Holy
Joined 16th Jun, 2012 ·
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Mixed emotions going on in this one.
Nnnnnnot sure what to make of it, really.
Well written, at least.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Not bad, but a little context on why exactly Sunset is doing this in the first place would be appreciated given that she seemed to turn her life around by the ending.
This is amazing. Spur of the moment things can be good
Good. I was left with a similar unease the protagonist was feeling. To the point I had to skim through the sex. Definitely evocative. I'd actually rather leave them on this note of hope than see a sequel, I think.
Oh perfect another perfect waifu fic I honestly can't wait to read this when I get home nice job Holy as usual
As much as I'd like to say he can save her, I keep expecting a relapse or a 'I was using you.'
7533683 Hopefully it is a realization scene.
I'd like to see a sequel, if you were willing.
Ah, I know exactly what this calls for...
Wow. Didn't expect an ending like that. Great Job.
I like the cover change, somehow it makes it more believable that they have a chance.
PLEASE SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?
In all seriousness, i want to see more of this, i like the whole redeeming the girl stories, mostly because throughout my life i have lived it.
Personally a second continuement to this would be absolutely fantastic! This chapter was really well off and I can't wait to see if you can make another chapter!
Showed up for the sex. Liked and favorited for the story.
7533271 I felt the same here, I skipped the sex because I felt uneasy about it and I'm not sure you could call it consensual. She was drunk, remember that. I was also fully expecting her to be gone in the morning... Although I guess the second chance kinda thing worked well. But then again, I'm not too sure Sunset really wants to be with you/me/the reader/Anon, sure she had a crush on him in high school and all but... I dunno, I just get that feeling off of her. Pretty decent story all in all.
Not a bad fic. Not really into the whole white knight thing, but still a good read.
To masturbate or not to masturbate. That... is the question.
a.disquscdn.com/uploads/mediaembed/images/3789/1484/original.jpg
7534589 If you have an issue, here's a tissue
clipartkid.com/images/291/pics-photos-tissues-clip-art-ULFSvX-clipart.jpg
I'll admit the sex, I sort of skimmed over but this has potential to become something great, like a rise from the ashes kinda story, you know? You have my vote for another chapter/expansion.
Well written, you definitely nailed evoking the emotions of the protagonist. If you decide to continue this, I'll definitely keep reading.
I never really understood the trope* where a dude goes into a strip club and is fine with it until he suddenly sees a girl he actually knows performing.
Like, yeah it's awkward, but if you thought stripping was so awful why are you in there in the first place?
All that said? This story was really well-written and evocative. I would definitely like to see more of this. (Maybe the whole second-person thing just isn't to my taste, in general, though; it's just weird when I can't actually identify with the protagonist.)
*I have no idea if TVTropes has an actual entry for this or not, but they should.
Your stories are always fascinating reading.
i hope a sequel is in this story's future it feels like it need one :3 :) love the story and like your work keep it up.
Where'd the old coverart go?
7535281
Mod removed it.
7535297 :/
Unexpected but not unwelcome.
If more of this story shows up for romance, I'll definitely not be upset. Quite the contrary, I'll be happy to read more of it! This was well written.
This was playing in my head while I was reading:
http://youtu.be/VYT_b82RXhU
It felt appropriate.
And yes, please continue this. I'd love to see where this goes.
Hm. Wonder what led to this? She's fit, brilliant, and well-educated. She should have been able to get enough money from college grants and scholarships that she could attend nearly any school without needing a job. She would qualify for just about anything. Other than not having much money to start with, she's got just about everything she needs to not need to turn to stripping for cash.
(Not that every stripper has a sob story--some just aren't that bothered by nudity or getting dozens of guys leering at them, or just like the money. Or have to pay for college, because goddamn it's expensive).
Or... wait. A lot of things in life require birth certificates, social security numbers, citizenship--Sunset doesn't have any of these things. That puts a lot of things out of her reach, and she certainly wouldn't qualify for much monetary aid for college. She gets desperate for money and is too prideful to mooch off her friends, so the only place to turn to is someplace shady enough to hire someone who doesn't have any legal history or identification. It's highly unlikely that she and the rest of the girls would all keep living in the same city through their lives, so her truest, strongest friendships, her first real friends and the people who turned her life around, get strained by distance. Depression sets in, and she turns to drinking to forget and sex to get emotional responses again.
She didn't go back through the mirror... the dangers of poverty aren't as bad there, there's an overall more caring populace, and the Princesses or her own family would probably help her to stand on her own four hooves. But it could be that, by the time she started really sinking, she felt too ashamed to go back and face Twilight and Celestia.
7536232
That's a really good question that I actually thought of the answer to as I was writing it. I know sometimes it's fun to think of what ifs outside the author's intentions, but I'd like to talk about it anyway.
What really happened wasn't that Sunset was extremely desperate for money, or she just didn't have the opportunity. Sure, she might have needed the money at first, but that isn't why she never ended up living her dreams or going back through the portal or living a happy life. When she first took that job, like she said, she loved it. All that free attention and adoration is probably something she never got growing up or even much as Celestia's student, at least not like that. Even being the most popular girl in school was only a position she got through fear and coercion. People may have thought she was hot, but really, how many of the students would have outright shown their sexual desires to a girl they feared? Even Flash was just a tool to her and never actually showed any feelings towards her afterwards. So what really happened is she felt that rush of adoration from the crowd and all those guys that she'd never really felt before.
That instant validation for her was her downfall. When it came to school or trying to build meaningful relationships, they just couldn't compete with her job of getting easy adoration from the crowd she worked, and seeing that she was so much better than every other girl probably only made it more satisfying for her, maybe not in the sense that she wanted to put them down like she used to, but just that underlying feeling of being superior. Eventually the rush died down a little so she had to start going further. Finding the hottest or richest guys in the club and proving to herself that she was of so high value that she could get anyone to sleep with her. Her endless sources of validation in the club would lead up to fucking some high-value guy just to get even more of that rush. At some point she probably realized the trap she'd fallen into, but couldn't ever bring herself to make a change. Things probably got worse as the years passed and she cemented her addiction even further. Eventually she probably turned to alcohol to forget all of her regrets and try to get on with her life, but it would only make it easier for people to take advantage of her in some bad ways. With every year gone she probably felt further away from her old desires to have a family and get that job she always wanted.
Then comes to the protagonist who she wanted to prove she could get. He was probably an even bigger prize since she used to have a crush on him, so she sought him out, and the fact that they used to know each other probably dug up a lot of her desires she was trying to bury and all of her regrets came to a head once she realized the old crush she thought about being romantic with was just another guy that might end up pumping and dumping her since she turned into a whore.
So in the end it wasn't money or anything, but just falling into the trap of relying on easy validation and never improving yourself beyond that. I probably should've put that somewhere in the story, but I honestly had no idea how to properly implement it. I might do so in another chapter if I ever come back to this.
sequel please.
7536358 if you rely did put this much forethought into why some one went down the path that they did, then it would be great to have another chapter.
Did FiMFic demand you change your covert art, or did you do that on your own?
the little bit of familiarity and romance is what made this
another chapter for more romance would be perfect
i happen to know a friend's friend of mine who dated a stripper a long time ago they're still together and happily married!
if i were to hear any of my HS peeps that i know is or still working in a bar as stripper id jump at the chance to get glimpse of that or maybe score later that night who knows!
but seriously if you guys want to go that far just make sure she's clean-ish i mean cmon nothing wrong with being cautious!
liked the story really really really really sensual gotmixed emotions on this as well but i liked how sunset got hold of happiness in her life!
woot!
7534175 oh same
7536859
7535297
Another amazing Sunset centered fic, Holy. I'm glad to have read it and would highly recommend it to anyone.
Keep up the good work.
Holy, can you please stop writing gold? It's taking up a fair amount of time and the next thing I read just doesn't compare.
7537749 That's incredibly stupid... it wasn't even risqué.
Here, have a movie poster!
filmquadposters.co.uk/posters/fury-quad-poster.jpg
Also, awesome story!
7539001 So showing skin is pornography for you? Wow you must have the most amazing sex life if a woman flashing you her bare arms gets you excited.
Want to look at NSFW? Go on a porn website and imagine this story with whatever picture you want to relate it to. Do we have a compromise? :)
7534589
cdn.meme.am/instances/67577261.jpg
... Well then. You try to have Sunset not be a stripper at the end... I'd actually try that if it was that situation. She had a crush, but fate flipped the bird. And I'd say to fate "Yeah, f*ck you too" as I try to stay close to her if it kills me. I'm not letting go of this opportunity. True happiness is the result, should this go through. My bloodline continues, and I get to live the rest of with the most beautiful girl that me'eyes have ever seen.
Overall, a fascinating fic. The sex did seem like stripper sex, but I hope that there's a part II with a talk over some scrambled, a moment of feels as she quits, and romantic sex and cuddles for lovely feels...
Also: After careful consideration, I consider "Cooling Down" chapter three.