"You may address me as Spark." the yellow-toned unicorn said, placing the robot she was holding onto the floor. Using her newly freed hoof, she started running it through her mane and twisting wherever she could find a large clump of hair.
"Colonel Heaveswood, chief of the Ponyville Police Department and Commandant of the Interpol Forces." Colonel Heaveswood introduced himself.
"Colonel Trajan Papyrus, chief of the Saddle Arabia Police Department, and Equestrian Marines Commandant of the Pegasi Corps." the pegasus next to him announced, looking Spark in the eye as he did. He couldn't believe that the Interpol was relying on somepony so young. His scar moved as he talked, stretching further across his snout, which made his already intimidating appearance even more menacing.
"Colonel Sycamore Gavin of the New Horse City P.D. We don’t have a police commandant currently, so I am coming as the representative, given I am the highest rank there." his voice had a touch of bragging in it as he flipped his knotted ponytail onto his right shoulder.
"Colonel Dynamo Pad, the cooles--"
"Colonel Sweet Pen. That's all you need to know." Sweet Pen said aggressively, feeling the same way Colonel Papyrus felt: she couldn't take this kid seriously. She took her about as seriously as she took Colonel Dynamo Pad. However, Lieutenant Colonel Blues stayed quiet in the back of the room, hoping that she would not have to be involved in conversation. She backed away to the furthest corner of the room.
Spark eyed the crowd and focused on the shy unicorn in the back of the room. She raised her eyebrows and stared exclusively at her for a minute, before raising a hoof slowly to Aryan. Her unchanging expression did nothing to help Aryan's nervous demeanor.
"Your name." Spark demanded.
Aryan pointed her front hoof at herself, to which Spark responded with a simple nod. Aryan walked up to the rest of the group, taking a place next to Colonel Heaveswood.
"Lieutenant Colonel Aryan Blues..." she said softly. She looked upwards with her at Spark, who was staring back. At that point to Aryan, it felt like the rest of reality had melted away, and not in a good way--Aryan felt lost in the depths of this mental confrontation. As she looked back at Spark she noticed that her entirety had become the color purple, and hers a lighter blue shade than usual.
In Spark’s mind, she felt the same, trying to connect the dots of Aryan’s personality. Something about the way she talked and carried herself piqued her interest. Spark's eyes shot to the far left to suddenly look at Colonel Dynamo, who noticeably stood more upright as they did.
"You know something about the case, don't you?" Spark asked suspiciously as her horn illuminated. A yellow energy wrapped around her motionless robot, entering its body through multiple crevices. It shot out a few sparks, then began to move on its own, treading closer to Spark. She paid no mind, as if this was normal.
"Whoa, what's tha--" Colonel Dynamo started before Spark held a hoof up, signaling him to stop. He closed his mouth and looked down in slight frustration and disappointment.
"Never mind that, answer my question." Spark commanded, tapping her back hoof against the floor in anticipation.
"Well… there was this one thing." his awed smile dropping into a somber look. He stared straight back at Spark, unnerving her with the way his personality fully contradicting the way that he had presented himself before. Dynamo, though, could see Aryan out of his peripheral vision, dragging her hoof across her neck subtly.
Spark caught this and shot her eyes back at Aryan, levitating a cup of coffee from across the room to her pursed lips, taking a short time in sipping it before speaking, not lowering the cup from her mouth. She took a second sip noisily, seemingly out of annoyance from the two’s antics.
"Now, talk, I don't care what you have to say, may it be ridiculous or not." As a result of the cup being close to her mouth, her voice hollowed out into a disturbing low-pitched sweetness. Colonel Pad almost laughed, but his bearing wouldn’t allow him. He took a short breath.
"I think I know how this is being done. In the last few days I've been seeing a giant black creature flying around Hoovington. And I've been seeing it ever since I touched this notebook called the Death Note. I know you probably don't believe me but it's all true, I swear. I don't know what it is, or what its intent--"
Sweet Pen shoved aside Colonel Gavin and gave a swift right hook to Colonel Dynamo's jaw, who fell backwards from the force. Colonel Dynamo hit the ground, hissing in pain from the second time he had been hurt badly by her.
“I'm sorry for our idiot officer." she said, not even bothering to look back to see if he was all right. Sweet Pen shook her head and looked back at Spark. Spark had an eyebrow raised, taking a moment to think.
“No, no, it's quite all right. I want to hear what he was attempting to say. After all, why would any of you make up a ridiculously complicated lie like that?” Spark's robot began to creak towards Dynamo, scaring him and causing him to stumble backwards into a table. While getting up off the floor, he continued explaining where he and Aryan had found the notebook.
“... have any of you seen it since?”
“Well… I actually saw the monster earlier today." Aryan stated meekly. The entirety of the room took their stunned eyes off Dynamo and locked their eyes on her. "It was when Major Nightmare Moonlit entered my office. He had the monster standing right beside him and was saying things like ‘We both know why I’m here.’”
Spark furrowed her eyebrows at this. “And who is this ‘Major Nightmare?’”
“He’s a state prosecutor for the Hoovington. There's not much else to say, besides the rumors going around that he’s secretly dating the number-one fashion designer of the Flash magazine.”
“I want his house bugged as soon as possible.” Spark immediately ordered. “I need his cell phone bugged as well, and a tracker on him." she looked back at the Commandant.
"That’s highly ill--"
"Do you want to catch this fiend, or not?" Spark’s voice grew louder, deathly serious tone. Her stare was cold as ice and unnerved even Colonel Heaveswood. Colonel Heaveswood closed his eyes and gave Aryan the order to bug the house right after the meeting.
"You will all report back here tomorrow: I expect the bugs to be placed by then. This is where we will meet for the whole of our investigation, unless Interpol allows us to use one of their rooms." Spark turned back away. She shooed her hoof away at the group, signifying she was done. She brought her coffee back to her mouth.
Colonel Heaveswood attempted to protest, but it was to no avail. Everyone filed out of the hotel room and walked in the many different directions of their respective towns. The only two ponies who went in the same general direction were Dynamo and Aryan. As they walked home on the woodland path, Dynamo felt a sharp pain in his head. He saw a blurred image of a pony zip in front of him and deliver a swift jab to his stomach, completely knocking him out.
Aryan tried to scream for help, but had her mouth covered. The hoof covering it smelled of very expensive cologne, making her sneeze. She struggled, but her captor’s superior strength overpowered her. From behind her, he poked his head out. His flowing gold mane glistened in the sun: Attorney General Lawrence Sawyer.
"Listen to me." he demanded, holding a piece of paper up to her face. He tapped her with it, and a large, black, skull-faced creature suddenly loomed in front of her. She began to shiver profusely and tried to struggle even harder.
"I have no problem killing you off. Don't think I can't figure out your name. I have my ways." he said in a commanding voice. "If you place so much as a single bug in My Lord's house, I will kill you, Dynamo Pad, all of your friends… I'll even kill your child. Don't fuck with us." his eyes narrowed. He shoved her onto the ground next to Dynamo and walked calmly back onto the path back to the train station.
Aryan tried to catch her breath. A single question zipped into her mind. Why was the Attorney General allied with the Major? She put aside the thought and raced to tend to her fallen comrade. Colonel Dynamo was completely knocked out, on his back, with his mouth slightly open. He twitched at times, making him look like a mosquito that had just been swatted.
Aryan held him tight to her chest. She gave him a light kiss on his cheek and held him as if she was Lasagna and sent up a flare to signal for backup. While they were waiting, Aryan suddenly felt a hair-prickling sensation creeping up her body from a back hoof. She looked down to see a claw holding a piece of paper that had been touching her. Terrified at the thought that the creature might be back, she looked up to see a twelve-foot-tall figure, similar to a humanoid. Aryan didn’t know what had made her think of that word--it had been years since she had been in school, but now it seemed like the proper word to describe the beast. It had six giant black wings, and was clothed in black, looking down on her.
Colonel Dynamo slowly regained consciousness, but was unable to move. As his vision cleared, he saw that Aryan was being held down by something he couldn't see.
Aryan's quiet yelp was soon covered by a single razor-like claw from the creature.
"I am Silpheed," it said peacefully, in a surprisingly beautiful voice. Her words, contrasting with her harmonious tone, said otherwise than a perfect world. "And one amongst you owns a Death Note."
7447001
Man I was sad when what happened to him happened in FMA
Huh... anime&mlp. Love it. Will read it later
Man, the Kira thing is the worst kept secret since the Arkham Knight's secret identity. It's highly possible that the whole of the police will be misled by the whole 'don't bug him or I'll kill you Stalin style' thing, but to have all the eyes on him within the first month is a bad show on Dark's part. If he didn't have the noble backup, he'd be as sure as caught.
Now, I don't rightly know who has that Death Note. Since she had to be told it, Aryan's out. Probably not Sweet Pen either. She's too hoofs on to be a user, not to mention slapping Dynamo down for his ridiculous story. Then again, both of those would also add up to some premium cover. There isn't enough info on the rest to pick through for signs, but Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass states that the one you least expect is the one that's the most dangerous. I'll put five bits and a stick of gum on Dynamo. He brought the monster thing to light, subtly cluing everyone else in on that aspect of the Note, plus his goof act makes him easy to overlook.
Small tip? You don't need to keep pinning their ranks before their names in the narration. Introducing themselves, certainly. That's protocol. But does the narrator really need to address them as Lieutenant and Colonel every single time? It gets cluttered really quick. Just Dynamo or Aryan would work just fine. Oh, and tone down a little on the descriptions with Dynamo's slapstick. It's a little too visceral. I look forward to the next update.
Speaking of visceral, I have a first hunter that needs to wake up. Bloody air slash...
7452055
I guess Dark Side isn't the most subtle, lawl(iet)
But anyways, is pacing going to fast? Can't help but feel it is
7453676
I think that would also be Dark's fault. Light carefully treaded around every machination, sowing seeds as he went. Dark bull rushes through them, setting off every alarm and leading the guards along in a conga line as he goes, and, if he's lucky, he'll plow through someone he doesn't like on the way. The plot only seems to be going fast because it's tied to his back ankle. You just need to find a way to work around it.
Maybe take some time to develop the other officers? I could only really pin down Dynamo, Aryan, and Sweet Pen. The others were just kind of... there, if you get me. Like Master Roshi and his talking animals in the entirety of Dragon Ball Z. Tell me, do you think anyone who jumped on at Z would remember their names by the time that chunk of the series ended? Nope. At least, I didn't. Don't let that happen to the valiant guys chasing down Kira as he bulldozes through another tripwire.
P.S. I just noticed something. Light was cunning, slow, and precise. Dark is the king of itchy trigger fingers. They are opposites in every way. Every. Way. Look at the names. How did I not notice!?