Telling the truth

Sometimes we discover something about ourselves. Sometimes we're afraid of it, about how others could react to this new truth. Especially our beloved ones. At those times, we can't allow to be driven by fear.

~~Labeled as "Incomplete" but this could be the only chapter and continue in a sequel, see the footnote of the chapter to see why.~~

~~Hope you enjoy, please point out grammatical issues.~~
Thank for your support

Edited 29/6/2016 with the help of Raw Cringe

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 5 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 5
- Newest First
- Oldest First

andrizzi

andrizzi #1 · Jun 26th, 2016 · · ·

Questioning my own story, do you think I should tag this as a Romance?

Also I'm not sure about my vocabulary:

even if they are a compliant couple sometimes

did you understood what I meant? Is compliant the right word?

Flufux

Flufux #2 · Jun 28th, 2016 · · ·

Not too bad actually, I wouldn't mind reading about the part where they talk with the parents.

andrizzi

andrizzi #3 · Jun 28th, 2016 · · ·

7344704
Ok, it's 6pm and I just came back from my work place so now I can reply...

First, thank you very much for the feedback, it's very precious and actually I just longed for a comment like that!
Are you experienced? Because you made a very good recap/correction about the story.

so, digging into details:

Fluttershy’s parent’s home

you are right but why?
Shouldn't it be then Fluttershys' parents'? Or is it so because parents is plural?

“Oh yes. Totally sure”

Damn, I checked three times for periods...

we had accorded for ‘after dinner’

I meant that RD and Shy had planned to make their move 'after dinner'

“Hihi”

About the laugh, I'll check. About the punctuation, double buck!

even if they are a compliant couple sometimes.

This one was hard to write, but what I meant was that Shy's parents are really soft ponies and don't know how to impose themselves or how to be assertive.

believe a little more in your olds,

Another difficult one, I wanted to use a slang word for 'parents' since RD was talking but i don't know even one and I didn't found any help on the dictionary.

If you look over the story, you'll see a lot of ellipses

I completely agree, and I had that worry while I was in the middle of writing.
A lot of writers breaks dialogues by describing the actions, using the body language of the characters, and that is how I usually write. It is a more detailed and more lively style.
Still, because I'm and idiot and maybe a masochist, I challenged myself to write this chapter using ONLY dialogues (with one exception for picturing the background) and I already knew It would have taken points from the final result. I did so because I wanted this chapter to be as free-interpretation as possible and I wanted to try something new.
I'm still a beginner after all.

About the storytelling:

I admit it: You completely got me off guard here.
I'm very glad you did though, because I think you are right (again).
Now I'm in front of a dilemma, I could try to correct the lecturing parts, leave the flirting parts and add some more personal parts.
Thing is that I'm not sure how much far I should go to fix the sterility of those parts but also to not destroy the original structure.
Guess I'll start editing the easy issues, then I'll see if I can make it less "lecturing" and more personal.

About the Romance tag

About that: you are right again!
But this time you didn't understand my concern. One mayor target of the story was the involvement of the reader, and I tried to reach it by leaving blank spaces for identification.
The reader knows that Shy is keeping a secret from her parents, he knows that she is suffering for it and wants to them the truth.
Then I leave some hints about what this is all about, clearly leaving the romance implied (and maybe inbound if I write a sequel).
This way the story is completed, and it makes sense, but the reader has still no proof about what the secret is.
So this way the reader can:
-take the hints (e 'bona le).
-make theories (and continuing the story on their own).
-use THEIR secret as a replacement, getting completely involved!
My concern is: if I add the R tag, that alone will be a proof? Will it shatter the power of secret and the empathy of the reader?
If not, I would like to add the Tag, since it is plenty accurate.
If yes, that would destroy not just the mystery but also the attention of the reader, who just wants sappy romance (which isn't bad, but I think I accomplished that and a little more this time)