Chapter 84
When one is miserable, life seems to slow to a crawl and each day seems to last forever. When one is happy, the opposite became true; the days now seemed to go by in a blur. Sumac was happy, very much so. There was this renewed sense of feeling good, this infectious feeling that seemed to spread from pony to pony, moving its way through the herd. The symptoms were beaming smiles, bright eyes, and perked ears.
In the wee hours of the morning, when everything was calm and still, when ponies were still asleep, when Twilight’s castle had not yet woken up, Sumac prowled through the hallways and made his way to the little kitchenette and dining area where he ate his meals. He moved with stealth and silence, as he had a top secret mission that he did not wish interrupted. There was a plan, an idea, the need for reckless experimentation in his thumping unicorn heart.
Beginning one’s day with adventure was always a fine way to start.
The kitchenette was dark and deserted; a relief for young Sumac, who had such grand plans. With only his horn to light his way, he moved about the kitchen, free to do as he pleased, and as a unicorn, the kitchen was his to plunder. Nothing was out of reach, nothing was forbidden, everything was his for the taking. Being a unicorn was just about the most awesome thing ever, because magic allowed one to reach the really good things up on top of the highest shelves.
Looking up, Sumac’s orange tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrated upon the many bags of potato crisps. It took a few attempts, but he found what he was looking for; salt and vinegar with the delightful taste of tarragon and dill. What was tarragon? He didn’t know, but he did know that dill went into pickles. He levitated down the bag of salt and vinegar chips, checked the kitchen to make certain that he was alone, and thought about the mares in his life.
Trixie and Lemon Hearts were at the very core of his current existence and he couldn’t imagine not having them around. Big Mac had told him to treasure them both, and Sumac took that advice to heart. Octavia was the repairer of his often damaged calm, she had a knack for driving away the looming temper tantrums before they happened and was his primary teacher for ‘introversion,’ i.e., how to understand what was going on and why, before it became a big deal.
Vinyl Scratch was now teaching him the secrets of the universe and how to be a chill individual, as she called it. So far, for the most part, most of his lessons over the past week were all about hauling old records from her old house to the new one and then organising her music collection. Apprentices had to start somewhere, Sumac supposed.
And now, there was Twinkleshine, also known as Twinklestinkle. Her transmutation spells were prone to failure, but her ability to enchant and her knowledge of advanced magics left Sumac stupefied. Over the past week, Twinkleshine and Trixie had argued over every major magical theorem in existence and it was he who had benefited most from their often heated (but friendly) exchanges. Sumac began to understand just how much magic Trixie understood.
Holding the bag of crisps aloft, Sumac examined his prize. He still wasn’t sure what tarragon was, but it was about to be part of a balanced breakfast. Feeling rather grown up, he fetched a bowl, which he knew he had to wash, a spoon, again, something he had better wash when he was done if he knew what was good for him, and then he went to get the milk.
He was going to answer the most important question in the known universe, the query that lingered in his mind, and it wasn’t ‘what was Pebble thinking?’ That question had no answer and Sumac had made peace with that, just as Big Mac had recommended. Some things, some things a colt was better off not knowing. Some mysteries had to remain unfathomable. Mares, and by extension, fillies, were one of those things.
Pausing, Sumac looked around to see if he was discovered. Already, he was honing his instincts to practice science in secret. Some science was reckless, scary, and it was better to keep it to yourself until you had a result to share, lest some thick-headed and unimaginative dolt called you a crackpot. Nothing killed a science mood like some unenlightened dolt calling you a crackpot and lecturing you. Find a bathroom, find a closet, find an empty room, so one could slip off and practice a little science for five minutes before one was discovered and invariably stopped before somepony got hurt or something exploded.
Science explosions were the best part of science; things had to explode, that was how one knew that one was finished with science, at least for the moment. Explosions were a result. Not always the most desirable result, but science had to have some manner of climax, otherwise, there was no return for the time invested in making science happen.
There was a soft thump that made Sumac’s ears stand up when he put the milk on the table. His eyes darted around, as if he expected to be caught at any moment and lectured for his reckless breakfast experimentation. Tearing open the bag of crisps, he poured its contents into the bowl, had another look around the kitchenette-slash-dining area, and took a deep breath.
The scent of salty vinegar assailed his nostrils, making them flare.
In the pale green light that emanated from his horn, Sumac’s eyes had a manic gleam behind his well polished eyeglasses. He was on the verge of a great discovery, something that would revolutionise breakfast as the world knew it. Potato crisp cereal. He clambered up into a chair, hunched over the table, armed himself with a spoon, and poured some wholesome whole milk over his bowl full of potato crisps.
He stirred the contents of his bowl a bit, cereal was only good if everything was properly saturated with milk. There was some unknown ratio that he hadn’t yet figured out, some sweet spot that cereal had to have to make it satisfying. A curious reaction was happening in his bowl as he stirred. His milk was growing thicker, more viscous. Curiouser and curiouser. His milk now had a gravy like consistency in his bowl. Fascinating.
The scent of vinegar was strong and it made his mouth water.
Trembling, Sumac was excited, almost too excited to think with any sort of clarity. There was a crunch as he stabbed his spoon into his bowl. With a great deal of care, he dredged up a spoonful of potato crisps and thick, almost gloppy milk. Holding his spoon in his magic, he eyeballed his first bite.
With the reckless abandon that comes with youth, he opened his mouth wide and stuffed his spoon between his lips. There was a crunch and Sumac swished the contents of his mouth around. He chewed a bit more and then much to his horror, his round, peg-like teeth smashed a lump of congealed milk. The colt gagged.
Science had betrayed him!
The taste in his mouth was quite unlike anything he had expected, it clung to the inside of his cheeks, the roof of his mouth, it saturated his tongue, it crept down his throat, somehow, he could taste it in his nose and his eyes burned as tears began to flow. Much to his own dismay, he chewed a few times, then swallowed.
It wasn’t quite what he had expected. He scooped up another spoonful, sniffed it, and tried to think of why his cereal had turned into the leavings of some offended and enraged elder entity from beyond the void. With the masochism known only by the very curious and intellectually dense, Sumac Apple the unicorn colt took another bite of the salt and vinegar potato crisp cereal.
It was somehow worse than the first.
A low whine slipped from his lips as he chewed, trying to understand the horror in his mouth. Little chewy clumps of milk squished and squirted between his teeth. It dawned upon Sumac that vinegar and milk didn’t go together, not at all, it was clearly some violation of the natural order, and now, Sumac feared that Tarnish Teapot might come after him for creating some foul abomination of nature.
Somehow, he managed to swallow, shuddering as he did so.
The overhead light clicked on and Sumac was quite startled. He let out a cry and squinted as his eyes adjusted to the sudden, unexpected light. Somepony else was now awake and he strained to see who it was. Somepony else was now in the kitchen with him. All of his muscles tensed with panic and he put his spoon down into the sludge of his failed experiment.
“Sumac Apple…”
There was the voice of another mare in his life—Starlight Glimmer. Cringing, his ears drooped as she approached the table, sniffing. She came closer, closer, she crossed the room with such slowness, almost as if she knew that she had caught him in the act of something dreadful, like grave robbing. Her breathing was heavy, each sniff was a death knell of doom.
“Sumac Apple… what have you done? Ewww!”
A little belch escaped as his stomach tried to figure out what to do with the gasses caused by decomposing curdled milk and partially chewed salt and vinegar potato crisps. With the belch came a terrible, terrible taste, and an even worse smell, a cloying stench that lingered in his sinuses. Starlight Glimmer was now about a foot away, her eyebrow arched, staring at him.
“Oh by the alicorns, did the milk turn already?” Starlight asked.
Sumac opened up his mouth to reply, but the only thing that came out was a ferocious, draconic belch that made his bowl and spoon rattle upon the table. A face-peeling stench came up with the belch, and the sour, wretched taste in Sumac’s mouth intensified. His whole body shuddered and he began to drool even as his mouth felt like it was going dry, his tongue shrivelling up like old leather. Eyes watering, Sumac squirmed in discomfort as he felt his nether regions clench in anticipation of what was coming.
“Sumac, say something… I’m worried! Are you dying? If you die, Twilight will kill me!”
As Sumac tried to respond, the curdled contents of his stomach came rushing up, shot out in a hot, sour geyser, and splashed all over Starlight Glimmer’s face, neck, and barrel. His whole body recoiled from the force of his vomiting, causing his glasses to slide off of his muzzle, and they fell into his bowl of nightmare-fuel cereal with a gloppy-plop, splashing the contents of his bowl all over the table.
Sumac was about to learn a valuable lesson in science; for every action, there was an equal and opposite reaction. Starlight Glimmer’s sides were heaving and she gagged as her eyes rolled back into her head. Sumac braced himself, closed his eyes, and prepared for the inevitable consequences of breakfast science gone wrong.
Curled into a miserable ball, Sumac waited for the shudders to pass and he hoped that he wasn’t about to dry heave again. The infirmary smelled medicinal and the scent of disinfectant lingered in the air, but it was not enough to overpower the stench of curdled, ruint milk in Sumac’s nostrils. He was still a little damp from being showered and the evaporating moisture from his pelt left him feeling cool, which was wonderful.
The little colt felt empty, hollowed out inside, and he had no doubts that Starlight Glimmer, who lay in a bed just a few feet away, must also feel the same. Hearing a low moan from her direction, he cursed his own stupidity and wondered how friendship could survive an exchange of vomiting. No doubt, Twilight would want to ask questions.
“Sumac, really, what were you thinking?” Trixie asked in a sleepy, half awake voice.
All the colt could do was belch and then hope that more heaves were not coming. As his mouth flooded with drool, his body clenched with revulsion. He felt his head being lifted and a cold metal bedpan was pressed up against his muzzle as the first of the dry heaves wracked his body. Drool and bile poured out of the corner of Sumac’s mouth as his stomach continued to try and purge itself of his vile breakfast.
Stroking her son’s neck, Trixie Lulamoon let out a sigh. “Such a brave, curious little colt. I’m proud of you, little guy, even if everything turned out wrong. There you go, sick it up and let it out.”
The soothing sound of Trixie’s voice made things a little better, but the dry heaves were unbearable. Sumac closed his eyes as more drool and bile oozed out and he wondered when this would end. Had he learned something? He sure had. When the consequences of his poor decisions manifested, he knew that his mother would be there for him.
Somehow, that made everything worth it.
I make no apologies. 
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eeeew.... poor sumac. That dreaded moment that every little boy goes through.
Adding acid to an alkaline.... he should have known better
This is like Sandwich science, but gone wrong! And dear lord! Why would anyone think that that would be a good idea?
7726553 Vomiting: The gift that keeps on giving.
Me even Less!
You nasty nasty author you... Milk with Salt & vinegar chips? (Everyone knows only a dragon can stomach that)
my favorite chips
No, no, no Sumac, Science isn't just about diving in and trying things, it's also learning from the mistakes others have made first so you don't make them again.
The person I know who can belch that strongly is Wakko from Animaniacs.
7726664
7726684 Yep, that's him. The only difference here is that Wakko doesn't start vomiting while belching.
I'm also glad that some on this site is familiar with Animaniacs.
Oh gawd, eewww. Sumac, no! The only cereal substitute I've ever tried that worked was graham crackers. Now THAT was tasty. It was like 2 days' worth of calories, but meh.
That moment when you realize--that almost any fresh new idea you can have has already been postulated, theorized, and tested by someone else. This is why textbooks and schools were invented.
7726747 Sill, let us not forget the importance of independent verification.
Such a lovely, slice of life chapter.
7726712 Try sweet cornbread with milk. That stuff is better than frosted cornflakes!
As nasty as that combination is, it shouldn't hospitalize. Really, adding vinager to milk gives the same result as stomach acid. It curdles. Actually makes a type of simple cheese that makes a decent salad topper.
7726820
Eh, he's not hospitalised.
But he did have an exchange of bodily fluids with a mare five times his age.
7726567
He's five. Are you gonna sit there and tell me that at age five, you didn't do something equally dumb?
7726776 I agree wholeheartedly! Life is too short to independently verify everything though, so one must choose one's experiments with care, and occasionally extrapolate from similar personal experiences and studies.
Sumac's age is just about right for him to begin that voyage of scientific discovery, and I think he's doing pretty well at it. He's learned that milk curdles when exposed to vinegar, that the flavor combination is not to his taste, and that his body will violently reject it. I hope he will study to learn why those things happened, and also that this doesn't cause him to develop an unthinking aversion to cheese ...or tarragon.
7726867 Unthinking aversion... I think you mean subconscious. Like my aversion to Peruvian restaurants after the last time I ate at one. Couldn't leave my then girlfriend's apartment for 3 days because I couldn't stop spewing from both ends until I couldn't tell what was shit and what was vomit and I couldn't will myself to move except to hurry and collapse before the porcelain throne.
7726839 ive been stupid. Hell, at 15 I jumped off of a moving truck at 30 mph. But that! That is what i would have even then made as a poison.
Well, I would say this was a slice of life, but two things happened here;
Trixie will be with Sumac no matter what, but that's not important.
What is important in the chapter, however...
IS SCIENCE!
7726891 There are several terms that could fit. Even "conditioned response," though unlikely, might occur.
Your case sounds like some severe food poisoning. I'd hope the local health inspector looked into that place. The classic position for that ailment involves being seated on the toilet while leaning over a bucket or other liquid-tight container... In my case, usually a tall plastic trash container borrowed from under the kitchen sink.
7726922
7726712
Cookies work. so do Donut Holes and/or torn up donuts
Shit like this is why I used to throw up all the time. After having a meal with some kind of tomato based sauce or a snack consisting of Salsa and chips, I would wash it down with milk. I always threw up and took me years to figure out why. Now if I am gonna have milk at all, or even ice cream, I have to wait an hour after eating anything like that before I do otherwise it is straight to worshiping the porcelain god.
7726925
7726936 oh yeah, absolutely. I just figured that including those would kind of be cheating since you already dunk them in milk.
7726994
Thanks for the correction. Forgot about the diabeetus.
mbtimetraveler.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/motivating-pics-6.jpg
Me Reading the description of the "cereal."
7726999
Torn up muffins then. Don't normally dunk those in milk
Later, Sumac unfortunately discovered that some explosions caused by science were, in fact, why scientists very rarely test their own creations.
Oh my gosh what a hilarious chapter! Also, "crisps". Are you English?
7726829 mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/sig-3863101.mlfw907_67590+-+artist+Mr-1+bucket+no+no_coffee+twilight_sparkle.png
Oy I remember thinking I like cinnamon. I like eggs. Combine!!! Eww just.... ew.
7727548
No.
7727570 Oh. Ok then.
My own odd test that actually woent ok peanut butter and balogna sandwich. Which for mpst people sounds disgusting, but they dont really mix due to the meats moistness. So its like either either sandwich at the same time.
Peanut butter and gherkins on crackers works. Can attest. Peanut butter and pepperoni on crackers also works.
7727557
to be fair cinnamon and eggs do mix
you just need to add bread and syrup for it to taste good
I remember my experiments with breakfast science. They mostly turned out okay, since I centered my studies around cocoa and remembered the first rule of food science: Never mix salty with sweet unless you want to get out of going to school.
Yeah...has Sumac been studying at Aperture? I swear this everything he thought had to be in their standard operations manual.
Other than that, an amusing and disgusting chapter.
Left over Rice, pine nuts, sugar and raisins works great and milk makes it even better
From the moment I realized what Sumac was doing I knew that there was no way something like that could taste good. Best case scenario you end with soggy chips, worst case the milk becomes congealed and mushy.
Ah, the Miyagi technique. Classic.
I bet Sumac has some regrets now
7729640
What about salty sweet biscuits?
...
I have a similar experience. I made an "everything" sandwich, in which I put everything tasty I could find and then put it in the microwave. Ingredients included sugar, cheese, and ketchup. Of course the result was inedible and was never eaten.
My Little Pony: Science is Explosions.
3.bp.blogspot.com/-KfOJOB4k2EY/Ul7lIvpFHmI/AAAAAAABkO4/VE6tdYm75FE/s640/72798-animated-atomic_rainbomb-episode_29-mushroom_cloud-nuke-rainbow_dash-sonic_rainbomb-sonic_rainboom.gif