Time to write some fanfiction! Yay! If you have any thoughts comment! I find reading them fun!
Some people are destined to meet, and will meet in all worlds and realities. However, in some they didn't all live the same lives, or pursue the same professions. Or... Even live on the right side of the law.
More exactly 1k stuff. I know, I'm weird.
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You seem to be indicating they are going to steal Celestia's crown, but honestly I think it could be fun to imagine a world where they are stealing the elements of Harmony and that's how they become the bearers. Not bad btw.
The first sentence looks unfinished. What about this job? Is it supposed to say "this is the job"? Also, what word has opposite meanings?
10181070
Yay.
10189121
People talk in abbreviated sentences all the time. The full sentence would be "we do this job and we'll have it made." As for the double meaning, the word it's talking about is "made." "Being made" in a criminal sense means you were caught. "Have it made" in common parlance means to be all set and good to go.
A very decent first chapter
It is about half the word count of what I would call the minimum length for a chapter, and I think you could easily expand this 1,000 word chapter into a 2,000 word chapter and really enhance it. More detail on what is going on around the ponies, more descriptions of what they are doing and how they are reacting, and more time spent introducing the reader to these alternate universe Mane 6.
But what is here is solid, nonetheless. I mean, if you continued with your writing as-is, it would be enough to carry on a story without overwhelming distraction on the part of the reader, at least as far as I am concerned. However, let's look into the story to reveal something important you can work on in the future:
THIS is what you want your story to be full of. SHOW the readers how characters are feeling. This particular paragraph is done effectively.
This is not what you want in your story. Any time you find yourself TELLING the reader how a character is feeling, edit the story so that you are instead SHOWING how that character feels. A "hint of embarrassment and shame" could be one of 55 million different things. It's vague and uninteresting to read that. Something like "Applejack's expression soured" works much better, in tandem with what she says next. That's not perfect, but at least you are showing the reader what is happening with Applejack and presenting her emotions that way, not just telling the reader what those emotions are. The reader will figure out that Applejack is embarrassed and ticked off all by themselves.
Other then that, just keep the characters consistent and keep them busy with actions to complete as the story progresses because nothing is more boring than characters doing nothing important
10192441
Hehe, I've found myself in a recent habit of writing short stories of exactly 1k words. Don't ask me why.
If you read my other stuff you'll find I'm more of a quick and dirty storyteller than a pros writer (dirty here meaning unpolished, not mature.) but you're certainly right, I could sit down and expand it. I did that once with a complete rework of Trixie's New Role, but no one really seemed to care, hehe.
Abd True, I actually agree that it probably would have been more clever to describe AJs reaction than Rarity's. But I was describing Rarity not looking shameful, not AJ looking shameful.
10193303
There's nothing wrong with writing a particular way if that's what you want to do. There is certainly an audience on this website for any type of writing style as long as it is grammatically correct and you can understand what is happening. If you are going to have such short chapters, though, I would recommend releasing more of them and more frequently. In fact that is a solid way to expand your readerbase since your story will be constantly updating and visible on the front page, and people have no problem reading shorter stories with shorter chapters.
10194976
Yeah but that requires time. And unlike most people, the quarantine has actually decreased my free time.
This was a fun read!