Death Note: Alight Equestria

by DeviousNights

"L B"

Ryuuk… is there something you'd like to tell me?" Major challenged. How the hell could Ela have survived?
"What? I didn't do anything." Ryuuk defended.
"Then, why is she not dead?"
"One thing you did was wrong." Ryuuk said, not bothering to tell Major what it was he had done wrong.
"Could I have gotten her face wrong...?” Major mused, pacing. “No...there's no way she's wearing a mask in either one of these photos. She looks the exact same on the TV version...” Ugh, this is infuriating! Major suddenly stopped in his tracks and his eyes widened.
"A stage name! That crafty pegasus, using a stage name instead of her real name. That's why she's not dead."
Rarity rolled over in her sleepy state, almost pushing Major off the couch. He shook his head in frustration.
"What do I do now?"
"There's always the ‘eye deal.’" Ryuuk said, finally making eye contact with Major.
"And what, exactly, is that?"
"Shinigami eyes are eyes which can see both the names, and lifespans, of ponies. However, this doesn't come without restriction. You still have to be able to see the ponies’ fate in order to see anything. Not only that, but this also halves your own life span." Ryuuk explained.
"Yeah, no. Not now, at least. I need to milk this opportunity for all that it's worth. Screw her, I'll kill her when the time comes. In the meantime I have to take Rarity home before she wakes up and sees you again.” Major slung Rarity over his shoulder.
“Oh, and Ryuuk, remind me to burn that body tomorrow."
Ryuuk nodded. Major promptly drove Rarity to her boutique in his carriage. Silently, he took the keys, predictably hidden in a nearby bush, unlocked the door, and sat her down on her red couch.
Three Days Later, at the Interpol Equestria Division
"Good morning, everypony. My name is Colonel Heaveswood; I’m with the Ponyville Police Department. I'm sure we all know why we are here." The Colonel said, stepping on to a pedestal in front of a table filled with police ponies, all heavily decorated with various badges or medals. The Colonel was a stout, dark green stallion with a mullet the same color, along with light yellow. He stood on a pedestal in front of a colossal television screen. The TV was surrounded by many smaller screens. Above them all were printed the words "Interpol HQ."
"Of course. I’m Lieutenant Colonel Aryan Blues with the Hoovington Police Department. There have been multiple deaths in the past few days. Serial killers to bank robbers have been randomly dying in various ways. It's hard to think this is all just a weird coincidence." The mare speaking, Colonel Blues, was a lot younger than the rest of the ponies. She was a short mare with a burgundy coat and a deep yellow mane.
"Colonel Trajan Papyrus; Saddle Arabia Police. Sure, there's another explanation. It could, in fact, just possibly could be a coincidence. I've seen weirder things in my day." A gray stallion offered otherwise. He seemed to be the oldest of the group, with a large scar running across his snout to prove it. His black mane was tied into a knot at the back, but either for convenience or fashion it was unknown. The silence was interrupted by a mare on the far right slamming her hoof into the table.
"I can't believe we’re wasting our time considering other options! This is obviously murder, and whoever or whatever is doing this is only targeting criminals!" the pony exclaimed. From the badge on her uniform, she looked to be the same rank as the other ponies in the room--a colonel. Her long dark brown mane hung over her eyes like curtains and did her no justice for her personality.
“Calm yourself, Sweet Pen--”
“That’s Colonel Pen--”
“You do have a point. This cannot be mere coincidence. I don't think this is something our team can handle alone. Looks like one for L."
"She told us not to contact her unless absolutely nothing else worked." Colonel Dynamo reminded. "We should be grateful she offers her support at all. We need not push it." Colonel Dynamo was exceptionally young, but not the youngest in the room. He had a blue coat (which happened to match perfectly with his blue uniform) and red mane with black outlines. He kept a cool and collected expression on his face at all times.
"All right, let's assume for a second that what's happening is the work of a murderer. How would we catch them? We have no leads whatsoever." The final colonel said, shaking his head. His mane was tied into a double knotted ponytail all the way down to his midsection, and he wore cheap eyeglasses. His nametag read “Sycamore Gavin - New Horse City Police Division.” The door to the brightly lit room opened suddenly, to reveal a shadowy figure wearing a fedora and a large overcoat. For some reason they were levitating a computer.
"She’s already looking into the case." the pony said. From the sound of his voice, he was a stallion, most likely in his late forties. He sat the computer onto the pedestal that Colonel Heaveswood had stood on, and immediately the computer screen flashed to the letters L and B, black against a stark white background.
"Hello. This is L." The computer buzzed out, a slightly distorted mare’s voice. "As Mr. Wasabi has already mentioned, I am already on the case."
"She can hear you, so if you have any questions, comments, or concerns, you can tell the computer." Wasabi said, addressing the council.
"How did you know about this?" questioned Colonel Pen.
"I have been following this ever since the majorly publicized death of the prison inmate some days ago. I have looked into previous deaths that may be related, mostly serial killers, serial rapists, bank robbers, muggers, and the sort. I have already managed to deduce the killer's general location. Considering the first few killings were all criminals convicted of murder, I suspect this was just a test to see if his or her powers were legitimate. Mostly because the first few died of generally the same cause. It was only that three days ago did his or her Modus Operandi, or for the few of you who don't know, mode of operations," the mystery mare paused for a minute to take a breath before continuing. "Three days ago was the horrendous murder of the prison inmate. However, this is the first of the few murders where another pony had been involved in it, that pony being the brave Earth pony who kick started the chain of events. Now if we take into account when they were broadcast... Lieutenant Colonel Blues, when were they broadcast in your city?"
"About twenty minutes or so before the other major cities. Some minor cities in our general vicinity might have still gotten the transmission, but it's unlikely." Colonel Blues reported.
"Exactly as I thought. The crimes were all first broadcast in Hoovington. Considering how quickly they die after the crimes are reported, it seems like the killer is most likely living in, or in the general area, of Hoovington." L told them. The panel of police flinched at this revelation, shooting sympathetic looks towards a troubled Colonel Blues.
"Wait, what if that's just the place they murder ponies from, like a sort of lair? It's highly unlikely, but still a possibility." Colonel Heaveswood proposed.
"I considered that possibility, and I can tell you, right now, with no doubt in my kind, that he or she is based in Hoovington. My proof? I conducted my own little experiment three days ago. The prisoner did break out of the prison and murder the two guards on his own, however the rest of it played out in my hooves. He boarded the ship at a convenient time for me to work out a plan in quick succession, at which point I called the news station and made absolutely sure that they would videotape the event through a pegasus flying over the ship. I then made personally sure that the broadcast did not reach any further then the city limit of Hoovington, that is to say, it didn’t go to any of the surrounding cities of Ponyville or Saddle Arabia." objected Colonel Dynamo.
"But I was told that it went farther than that. Not immediately, but it did eventually reach the other cities, didn’t it?"
"I made sure that only I and the news station had any knowledge of the broadcast only being broadcast in Hoovington. However, a problem presented during the newscast was the way the killer decided to end this criminal, along with the helpless hostage that had bravely tackled him. I was expecting a heart attack or stroke, maybe a suicide, but he chose to end him in the most gruesome way possible. Even though this pony may be ‘killing killers,’ that just makes them a murderer as well, and a sadistic one at that. They must be brought to justice. However, I cannot do this alone. I request the help of all of the police departments--with their cooperation."
"I'll agree, but only under the condition that we meet in person. I am not exactly comfortable with a stranger asking us of our trust when we do not even know what she looks like." Colonel Gavin agreed sternly.
"We will meet...in due time. Until another day, I’m afraid."
The transmission ended, making the computer shut completely off. As quickly as he had come, Wasabi disappeared with a flick of his jacket through the door and out of the building.
"Well, that solved one of our problems. We know this killer is in the Hoovington city area." Colonel Blues commented, with a bit of despair in her voice. "So this falls under my jurisdiction, huh?"
Major's Residence, A Day Later
Major sat up abruptly in bed. He was in the middle of his daily nap when he had gotten a bad feeling in his stomach. He reluctantly rolled out of bed and made his way to his kitchen. Major turned on his coffee maker and walked back to his work desk while the device made him his daily macchiato. He opened the Death Note and began skimming over it.
"Four days and I already have four pages filled. Pretty nice, isn't it, Ryuuk?" Major asked, turning around in his seat to grin at Ryuuk, who was floating in the air upside down, with the core of an apple sticking out of his teeth like a toothpick. He shrugged.
"Eh, I've seen better."
"Give me a break. I'm not trying to get noticed here."
"Breaking News Story! A speech from the head chief of police of the Hoovington Police Department!" the TV blared from the living room.
"Oooh..." Ryuuk floated over, interested. Major Moonlit walked over to the living room to watch the broadcast. A blue mare with red steaks in her mane walked onto the news pedestal. There were multiple other uniformed ponies surrounding her.
"This is Lieutenant Colonel Aryan Blues with the Hoovington Police Department. In light of the deaths of multiple convicted felons, charges ranging from petty crimes to homicide, we have decided to treat this as a mass genocide case, orchestrated by a single--or group--of ponies." Major furrowed his eyebrows.
"Well...that was quick." he commented.
"For the pony, or ponies, commiting this mass genocide, I have but one thing to say." Colonel Blues said, closing her eyes. "You are an abominable murderer." she said coldly.
Major ground his teeth. His face turned a bright red as he slammed his hooves into the floor.
"Oh, I know she didn't just..." Major lost control of his anger. “What I am doing is justice, unlike the rest of you helpless police ponies!” he roared at the screen. Major took the pen in his mouth, too distracted by his fury to use magic.
"Y'know,” Major blustered around a mouthful of pen, “had this idiot not been so stupid, they could've lasted much longer than they will. That was exciting, adrenaline-boosting, right there.” Major finished his rant as he penned down her name. "Now, just 40 seconds..."
"Using information gathered from a private investigator, we have also determined that the killer is located in Hoovington. Now, before you all go into a panic, running blindly will do no good. What he or she needs is a na--" The mare suddenly clutched her chest and fell backwards from the pedestal, grimacing once or twice before her breathing stopped completely. The crowd went into an uproar as police tried to contain them.
"Let this be an example to all of Hoovington and the rest of Equestria! Don't screw with me!" Major Moonlit shouted maniacally, glaring at the TV screen.
"How unfortunate." one of the uniformed ponies in the background said. She stepped onto the pedestal with a disgusted look on her face as she glanced at the body. Major's eyes widened in surprise.
"Ooookay. Deja vu here." Ryuuk squinted his eyes, trying to figure out what happened.
"This is the real Lieutenant Colonel Aryan Blues with the Hoovington Police Department. That mare you just killed was an inmate in the local prison who just so happened to have a name near my likeness. She was scheduled to die a week from now, and was guaranteed release if you couldn't kill her. So, monster, murderer, whatever you want us to call you... It seems like you are real. That display just proved your existence. This broadcast only aired in Hoovington so that also confirmed that you are here in Hoovington. So, it seems like you need a face and name to kill someone don't you? Well? Kill me now if you can do it! Kill me!"
"Damn you! Ryuuk, why didn’t she die if that’s her name?”
"I guess it’s not her name, then." Ryuuk answered, looking only mildly concerned at Major’s anger.
"Damn it, damn it, damn it..."
“So. You do need both of those things.” ‘Colonel Blues’ said from the television screen. “Looks like you can't kill me after all. Whoever you are, you will pay for your crimes." The mare put her hoof to her chest, preparing to swear an oath.
"On my honor, as a Lieutenant Colonel..."
Major slammed the book onto the floor.
"On my honor, as a major..." he growled in quiet anger.
"I will bring you to justice!"
"I will kill you!"

Author's Note:

Kudos go out to the great people at MLPForums for letting their OCs become the officers for this fic, those include:

Sweet Pen- Sweet Pen
Dynamo Pad- Dynamo Pad

Comments

[PsychicBeagle]

Okay, two things right off the bat. I expected there to be a private investigator akin to L showing up. The cat and mouse game between him and Light is where the series shined, and its end is where things fell apart. Ergo, we needed such a continuous conflict to carry the same weight. Simple logic.
Where my suspension of disbelief ends is the name. Or at least the marker. I mean, two incredibly skilled detectives who work from the shadows and are dead serious with their work, but seemingly casual otherwise, who both go with the ID of L? Having a tough time buying it. And just tough turns to hard as adamantium when they both fished out the Death Note user via a falsified television broadcast using an inmate as bait. Ryuuk was right to call out the feeling that he'd been there before, and I have to point it out further.
That said, the change in motives behind falling for it is interesting. Light jumped at it because he thought he could take out his biggest threat in one move. Dark was just ego stroking. So far, I'm seeing a lot of similar scenes, changed mostly by the mentality of the main character. A lack of tact could ruin many of those jaw dropping machinations in so many ways. I look forward to the next update.
Oh, and that's some nice new cover art you got there. Just thought I'd bring it up.

[DeviousNights]

7439281

Thanks for the review! I do have to ask though is this all a good bit Hong or bad and if not may you elaborate

[PsychicBeagle]

7439675
The big problem with this chapter is, change in motives aside, it's almost a straight lift from Death Note itself. Room full of cops contacted by mystery detective L, killer sees television broadcast depicting someone who may or may not be a towering opponent but turns out to be a criminal dressed up like them, real L taunts killer for falling for the obvious ploy, the works. Remember, your audience here consists of Death Note fans. They know what happened in that show/manga.
In their minds, one question will be popping up. If this is the same as Death Note, why not just go back and watch Death Note, whose pedigree is already proven? You need to change up more than a few personalities. There's such a wide array of possibilities having a magic murder notebook, but you're walking the already treaded path. Like I said in my first comment back in chapter one, that isn't going to keep people's attention long. Branch out into new territory, tell a new story using old concepts. If you just tell their story again, it's not really an original work, now is it?
Man, I feel like a negative Nancy. There is good stuff here, the Rarity sub plot and all, but it's drowned out by the chorus screaming "This is Death Note, but with ponies!" in my ears. And let me tell you, that is a shrill concert to attend, even for a Brony. Just remember, Death Note did its thing. Even if you use its concepts, do your thing. Here, I feel like I need to drop a picture of a cute thing. Balance out the universe or something.
digitalpleinairsociety.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/baby-seal.jpg

[DeviousNights]

7439757

I understand fully, I could've found a better way to introduce the antagonist. But this is basically a set up for the next chapter which should be dropped within the next hour or so. It's not as long and it gives insight on what happened within the time skip. Trust me, this'll all change.