• Member Since 12th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Narrative Style


The midpoint of a pony's leg is a po-knee.

Comments ( 29 )

Oh god yes. :rainbowkiss:

I've been wanting a story like this forever, and I am so happy it turned out this good.
I might just be overjoyed from this idea finally getting a great story to notice anything bad, but I would consider that a good thing as well.

Keep up the great work :D

I think this was good, but it could've been much longer. There was a lot of build-up for only 4 or 5 short paragraphs or clop. This has a lot of potential. Are you sure you don't want to have more exciting things happen, such as Twilight using Dash in public but secretly, or having her friends discover the toy and Dash watching Twilight try to explain herself? Maybe Twilight shares her toy with other friends? There's so much potential with this idea.

7438748

There was a lot of build-up for only 4 or 5 short paragraphs or clop.

That depends on the purpose of the story. In this case, the ‘buildup’ was the focus.

Longer? Yes, it could be. I'm just really bad at getting myself to focus. This was essentially written in one sitting, because if I stop in the middle, I tend not to come back. Oh look, shiny! :pinkiegasp:

Please please please please please please please please PLEASE expand on this:raritydespair:! Be it another chapter or different story. You have no idea how rare this sort of premise is in clopfic:fluttercry:. People talk about the "clop" part being short but you are right about the build up being the focus and BOY IS IT HOT. Insta-fave is instant:pinkiehappy:. And dare I request something?

I know this comment is totally weird, but screw it. this is my kink.

I also wanna mention that the editing was impeccable:moustache:

7439490

I also wanna mention that the editing was impeccable

That's good, because I actually only skimmed it once after writing it down. Which is odd, because usually I go over it several times.

You can totally request something, but I give no particular promise of ever acting on it. I'm all for spreading ideas! (Unless they're really, really good ideas that I'm planning on writing myself. Then I hoard them. :derpytongue2:)

7439528 there were a few small hiccups in your writing, but was never hugely distracting! And boy do I know that feeling.

As for my request/begging: Could you do something similar with RD, but make her a dress made by rarity, given to an unsuspecting mane 6/princess, then by some occurence fucked in? And keep the inanimate aspect of it(ie waiting around and treated like nothing)? You dont have to follow this to the letter (I ain't no writer), but it would be cool if you did it at all.

(once again this is totally creepy, but shut up its my kink)

7439551

there were a few small hiccups in your writing, but was never hugely distracting!

Where? Please tell me!

Ooh, dress TF. I actually have one or two of those on the back-burner, if I can call my graveyard of half-started stories a back-burner. A very long perhaps.

7439576 if youre feeling up to it. I could go for anything:derpytongue2:

You worried me a bit there. Thought it was gonna be a bad end, or at least leave Twilight hunting her down by Twilight's own magic signature.

7442971
Twilight would never let that happen. She was in control the whole time. Even wrote lost-and-found instructions on the back of the box. :twilightsmile:

What a nice Slice Of Life story. I'm sure that has happened to everyone once or twice. :trollestia:

Seriously, this story was great. There's a lot of stories like this with a bad end or at least a lot of complications... It's nice to see a story where the whole play is organized by a rational and intelligent being, with failsafes and the like.

Ah! Badly Drawn Turtle, you got my hopes up! An amazing story, but one of these times you need to write a real stuck/bad end fic. :trollestia:

7456684
Most of the stories on this site are ‘bad end’. Those of us who like things to turn out okay need a little love, too.

I would totally love to see this continued to fine out what happens next and if some of the others try things like this too.

7456691
Not that I'm discouraging you to continue writing your way or anything, but I've seen far more stories end on a positive note than negative (mostly because "bad end stories" have a bad stigma here).

7510365
In the genre of inanimate transformations?

7510729
Ah okay, now I see where you're getting at.

7511242
I guess I could have been a little more specific in my original comment. :twilightsheepish:

Hehe talk about immersion role plAy. Twilgh sure knew how to lead rainbow on like that. Love it

That scared me there for a second I thought it was going to be one of those bad end ones I hate.

Damn. That was... That was good.

On the subject of this story, awesome. The focus on her mindset through the whole thing... I loved it. Twi seemed like she took it a biiiiiiit further than a first time probably should have gone, but hey, fuck it, this is clop. Seriously "I want to be your fucktoy" --> That whole thing. --> "Who said we were done?" Twi does not do things halfway. Beautiful.

I want more of it, but the actual clop part doesn't interest me as much, so while I would absolutely love a scene with animate toy!Dash I don't know where you would go except straight back in. Although if I gave it some thought, I could probably think of something for Twi to do with Dash.

I am quite sad to see that you haven't written much else. [Mid writing this, I went and read Raincloud Dash, I liked it too. :pinkiehappy: Part of me wants to see an extension of that where Dash gains some kind of superpower or something. But Pegasi can already mess with weather and clouds, so...Anyway] You have given me ideas and added a bit more kindling to the "I should really write one of those many stories I kinda want to write" fire burning in my brain.

7797520
I'm glad you enjoyed it! I enjoyed writing it, and hope to eventually learn how to write more regularly.

For Twilight not doing things halfway; I think that's an accurate description of her character in general. She might be hesitant to try something, but once she commits, she's all-in. Sometimes too far in. :twilightoops:

I want more of it,

So do I! If only my brain would listen to itself. Trying to get myself to write brings up this odd sense that there are two people in my head: The one who knows how to think and plan, and the one who handles the controls. They argue a lot.

You wouldn't believe how many half-started stories I have lying about. I write plenty, I just have trouble finishing any one thing (hence all of my lonely incomplete stories with single chapters). I've actually had sequel ideas for Raincloud Dash for a while, but again, I can't seem to focus long enough to get them down. (And yes, the ideas may have at some point morphed into an elemental superpower sort of thing. My sense of completion also required I come up with ways for the rest of the Mane Six to be transformed, to make it a full alternate timeline. I have solid ideas for Pinkie and Rarity, but Applejack is still vexing me.) One thing I am absolutely sure of, is that Rainbow Dash is terrible at remembering to take her form-of-a-pony-pills. It drives Twilight up the wall.

7797619

Ha, if you are anything like me, (and this story, along with your response, strongly implies this) I doubt I would be surprised at the number of outlined, partially written, and/or list-of-ideas-for-a-story you have sitting around. :pinkiecrazy: I love coming up with ideas, and the fluttery feeling I get when people respond to something I have written and published certainly feels good, but I rather dislike the act of writing itself. Not to mention it is difficult.

So ideas for days, and only a single published story to show for it.

I am imagining a semi-corporeal rainbow colored cloud drifting slowly through Twi's window multiple times a week, and once a month Twi has to go on a cross-country hunt for RD when she gets carried off by a gust of wind.

Also Twi and Rainbow are the best. Twi's magical capabilities let you get away with all kinds of ridiculous things. It's pretty much the basis of the only story I have published on Fimfic. XD But I laughed pretty hard when I saw the name of the chapter was "When your marefriend is a Magician". I have thought about writing a story that revolves around that central premise of Twi doing random things to RD using her magic OP-ness (See what I did there?) and exploring different fetishes. Yet another list-of-ideas-for-a-story sitting in my probably-never-gonna-happen pile.

As for the transformations... Rarity could easily be fabric, Pinkie could be food, Not sure how "food" translates into a power, but if Infamous can get away with "video" as an element, you can easily pull that one. XD

hmmm... AJ could be plants, transformation and possibly control of nearby plants. Fluttershy already talks to animals, and I could see her going full beast-form druid, able to transform into whatever she wants, maybe even take on some of the mental traits as well, so she's not a complete pushover all the time. Twi could just be "Magic"... because magic. Or feelings... or thoughts... That would be a weird thing to be made of...

Whatever. Twi is already awesome. She can just transform into whatever she wants. :rainbowdetermined2:

My mind ran away with the keyboard for a minute there.

7797749

I am imagining a semi-corporeal rainbow colored cloud drifting slowly through Twi's window multiple times a week, and once a month Twi has to go on a cross-country hunt for RD when she gets carried off by a gust of wind.

Basically, yes. :rainbowlaugh:

I thought about AJ being plants, but the problem with that is I'd already become attached to the idea of Fluttershy going plant-mode. (Because Fluttershy is a tree, of course. :derpytongue2:) What I have planned out is that Pinkie becomes a rock golem (seriously, Chrome Spellcheck? You don't know what a golem is?), Rarity ends up half-dragon, Fluttershy becomes a mobile plant with vines and flowers, and Twilight becomes a ghost of sorts (partially because the phrase ‘spirit of knowledge’ tickles my fancy).
So I have Earth (Pinkie), Sky (Dashie), Fire (Rarity), Life (Fluttershy), and Spirit (Twilight). That leaves Applejack to be Water, but there's no good way to do that… yet I don't want to change the others, so I'm stuck. And then there's the matter that Dash is sort of water already, which restricts what I can do with a water transformation that isn't repetitive… Basically, I built the jigsaw puzzle one piece at a time, and now that I'm trying to fit the pieces together I find there's always a gap. I think that says something about the inadequacies of how I came up with the idea in the first place. :facehoof:

7798456

She could be DEAAAATH.
orig15.deviantart.net/6121/f/2011/315/5/7/applejack___fear_the_reaper_by_confoundtheseponies-d4ftxec.png
Tell me anyone seeing her coming for them wouldn't die of diabetes at the sight of her.

Or she could be a mechanical pirate!
img05.deviantart.net/803b/i/2012/302/b/a/captain_applejack_by_devinian-d5jceok.jpg
Mostly because I just saw this picture and pirates are always on water.

In all seriousness, the cider squeezy 6000 (or in a similar vein, the Apple family cider making rituals) could easily convert her into a liquid. Obviously the first thing she would be is the element of alcohol, but you could argue that she is mostly water and isn't alcoholic.

Although I am sure many of her friends would not be opposed to the idea of being best friends with the element of whiskey.

7798808
Or maybe even ALL THREE AT ONCE!
I mean that as a joke, but then part of my brain takes it as a challenge and starts trying to figure out the logistics. Curse you, brain!

7797749

using her magic OP-ness (See what I did there?)

I think I did, and I laughed my ass off smhw:rainbowlaugh:

Will you ever be making the next part of the story where she small and rubber?

All anticipation.

Login or register to comment