No longer writing here.
(Cancelled)
My name is Crystal, and I am a Changeling. I was evicted from my Hive, and ended up living in Ponyville, disguised as a pony.
However, one day a purple unicorn and a dragon showed up in town, saying something about the "Elements of Harmony". I followed her into the Everfree Forest, and soon my entire life changed.
(12/20/16) This story has over 1,000 views now! Thanks to everyone for reading this!
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I think the use of a changeling original character is kind of different. For me, everything was too short, too much of a summary with very little detail. We jump from seeing Twilight to meeting her for a minimal amount of time. Then we jump to the forest, skip through everything that happens -- which granted is not necessary since it would just be repeating the first episode -- until reaching the castle. There is very little character interaction and exposition.
I am a little curious and would like to know more later, but I would like to see more expansion on what already is here.
I WANT MORE!!!! MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd be careful if I were you. Stories that introduce a seventh Element of Harmony with a seventh member of the Main six don't tend to go over very well. Making her a changeling is new though!
7270884 Actually, I'm reading one that was done quite well and still going.
Esta excelente e interesante animo en todo
Details are nice. But this was a lot of telling, and very little showing. Flow happens better when you let the readers imagination fill in some gaps. Dont list off details of a room like a checklist. Let those details flow in when they become relevant.
Like the idea but, the chapters are short and its moving way to fast. There very little dialogue and the main character is just... there. In fact, your character feels more like a background character. She needs some personality. Not saying this is a bad story by any means but more needs to be added.
Okay. This is a cute little story. However, I have to agree to what a number of people are saying. Now, I am a firm believer in quality over quantity and I have refused to read stories because of how many words per chapter are in it. But, we need to know more.
First chapter, I can understand skimming over a lot of the details because nothing changed from the series until we find out there is a seventh Element.
Second chapter, we still don't know what the seventh Element is. We don't know what happened to this changeling (I can't remember her name) once they got to Ponyville. Hell, the only things we do know about this changeling is that she loves to draw/paint and that she was kicked out of the hive because she was a girl and only one female is allowed in a hive and that is the queen. Yet, if Chrysalis was so uncaring about her subjects, why didn't she just kill the possible threat instead of tossing her out? She said the other Elements are her friends, but since when? Do we know how anypony feels about a changeling living in Ponyville?
You might intend to answer these question in future chapters, but we need to be able to get a better idea of her personality and as well as the way she interacts with the other Elements.
7312378
: Chrysalis may have not wanted her, but straight up killing her? She may seem evil, but she would never kill one of her own.
Also, Crystal doesn't exactly understand what friends are. She has interacted with all of the mane six at least once, prior to the other events. She's never had friends, and has no experience with it, as she has been an outsider, and hides so nopony can ever see her as Changeling.
So far in this story, it hasn't even been a full day. Nopony else but the mane six and Celestia (and Luna) knows that she is a Changeling, but Pinkie Pie will probably ruin that soon (hint hint). Crystal doesn't understand anything that has happened, she doesn't even know why she got an Element of Harmony. In fact, none of them even know what her Element is. I invite guesses.
7270635 uhm...
excited much?
Calm down? If if it's not too problematic...
please don't chrush me hulk....
eepp!
Twilight is using her magic to float the tickets in from of everypony, right?
7345978
In the episode, they float in front of each pony with a golden glow around them.
7346217 Actually, if you look VERY closely, you can barely see Twilight's violet magic aura around the glowing golden tickets.
Seven schmeven, thirteen is my lucky number.
Love the idea that a Changling would be a 7th element. Though your story looks and reads more of a summary than a story...
It's a little to simple and skips here or there... It needs details and breath to the world around them for it to add more to the story.
So far so good
Aiyayaya.. I agree with scootaloo.
Well, a Pony Braveheart... huh.
I have a feeling the ""Canterlot Wedding" is going to have Crystal in some very hot water. I hope the shield doesn't launch her.
Looks like Crystal got more than just a taste of the Rainbow.
Wait a minute!
I thought Crystal was kicked out because she was a girl (only one female is allowed in the hive and that's the queen)? That's was it said in the first chapter.
7609449
Yeah, she was a girl and wouldn't change to be like the other Changelings. So she was banished.
So now that that's settled, what's next?
Haha! I love this! Fear is always such a delight to read.
Although it did seem a little short...
Oh well, thank you for the excellent read!
Now Twilight has to deal with a coward, as well as a lair, a brute, a hoarder, and a grump.
The Royal Wedding is going to be quite interesting. How will Crystal be viewed after that?
Ah so that's what he did.
1. Not sure
2. May the Best Pet Win!
3. Hearth's Warming Eve
4. The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000
5. Dragon Quest
6. Ponyville Confidential
Unless you're doing the 'Cake Train' episode, what I've been waiting for should be coming up next.
*splat* The end.
. . .
Well, that happened...
Yet, another unexpected twist.
7681225 Probably not one specific or cutie pox.
Is she find Thorax on the way ?
Is she a royal then? Or potential to be one? Also I can't remember you mentioning her changeling eyes.
Thorax? I don't think he was part of your original plan, and I know yours won't be the last to add him.
7697000 Originally I was going to use the Changeling that appears in Slice of Life, but I chose Thorax instead.
I like you didn't repeat the whole series but I was looking forward the gala. I was hopping for more with the interactions between chrysalis and crystal though. I also didn't like how crystal fell to the same role as her friends during the wedding. It was generally good though no critical errors or things like that. Still holding out for crystal to become a queen though.
Hmm... The chapter title just isn't as catchy as Less than three, omg.
*Whew.*
That was close. I liked how it was explained how Cadance was able to charge up the shield a second time after losing power to it the first time. Too Many Pinkies and Magic Duel should be very interesting now. I don't know if Crystal will have any interaction in One Bad Apple. In any case, keep it coming.
I always thought Cadence was the 7th element. She is Love.
Why do these ponies/changelings/whatever have to invite Murphy('s Law) to the party?
I love the storyline so far and it has a lot of potential But I think that the 7th Element should have been selflessness
7725275 Someone already did that.
Crystal instead of Fluttershy? This ought to make 'Make New Friends, But Keep Discord' very interesting.
Very Mary Sue of you. Come on man ! Show us some flaws.
is Crystal going to have chapter with just her and Discord?
7282338 Really? Can I get a link?
Wow, half seasons done, half seasons left. Though I will admit story start lose its charm. But with Crystal key episode/chapter around a corner I filled with hope.
7808566 Have we gotten a 'Krystal episode' yet?
7808298 I'll e-mail it to you shortly.
When was the last time Krystal did a song with the others?
7810459 I mean chapter with key.