Deep in the Andromeda Galaxy is a planet full of humans similar to those living on Earth, but with one huge difference: these humans have magic! The infant heir to the throne is torn from his home by a wicked mage and thrown into another universe, with only enough time to telepathically cry for help before he is ripped away.
The young prince is found by a unicorn and uses his fledgling magic to ask her to be his new mother. She agrees and takes him in, giving him a new home to call his own.
But, his magic is far different from pony magic, and though he inherited great power, he is incredibly young. Weak and vulnerable, will his new mother be able to protect him? Will he grow to protect himself? Will he fit in? Will he be forced to protect others? But most of all, if his birth family ever came for him, would he be able to bid farewell to the unicorn who raised him to return home with them?
This fic starts shortly after the beginning of Season 4, but there are at least a couple timeskips, so the majority of the fic takes place in a period starting a few years after the most recent season, but with a few changes to actual canon.
Supporting Author: Brasta Septim
Ill follow and see where this goes.
This wicked mage is also the main villain of the story, right?
7193559 Eh, the story is mainly told in Equestria. He just ticked off the two most powerful mages in the human universe, who also happen to be the highest level of royalty on their planet. You do the math. That loser's getting executed for sure.
I liked it. The story seems very interesting. I like the plot line.
I don't like how aware the child is.
But I'll follow this and see where it goes.
princeling
I don't think that's a real word buddy.
7193998 I know it isn't. A friend used it once, so I went with it. It's a shout-out.
7193998 it is, a really simple meaning is crown prince, but often used as a derogatory term.
nice story please keep going regardless of how bad your writing style was when you did it, I hate when authors abandon their works because "My writing style sucked when I started and now that I a better I cant kept going" reason
7194454 I only leave my work if I stopped enjoying the story I'm working on like what I did with shameless plug, Scootaloo & Sweetie Belle: The Thousand Year Door.
I may not be that good at grammar myself, but I think you did a terrific job. Also I can't wait to see how Fluttershy and Twilight react to seeing a baby human.
Amazing chapter just amazing kepp your good work man and cant wait to see more
The story is off to a great start, and I think the grammar and such was just fine. However, at some point you should probably reveal why Johnathan is so smart for a baby.
7198746 Oh, we're getting to that. But you mispelled his name. It's Jonnathan, not Johnathan. Two N's. Not an H and an N. There are multiple reasons why it's spelled that way, one of which will be gotten into in the second arc. But here's a little hint as to his intelligence: his father is the most powerful human mage in four millennia, and is also a genius. Jonnathan had to learn his spells from somewhere, including the telepathy.
7198775 Ok, got it, thanks.
When is the next chapter?
7475774 It still needs editing. The spelling and grammar are perfect, but it just doesn't flow, yet. Have a little patience, please.
7495774 Take your time
I think Lyra is a good mummy great chapter can't wait for more and will the bad man that send him here will find him
7909399 I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Benjamin Horwith ticked off the two highest-ranking people in Draqstarran society. They obviously had him executed for his crimes.
Now, as for your other statement, thanks! I try to portray Lyra as a good mother in this fic. She agreed to be the boy's Mommy, and she'll do everything in her power to make sure she does a good job raising him.
Chapter 5 should be out next week. My supporting author's sick, though. So there might not be any editing for a while. But don't worry. The writing style improves in later chapters.
I have mixed felling about this story. On one hand reading out Lyra's efforts to keep Jonnathan's existence secret are enjoyable, however I have some concerns on both the premise and background of this story, and the direction that it's taking.
For the premise, having him being royalty just doesn't feel like it adds to the story. It would work just as well with him being the child of two magicians. Another (admittedly minor) thing is that several of the twenty two elements feel redundant. Force and power seem like different words for the same thing, while stone, ice and lightning seem like aspects of earth, water and air respectively. Freedom is an abstract concept, steel is an alloy, so I'm left scratching my head one why they were included. I get the feeling that you were trying to go for a Glorantha feel with them with, given that Glorantha has five elemental runes, eight power runes, five form runes, and fourteen conditional runes.
My other point concerns the development of Jonnathan's character. Having him learn magic this fast - and exceeding 100% on his first try with several spells - strains the reader's suspension of disbelief and results in Jonnathan feeling like an unreal character. And unreal characters, as opposed to fantastic characters, are hard to relate to (Frodo Baggins is an example of a character who is fantastic but not unreal). There's also a danger that the story could end up being more about his powers then his personality, which is something you want to avoid at all costs.
Hope this helps!
Maybe even as a child with magic it shouldn't be able to speak without problems?, more like thinking of pictures or mentioning one word and Lyra has to figure out the rest.
Is he the most intelligent of his kind or something?
I still enjoy the idea and at least he is loosing that part of his memories.
I want to ask here if someone knows an OC X Twilight story, where the main char maybe isn't a usually blushing idiot.
I want the story to involve more than the usual amount of Twilights family. I don'T want it only to be about adventure and the main six and more about what the father or mother may think about her partner, a bit of social life.
Maybe a story where Twilight dates the opposite of Shining?, someone really strong and not defensive?
I think I can't ask for more because it probably isn't done exactly the way I would wish for it to happen.
I have a problem with the child actually being that and actually being a child and not a former adult, otherwise the chapter is nice enough.
I kind of hope that you don't let him keep his knowledge of the spells if you wanted to make him forget everyrhing from before.
I think he should have at least only be able to talk to Lyra, for some reason it is a bit annoying to me that he can still talk. I mean the same thing happens with other humans turned pony, but at least they were adults once and some still have to learn how to speak again.
Maybe my problem is that he was supposed to loose his memories, that is at least what he said and then the knowledge of the spell should be lost, however maybe you could argue about him regaining his abilitys somtimes in the future, some kind of instinct because he already used it that much.
I don't want to sound mad, but I don't always have a good suggestion to solve the problem and I'm kind of stressed out a bit by the problems I have to face at the moment.
8035341 Oh I see you mentioned it already, because I get the feeling I had that kind of reaction you predicted
Well I want to give it a chance.
I had several thoughts during this chapter, two where
Power puff Johnatan
or
Avatar Johnatan
or
some kind of mythical end boss out of several games.
I can't figure out why it doesn't seems to work out this time, I guess it is hard to make an OP character work out.
I mean don'T tell me that doesn't means he isn't able to beat many characters. He is already that strong and in several years he should only add more strenght to his own power.
I actually disliked one story where the main char had strangely hard fights against Shining or Blueblood, but completely destroyed characters like Celestia or Chrysalis,....he was an telepathy using magical overlord too.
8201121
Took me a while to get back to this comment, but, the only way I can set your feelings of him being OP at ease requires spoilers since there's a lot of buildup before the first conflict. However, as things go along, you may notice that one thing seems out of place. This is intentional. The ultimate enemy, though only dealt with near the end, will be revealed to have been hiding in plain sight for most of the story, and will be even more powerful than Jonnathan's father, who is already far more powerful than Jonnathan could ever hope to become.