A Series of Somewhat Silly Shenanigans and Sex-sploits Surface as a Stoic Scarlett Stallion Secures a Stud license to Sensually Service Sex Starved mares.
Not the most original story concept, but it is rather well written. Plus, the sex scene is pretty good; not too long, not too short. I'm rather interested in seeing where you go with this.
This has good potential! Also, can I just say that this scene:
For a while the two the just lay staring at the ceiling until they had enough energy to do their traditional post coitus fist bump.
was hilarious. The fact that they fist bump after having sex is just so funny! And the sex critique part, giving ponies 3 out of 5 dicks is just so funny!
Not bad over all, but there are several grammatical and spelling errors that prevent me from giving it an upvote at this time. Get and editor, or just give your work a second run through before posting and I bet you'll see more positive reactions.
Thanks for the feed back. I went back through the chapter and corrected all the mistakes I could find. I do try to give my stuff a final read through but in the future I'll try to leave it for a bit and then come back with fresh eyes before posting.
Any suggestions on where to look for a beta/editor willing to work on clop? All the ones I know/use only work on the family friendly stuff.
When I read the premise, I wasn't expecting the story to actually spend much time on it, much less have Big Mac give a thoughtful assessment of being what is essentially a male prostitute. I was pleasantly surprised, and quite amused.
About an average amount of typos. I'd recommend an editor, as a second pair of eyes can do wonders for a story. That said, this is still a nice start. The concept is nice and it has a fun tone.
Not the most original story concept, but it is rather well written. Plus, the sex scene is pretty good; not too long, not too short. I'm rather interested in seeing where you go with this.
Now that's the Granny Smith I enjoy to read about! The sex scene was perhaps too short, but the story was funny. Tracking.
If you want suggestions, I say Vinyl Scratch, BonBon and Silver Spoon.
Can't wait to read more. Also I hope to see some chapters with Mayor Mare, Mrs. Cake, Zecora, and definitely Button Mash's Mom.
I would like to see Big Mac with Trixie. I bet she is a total sub in bed.
My kind of humor, well written sex scenes, yepp, this story is a keeper.^^
Nice chapter, but there's some times when you forgot to use ampersands.
Still, I'm looking forward to more. I hope to see a chapter between Big Mac and Rarity's Mom. I don't see much clop with Cookie Crumbles.
He'll be bucking more Milfs than apples at this rate.
This has good potential! Also, can I just say that this scene:
was hilarious. The fact that they fist bump after having sex is just so funny! And the sex critique part, giving ponies 3 out of 5 dicks is just so funny!
7165395
Ampersands?
Those are these characters: &
I believe you mean apostrophes.
Five of five .
Or is it dicks?
Heh, anyways, Approval granted for continuation.
And... Zecora. Never enough Zecora.
7165501 This is why I try not to comment while half asleep. Still, my point still stands. This story could use some additional apostrophes.
7165516 Yeah, sorry.
Not bad over all, but there are several grammatical and spelling errors that prevent me from giving it an upvote at this time. Get and editor, or just give your work a second run through before posting and I bet you'll see more positive reactions.
7165395
7170463
Thanks for the feed back. I went back through the chapter and corrected all the mistakes I could find. I do try to give my stuff a final read through but in the future I'll try to leave it for a bit and then come back with fresh eyes before posting.
Any suggestions on where to look for a beta/editor willing to work on clop? All the ones I know/use only work on the family friendly stuff.
When I read the premise, I wasn't expecting the story to actually spend much time on it, much less have Big Mac give a thoughtful assessment of being what is essentially a male prostitute. I was pleasantly surprised, and quite amused.
Cheerilee will still get it for free. Some "off the record" ruts.
Oooh. So maybe the reason Blueblood was such a jerk to Rarity is that he feels like he needs to project he's a stud (for duty's sake) but is actually terrified of getting close and intimate with somepony.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/8/19/404870__safe_rarity_shipping_clothes_straight_dress_love+heart_gala+dress_prince+blueblood_shipping+denied.jpeg
"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap..!"
About an average amount of typos. I'd recommend an editor, as a second pair of eyes can do wonders for a story. That said, this is still a nice start. The concept is nice and it has a fun tone.
Next to Spike, who already has a Gigolo license registered in Canterlot courtesy of 'Momlestia', Big Mac makes him I think the first one in years.