6 Coloured Rainbow

by Dashi Lover

Episode 3

Rainbow knocked on the door of Caramel’s home. Caramel answered and as she entered she saw Fluttershy sitting on the couch, the concerned look on her face was shared by Caramel.
Caramel asked Dash to sit down. “We need to talk.” Dash’s heart sank and she began to sweat. “Me and Fluttershy have been talking. We’re worried Dash. You’ve changed. You’re pushing us away.” Caramel put a comforting hoof on Dash’s shoulder, “Please. Tell us what’s going on.”
Rainbow Dash closed her eyes. What was she supposed to say? That she was a disloyal dog? That her response to her relationship with Caramel falling apart was to make love to another colt? It was too late to make amends with Caramel, but the thought of what Fluttershy would think was too much for her. “I have to go.” Dash headed for the exit, but was blocked by Caramel leaning on the door.
“I’m sorry to do this Dash. I’m not letting you out until you explain what’s going on.”
Dash panicked, she looked around like a cornered animal, then spread her wings and smashed through a window. Caramel and Fluttershy exchanged looks then ran to the window. Unlike the shattered glass, the pieces began to fall into place in Caramel’s head.

---

Dash flew back to her cloud home. It wasn’t until she landed and put weight on her front hoof that she noticed the shard of glass sticking into her. Sneering, she pulled it out with her teeth and threw it into the bin. Drops of blood fell from the wound, which were absorbed by the cloud floor, leaving a light pink stain. After bandaging herself up she went to the upper floor.
“Hello Rainbow Dash.”
Dash’s wings flared up in fright. She looked around to see Tornado and her wings lowered again, “What are you doing in my house?”
“Sorry for startling you.” Tornado’s wings were spread out in an attractive and dominant display as he walked towards Dash.
Dash looked away, she already knew what his intentions were, and she didn’t have the strength to fight against herself as well as him. He licked her neck. She didn’t stop him. It didn’t matter anymore.
An image flashed through her mind. A face, a yellow pony with long pink hair that had a way of hiding her right eye when ever she turned away. It wasn’t much to go on, but it gave Dash purpose. It gave her something to live for. It gave her a reason not to... “What the hay am I doing?”
Dash pushed a confused Tornado off her. “Hey, what’s going on?”
“I have to go.” Dash said, getting off the bed.
Tornado smiled, “But things are just getting steamy.” He got up, holding her and nuzzling her neck.
Dash turned around, “I’m serious!!! … In fact, just get out of here, it’s over.”
Tornado continued smiling, “Oh really,” His tail began to stroke Dash’s side. “Well I think your coltfriend would be interested in hearing about what’s been going on.” His tail tapped her flank.
Dash stopped, she closed her eyes and sighed, “You’re right.”
Tornado’s smile grew wider, “That’s a good girl.”
“He does deserve to know.”
“What?”
Dash hopped to the side to get a clear shot then bucked Tornado in the groin. Tornado yelped and took a step back. He’d been standing too close to an open window and fell out.
Dash ran to the edge and looked down, seeing Tornado flail his wings and hit the ground after a 4-story drop. A nearby pony, who saw the fall, ran over to the pegasus. When Dash had established that Tornado was ok she spread her wings and flew away.

---

Dash flew back to Caramel’s house and opened the door. Caramel looked up from sweeping up the glass. They exchanged knowing looks. “We have to talk.”
Dash told Caramel everything. When she was finished Caramel just sat there. Not speaking for several minuets. The silence was broken by a chuckle. Caramel began to laugh hysterically. Dash took a step back, frightened. Just as suddenly as he’d started, Caramel stopped laughing and gave Dash an angry look, “Get out.” After a pause, he picked up a plate and threw it at her, it would have hit if she didn’t duck and instead smashed against the door. <b>“GET OUT!!!”</b> He threw another plate. Dash turned tail and ran out the door, followed by a trail of tears and an assortment of dishes.

---

Dash sat on a high level cloud somewhere in the mountains. She’d been crying for what seemed like an eternity and the cloud had already turned black and heavy from her tears. A yellow pegasus landed next to her, “Hey… Um… Are you ok Rainbow Dash?” Fluttershy nuzzled Dash, who didn’t say anything. She just looked down over the edge of the cloud and wondered how long it would take to hit the ground from this height. “Hey~!” Dash looked up at Fluttershy, “I heard about what happened, and thought… maybe… I could keep you company~?”
Dash looked into Fluttershy’s eyes, “You don’t hate me? You don’t think I’m just a flank trotter?”
“A… Um…” Fluttershy nuzzled Dash, “I don’t care what you are… You’re my best friend… And nothing can change that.”
Dash’s eyes widened. The pieces all fell into place. Fluttershy had always been there for her. Fluttershy had never left her side no matter what happened. Fluttershy was the most beautiful pony in the world.
Dash closed her eyes and kissed Fluttershy on the lips. Fluttershy’s eyes widened but she did not pull away. When Dash realized what she’d just done she slowly pulled away. After a long pause Fluttershy muttered, “… My first kiss?” For the first time ever, the silence between them was full of awkward tension. “I should… Um… Be going…” Fluttershy spread her wings and flew away, leaving Dash with her thoughts.
“Smooth move Rainbow Dash.”

---

“Ay RD!!!” an orange pony in a large brim hat called up at the Dash who was sitting on a low level cloud in the town.
Dash looked down to see one of her closest friends, “Hey Applejack, what’s up?” she hoped the earth-pony didn’t know about Tornado, she’d take it very seriously if she did, coming from a contemporary upbringing.
“I saw Fluttershy fly off just before… She looked pretty upset.”
“Oh…” Dash didn’t want to upset Fluttershy, she knew she came on a little hard but… “Where did she go?”
Applejack paused for a second, “I think I saw her heading for Whitetail Woods.”
<b>“WHITETAIL WOODS?!”</b> Panicked, Dash jumped down from the cloud and shook Applejack. “What the hay does she think she’s doing? There’s a high risk of Rogue Storms in that area today! I’ve got to find her.” With that Dash flew off at high speed.

---

Fluttershy hadn’t been paying any attention to where she was going. Her mind was a mess and her emotions were out of control. She didn’t know what to think anymore. It wasn’t until half an hour ago that she realized Dash even felt that way about her and before that, Fluttershy had always seen Dash as her best friend. But if that’s what Dash wanted she was willing to give herself up for the pony she cared for more than anything in the world. A faint voice broke her train of thought. She turned to see Rainbow Dash calling out her name and beckoning her over. Fluttershy tried to comply but she suddenly felt herself being pulled back by a powerful force. She became scared. Her wings stopped working and she was actually going backwards. She screamed as she was suddenly pulled into a deadly vortex.
Dash’s heart sank, without even thinking twice about it, she flew strait into the storm. Dodging loose branches, she looked around for Fluttershy, but the storm made it hard to see anything. Within a minuet she heard a high-pitched squeal and headed for the noise. She saw Fluttershy, unable to control her own flight pattern and getting knocked around by branches. Dash sped towards the pegasus and grabbed her, hugging her and protecting her from the debris. They continued to hurl uncontrollably through the storm until a particularly large branch knocked them apart, then an even larger tree trunk smashed into Fluttershy.
<b>“FLUTTERSHY!!!”</b> Dash flew towards Fluttershy but she was fighting against the wind and she wasn’t fast enough, even as she pelted her wings as fast as her body could handle. She watched helplessly as Fluttershy’s body fell.
Just then a spark ignited inside of her. She closed her eyes. She’d promised to protect Fluttershy no matter what happens. A part of her awakened, a part of her she didn’t even know existed until now. A part of her soul that gave her more strength than she’d ever thought possible. Her eyes opened with new fire, <b>“I’M NOT GOING TO LOSE YOU AGAIN!!!”</b>
Dash’s speed doubled, then tripled. She flapped her wings so fast they began to ache but she ignored the pain. She broke free from the storm’s grip and sped towards her falling friend at a perfectly vertical angle. She grabbed Fluttershy then opened her wings fully, moments before she hit the ground.
Together, they crashed into the fallen trunk. Bits of wood flew in all directions however the 2 pegasi remained relatively unharmed. When the smoke cleared and the adrenalin-rush subsided they both lay on the ground, drinking in the realisation of what just happened.
“… You saved me.”
Dash stroked Fluttershy’s mane and kissed her, “Of course, because I care about you more than anything else in the world… No matter what happens, I’ll always be there to protect you, I promise… Not even Celestia could tear us apart because I love you.”

<b>The End</b>

Comments

[Dashi Lover]

This is my first, and LAST drama fic I will ever write. Do NOT make me do something like this again. I really hope you enjoy reading this because I practically slaved over this.

Just uploading my old stories, no I'm not writing these at a hundred miles an hour.

[Green_Hooves]

this was very good, although it could use a deeper story line.

It felt as if caramel and tornado didn't need to be in the story at all. You should have made them more important.

otherwise it was pretty decent.

[DerpinYou]

I don't get where the dislikes came from. It might possibly be that the story moved a little bit too quickly. Maybe try adding more details to make it seem more dramatic. Besides that, the only other thing that bothered me was the misspelled words and the bad grammar at some points in the story. Oh, and try to fix the words that were supposed to be bold. Other than all that, it was a decent read.

[Dashi Lover]

789754 Given the amount of blood sweat and tears I poured into this, I want to find who ever doesn't enjoy this and brick them.

789804 To be honest this was probably rushed. There was originally meant to be another chapter between 2 and 3 but that never happened because it was so hard getting this story done.

790088 Huh? Thanks, this was originally formatted for devientArt ^^; Misspelled words? I thought I checked it all. I need a prereader v.v

[Dashi Lover]

790128 Yeah, this was written for devientArt, this is actually quite an old story. But I decided to upload my old stuff onto this site ^^;
Strange though, when I had a look at it, the formatting was working ok.

[dartmaul15]

time for the constructive critics.

the start is one of the best i have ever seen, RD for that: :rainbowdetermined2
i hate to say it but the second part of chapter 1 and most of chapter 2 were just ok. there were no point in it, and the story was moving to fast
the third chapter had potential, but it suffers from the fast moving chapter 2. the reacions did not seem apropriate. if RD's coltfriend REALLY liked her then he would not freak out like that for something happening in a span of about 2-3 days besides, isn't men (or colt in this case) the ones who is best at forgiving ofr cheating?
the ending in chapter 3 was good. it had A LOT of potential, but you should have given it more "meat". flesh it up a bit. it happened to fast. the connection with the start sort of faded in the lack of emotions from RD.
also, what is the point with those "code" thingys that appeared sometimes? did something go wrong during upploading?

now for the good part: the start of chapter 1 was PERFECT! you almost made me cry
the story had a LOT of potential, and you made use of it in some cases to lift the story.
Rainbow surely stood up and proved her element in the end. She even told about the cheating. that takes courage to do
the picture did fit, mostly. RD is sad, but seriously? bandages on her wing? RD is not hurt... but hey, finding pictures of just RD being sad is almost impossible. i tried

All in all 4 of 6 points. You mainly needed to flesh out the story a bit more. Especially the love rectangle part. it felt a bit lacking

EDIT: damn. i asked to use that picture first. wel, you posted before me

[Dashi Lover]

790443 The lack of realism would be because I lack two things. 1, experience, 2. EXPERIENCE. Seriously, I've never been in a real relationship before. I'm 19 and I haven't even had a first kiss I must have been going a bit thinking I could pull this off.

I guess my lack of enthusiasm really showed in this one. I just wanted to get it over and done with and get back to what I know, i.e. monsters and heroes and villains and stuff. High fantasy is what I know, not drama.

The picture was one of 2 options I liked, the other was of Dash's mane melting, but I decided that was more creepy than symbolic. I didn't notice the wing until after I'd decided; I guess you could say the broken wing represents how she feels broken inside.. or something.

[ThatGirl2147]

I really don't have much to add to the critiques than what has already been said: it seems rushed and there's little to no filler in between plot points. What I'd recommend doing is find yourself a friend who's good at editing and story ideas, and then put both heads together and redo this story. I see a metric f**kton of potential, and nowhere to put that potential.

[Dashi Lover]

795333 "... and redo this story."

All I can say is "Heck no." I'd rather pet a porcupine the wrong way while drinking boiling water than to ever EVER go anywhere near this -ever- again... Can you tell I wish I'd never written this in the first place?

[ThatGirl2147]

795399
Okay, calm the f**k down. I didn't mean to offend anyone. You'll not hear from me again.

[dartmaul15]

795294 hehe. not in a relationship yet? then there is 2 of us
wel, the main problem was that it escalated too fast. apart from that, it was great writing.

fantasy huh? write what you like, and sticik in a bit of drama now and then (like somepony tunning of and stuf like that) and you wil get more confident with it. it is OF COURSE up to you

now get out there and write whatever the F**K you want. just do it good
but please get a prof reader...

[Dashi Lover]

835069 *Points at your comment* *Points at my name*

835259

835282 Not sure there's anything I can add to this that I haven't already. I guess this was a little rushed, I have been trying to slow down the pacing, though this was actually my first proper fanfic (Emphasis on the proper) So I guess it's just a matter of experience.