Princess Twilight is trying to focus on preparing for the Blue Moon Festival, but Screwball won't stop bothering her with her "Tex Avery-an" Looney Tunes-Style antics, and Screwbs is also bringing random gags & references galore to others all over Ponyville, even a little dimension hopping here & there, with so many crazy distractions Twilight wonders what else could possibly happen today, can you say Surprise Monster Attack.
For the Prologue to this story, go here.
Cross-Posted on:
*Fan-Fiction.net
Chapters (7)
Huh? Am I the first one? That's new. Anyway, congratulations! This is your first fic on this site? We have a lot in common. I just tried to publish a story last night, and it's a lot harder than I thought it would be (how long did it take for you to get approval? Seriously, it says it's still waiting, and I'm worried).
On the whole this was a very good start to your story. I see you went the Deadpool route of just having the character introduce herself, completely ignoring the first wall and all that. Still, there does needs to be a little bit of cleaning up.
For instance, this:
That whole sentence was rather confusing and a little sloppy, but not altogether incoherent. Like, is the ipad being cut in half, or the person? Also, word of advice: never use numerical digits. It really breaks the flow and makes it hard to follow.
But these are just nitpicks. It's a nice, easy writing style that really lets me feel the story happening, and I like it. Just be careful not to let it get too sloppy.
Right, I'mma just gonna move on to the next chapter and see where this story goes. (Farewell in the inpronounceable language of the invaders) my friend, (Same farewell, but in a slightly more final tone of voice).
Right. I'll stop.
7429507 well when I said "the weapon" I meant the Gun-like Weapon, in other words Screwball just disabled the weapon the soldier was going to use to harm someone else, and then that very someone else was free to be able to detain the soldier.
But thanks for the creative criticism, I appreciate the help.
I Question the Need to Capitalize every Noun, but beyond that This Story is Amusing.
7471291 I feel that Capitalizing them makes them more noticeable without having to put them in Bold, Italic, or Underline Text.
And I'm glad you like the story.
Dude I Love this, it's so Flippin' Hilarious, it feels so much like watching an actual episode of the TV Series, Screwball's wacky yet witty personality in this story is so befitting to her, and I totally get most of the references you threw in, THIS is how Screwball Should be depict in the Official Franchise no questions asked!
7484600 Why Thank You, I'm glad you like it.
Oh, you change the story a bit close to the beginning huh?
7776661 Yeah, I thought that scene could use a tad improving, and I feel that That bit made better use of Screwball's Advanced 4th Wall Breaking Skills.
heh. i recently read one on this site called "a screwed up life" where Screwball was DT's sister...but she also wound up with a human soul from Earth...NOT the EQ world, a different Earth. ironically, that world is the ONLY place she can't actually visit...
oh, that song always makes me think of a story in a book called "bloopers, bloopers, bloopers", where a woman was asking everyone their names, and singing that song...then one guy said his name was "Rich". guess what happened...
yep, she accidentally said "bitch"
then later someone said his name was "Chuck".
no, she didn't even try to sing that, she just said "NO WAY!"
7865049 Ha, I read that same Fic too, though I did lose a lot of interest in that story after Autum Breeze edited it so that Filthy Rich's Human Counterpart was the Bad Guy instead of the Human Spoiled Rich, anyways, when you get to the chapter entitled "Don't Worry, I Didn't Lose my Head", I actually suggested the Idea for That chapter.
oh, that was hilarious! she hit him with the cake she asked Pinkie to make, and the ton of bricks!
8134176 I know right, Screwball has so much potential in the official franchise, if only they could make her like THIS & become a reoccurring character.
Shouldn't Pinkies tail started twitching?
9213242
With Screwball around there's no tellin' How Pinkie's Pinkie Sense would react to her or How it would manifest, because you know, CHAOS.
9213537
Good point.
Dude... Screwball made a Rube Goldberg monster catcher!!! Without anyone else knowing she was doing it!!! Screwball is best strategist.
9214023
BTW I got the idea for That by watching the more recent Mickey Mouse short "Get a Horse".