[WARNING: TERRIBLE GARMMER AND SPELLING WILL OCCUR]
If you want to proof read for me(cause if i do it will still be crap!) Email me at technoboy97@yahoo.com or msg me or even just send small parts of it through the coomments!
PS. I am terrible with the apple family voice so i wont make you die from my stupidness so i will replace it with modern voice! And Zekora
note from author: Grammar may be terrible now but I will fix chp.1 and 2 but chp.3 is my new style but for now I need to fix these! chp.3 is the one writing style I use.
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Hello my name is Scootaloo and you may not know this but I have 2 secrets and well this is my adventure of my friends, and school mates finding out and me finally know where I am in life and evem my talent and about my mom and my dad! Also I didn't knew the 2nd secret of myself until I found out who my mom was! So let this story begin!
Shortly after Discord was defeated...
"Okay I just know this is what our talents will be!" Scootaloo said with enthusiasm. Standing outside of the Everfree Forest.
"Um..." said Sweetie Belle nerviously. "What is it?" said kinda loud...
"Well isn't it ovious?" said Scootaloo. "Were going to be..." dramatic pause... "CUTIE MARK CRUSADER LUMBERJACKERS!" yelled the orange pony... or is she. :}
"YAY!" yelled Applebloom. "But why are we at the Everfree Forest?" asked by Applebloom.
"DUH!" yelled Scootaloo "It's because we need tree's that aren't special Ponyville propertay." said Scootaloo smug like
"Well you don't have to be a flank about it!" yelled by Sweetie Belle. "Scootaloo is there something wrong with you?" said with concern "You have been different ever since Disc-" then suddenly was cut off by Scootaloo.
"LET's just go"
So the Cutie Mark Crusaders walked into the Everfree Forest. But what they didn't know they went into deep even farther than Zekora. Then a strange feeling told her she was deep in the chaos of the Everfree Forest... It felt like home to her. She was feeling a great feeling that she had a long time ago and it started to overwhelm her. But then...
"WE NEED TO GO RIGHT NOW!!!" yelled Scootaloo with great fear and now shaking.
"What is wro-" Applebloom was cut off
"WE HAVE GOT TO GO NOW!"yelled Scootaloo. But then Sweetie Belle started to talk but then Scoot interupted her before her first word with "NO ARGUING" but then Scoot voice was turning into something else "WE HAVE TO GO BEFORE WE SOMETHING HAPPENS!" then she notice her voice had a 2nd echo that repeated only once that sounded raspy (i cant really explain how it is it is the same way queen crysailis talked)
"Scootaloo..." Sweetie Belle said with worry. "Fine." then Scootaloo sighed but then something unexpecting happened which completely was unlucky half dozen of Timberwolves came. Timberwolves growed with anger right at Scootaloo... They know what she is... But they don't bother attacking her from fright at started to lunged at Applebloom!
But as this happened Scootaloo was combined from fear of this power, the attack to one of her closet friends she must save her but what will she think of her afterwards... She dosen't care she must save her! Maybe the outcome will be no friends and beng shunned out of Ponyville but for now she is her best friend.
"NOOO!" yelled Scootaloo and literally have a loud snap noise come from her neck. Then as soon that ended she ran toward the Timberwolf as this happened she felt her tranformation, her fur got spicker and if touched could get pricked if you were human and as she swong a hoof into the Timberwolf it hit him and sent him fling but there one issue what she hit him with wasn't a hoof... it was a lions paw!
"Scootaloo?" said Applebloom but as she was about to ask Sweetie Belle yelled "HELP!"
"SWEETIE BELLE!" yelled Scootaloo and she ran as fast as she can towards her and she was cornered by 4 of the 6 Timberwolves and Scootaloo jumped right in front of those 4 and shouted "If you want her you need to get pass me." but to her lucklyness (sarcasm) she was oblivious to what is happening to her, her hooves has been completly turning into lion paws and slowly have been turning her feathered wings into dragn wings!
"And I think at least half of you know what I am so if you leave" Scootaloo said "I will turn you all into BUCKING firewood" she said with laughing as soon she said that 2 of the 6 Timberwolves ran away. "At least SOME of you are smart. Do you not know what thou are?" she said evily "CHAOS BITCH!" as she said that she raised her paws in the air and something dark covered them and before there eyes the 4 Timberwolves had became the size of Rats. "Now before i squish you...run" she said with much confidence "I SAID RUN!" yelled Scootaloo using what seems to be the royal canterlot voice and that what they did all 4 of them was running.
"OH THIS FEELS SO GOOD!" yelled Scootaloo "HAVENT FEEL THIS FOR AGES!" started to be floating into the air and using the royal Canterlot voice "I AM THE PRINCESS OF CHAOS" Scootaloo yelled with laughter. All of the EverFree forest heard that and even Ponyville but when it hit Ponyville havac ran about everypony was scared out of there MINDS! But the echo was so bad they couldn't tell who was talking but the people that could was the CMC and...Zekora.
"AHAHAHA" said Scootaloo but she heared something she heard crying so she looked down and see the other 2 scared out of there minds so she ccame back down and transformed back to herself...well what her friends know. "A-a-are you 2 okay?" she said with concern.
"W-what was t-that?" said Sweetie Belle nerviously and started to nudge her way behind Appleboom.
"P-please we need to get out of here before I lose control! said Scootaloo.
"Okay." said Applebloom
So they escaped from the forest they headed into there clubhouse but what they don't know that Scootloo now has somepony looking for her... Not her exactly just what she knows as the Princess of Chaos, Zekora is looking for that.
END OF CHAPTER
Tell me what you think of my story personally i think my Engrish is almost English
And I am going to love writing this story
764172 Int he description you spelled Everfree wrong, and there's no capitol. Other than that, overall pretty good!
767712 thanks for telling me about Everfree forest's real spelling cause this is my 2nd fic and i only have one chapter to my first so far soooooo ya and what do you mean about "and there's no capitol."?
768132 the thing is this is my best work sooooooo...LOL?
Sorry to be harsh, but this is a grammatical abomination.
768347 oh trust me this is my best work so far and that i why if anypony would like to help they can
I would love to help if its grammar that needs tweaking, if you write in google drive it'll make it easier for me to collaborate but I can do it from FIMfiction if need be.
PM me if you need me.
So...Why did Scootaloo turn evil all the sudden? Did she know about this evil side?
I cant help but ask these questions when I read this.
Yeah you need a lot of work of this. One, show us that something is happening, don't just tell us. An example of that would be
"Zecora sped through the Everfree forest, branches scraping against her sides as her hooves pushed against the mud below. She could feel the terrible entity spreading its inky black presence throughout the forest, slowly inching it's way toward Ponyville. She had to warn the town of the all-consuming beast on a warpath toward their home, lest they all be consumed by it dark tendrils"
Description is something you badly need.
http://www.hplovecraft.com/writings/texts/fiction/cs.asp
Here ya go, H.P. Lovecraft. Look at it, takes notes on how the story is structured, also take note on how he uses description.
768783 1. scoot isnt evil but the forest is chaos it isnt natural to ponykind but it makes her feel like home she is the princess of chaos guess who is the king? hmmmmmm you will find out these answers later but lets just say all she wants to be is normal
and thanks for the link thing to help me ii will try to get a better desk but i was tired out of my mind so i will change the ending after reading what you gave me tx
768928
Ahhhhh well, the best thing to do would be to explain that the forest is chaos.
Something like this. (this is just how I would do it)
"Scootaloo felt a strange sensation wash over her body. It was unlike anything she had felt before, except for when Discord had turned the world into his personal playground of chaos. Every tree, every leaf upon the ground sent an spine-tingling chill through her body. The forest itself felt alive with power, a terrible ancient power Scootaloo could feel itching at the back of her mind, trying to overwhelm."
i love the idea but get a beta reader,have someone help you, and make it longer and more detailed. i seriously do love this idea. keep it up ^^-
771577 tx this is my 2nd fic and i am trying and i do sorta have one that will help me out now which i am happy but he's/she is busy
772929 yay.
Okay not going to lie. The grammar and story are passable. But as stated by Whales, you need to get your story to be a little bit more put together. Such as the fact that the timber wolves knew what she was. According to scientists even if they had a large enough pack to try to take her on they wouldn't risk that. They would have stayed the hell away from her. Still though, all told good and hope you read my first chapter when my story is done
775578 what is your story about? And also they Knew what she was so they attacked the others but not her she was defending and so if she attacked they will defend themselves and tx nopony thinks my grammer is english and also i will read your story but i need to know what it is
well im going to try to cross the human dimension with soul eater then onto Equestria. I know it sounds like something of an abomination but it may work i just have to try and see the outcome. thank you for the reply will let you know when it is up
More description in the actual story and PLEASE learn how to spell. Other then that I like the idea.
1080488 look at chp. 3 -_- i still need to fix the old ones (which is 1 and 2)