Why do you own pigs?
“Oh my gosh, this coffee is fantastic. Where did you get this stuff from?” Rainbow Dash asked as she saluted Pinkie with the brim of her Wonderbolt’s coffee cup.
Considering that this was a tea party Rainbow Dash was being a bit of a black sheep. She was the only one drinking coffee among her friends. As the rest of them had selected one of the teas supplied for by their host.
Pinkie smiled wide as she replied. “Maud sent it to me. She got it from her latest rock collecting expedition in Canterda. The brand is Tim Hooftens.”
The host of today’s tea party was none other than Pinkie Pie. She was the usual choice as her tea parties did a good job of appeasing everypony present. She had a wide selection of teas to drink and cucumber sandwiches to eat for those who were into more traditional tea parties. While at the same time offering coffee and donuts for the more radical guests.
Today’s spread was incredibly diverse. There were a dozen different types of teas, a pot of coffee, a pitcher of lemonade, sandwiches, donuts, dainties, scones, and two giant bowls of candy. The candy was divided between gummy bears, and worms.
Rarity took a sip of her tea before looking at Applejack. “Speaking of trips, I was thinking of our last visit to the spa.”
Applejack was in the middle of munching on a cream filled donut, which she swallowed noisily before replying. “Oh and what were ya thinking about?”
Rarity levitated a napkin up to Applejack’s cheek wiping away a smudge of white cream left behind by the donut. “Well actually it had to do with the little problem me and Twilight helped you solve.”
Applejack cocked an eyebrow, “oh?”
Rarity nodded. “Yes I was thinking about why you would possibly own pigs.”
Twilight nodded as she munched on a gummy bear, tearing off the poor creature’s head. “I was actually wondering the same thing. I mean cows give milk, but pigs? What do pigs do?”.
Rainbow scoffed. “Come on guys, are you really that dumb?”
Rarity gave Dash a look. “Excuse me?”
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “She sells them for meat. I mean we have all met gryphons before right? They eat meat. I mean Fluttershy, you remember Gilda in flight school?”
Fluttershy was in the middle of sipping her tea as her name was called. She jerked up and looked at Rainbow, giving her a curt nod. “Yes, I remember she used to get special meals.” She then added with a grumble. “I also remember how she used to chew them up and then stick out her tongue.”
Rainbow laughed. “Oh man I remember that. Gilda was pretty awesome back in flight school.” She paused for a moment. “But yeah, Gilda used to get meals with meat. I mean its natural guys, some of us eat grass, some of us eat meat.”
Applejack pitched in. “They’re actually telling the truth. I do sell most of my pork products to meat eaters. I even sell some to Fluttershy.”
Fluttershy smiled nervously. “Its for my pets. Mister bear has to eat meat, its in his nature.”
Rarity nodded. “So all of your pigs are used for meat?”
Applejack shook her head. “No, they have other uses.”
“Like what?” Rarity asked.
Fluttershy nibbled on the edge of a cucumber sandwich. “Maybe they can be used to find truffles?”
Pinkie laughed. “Truffles? Like chocolate?”
Twilight rolled her eyes and smiled. “No, truffles are little mushrooms that are extremely rare. They are found in the woods.”
Applejack nodded. “Also true, though I don’t actually do any of that stuff myself. My cousin Apple Juice has a side business like that though.”
Rarity snuck one of the gummy worms, taking a bite off of its tail. When the attention turned to her she slid it strategically behind her cup of tea, not wanting to seem uncouth. “I am also guessing you can use them as leather.”
Fluttershy gasped. “Rarity, you would never use leather, would you?”
Rarity shook her head. “No I would never do that darling. However, I am not blind to other ponies’ developments in the fashion industry.”
Fluttershy looked like she was going to be ill. The mare had far too much compassion for animals and the mere idea of them being slaughtered so some fancy pants pony could have a new gown was to much for her to handle.
Rainbow snorted. “I know there are some weirdos out there who wear leather chaps.”
Twilight smirked. “Says the mare who wears a latex body suit at her day job.”
Rainbow shot Twilight a glare. “It’s spandex.”
Applejack took a sip of lemonade before answering Rarity’s question. “I mean I am sure there are some ponies who want pig leather. That ain’t where my pig skin goes though.”
Rarity’s eyebrow rose. “Then where does it go?”
“Trash disposal.” Twilight blurted out, causing all her friends to stare at her. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt. I just remembered that you can use them for trash disposal. I mean you had me feeding the pigs table scraps. That’s a pretty useful feature. Oh and I guess they can also help fertilize the fields.”
Applejack smirked. “Well its about time that a princess got in touch with the Earthpony side of being an alicorn. Those are all nice bonuses, but its not really the features you can make a profit on. I mean I am a business mare, so in the end when I raise one of the pigs I do so with money in mind.”’
Fluttershy gulped. “Isn’t that a bit unethical? You know thinking of them as a product.”
Applejack sighed. “I mean it ain’t the best way to look at it, but they are a good source of bits. They’ve helped the farm weather a couple of storms if I am going to be honest.” Noticing Fluttershy’s discomfort Applejack offered her a warm smile, “We can change the topic if it makes you uncomfortable sugarcube?”
Fluttershy nodded. “Thank you very much.”
Applejack was about to say something before Rarity interrupted her. “Wait, wait, wait darling, where does the skin go?”
Fluttershy let out a soft huff before Pinkie burst out nice and loud. “It’s in candy.”
Everypony turned to face Pinkie Pie before they all broke down into a giggling fit.
“Yeah right, like they put pig into candy.” Rainbow Dash said, grinning from ear to ear.
Rarity contained herself to a few short giggles before looking at Applejack. “Ok but really where does the skin go?”
Applejack however, was not laughing at all. Instead she was smiling nervously. “Um Pinkie was actually telling the truth. They do go into candies.”
Everypony besides Applejack and Pinkie went pale as they stared at the two giant bowls on the table. The bowls which they had all eaten from. Heck, most of them had a couple colourful bears resting on their small side plates.
Rarity gulped, her magic wavering to the point that she needed to place her teacup down. “What type of candy?”
Applejack looked at the table. “I should probably just keep my trap shut.”
Twilight shook her head. “No, no, please let us know. Was it something we just ate?”
Applejack sighed. “Pig by-products do go into gelatin candies.”
“Gelatin?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Pinkie grinned. “Gelatin is in gummy worms, gummy bears, gummy manticores, gummy ponies, gummy alligators. I mean not my alligator gummy, but…...”
Rarity held up a hoof, her vision fixed on the bowl before her. “We get the message darling.”
Twilight shook her head. “No, that can’t be true. That just can’t be true. Just give me a second too.”
Twilight was gone in a flash as she magically teleported herself somewhere else. A silence fell upon the room as the five remaining friends all stared awkwardly at one and other.
Rainbow chuckled. “So uh how about those Wonderbolts?”
Twilight reappeared moments later with a book levitating before her snout. She looked completely frazzled.
“You weren’t lying!” Twilight shouted.
Applejack laughed nervously. “Element of Honesty, Twi.”
“I know, I know. I was just hoping you were lying.” She sighed and tossed the book onto the table before sitting down. The cover read ‘1001 Industrial Products’.
Fluttershy was frozen as she stared at the bowl, her breath coming in shallow bursts. “How much pig?” She said in a meek voice.
Twilight sighed. “You don’t want to know.”
Fluttershy held up a hoof. “Yes I do. How much?”
Twilight groaned. “Gelatin is made of three separate pork by-products, which make up ninety-nine percent of the substance.”
Fluttershy dropped her hoof before replying meekly, “oh.” She looked on the verge of tears, her whole form nearly motionless.
Applejack swallowed, hoping to defuse the situation. “I mean, when it says made from Sweet Apple Acres products on the bag it ain’t talking about the apple flavouring.”
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I liked it.
This is a narrative don't. Things like this are indicative of bad prose. Also, a bit of a nitpick: Pinkie Pie really isn't a tea party kind of mare. That's more a Rarity or Fluttershy thing.
Now, a bigger nitpick on your core premise:
Bears and griffons...are far more likely to eat fish than pork. Pork requires a lot of processing. Fish are staple fare for both bears and predatory birds, and griffons are as much predatory bird as they are predatory cat. Fish are easier to deal with. Also, Fluttershy regularly catches fish for her animals. Can you honestly see Fluttershy slaughtering a pig or distributing slaughtered pig meat? Because I can't. Fish are easier.
Now...
We've seen indications that the ponies in the series do eat, or know of the particulars involved with, meat. We've seen a ham sandwich. Applejack has used the phrase "trussed up like a turkey". Also, according to the series creator Lauren Faust, the pigs are raised for truffle hunting (which you did mention in the fic). Even if you ignore everything else we've seen about pony dietary habits, pigs as truffle hunters makes more sense than pigs as export.
Another nitpick: Fluttershy being revolted at the idea of leather but not slaughter for meat REALLY makes no sense. After all, if you're slaughtering for meat, the animal's already dead, so there's no real reason to cry foul over leather.
Aaaaaaand really, the whole "punchline" of this story about gelatin? It really, really falls flat, because the whole "ponies react to eating meat/animal products" thing in fanfiction is such an overused and discredited trope at this point that stories like this really should not even exist anymore.
If you'd written this five years ago, you'd have gotten a pass on new fandom/general ignorance, but in 2016, this kind of story is an autofail. 0/10.
It's a bad time for marshmallows are made from?
This was a fun little story.
Comically enough, of all things, ponies don't wear pants. Not even Fancy Pants wears fancy pants.
I was expecting some kind of funny twist to be in there, but, you know, all of that was really perfectly reasonable and completely what anyone should expect farm-raised pigs to be used for. I have to criticize the part about trash disposal, though: the point of keeping pigs is that you can feed them with trash. You don't keep them so that you can feed them trash. Composting does everything manure could do.
Pigs are useful because they are basically zero cost: their food is what you'd otherwise throw away anyway - and when you don't have enough kitchen garbage, you can drive them into the forest to feed on acorns and such, which is also free. It's a very convenient side business for anyone.
Loved the final line, though.
7308099
Really glad you enjoyed it.
7308769
You're right, I did disregard a whole lot of things while writing this fic. Though I did not honestly notice or absorb a lot of those references you mentioned.
In defense of the tea party being hosted by Pinkie, I thought she would be a safe bet since a tea party does fall under the umbrella of party. Plus Sugarcube Corner would be a large enough venue to host the six of them for something like that. However, so would Rarity or Twilight's home/castle and those also would have made far more sense.
The bad prose I can only blame on myself for trying to push this to quickly. I know fixing that would probably not have saved the fic for you. I do apologize for that.
Most of all I wrote this as a joke about gelatin being made of pork. Something I discovered not so long ago and it kind of horrified me.
I know none of what I say can really save the fic, but I am sorry you didn't like it. I hope I can do better on my next story, and I hope you'll give me a second chance.
7308893
Spoiler: Gelatin
7308990
Glad you enjoyed it.
7309112
Yeah I will admit I kind of put Twilight's response there so she'd have one. Though, I am glad you enjoyed the fic.
7309249
There is also beef gelatine, made by boiling their bones, and you can extract it from horse skin, bones and hooves as well.
Enjoy the continued food-related horror.
(Honey is bee vomit.)
I thought maybe Fluttershy gets paid by the government for taking care of animals, and Applejack has pigs for the same reason. I was sure there weren't enough Griffins in the area to eat all her pigs. Nice little story with some funnier ideas than mine.
........well... you learn something new and disgusting every day!
7309304
Well I mean you can put them on a train and export them all over. Glad you enjoy it. Thank you for the kind words.
7309602
I am so sorry.
Applejack and Pinkie have no qualms eating pigs. Earth ponies keep Equestria's dirty little secrets.
I've seriously been wondering this ever since the episode premiered, though I haven't read the fic yet. The truffle-hunting comment some people are making is logical enough, but the whole thing still seemed suspicious to me...
I thought Fluttershy's comfortable with carnivores. Then again... I've seen a fic where RD tries chicken. I'm not that surprised that earth ponies have Equestria's darkest secrets hidden under lock n' key.
7311970
I mean she is completely understanding that some animals have to eat meat to survive. I however do not think she would be comfortable with the concept of leather or fur clothing? I mean its kind of like prancing around with pieces of a dead animal on you. I could imagine her being disturbed by that.
7312156 Oh, so there IS a difference.
There isn't a Braeburn emote but if there was I would put a Braeburn emote to remind people of his particular taste in clothes.
Also the fic was pretty nice.
Does this mean that gummies and marshmallows aren't vegan.
7378041
There are special vegan gummies and marshmallows you can buy, but the standard brands are not vegan no.
I like it.
You paint Applejack very well as a practical farmer reminiscent of ones I've actually known,, created good reasons for owning pigs and their practical uses in a mostly herbivorous setting-by the way, I wasn't so much squicked out as I was fascinated. Then again, I'm not an herbivore who dislikes the thought of ending any creature's life.
Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Rainbow's reactions remind me a bit of some worldbuilding I've been working on in my own stories. In my writing, ponies are herbivorous by choice, and it has become so ingrained in the culture on account of a popularized view of "cute innocent animals that we must take care of" that ponies just don't eat meat of any sort. Here seeing a gryphon eat meat for example would be sickening to your average citizen, despite the fact that, biologically, they wouldn't have any issues with it.
Anyway, nice little story, and I'm glad I stumbled across it.
7380089
And I'm glad that you enjoyed it. It's always fantastic to read such a detailed comment telling me about why someone loved something I wrote. Thank you very much for it, it made my day.
Ever since writing the story I have been in a bit of a debate over pony diets with my group of friends. Some of them follow the strict vegetarian theory, while others adopt a more omnivore approach to ponies. Personally I like your idea of them being biological omnivores, but culturally vegetarian.
7378051 I can't wait to tell me brother. He's vegetarian and considering becoming vegan.
7380182 7380089
[tf2spyvoice] Ahem. Gentlemen. [/tf2spyvoice]
i.ytimg.com/vi/24NNTRDwjvM/hqdefault.jpg
Some additional fodder for your conversation:
[youtube=qkQ7o-gWWng]
7311970
I remember that fic!
The entire setup revolved around Rainbow Dash's line here, and the story was Dash being curious.
7310517
cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/59860192.jpg
kristiann1.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/goodguymikerowe-87743.jpg?w=806&h=646
Short, simple, factual, and fun!
Quite enjoyable!
Glad I'm not the only one that bites them head first.
Promptly kill them before eating the body!
Blissful ignorance is a death trap. Knowledge, even seemingly trivial knowledge, is power. You owe nobody an apology.
Even if no pig was ever slaughtered for meat or hide, sooner or later everything dies of natural causes. Unless they've got a graveyard or a crematorium for those. I can imagine there being an agreement with meat-eating species like dragons, griffons, and diamond dogs to deal with the bodies... Possibly before the actual moment of death.
And what do you suppose they fry their hay-fries in, if not lard? They don't appear to have the industrial base needed to produce large quantities of vegetable oil.
Pigs are immortal, anyway. You know why that is? It's because after you kill them, then you cure them.
I'm not the audience for this story.
I use pork neck bones to make soup stock. I also gut live fish for cooking. Pork biproducts don't surprise me.
really, you think shy'd be okay with it
it's only natural to use the whole body
7308769
Somebody's full of themselves...
You could go back to reading the sides of Hamburger Helper boxes.
No, really. Go back to that.
In my headcanon, Fluttershy is the least likely to freak out about this on an intellectual level...
She works with animals, and is read up, in full details, of the 'predator/prey' food chain, not to mention the requirements of badly injured creatures beyond medical intervention...and what would be required to end their suffering...
She has a strength to her most miss. To do what may be required; and yet, to weld herself to a personal commitment NOT to benefit from it...
Rarity, however, would LOSE HER MIND!!
Excellent little story...!!!
10603590
He's dead...
10603954
And he gets his hissy fit immortalized.
Man, there must have been one helluva karmic unbalace to catch up on...
Anyway...writers have always had common ideas, unless you work in Hollywood nowadays, (they just repeat them now). The Greeks INVENTED 'Deus ex machina', and not just for writer's block...
I liked it.
10604628
Please don't read my fics, you don't deserve them...
Jesus Christ dude no one deserves to die prematurely because they left a mean comment on a fic.
10604637
I can certainly accomodate...especially since he fairly destroyed you as a no talent hack that should write copy someone else wrote...
I saw the effort you put into it, and if you wish to indulge woofy trolls, (even dead ones that first and foremost should have gotten a firm grasp on '...if you can't say something positive, don't say anything at all...'), that is your right...
Me? I call 'em like I see 'em. And you let that spectre live on in your head.
10604679
Well that's me told.
Lmaooooooooooooo
Loved this