It was supposed to be a peaceful night of research in the Canterlot archives for Spike. However, a drunk pony sees that it is anything but relaxing.
Will Spike wrangle her in before the castle is destroyed? How'd she end up in the castle in the first place? Will Celestia wake up and deliver the wrath of a poor night's sleep upon them? Is there anything deeper going on behind the scenes?!
The answers to all those questions may or may not be answered in the story.
Art: Epulson
Editing/Prereading: Seventh Heaven and The Nightingale
Teen: Some comically suggestive dialogue and situations.
Chapters (1)
>writing Berry Punch as drunk
Your usage of the fandom's basic characterization of Berry Punch is appalling and you should probably consider killing yourself.
Nah, just kidding, prereading this was fun. Hope you hit the box, man!
7340580 *grabs razorblade* Well, time to end it.
Love you, bae!
Bleep-bloop.
7340619 Bop Bee Boop
I love this
Gunna read later, but cos I am a lil drunk right now AND this has best pone on it. Have a fave and like, regardless if I don't end up liking it :D.
7340650 Drunk is the best way to read this fic. I was drinking mostly while writing it!
My grin is massive
when you can't get a straight face while reading the whole thing.
You do it the Berry Punch way.
This was an enjoyable friendshipping fic between Spike and Berry. I wonder if there ever will be a romance shipping between these two.
Great work I loved it!
> First word of the story is Spike.
Seriously though, this... actually really worked well. It's, like, amongst the strangest shipping pairs I've seen, so congrats on actually pulling it off in a cute and convincing manner.
I dunno, this line seemed like it might perhaps work better for Discord or Luna. I cannot exactly see Celestia saying this, considering she's kept her cool through much worse. Eh, whatever, minor nitpick.
This is probably your best oneshot yet! I really love it! (It definitely deserves a Comedy tag, too.) Also:
Coming from someone who's had to take a whole class on postmodern stuff for my English major, this image is pretty darn vivid. Kinda like that one painting with the melting clocks, except with food strewn everywhere instead.
Bout time Spike's Many Shippings had a fic with Berry Punch
7340714 Thanks man! I really appreciate you checking my story. You write super terrific stuff!
7340973 I was thinking the same thing before I wrote this.
7341050 The chapter title . . . One thing immediately came to mind. So, Famous, what do you do when you see 'A Flock Of Seagulls'?
7341363 I ran... I ran so far way.
So, the title of this story, which has been featured, is "I so hate consequences". There is another story on the features list simply titled "Consequences". I just want to let you know how utterly amusing I find this.
7340953 you try getting woken up a few hours after going to bed and having to deal with rich snobby politicians and "nobles" all day every day for the past 1000 years and not be at least a little bit cranky hell add on to it that your home is getting trashed by some drunk in the middle of the night and id say she has some excuse to be less chill with the situation then say a chaotic overlord that she has beat before breaking out of there prison when she has a weapon that can stoneify him easily. also sorry if this sounds rude it was not my intention to sound rude
I thoroughly enjoyed this. You did a very good job with the characterization and you made everything feel pretty real with the talks about lawyers and etc. The actual consequences of such things. If this was the beginning of a shipfic, I think it'd actually be pretty good. (hint hint; please?)
>Story is by FamousLastWords
Instantlygood.gif
7342237 Thanks a lot! I appreciate that.
Not one of your best, but still decent enough.
Sorry passed out last night and missed a chance to check this out last night, but it seems you were all good in that department so I won't bother.
Aaaanyway! Excellent little work. I will admit, I do roll my eyes at Berry Punch being a drunk, but especially at the end, you really make it work by further expanding on that. Background ponies are often the best to write because you can sort of create your own characters without starting from scratch.
And Spike helping her out was incredibly sweet. I'm kinda waiting for ship fics to be made soon. I dunno, anything can happen!
7342621 I wanted to take her canon thing, but give it real life application. Like, she didn't like the fact she drank.
The main key for Spike though was to make it clear that nobody can make your problems go away. People can help, but in the end, it's up to each of us as individuals to fix our problems.
Not sure I can vote either way on this one man. It's got solid writing, as per the usual. But I'm just not feeling anything new or spectacular with it. Wasn't bad, but it didn't hold up as well as some of the other stuff you write.
7342623 Oh, of course, which is a really good touch. Stories with all the problems being fixed, no problem, definitely can come across as too fake and not at all relatable, honestly. Here, it leaves it open ended so we can hope Berry Punch can better her life. Great work, buddy!
That was an amazing job. Well done.
7342689 Thanks for checking it out!
7342691 Your welcome. I liked to do this.
I told Luna they were cute, but no, she has to be contrary on everything…”
I love how you ship spike with ponies you wouldn't expect
I really want to know how Berry Punch got her cuttie mark. Did she start drinking alcohol when she was the CMC's age?
7344128 Probably. They start younger every generation.
And runnin' from you is what my best defense is!
...I'll show myself out.
7344249 Reliant K for the win!
I support this ship
This was very sweet. And Spike was an absolute gentledrake, as I always imagine him being. well done!
This was great. And Spike proved to be more mature than his appearance would suggest.
The good dragon lord. Making the world better, one being at a time.
Nice job. Spike, with random mares is always fun!
And, Celestia, givin and using, a whole name for, Spike, is nice too. More insight to, Spike's, past is always welcomed. Keep up the good work!
Totally not what I was expecting. Great job.
I would love for this story to continue, to see how Spike helps and Berry's struggles.
as others have stated i too would like a sequel. was a fun read. have a like and fav
I call bullshit!
You write Spike all the time
7340953
I agree the lines would have fitted Luna better than Celestia.
Intresting
scotcampus.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/fascinating.jpeg
The concept and the ideas were good. I liked the jokes, and the humor. Your comedic timing and pacing could use work, and held back the funny parts from eliciting a real laugh. There were a lot of commas that broke up the flow, and you had a lot of show and tell and exposition before big reveals that took the kick out of the humor, and prevented me from realizing and contemplating the consequences on my own. One example of that would be the kitchen scene ending, where they get caught.
There were some other parts where you could used more detail. Celestia wasn't described, until we find out later she has slippers. Seeing her in a ridiculous nightgown and silly slippers could have been funny in and of itself, but it wasn't built up. Neither was her being so mean, really, and it seemed OoC for her. Another example would be Berry Punch. She could have been doing silly actions to show her mannerisms while going along with her goofy dialogue.
As for Spike, what he did was fine. I'm not sure I understand why he's helping her. It seems like he's helping her so he won't get in trouble, but this continues after helping her is the reason he's getting in trouble, and we kept getting his mental exposition on doom because of it. I would have been okay with him just being nice and getting rolled up in a situation he wasn't thinking about, and that would have cut down on some expository thoughts as well, and got me back into the action I was really enjoying. He's also Solomon's Wisdom at the end, which I guess was a little weird, but that didn't bother me. Berry Punch could have been more sympathetic, but that just came down to the overall lack of descriptions of her mannerisms and actions and appearance. Overall fun, I'd read a sequel, and I liked her odd method of speaking.
7349807 Tfw I finally get criticism in my comments section.
Thanks for the tips!