Scootaloo's Double Secret

by JellyDrivex64

Conflict Chp.3

PLEASE IF YOU DISLIKE LEAVE IN COMMENTS WHY CAUSE IF YOU CAN TELL ME I CAN HOPE, AND ONLY HOPE TO FIX THE ISSUE'S AND MAKE IT BETTER LIKE WISE WITH LIKE TELL ME WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT IT!

~Scoot's~

As soon as she told them "Discord" as what Scoot's expected they were even more frightened! I only hope that I get a head start to flee into the Everfree forest. But for now even if Scootaloo had 0.001% of a chance to convince them that she wasn't dangerous, she is going to take that chance! "Look girls please don't be afraid I-i won't hurt you." When Scootaloo finished that sentence there friends loosen up a bit but it was barely noticable and Scootaloo could read any poker face At least i'm getting somewhere.

You would have to believe it to see it they were hugging each other for dear life! But Scootaloo saw that Apple bloom was moving her head towards her and she opened her eyes she was the first to speak. "Y-y-y-ya'll m-mean Disc-cord is y-y-your dad?!" Apple bloom said with a tear as Scootaloo took a step closer to her and extended right hoof outward she was no where close she was about 2 yards away but Apple bloom winced and moved her head back to Sweetie Belle thinking she was going to attack them. Now Scootaloo had started to tear up a bit. There is no way to convince them that I am good. Maybe I should just leave. Scootaloo thought.

Now Scootaloo was slowly walking back making clopping noises. "Apple bloom, Sweetie Belle please... I won't hurt you." that was her final idea to calm them Damn i'm no good calming other ponies. So she just turned round and slowly walking towards the door. "I'll l-leave you guys and n-never see you again-n I guess." she sniffed. As she finally got to the door she turned her head around to see her frien- old friends a last time but it wasn't a time when they were cowering, somehow Sweetie belle was standing up! She was standing maybe there was hope! but as she was focusing towards her face she only saw a face of sadness, fear and betrayal. Or maybe not. So Scoot's face started to dim.

But she saw Sweetie Belle's face changed from fear into rage and she ran up to Scootaloo and gave her a hug then she broke away from that hug a slap you across the face Yep she is Rarity's sis, she is so~ dramatic. this though gave Scoot a faint smile. But what she said truly surprised her. "Was that you in the forest!" Sweetie belle said, you had no idea what she meant by that.

"What?" Scootaloo stumbled.

"Was. That. YOU IN THE FOREST!" Sweetie yelled.

"W-what do you mean?" Scootaloo stumbled, again.

"WERE YOU ACTING YOURSELF IN THAT STUPID FOREST!" She yelled pushing on Scootaloo's chest to stand on her back hooves to look at her. Scootaloo were at a lost of words then she though Of course I wasn't that forest fucking made me think that way! she though with confidence.

"N-n-no." She said Well there goes confidence! Scootaloo mentally facehoofed.

"GOOD!" she yelled and embraced Scootaloo into another rib crushing experience. This just made Scootaloo smiled. She closed her eyes but then what she did not expected was that they shooked for a second and when she opened her eyes again she saw Apple bloom was now hugging her.

They were hugging each other to what Scootaloo feels like hours. But then she thought Sweet Celestia i'm becomeing all sappy! So she broke the embrace with pushing her hooves across Apple bloom and Sweetie Belle's body. "So~ we ok?" Scootaloo said with still a saddened face and pitch to her voice even if she wanted to she is a young filly Or is she! and emotions win over her mind.

As Scootaloo fully gotten out of the embrace and back on her own four hooves, Apple bloom and Sweetie Belle also got out of the embrace and followed so they got on there own four hooves. They were all still crying all except Scootaloo which she was only tearing up here and there.

"So we ok?" Said Scootaloo, tensed with a confused look. Apple bloom was crying her ass off while Sweetie Belle started to stop.

"Ya'," said Apple bloom, even if Sweetie Belle was the one that made the group hug. She could be not right with Scootaloo she didn't know what happened when her father came back to Ponyville. She went to Griffon territory for something that she couldn't get here in Equestria.

"Yes," She said, Scootaloo sighed, "But I still have questions." and then the orange non-pony gulped and tensed up again. There was many thoughts going through the orange non-pegasus mind. Don't ask what hppened in the forest Don't ask what hppened in the forest Please Don't ask what hppened in that forest! "What happened in the forest?" Fuck.

Scootaloo didn't want to tell the whole truth because she was worried that they would think of her as a monster. "Well," Scootaloo stumbled. "That forest is like me," she said trying to make it so she doesn't have to reveal her, true form. "that forest is not natur- I mean, ugh~" It was obvious that now she was hiding something and her friends now know she is doing that. Oh maybe they won't think i'm a monster, instead they will think myself as Scootaloo there friend!

"Hmph, yeah right you are a monster on the inside and out!"

No no no, i'm there friend Scootaloo: a Cutie Mark CrusaderTM!

"Yeah that happens so much, your title changes every decade for how long will you be that, hm~ maybe a few months and even after that! Your name may stay the same but your friends die, die and DIE! As the years go by!"

But-

"No 'if, ands or BUTS!' As your 'friends' find out your horrid past the more they will trust you less and want to hang out with you less and less! You are a monster and you know of it well enough that your 'friendship' with these fillies are O-V-E-R!

A single tear now shed Scootaloo's eye and she bolted to the door and ran into the Everfree forest. She herd her 2 'friends' yelling for her but she did not turn back.

~Author's notes~

YES! What do you think of this chapter i think i done better story telling and I can tell it was sorta rushed with thhe hugging scene but I wanted it SO~ much but I couldn't think a better way of doing it. Also I would like to ask you guys something would you like me to go back and fix alot of issue's on the 1st 2 chapters? Or would you like me to go ahead of course I think I will fix them anyway but I want to know what I should have on my 1st thing to do and my 2nd. Peace.

Comments

[JellyDrivex64]

So tell me what do you think! (Don't worry this doesn't count as a 1st)

[Silver Streak1]

1080527just did still a little rushed.

[JellyDrivex64]

1080548 But it is ALOT better right?

[Silver Streak1]

1080562 Yes much better I am sending you an email though for the proof reading job.

[Kalmeira]

First off, you are supposed to spell out numbers in literary works. there own four hooves. instead of there own 4 hooves.
Zecora is spelled with a 'c' not a 'k'.
"Was that you in the forest!" This is a question, and therefore should end in a question mark.
adding in notes in the story (like pointing out she was supposed to sound like the changeling queen) is very distracting and breaks the flow. you should either just roll with it or point it out from within the story(having one of the characters think or say how her voice reminds them of chrysallis, for example).
The story as a whole seems rushed and random, Scootaloo wanted to be lumberjacks, so got them to go into the Everfree forest despite knowing she could lose control? And they didn't take with them any axes, saws or the like?

[JellyDrivex64]

1080633 1st tx for the fixing of the names! I have issue's with names also in real life.2. i will fix that! 3.i was trying to think how the voice sounded but i couldn't say what she sounded like so i just said what chrysallis sounded like. 4 I did in the beginging i had issues typing, and I think of stories but later when i add them normmaly i forget most of my details and Scootaloo wanted to be a lumberjack but if i remember correctly she wanted to go somewhere else in my story and also of COURSE THEY DIDNT BRING EQUIPMENT THEY NEVER COME PREPARED FOR ANYTHING! ex: S2 EP17

[Aevus]

Great job as always. I'm not gonna nit pick the small things and your writing is getting much better. Overall I love your style of writing. Keep it up and as always Good Luck

[JellyDrivex64]

1082301 tx

[dbanksischillin]

Good.

[rphb]

Okay, as I promised I read it.

The idea itself is good, and I really think you should work on it, but how it is written itself, it makes my eyes bleed.
Honestly you don’t need a proofreader you need to rewrite it, or someone to rewrite it.

Honestly I like the idea, but the “buts” and the “ands” and the “saids” completely disrupts the reading.

If you are willing to share credits I am willing to help you by rewriting your story. With rewrite I mean to pep it up, to make things more clear and make it look good or at least better, I won’t change the directions and the events, I trust you have a plan for how to finish the story.

Now if we do this, I am certain that the story still needs a proofreader, but it will have reached a level where I would consider it readable.

[JellyDrivex64]

1160885 this is the thing all my chapters are like chapter 3 for now on the thing is back then I was terrible but now it isn't a as bad all I need to do is rewrite my first and second chapters but is chp 3 that bad?!

[rphb]

1161623
Yes, your ideas are good but your writing is terrible. Even these two lines you wrote just now. They were so filled with mistakes, that I had to reread them three times just to get an idea of what you was trying to say.

I'm curious as to where you are from. I am from Denmark so English is my second language too, but I have to work with it every day in my studies so I have gotten more used to it.

If I was you, I would take some advanced English classes, especially classes focused on writing, because at present your writing is so bad that a proofreading isn't even close to what you need.

I'm just being honest with you, and I also want you to know that writing is a skill that you can learn. But you can't learn it on the internet, you need to be in a real classroom with a real teacher, but if you do put in the effort to learn this skill you will be able to write some awesome stories, for your idea itself is really good.

You are still years away from reaching a level where you can write good on your own, that's why I offered to help, because I would really like to see how your story develops.

[JellyDrivex64]

1161762 English is my first laungage but I always had issues spelling, and grammar even talking. Also I'm entering 10th grade and then I will learn all the fancy punctuation

[rphb]

1161807

I hope I didn't offend you, I just assumed that we were about the same age, but if your just a kid then I guess that explain it.

You still haven't tolled me where you're from, but I am almost certain that 10th grade is a pre-gymnasium level education. I didn't really get good at writing in English until the 3th G.

I have no idea how that corresponds to the British or American system though.

[JellyDrivex64]

1161848 I live in Pennsylvania in the USA and after summer is over (its still for me) I will be taking 10th grade classes in high school (I always had trouble with grammar and spelling I also have short term memory loss ) ps. You did not offend me

[rphb]

Good I was afraid I had.
I live in Odder, Denmark.
I'm writing my thesis in Philosophy in Århus University, I plan to be finished some time after Christmas, then its off to find a job, which can be kind of hard in this economy, (but thank god we weren't dumb enough to adopt the euro).

So what do you think of my new avatar, I designed it using that program you recommended?
Also have you considered my offer, (I don't know how long it will hold, but I if get some free time then...)

Also what is "High School" I have no knowledge of the concept outside American tv-series, and they all depicture something that is utterly alien to me.

[JellyDrivex64]

1162261i like your character, and sure! That be nice and finally it's our school system it's k-12 first is kindergarten but that is not nessesary then elementary school which is 1-5 grades then middle school (or junior high school) which is 6-8 then there is high school 9-12 then after that when you get through senor year (or 12th grade) you can go to college(or a universery we call it both here)

[rphb]

1162614
Okay system consist of the compulsory "Folkeskole" (people school, or school for the people)
It's eleven years, 1st to 9th are mandatory. There is a grade before the first called "zero grade" and a grade after called 10th grade.
After which is the gymnasium which takes 3 years. That is voluntary but of course free, it's also the first place where you get actual exams and not just "end tests" like in folkeskolen. Seriously I have never gotten why teachers here are so afraid of grading students, but that's how it is.

After you have completed the gymnasium you are ready to go to the university. To get in you have to apply though the "KOT" system. It stands for "Den Kordinerede Tilmelding" or (the Coordinated Enrolment). It's one place for all higher education so it is really simple.
There are two ways to get into to your study of choice. quota 1 and quota 2. quota 1 is a simple grade average, quota 2 are more complicated and uses a bunch of qualitative criteria such as voluntary work and the like.
It is of course again free to go to the university and everyone that is accepted are entitled to "SU" "Statens Uddannelsesstøtte" or (The Governments educational support). I believe the money you get correspond to about 1000 USD a mouth. It's not a lot but many can manage to live for it, and if you can't you are also entitled to a state financed loan that will then be paid along with your monthly SU.

One thing that do suck is that you are only entitled to SU for six years, so if you haven't finished you education before that date, you will find yourself without any money.

How does things work our at you? I heard you have a thing called "tuition" the word can't be translated to Danish so it is difficult for me to understand what it means, but from what I have gathered, it is some kind of reversed SU.

[JellyDrivex64]

1162989 tuition im not sure what that is if im right it is a scholorship where you are good at something like math and REALLY good at it, it also can be sports and you can goto colledge for free and also there is this new system called grants i dont know how it works right now but we wont have to pay anything but it is only in some colledges, the one i will be going to actuall have over 60% only on grants, by the way when over here in school you only need to be 16 and you can leave school