. Wonderful, in fact. Everything is just going her way. Then why does she feel so miserable? She hasn't done a show in weeks or even been around anypony and why is she feeling the need to see her nemesis, Twilight Sparkle?
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The changing perspectives...that was something very interesting and something I've seen in very few stories. It gives it a unique depth that most stories don't have. Well-written first person, as well. I can't do first person at all. Thumbs up from me. Poor Trixie!
I've only read the first version, but will read the others later on when I have more time. So far, I liked how Trixie tried to start off with her usual manner of speaking, but gave up and spoke like every other pony. It's been something I have been hoping to see from her in some time.
6778108 Thank you. This was something i always wanted to try. This story, to me, seemed to work best in first person. It shows Trixie's thoughts and feelings. I've never written this way before but I like it, here. The last version I'm not too fond of. I don't think I'll do anymore writing like that.
I feel for Trixie and hope her luck is changing, too.
6778419 She wanted Twilight to know that she's serious with what she's telling her. She's showing Twilight her vulnerable and true self.
Confuse everyone, write a second-person future tense version of the story.
So the first sentence;
becomes
So the reader isn't just reading about Trixie, they *will be* Trixie.
Kidding, I like it, my fave is still the first part, your 'normal' style. If it works for you, then good.
6781972 Thank you. This has been an exploration on style types. I'm thinking, seriously, about keeping the first two styles and dropping the third in future chapters. That approach was not a good fit with me. After I wrote it in my usual style, the idea of first person just seemed a natural and I agree, it gives Trixie much more colour.
I have a rather rigid spell checker and only proper nouns usually get red flagged. Certain words are spelt differently in English, depending on geography. Thought I caught most of the grammatical issues. My mum's mum was a secondary school grammar teaching martinet. But, it's been forty plus years since she laid a rule across my knuckles. Might have backslid a bit. (face hoof)
You're right about caution in trying different styles. I've already dropped a hoof into one of those little traps. I'm certain I can write my way out.
6782591
It would definitely confuse me! I have seen the personal perspective view written and it's a matter of individual taste. There were a few detective film noir that showed everything from the protagonists PoV. They were interesting.
My 'story telling' style will always come first but the first person, with this story, will probably stay.
Ow. I wonder how many other ponies are dealing with trauma like this? How many didn't survive it?
Interesting. I like the first person, but I am interested in what Twilight thinks of all this.
6829978 That is a very good question. To have something that so defined your life be so forcibly taken away would have to be very traumatic. It would seem that any old or ill ponies might not have survived. It seems to have helped Trixie change her mind about Twilight and her own future. I would hope there was time set aside to have therapists talk with anypony that needed help. Trixie is 'letting her hair down' with Twilight. She's begun to change her attitude and has told Twilight things she's never told anypony. Hopefully, this gives them both a chance to grow.
6829999 Well, it's Trixie's story. I plan to keep using the two formats but first person will be from Trixie. We'll see a bit of Twilight's thoughts from how she is reacting with Trixie.
At the beginning of the parts maybe you should put something like "First person" and "Third person" so people don't do what I did and think it's accidentally copy pasted twice XD
Not including Trixie, there are two occupants of that palace.
Trixie's backstory was so sad. I wonder if/when one of her friends will see Trixie in Twilight's castle.
6921367 You're right, I forgot to do that. Thanks.
6921987 Well... Spike isn't there right now. He was away for the evening. Remember, Trixie was expecting him to open the door that first night. Twilight also mentioned that he usually makes their meals. He'll be back shortly.
Forgive me, but why am I having a feeling of déjà vu when I read this chapter?
Twilight's going to Canterlot and leave Trixie alone in the palace without telling anypony? The fireworks are sure to fly once Spike gets back!
7097679 'déjà vu' Not to sure why. 'déjà vu' Not to sure why.
Twilight tends to forgive and forget. She probably thinks that will be the way with everypony else. That may not always be the case, though.
It's a nice change for Trixie's 1st person POV. I wonder how you came up with Moonglow Glitter?
7146799 I have a future (like a while from now) series of stories that revolve around Twilight Sparkle (Element of Magic), Sunset Shimmer (Element of Redemption), Starlight Glimmer (Element of Acceptance) , Moonglow Glitter (Trixie) (Element of Trust), Starglow Dazzle (OC) (Element of Faith), and Sunshine Glisten (OC) (Element of Hope) going on adventures/missions through a new portal opened by the tree of harmony. All unicorns. They are the Elements of Peace known as the Shining Six. Notice the similarities in their first and their last names. This is part of why they were called together. Trixie Lulamoon's name didn't fit in with the others. I did keep the moon part.
7147946 Interesting. Might have to read it when it comes out.
I would have thought that Sunset Shimmer would carry the Element of Forgiveness, but that works as well.
And when season 3 came to an end, I had a fanfic in my head back then about a male alicorn who was born cursed, and finds out that he holds the key to the lost seventh element that can unlock the Elements greatest powers to take on a dark threat from long, long ago. It was called the Element of Hope.
Um, how is this an AU fic?
7632560 Twilight and Trixie have never been involved in this way on the show. AU usually means something that isn't on the show or not canon.
7638770 Well there's plenty of samesex fics that don't have AU labels on 'em. Are you sure the only reason you've labeled this as an Alternate Universe fic is that Twilight and Trixie have never been involved that way on the show? I'm not gonna read it and find out it takes place in some universe you've made up where Equestria doesn't exist?
7639239 It's still the Equestria we all know and love. This story picks up from the end of season four and goes in a direction different than where the show went. Hence the AU tag. What would happen if......
GreyPon3
I read through the story, and here are my opinions of it.
1. I see why it was abandoned. The story, as it stands, isn't going anywhere. I'm not chomping at the bit to know what happens next, and the story as it is has certainly stalled.
2. Stick to third person perspective. The first person writing you attempted doesn't suit your style, and the structure of the story in first person is extremely awkward, while the third person versions of the same story flows well.
3. The premise doesn't make much sense. Ponies can be suspicious, like in Bridle Gossip, but are still at their core a species of generous, kindhearted creatures. I wouldn't think ponies would run Trixie out of town at all, but when I re-watched Magic Duel, I was surprised to find that part of the story is canon. Trixie says "After you showed me up with that Ursa Minor, I became a laughing stock! Everywhere I went I was laughed at and ostracized." Though, that was coming from Trixie, and even if she was telling the truth, I don't think she was appreciating the reasoning for it. Random townsponies wouldn't prejudge an entertainer coming to their town, and if she is getting run out of towns, it's because she is doing something to alienate the residents of those towns one by one, not because her reputation precedes her and everypony in the town is being mean to her without giving her a chance.
4. Trixie and Twilight Sparkle aren't a good match for shipfics in the best of times, and this is a case where going that direction most certainly doesn't work. In this story, Trixie is hated the world over, and Twilight Sparkle sees her as an object of pity. If this story continues, they should develop into friendly acquaintances, nothing more.
5. More to the point, the problem that Trixie THINKS is the problem doesn't actually get to the heart of the problem. The problem with Trixie isn't that her magic isn't good enough. Far from it, it's magic perfectly designed for entertainment, and adding utilitarian magic to it wouldn't improve her performances at all. The problem that Trixie is facing in this story is somewhat similar to the one Ralph faces in Wreck-It Ralph. She is having trouble separating the character she is playing from who she actually is. The way real entertainers work is that they have a stage presence, and usually a completely different personality in their day to day lives. A boastful, showy performer may be really humble and grounded off the stage. Trixie's problem is that her boastful, grandiose persona that she uses on the stage isn't a persona, and even when she's not performing she is haughty and rude.
If this story were to continue, it should be wrapped up in just a few more chapters. This isn't structured for a novel. If I were to finish the story, what I would do would be to have Twilight Sparkle and Trixie change course. Maybe Twilight should read a book about showmanship to understand the difference between on-stage and off-stage personas. Maybe they should both watch a stage performance of a magician or hypnotist, and see how different other showman ponies act on and off stage. Then, I would have Twilight Sparkle and Trixie work together to put on a very amazing show, while also working on basic friendliness offstage. I would climax the story with Trixie having another Ponyville performance where she ignores hecklers, wows everyone with her skills, and engages with fans afterwards instead of belittling them. Then with her reputation restored, she can go on tour, and depart Ponyville as a friend of Twilight Sparkle, with both of them looking forward to when Trixie's tour circuit takes her back to Ponyville.
9198057
I know this post is nearly 4 years old, but it's still really well thought out and I appreciate it, especially the third point.
Oh, you were last online 3 years ago. Yeah you're definitely not gonna see this.