- Member Since 25th May, 2015
- offline last seen Mar 20th, 2017
LunaoftheNight
I'm not much of a writer, just here to read
LunaoftheNight
Joined 25th May, 2015 ·
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my opinion. meh its good enough to read
just put more effort and time into writing the chapters, you might get to the front page
7497200
You think?
Oooookay.
So, minor grammar errors abound, but they seem to be limited to misspellings and misspacings--your punctuation is great! Just give your chaps a twice-over before you release them, and I think you'll catch most of that. From a technical standpoint, this is pretty decent.
From the viewpoint of a story... it has a rambly flavor, with very short chapters and little focus. Things are happening, but we don't get a feel for them because they move too fast. Our protagonist isn't... thinking. She's being pushed along like a breeze on the wind. Also, everything that's happened so far, could be compressed into one chapter--a prologue, even. It's not that it isn't interesting, it's just very... wispy. Not bad, just not... there.
This ain't a bad start! I like it a lot so far! Very nice. I'd like to see what happens next!
Although I WOULD like to see longer chapters. But that's just me.
Keep it up.
7497470
7497398
Sorry it's my first fic so I dont really know how long to do things. Ill try to make chapters longer for you!
7497266 i am positive
7497865 Thanks! And don't worry. I won't pressure you. You're doing pretty good anyway!
Interesting.
Is the cover art meaningful, or did you just choose it because it sounded cool?
7734595
Thats what hannah aka klutz looks like. Her blue colour will be explianed layer.
Please go on the idea is great
A bit too short, but it's good.
i agree... with mad haxz. a little more effort, and you will be golden. are you perhaps uncertain about what you're doing?
...I thought that the art came from deviantart.
This story has a lot of potential, just needs some longer chapters, some more character development, and some grammar mistakes need to be fixed. Other than that good story, I will be tracking this.
(I am not a critic or a writer so take things I say however you like. I have just read a lot of stories which have impacted my opinion.
)
15 is young, but not that young; that is either one overbearing, and strict mother... or one very timid teenager (actually this seems more likely, given the rest of the chapter).
Redundant wording, was the explosion huge, or was it massive?
Also, Fraggin hell, what kind of amperage was in those power lines? The main feeds from a national power plant?
Doubt it
You have achieved enlightenment
Interesting. Keep going.
That was an enormous explosion(just giving it another description). On another note, i’m curious as to where you got the idea for this to bring her to Equus. It’s a rather flashy way to go.
Hmm... i feel like it’s a little rushed for my liking, although that’s most stories. Other than the occasional typo, this was pretty well writen. You have caught my attention.
Lol, clutz
7735610
...So she’s a queen/princess? Because normal drones dont have pupils. Just a little question.
Please more, also as Kafyui said it needs to be a bit longer and the grammar needs fixing. But other than that it is a great story!
You had almost two years, two years! And your only story has... ~2000 words?
I could write that much in like 1-2 weeks, and I'm one of the slow ones. You gotta work on your internal motivation
akwake.
The chapters are a tad short but they have potential. I actually understand what you’re going through since I have low internal motivation and tiny windows of inspiration. Not trying to be rude, but if you’re looking for writing advice, you’re better off reading comments in other people’s fanfics. Editors are hard to come by unless you’re willing to exert as much effort to find one willing to help you. As for grammar, Grammarly, Hemmingway and other similar grammar programs are a boon- I’m just listing those two as examples.
Word of advice: you shouldn’t add stuff like “don’t hate” in your summary because people ARE going to do just that because some of them are trolls with nothing better to do. Add more details to your long summary- your current one as is fits the short summary better.
I’ve said my two bits and I’m sorry if you ended up being offended by anything I’ve said.