When the Cutie Mark Crusaders tries to get there Cutie Marks in the Everfree forest Apple bloom and Sweetie Belle found hidden talent inside of Scootaloo that they didn't know of and find out a secret from her and later on they find out another that Scootaloo doesn't even know of.
Rated teen for fighting but there is no blood when fighting
Comedy for comic relief
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Tell me what you think of my story personally i think my Engrish is almost English
And I am going to love writing this story
764172 Int he description you spelled Everfree wrong, and there's no capitol. Other than that, overall pretty good!
767712 thanks for telling me about Everfree forest's real spelling cause this is my 2nd fic and i only have one chapter to my first so far soooooo ya and what do you mean about "and there's no capitol."?
768132 the thing is this is my best work sooooooo...LOL?
Sorry to be harsh, but this is a grammatical abomination.
768347 oh trust me this is my best work so far and that i why if anypony would like to help they can
I would love to help if its grammar that needs tweaking, if you write in google drive it'll make it easier for me to collaborate but I can do it from FIMfiction if need be.
PM me if you need me.
So...Why did Scootaloo turn evil all the sudden? Did she know about this evil side?
I cant help but ask these questions when I read this.
Yeah you need a lot of work of this. One, show us that something is happening, don't just tell us. An example of that would be
"Zecora sped through the Everfree forest, branches scraping against her sides as her hooves pushed against the mud below. She could feel the terrible entity spreading its inky black presence throughout the forest, slowly inching it's way toward Ponyville. She had to warn the town of the all-consuming beast on a warpath toward their home, lest they all be consumed by it dark tendrils"
Description is something you badly need.
http://www.hplovecraft.com/writings/texts/fiction/cs.asp
Here ya go, H.P. Lovecraft. Look at it, takes notes on how the story is structured, also take note on how he uses description.
768783 1. scoot isnt evil but the forest is chaos it isnt natural to ponykind but it makes her feel like home she is the princess of chaos guess who is the king? hmmmmmm
you will find out these answers later but lets just say all she wants to be is normal
and thanks for the link thing to help me ii will try to get a better desk but i was tired out of my mind so i will change the ending after reading what you gave me tx
768928
Ahhhhh well, the best thing to do would be to explain that the forest is chaos.
Something like this. (this is just how I would do it)
"Scootaloo felt a strange sensation wash over her body. It was unlike anything she had felt before, except for when Discord had turned the world into his personal playground of chaos. Every tree, every leaf upon the ground sent an spine-tingling chill through her body. The forest itself felt alive with power, a terrible ancient power Scootaloo could feel itching at the back of her mind, trying to overwhelm."
i love the idea but get a beta reader,have someone help you, and make it longer and more detailed. i seriously do love this idea. keep it up ^^-
771577 tx this is my 2nd fic and i am trying and i do sorta have one that will help me out now which i am happy but he's/she is busy
772929 yay.
Okay not going to lie. The grammar and story are passable. But as stated by Whales, you need to get your story to be a little bit more put together. Such as the fact that the timber wolves knew what she was. According to scientists even if they had a large enough pack to try to take her on they wouldn't risk that. They would have stayed the hell away from her. Still though, all told good and hope you read my first chapter when my story is done
775578 what is your story about? And also they Knew what she was so they attacked the others but not her she was defending and so if she attacked they will defend themselves and tx nopony thinks my grammer is english
and also i will read your story but i need to know what it is
well im going to try to cross the human dimension with soul eater then onto Equestria. I know it sounds like something of an abomination but it may work i just have to try and see the outcome. thank you for the reply will let you know when it is up
short and quick but i still like it..lol especially "SHE'S EVIL!" lol so out of character for zekora but HILARIOUS.
789977 I know I can't recreate a charicter that is perfect with my own words sooooo... i make my own :3
Could be worse but not truly complaining. If you need someone to edit i could do it in my spare time... Which i happen to have a lot of right now.
Also try to keep true to characters in this please.
791811 the thing is im not the best writer but i am tring and i also have a editor and currently working on a edit also zekora will hqve no rymes cause i suck at em
Love the story man I see great potential in the writing style you use. (I'm no genius at writing but I've read enough books to see a good writing style from a mile away.) You once again need slight work with grammar but then again, don't we all.
944576 thanks,and also for faving and watching
And also look at my 2 newest blog entries cause a new fix and some info about my fic future
So tell me what do you think! (Don't worry this doesn't count as a 1st)
More description in the actual story and PLEASE learn how to spell. Other then that I like the idea.
1080488 look at chp. 3 -_- i still need to fix the old ones (which is 1 and 2)
1080527just did still a little rushed.
1080548 But it is ALOT better right?
1080562 Yes much better I am sending you an email though for the proof reading job.
First off, you are supposed to spell out numbers in literary works. there own four hooves. instead of there own 4 hooves.
Zecora is spelled with a 'c' not a 'k'.
"Was that you in the forest!" This is a question, and therefore should end in a question mark.
adding in notes in the story (like pointing out she was supposed to sound like the changeling queen) is very distracting and breaks the flow. you should either just roll with it or point it out from within the story(having one of the characters think or say how her voice reminds them of chrysallis, for example).
The story as a whole seems rushed and random, Scootaloo wanted to be lumberjacks, so got them to go into the Everfree forest despite knowing she could lose control? And they didn't take with them any axes, saws or the like?
1080633 1st tx for the fixing of the names! I have issue's with names also in real life.2. i will fix that! 3.i was trying to think how the voice sounded but i couldn't say what she sounded like so i just said what chrysallis sounded like. 4 I did in the beginging i had issues typing, and I think of stories but later when i add them normmaly i forget most of my details and Scootaloo wanted to be a lumberjack but if i remember correctly she wanted to go somewhere else in my story and also of COURSE THEY DIDNT BRING EQUIPMENT THEY NEVER COME PREPARED FOR ANYTHING! ex: S2 EP17
Great job as always. I'm not gonna nit pick the small things and your writing is getting much better. Overall I love your style of writing. Keep it up and as always Good Luck
1082301 tx
Good.
Okay, as I promised I read it.
The idea itself is good, and I really think you should work on it, but how it is written itself, it makes my eyes bleed.
Honestly you don’t need a proofreader you need to rewrite it, or someone to rewrite it.
Honestly I like the idea, but the “buts” and the “ands” and the “saids” completely disrupts the reading.
If you are willing to share credits I am willing to help you by rewriting your story. With rewrite I mean to pep it up, to make things more clear and make it look good or at least better, I won’t change the directions and the events, I trust you have a plan for how to finish the story.
Now if we do this, I am certain that the story still needs a proofreader, but it will have reached a level where I would consider it readable.
1160885 this is the thing all my chapters are like chapter 3 for now on the thing is back then I was terrible but now it isn't a as bad all I need to do is rewrite my first and second chapters but is chp 3 that bad?!
1161623
Yes, your ideas are good but your writing is terrible. Even these two lines you wrote just now. They were so filled with mistakes, that I had to reread them three times just to get an idea of what you was trying to say.
I'm curious as to where you are from. I am from Denmark so English is my second language too, but I have to work with it every day in my studies so I have gotten more used to it.
If I was you, I would take some advanced English classes, especially classes focused on writing, because at present your writing is so bad that a proofreading isn't even close to what you need.
I'm just being honest with you, and I also want you to know that writing is a skill that you can learn. But you can't learn it on the internet, you need to be in a real classroom with a real teacher, but if you do put in the effort to learn this skill you will be able to write some awesome stories, for your idea itself is really good.
You are still years away from reaching a level where you can write good on your own, that's why I offered to help, because I would really like to see how your story develops.
1161762 English is my first laungage but I always had issues spelling, and grammar even talking. Also I'm entering 10th grade and then I will learn all the fancy punctuation
1161807
I hope I didn't offend you, I just assumed that we were about the same age, but if your just a kid then I guess that explain it.
You still haven't tolled me where you're from, but I am almost certain that 10th grade is a pre-gymnasium level education. I didn't really get good at writing in English until the 3th G.
I have no idea how that corresponds to the British or American system though.
1161848 I live in Pennsylvania in the USA and after summer is over (its still for me) I will be taking 10th grade classes in high school (I always had trouble with grammar and spelling I also have short term memory loss
) ps. You did not offend me
Good I was afraid I had.
I live in Odder, Denmark.
I'm writing my thesis in Philosophy in Århus University, I plan to be finished some time after Christmas, then its off to find a job, which can be kind of hard in this economy, (but thank god we weren't dumb enough to adopt the euro).
So what do you think of my new avatar, I designed it using that program you recommended?
Also have you considered my offer, (I don't know how long it will hold, but I if get some free time then...)
Also what is "High School" I have no knowledge of the concept outside American tv-series, and they all depicture something that is utterly alien to me.
1162261i like your character, and sure! That be nice and finally it's our school system it's k-12 first is kindergarten but that is not nessesary then elementary school which is 1-5 grades then middle school (or junior high school) which is 6-8 then there is high school 9-12 then after that when you get through senor year (or 12th grade) you can go to college(or a universery we call it both here)
1162614
Okay system consist of the compulsory "Folkeskole" (people school, or school for the people)
It's eleven years, 1st to 9th are mandatory. There is a grade before the first called "zero grade" and a grade after called 10th grade.
After which is the gymnasium which takes 3 years. That is voluntary but of course free, it's also the first place where you get actual exams and not just "end tests" like in folkeskolen. Seriously I have never gotten why teachers here are so afraid of grading students, but that's how it is.
After you have completed the gymnasium you are ready to go to the university. To get in you have to apply though the "KOT" system. It stands for "Den Kordinerede Tilmelding" or (the Coordinated Enrolment). It's one place for all higher education so it is really simple.
There are two ways to get into to your study of choice. quota 1 and quota 2. quota 1 is a simple grade average, quota 2 are more complicated and uses a bunch of qualitative criteria such as voluntary work and the like.
It is of course again free to go to the university and everyone that is accepted are entitled to "SU" "Statens Uddannelsesstøtte" or (The Governments educational support). I believe the money you get correspond to about 1000 USD a mouth. It's not a lot but many can manage to live for it, and if you can't you are also entitled to a state financed loan that will then be paid along with your monthly SU.
One thing that do suck is that you are only entitled to SU for six years, so if you haven't finished you education before that date, you will find yourself without any money.
How does things work our at you? I heard you have a thing called "tuition" the word can't be translated to Danish so it is difficult for me to understand what it means, but from what I have gathered, it is some kind of reversed SU.
1162989 tuition im not sure what that is if im right it is a scholorship where you are good at something like math and REALLY good at it, it also can be sports and you can goto colledge for free and also there is this new system called grants i dont know how it works right now but we wont have to pay anything but it is only in some colledges, the one i will be going to actuall have over 60% only on grants, by the way when over here in school you only need to be 16 and you can leave school