no sh*t sherlock
Joined 16th May, 2012 ·
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Um, interesting but uh, was there a point to this? Seems like there could be more.
This story has an intriguing idea, but it does feel like a chapter taken from a much larger story. The setup is good, as is the stakes, but I just wanted a little more information on everything that was going on, like the war that eventually led to the treaty (though to the story's credit, we are given enough information so we know the basics), and especially why the changelings wanted the treaty to be broken; I imagine Chrysalis would want some infighting so she could move in and feed off the survivors, and it would have been great if Twilight learned this information and struggled to make everyone believe her before the conflict started up again.
There's also a fair amount of grammar errors present; if you'd like, I could do some proofreading for you to help correct them.
So in all this time that they have been together in peace, they never asked about the different races on each others planet and their abilities?
It would be kind of obvious to ask about the changelings and their morphing capabilities. A blood test would show them that it wasn't a human right?
Interesting but will there be more?
7416739 Thank you for your comment. This was more a concept that I had in my head that I just wanted to get out there. I honestly didn't expect people to want it expanded which is why I tried to put most of the essential details within the story.
As for your offer to proofread, if it still stands I would greatly appreciate that. I'm currently writing on my phone for the moment and I should have taken the extra time to go through it.
Also I'm a big fan of the Monster Below :)
LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!!!!!!
7417300
Sure, I'll try to get my suggestions to you later today. And I'm always delighted to meet a fan!
Follow up?
I don't get it
7417709 i did :3
Oh that was brilliant. That was stratrgy.
7417300 if only there was more but still preeeeeeetttyyyy good!!!!!
7421835 sorry! Thanks though :3
don't the cells has surveillance?
Very unexpected and very interesting to read at the same time
9403230
they overreact to sticks breaking, what did you honestly expect, and look at how superior their nobles proclaim themselves, and even claim a moral grandstand (a false peak); WHEN EVEN BASIC TERMS IN THEIR OWN LANGUAGE DONT EVEN FOLLOW SUCH STANDREDS, and they refuse to directly remove repeated & NATIVE threats to their OWN NATION
ex for lang:
having no generalized terms like everyone, look how they constently referance their own instead; now look at the nobles again.....
(xenos of the space kind have more basis for this AND IT TENDS TO BE THEIR OWN GENERALIZED VERSION OF SUCH TERMS ANYWAY; EVEN WITH WORLDS WITH MULTIBLE SAPIENT NATIVE SPECIES, AND EVEN ON THOSE WORLDS AS WELL)
THUS, SCUM ]ALL OF THEM.[