Florists take good care of their plants, especially Rose. Eventually she comes to learn that while flowers grow and die, with enough care and attention they can learn to love, too.
sleep will have to wait a tinsy winsy bit longer, because this! This!
My absolute fave pony, i mean.. just look at her, her colorscheme and style. Best pony.
Now i'll get to reading.
Edit: What the actual fuck. a story told from the perspective of a Rose bush? and im crying.
This is certainly a first.
There are times when I think the roses are sentient. I have two new bushes trying to come in - perfectly placed, symmetrically, in front of the brace of chaste trees (Vitex agnus-castus). I couldn't have done this better if I'd planted them there myself.
So this story carries just a little extra resonance with me.
I never thought of a story from the standpoint of a flower, until now. Excellent read, sir, excellent read.
>>805055805055 >>805385805385 >>805389805389
I take it that my first bit of sad writing worked, then!
The thing is, I had this idea at such a random time and it wasn't originally going to be sad. But then, half a week later the idea was still there, so I wrote it. This is how it turned out!
Overall, I enjoyed this.
The first paragraph was well written; it is successful at conveying the tone of the story and setting up the mood that is carried on for the rest of the fic.
Although most of your writing flows nicely there were one or two clunky sentences; 'what the insects tell me is called a pony took care of me from my day one.' feels particularly awkward to me for some reason.
The idea itself is an interesting and original concept and I think that the stream of consciousness style of narration was particularly well suited to it. On the down side using first person narration for an inanimate object means that it does become a little confusing for the reader and difficult to workout what is actually happening in certain parts of the narrative, but this is balanced somewhat by the strong emotional connection between the rosebush and Roseluck (good job on that by the way, it really shines through as one of the strengths of the story).
The story is a bit heavy on telling rather than showing, but considering what I've already said about using an inanimate narrator I suspect that this would be rather hard to avoid.
Just as a brief editing note, you've got a word missing in the 9th paragraph: 'It hurts so badly. I don't even why'. I assume it was meant to be 'I don't even know why.'?
As a final note, I adore the last sentence of this story. Not only was it an excellent way to once again demonstrate the emotional connection between the plant and Roseluck, there was something about the sad sentiment of it that really struck a cord with me.
tl;dr = This was really good, keep on writing!
I can't thank you enough for pointing out some of the grammar errors. Some of those are incredibly difficult to spot. They're fixed, and I really agree on the telling bit. I may decide to rewrite this soon, and that will most certainly be the first thing on the list.
Oh my GOSH, I'm glad I read this. This story is awesomeamazingsuperfantazmal!
Only thing I saw that was kind of awkward was this sentence: Rose seems to be a bit sicker, and her stops by my, admittedly much larger, area where I’m growing in grow less frequent. The end of the sentence... I think it would be best if you didn't use grow so much. I got kinda confused when I read it, but that may just be my dumbness
Anyway, keep it up. I hope you get on EqD and everyone is crying and loving the crap out of this
Thanks very much for pointing that out. Heck, the structure confused me when I re-read it, and I know what I was trying to say!
Just amazing. I still think I'm a sap but this did for me what My Little Dashie did (dont kill me) loved the stroy telling to, diferent it always better.
>>838319838319 Here they come! also, congrats!
Found this on EQD- beautiful. It's so sad, but beautiful. Keep writing!
>"It’s hard enough for me to lose a flower before it has a chance to become a fruit; I can only imagine what it would be like for a pony."
Did you seriously... No. NO! Nobody deserves that! F*** You! F******** YOU!!!
That one part aside, this was an interesting viewpoint. The ending definitely made me sad. Overall an alright story.
Ah, inanimate object narration! One of my favorite - if rarely used - ways to tell a story. Simple, a bit stream-of-consciousness, and lots of emotion as a result. Usually, I see this type of storytelling with dolls (like The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane) or houses but this is the first time I've seen it done with a plant. Oh! No, wait, I have! The Family Tree actually does something similar with Applejack and a tree. It is heartbreaking as well, though I personally think you pulled it off better.
Stories from he POV of plants lend to the world of Pony nicely, since a flower would have more to relate to from an earth pony, who's naturally good with plants and whose special talent has to do with flowers in particular. Probably makes it easier to communicate and connect.
Aha, I was one of the few who caught this when it was first uploaded. Was that really only a week and a half ago? Yeesh.
Anyway, it's one of those stories that left me at a complete loss for anything worthwhile to say about it, so I just read and ran before. And I still have nothing relevant to say! So I guess I'll just toss out a generic congrats on the Equestria Daily post.
Wow, this was a really great story! You could feel the rose moving in her own time to return the love that came from Rose.
I leave to go sleep, then come back to 27 notifications. Well, I'm really glad that you guys like it!
I really loved the story, and I know what I was supposed to feel, but after reading the orginal "Giving Tree" this felt more like a nostalgic Deja Vu feeling than sad. Which is still something to be proud of as far as I'm concerned.
I loved this story, it was great! Good job!
this is definitely in my top 20, and considering the sheer number of fic's i've read that's a bloody honor.
But it's a one-shot...
MOAR FICS THEN!
That was beautiful. I didn't expect such a strong emotional connection between Roseluck and her plant to be expressed BY the the plant itself, but that made the story incredibly awesome. It was unique, at least to me it was, and I honestly didn't mind reading from the standpoint of something as limited as a rose.
The ending was truly meaningful and filled with da sad, you nailed that. I never truly realized just how much time was passing by until that 8th to last paragraph. The use of "spring in her step" was a good hint, since I about always equate it to aging. That honestly surprised me. My first thoughts were that something bad was going to happen to the rosebush, like it being cut down or burning.
I loved every word of this, and I can't wait to read more from you!
Aww... This story is great. It'll definitely goes in to my special collection.
By the way. If you ask me, this would be a way better cover picture for a story like this. :)
Funny story is that I actually have that image and didn't think about it. Huh.
Never thought I'd read a story from the perspective of a flower, and by golly that was amazing. So sad, so sweet, and so beautiful. And I'm glad that it ended on a note of hope.
All of my tears. :')
So Flutteringshy finally got me to read this, and here are my thoughts should you wish to see them.
While this was rather well written, and unique being from the perspective of a rose bush of all things, I just felt no emotional connection in the story. Yes, the story was sad, but it didn't make me sad. I couldn't bring myself to care for it, even though the implications were tragic. Personally, there wasn't any time to bond with a character, but this is what happens when you write in portions like this, time skipping all the while, or when you write from a rose bush's point of view. Sad stories don't do as well when they're written in parts like this, in my opinion. I need to be able to bond with a character in order to feel the full brunt of loss, which I personally wasn't able to get from this.
Also, I have a heart of stone, so there's that. However, congratulations on your EqD feature!
Before I know it the whole channel's going to have read this for that one reason...
But I am really glad for your feedback, because sometimes certain things people say can be more like drops in a bucket. I do promise, however, that I don't plan on writing stream-of-consciousness again until I can pull it off seamlessly. This one turned out well, but I would've liked it better (I would've liked it perfect, but we can all dream about some things).
Basically, thanks for the comment!
All the feels. Great little story, really enjoyed that.
You made me feel sad and emotional... for a flower.
Curious. I liked a lot of this very much, but one or two things just stop it short of excellence.
Awkwardly long sentences. Many of those in the first paragraph could be halved, thus making smaller (and less clumsy) forms. For instance, "I can sense something warm, gentle, and kind guiding me into my blanket of protection that will serve me well until I become ready to burst forth and take root in my earthly home" could be turned into "I can sense something warm, gentle, and kind guiding me into my blanket of protection. It will serve me well until I become ready to burst forth and take root in my earthly home." You see the improvement, I hope?
Very belaboured and vague in parts. I preferred the bits in which I could pick out clues as to what was going on between the flower and Roseluck, and I found myself skimming over sections in which the flower repeatedly affirms its love. This merely requires a little trimming, though, nothing drastic. Perhaps just cases of repetition should be cut.
Caught out a little by the jumpy timeline. You need to work on smoothing your transitions, or make the seasonal change happen earlier, or something like that. I didn't even realize there were seasonal changes until I found myself thinking you needed a
Death at the end. OK, I signed up for a sad fic and there's not a lot you can do about it now, but it veers a little towards the cliche and it felt a little manipulative. Plus, I don't think the grief really comes across well. Too much abstract telling about the price the plant pays, and whatnot, and there wasn't really a lot of space devoted to it.
Now, the cons out of the way, I think you deserve some pros too:
Original premise, which is executed quite convincingly. It's a good example of some pretty unorthodox xenofiction, especially when you show how the plant gets its information about its surroundings. Very well done.
The shifts from the plant enjoying Rose's company to worrying about her well-being and back. It's a great source of dramatic tension. This is one of the reasons I liked it when you dropped hints about what else is going on, as part of the fun was in reconstructing the events based on the clues you gave the plant (e.g. about being moved, about Rose's feelings, the strange stallion, etc.).
The air of melancholy you build up. The first-person voice really sells it because it allows the reader direct access to the character's thoughts. For instance, it was done well before Rose's death was made explicit, thanks to some judicious usage of Dramatic Irony. There's probably also the changeling-esque character of the already-vulnerable flower, which makes its reactions to Rose's moods a little more interesting.
It was the right length. There's not much you can expand upon with a sentient, even sapient flower, and it's best to make it short and sweet.
Overall, a neat effort. I'm adding this fic to my favourites. You've certainly earned it.
First of all, I always love comments like yours. It's much more fulfilling to have a comment that really does comment on the story, taking it and looking at it on a deeper level.
Secondly, I find it nigh impossible to address those cons in editing, more so because it's been more than two months since I wrote it than because it would be difficult. It goes to say that I've learned a fair bit more about writing since then, but have some other projects that are taking up most of my time. Needless to say, I still greatly appreciate you taking the time to give your two cents (although really, it's more like two dollars). I would also like to defend the death just a little—I didn't go into much detail because the plant, though self-aware, is still rather ignorant and took years to realize that she had actually died, something you mentioned a bit in one of the pros. I would definitely work on the more "meh" bits if I had the time and the same strong writerly connection to the work as I did when I wrote it and shortly after.
Finally, thank you. Even if I can't really make edits on the fic much at this point, I still appreciate knowing more about some of its downsides. Naturally, I also thank you for the fave and like and comment. I would also recommend some of my other work (except TSN) if you had the time, even considering that I have two exceptionally short one-shots that really deserved more.
I feel that I should leave this off with some sort of signature.
I hope you don't mind, but this fic is so sweet and touching I have done a little podcast reading of it.
Wow. Just... wow. There's having it read, and then there's this. I felt more emotion listening to the reading with all of the ambiance than I did when I originally wrote it. It also helps that it's been such a long time since I wrote it as well, but the point still stands. What you did is awesome. It's just plain awesome. I could hug you right now.
Aw. I'm glad you like it.
What a superb story. One of the best stories I have ever read and, I believe, one of the worthiest and most meaningful ones on this site. I just love the idea of such a perspective...a pure, sentient photosynthetic organism trying to rationalise life around it, returning the love and care it receives however it can, eventually dealing with heavy loss and later on accepting it's own inevitable fate... A unique and magnificent tale.
These are the kind of stories I am looking for... Thank you for this. I really like the way you write such light, short, cleverly emotional fics!
I have also found that listening to this atmospheric theme makes reading this story a lot more enjoyable:
I'm more than a little dumbstruck. Really, thanks for that feedback. I honestly think you're giving me more credit than is really earned. I just wrote something, I mean, it's not like some other stories that are incredibly well thought-out and worked on for extended periods of time. I think that I wrote the story one day and edited it another. Seriously, it means a lot that you think so highly of it, but I really don't feel like I deserve it.
Heh, I am sorry If I have put you in an awkward position, but I do mean it. Your story is original and wonderful. It is based on a very fresh idea and manages to be quite touching/meaningful despite its short length. Believe me, most strories on this site can't accomplish that much...
I did say though that these are the kind of stories I am looking for, so I suppose I could simply be praising it that much because it is my cup of tea... Nevertheless, it is a story I loved!
Keep up the good work!
wow, I'm surprised I haven't taken the time to read this until now. I loved the perspective, and it was, at the risk of cliche, really well done. I especially appreciate the tasteful and non-invasive use of the sad tag, and the length was perfect.
Though, somehow, that last sentence agitated my allergies. My eye got all itchy and started tearing up.
Probably triggered some sort of misfired neurological synaptic connection that links together my knowledge of plants (like rosebushes) and pollen with my body's typical immunity response, resulting in a phantom reaction.
Seems like the only reasonable explanation
Naturally. It's not that hard for some people to have a reaction to something just by knowing that it's there. Kind of like the placebo effect but more of a negative thing in some cases, like allergies.
I listened to Scribbler's reading and I was very impressed with this. Good job telling a story from an alien perspective. :D
...I also just realized that this story is over a year old. Has it been that long...?
Time flies, lemme tell ya. :B
I'm too scared to read this in that it may in face be too sad. And no one will tell me what happens.
I would really call it bittersweet as opposed to completely sad. Either way, it's up to you if you read it or not.
I really like this one!
Thanks for writing this Fanfiction!
I officially declare I've seen all the unrequited ships by now.