Celestia feels lonely as she and Luna reconnect, only while Luna watches and takes in the sights before her she notices a hidden sadness in Celestia.
For Calming Moon.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 22nd Mar, 2015
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Mocha Star
I'm here to write my way into your hearts and infect your minds.
Mocha Star
Joined 22nd Mar, 2015 ·
Offline
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This is rather adorable.
Sup nerds?
2001/10 would read again
This is a cute little fic, you did a pretty good job on it. Thank you for sharing.
7376629 thank you for reading!
FUck me this was wonderful. I love Luna's ye olde speak, and seeing it executed so wonderfully IN FIRST PERSON makes me sad I've never thought of this idea.
Bravo; I'm glad you responded to my comment on that other story, if you hadn't, I wouldn't have found this... and if I hadn't have found this my day wouldn't be as good as it is now. 10/10.
7594564 I appreciate your comment.
Best one yet!
Awesome story, shows the deep and filling realism that exists between the sisters.
This is a Twilight's Reviews review.
I must say, for a one-shot, this is a pretty decent story, it's short, sweet, and to the point. The grammar was also pretty good, and the story itself was well written. Although, in my opinion, I would prefer to be just a bit longer and maybe show more emotion to make the reader feel something after reading it.
7852738 I've heard that a lot, but is adding to a completed story wise?
7852789 You don't necessarily have to do it, but you could use this information to improve your future stories.
7852792
Ah, gotcha! Thanks for the advice and review, it means a lot to me.
7852836 You're welcome, just happy to help!
It is interesting how heartwarming this story is, despite Luna being so rigid in the way she thinks and behaves. Also, nice take on Celestia missing Twilight that deeply—haven’t seen that very often
Thank you for this short read!
9386902
Thanks! I aim to please.
🎯
This is very interesting, I'm not necessarily a big fan of the way Luna talks and if this story was any longer in my mind that would in a way seem daunting. It's a nice quick little story not the thrilling adventures I'm use to reading but still entertaining as I've never seen this side to Celestia in anything thing before, being dragged down by Sunset shimmer but empowered by twilight and truly loving her.
It is heartwarming to read how much Luna cares for her sister, in her unique somewhat reserved way.
But what irritated me quite a bit were their speech patterns. Luna's ye oldie equestrian is extremely inconsistent
and Celestia just doesn't sound like herself. Her part of the dialogue sounds ... idk ... wooden.
The potential contrast between old and modern language as well as formal and casual speech just isn't really there,
so the role reversal - with Luna trying to lighten the mood and Celestia being somber throughout - looses a lot of it's impact.
At first Celestia seemed lonely and sad because Twilight had left the nest ... but all she really talks about is Sunny and then even makes it sound as if Twi had merely been a convenient replacement for her. What the hay?
Luna doesn't seem interested in Twilight either, despite the fact that this magical prodigy, whom Celestia apparently loves like her own child, is also the very mare that freed Luna from NMM and is the reason they can have cuddly sister sleepovers again.
But who cares about that part of Celestia's story when constantly interrupting your sister and teasing her about a former lover is just soo much more fun.
IRL people digress and conversations derail all the time, but:
in film and literature 'good dialogue' means 'believable dialogue'.
'Realistic' dialogue is inefficient, gets in the way of the narrative and is therefore hardly ever believable.
This felt like an unfocused, unedited first draft of an incomplete chapter.
11278772
And you're right on most accounts. This was just a one shot I wrote of two sisters, guards down, in bed after a long time apart trying to reconnect. It's not meant to be two regal sisters holding platitudes and masks to keep nobles happy, it's just two ponies focusing on their own selves.
I have other stories better written than this, but I appreciate the comment and criticism.
AI Review: https://www.fimfiction.net/group/217075/ai-reviews/thread/523415/lonely-sun-full-moon-by-mocha-star8-10