Overhead, the stars twinkled like a thousand glittery jewels and Sumac took the time to look up so that he might appreciate it. He had slept for the longest time and now he was wide awake, which was the perfect way to enjoy Princess Luna’s night. His poncho was draped over his back and Boomer slept with one corner pulled over her to ward off the night’s chill.
After a good look about, Sumac noticed yet another nocturnal pegasus, this one in armor as it hurried through the streets. Was it a Warden? Sumac wasn’t sure. It was strange enough seeing one in Sugarcube Corner, now this. Ears perking, Sumac focused on his magic sense, feeling a strange current in the air. It was like using his eyes to look at something, and recognising it for what it was, but when he focused his magic sense and concentrated, he could sense the magic of the nocturnal pegasus ponies. It was strange, peculiar, and not at all like unicorn magic.
“What are you doing?” a deep, growling baritone asked from Sumac’s left.
Startled, Sumac let out a bleating cry as he retreated to his right and he heard an indignant wickering of righteous fury. A flash of pearlescent white filled his peripheral vision to his left and Twinkleshine trotted past at a brisk pace. When he turned his head, he saw that it was a mare that had addressed him, and not a stallion as he had thought.
“What’s the big idea, scaring some poor little colt like that?” Twinkleshine demanded.
The big mare towered over Twinkleshine and looked down at her with a rather amused expression on her face. After a moment of study, she spoke. “Twinkleshine… hmm, we have a file about you. A list of unicorns most likely to go rogue. As I recall, you were completely taken over by changeling mind control magic.”
“I’ll go rogue right in your big ugly face if you don’t tell me why you thought it was a good idea to scare Sumac!”
“He was observing our magic,” the big mare replied, “and that is forbidden.”
“He can’t help it!” Lemon Hearts crept forward, cautious, and she remained behind Twinkleshine. “It’s an involuntary reaction. Go and ask Princess Twilight and she’ll tell you the same.”
“Hmm,” the big mare hummed as she shifted her weight from one side to another and caused her armor to clank a bit. “I was not made aware of this. My apologies for my gruff behaviour, but I have orders to obey and follow. There is very little flexibility in my directives. Punishment is dire indeed if I fail in my orders.”
Twinkleshine, still bristling, bared her teeth at the much larger mare, and Lemon Hearts stepped around Twinkleshine, brushing up against her side as she did so. Sumac found refuge beneath his mother, Trixie, and peered out from between her front legs. When Twinkleshine refused to stand down, Lemon Hearts gave the snarly pearlescent mare beside her a full body bump to push her aside.
“You’ll have to forgive Twinkle, she’s under a lot of stress right now,” Lemon Hearts began as she tried to resolve the situation. “Sumac wasn’t trying to interfere with your investigation or whatever is going on. Scaring him was just unnecessary, you know? Does your mother know that you run around in the dark, scaring little foals half to death?”
“Twinkleshine is just doing her job, just as I am doing mine. I would expect no less from her. It was never my intention to scare Sumac and you have my apologies.” The big mare smiled, revealing many jagged shark-like teeth that had a strange bluish-white glow to them in the darkness. “My mother is also my superiour officer, so if we could just keep this between us…”
Lemon laughed, accepting the offered olive branch, but Twinkleshine didn’t and Sumac, whose heart was still thumping around inside of his ribs, found all of this rather funny. The colt let out a squeaky, nervous laugh and looked up at the big mare. Trixie made a dismissive wave with her hoof and let out an indignant snort.
“Go on, go and do your job, go sniff out dissension or whatever it is that you are doing here.” Trixie’s eyebrow arched and she stroked Sumac when she returned her leg to the ground.
“Actually…”—the big mare leveled her steely, draconic gaze on Sumac—“he might be able to help me with that magic sense of his. All of you have alpha-clearance as representatives of Princess Twilight Sparkle, and she is the one that authorised our search.”
“Oh, I don’t know if I like this,” Lemon Hearts gasped.
“How?” Trixie asked in a curious voice. “I don’t see how Sumac could help you.”
“Flam Apple had a contact right here in Ponyville. We couldn’t see the face or hear the voice in his memories, as they’ve been clouded in shadow. We know that who we seek is here, hiding in plain sight, using magic to protect themselves. Perhaps Sumac can sense the origin of this magic for us—”
“No!” Lemon Hearts squeaked. “No! No way! Nuh-uh, not gonna happen!”
“But Lemon!” Sumac whined.
“No buts, Sumac! I said no and that’s final! And that goes for you as well, you big mean foal-scarer!” Lemon Hearts stomped one dainty little hoof into the ground to punctuate her words and her tail flicked from side to side. “Come, we’re going home, all of us, right now. This is why decent, alicorn-fearing ponies shouldn’t be out after dark!”
“Lemon has spoken,” Trixie said to the big mare, “and I fear that we must get Sumac home so he can go to bed—”
“I’m wide awake, I don’t wanna go to bed!” Sumac’s protest came out as an especially whiny whine. “I just woke up a while ago after sleeping for like a week and a half!”
“Oh, good job, you big brute, now you’ve got him all riled up.” Twinkleshine glowered up at the much larger mare and her lip curled back a little farther from her perfect white teeth. “Now we have to look like the bad guys when we tell him that he can’t help. Just… go away and go do your job so we can go do ours!”
Bowing her head, the big mare then said nothing as she turned about and strolled off, her armor jangling. Sumac watched her go, looking disappointed, and he let out a little huff of discontentment. Twinkleshine snorted, her nostrils flaring, and she shook her hoof in an aggressive manner at the big mare as she trotted away.
Disappointed, Sumac kicked the dirt with his hoof. “But I wanted to help…”
Princess Twilight Sparkle’s castle glowed in the night, to the delight of some and to the dismay of others. Sumac supposed that having the castle shine in your window while you tried to sleep might be annoying, but this is what curtains were for, right? The little colt was unable to understand the complaints about property values, as they utterly mystified him.
Another cause of disturbance was the crowds that gathered around Twilight’s castle, like now. Sumac’s eyes narrowed as he peered ahead, looking at the herd of ponies milling about. The royal guard was out in force and much to Sumac’s surprise, he saw a familiar tall figure, and there was only one pony that tall.
As Sumac and the group of mares behind him approached, the guards parted to get out of the way of Twilight, who stepped away from Princess Celestia to greet Sumac, Trixie, Lemon, and Twinkleshine. Twilight looked tired, even in the dim light Sumac could see the bags under her eyes and her tired, worn out expression.
But then he saw something else that made him freeze in place…
“Good evening, Sumac,” Twilight said in a somewhat dry, scratchy voice.
Sumac didn’t hear a word, he was too busy gawking at the strange alicorn surrounded by guards. The colt’s mouth fell agape and he just stood there with a wide-eyed, unblinking, blank stare. Sumac was so much in awe that he failed to notice his own magic sense, but he did notice that the alicorn shook as though he had a palsy.
“It’s okay, Sumac, go on over and say hi,” Twilight said as she made a gesture with her wing. “He’s friendly… in fact, he and I became friends almost right away.” As Twilight Spoke, Moondancer came into view, and Moondancer looked more than a little harried. “I think it might be nice for him to meet somepony that isn’t a guard, an advisor, or a princess.”
His brave little heart blazing with curiousity, Sumac trotted forwards with his eyes locked upon the strange, twitching alicorn whose eyes didn’t blink quite right. Everything about him shook and shivered, and a feeling of pity joined Sumac’s curiousity. The strange alicorn wasn’t very tall, not much taller than Twilight, his wings didn’t quite seem large enough, and the magic exuding off of him felt all wrong to Sumac.
“Sumac, this is Adventus,” Trixie said as she gave her colt a nudge. “He and I have already met. He has some trouble speaking.”
“H-huh-heh-huh-hum-huh-hello,” Adventus stammered as his left eyelids spasmed.
“Hi,” Sumac breathed as he stood looking up. “Adventus is a neat name.”
“He can’t remember his own name,” Moondancer said to Sumac in a voice that held a hint of anger. “They burned the word ‘Adventus’ into his mind and that is all he can think of when he tries to identify himself.”
Princess Celestia, now closer, reached out with one wing to offer comfort and calm the quivering, twitching alicorn known as Adventus. She looked down at Sumac with sad, wise eyes, and she said, “Adventus was an investigative reporter and he went to speak with the Equalists with the hopes that we might find some common ground and stop the fighting.” The princess shook her head. “They did this to him… he escaped and he came to Twilight with a warning about the Ascendancy, from what we’ve been able to gather.”
Ears perking, Sumac hung on every word being said.
“This is why I had to learn the mind-reading stuff from Princess Luna,” Twilight admitted to Sumac as she too, touched Adventus with her wing. “He stutters and stammers so much that it is almost impossible to have a conversation. If we want to help him, we have to understand him.”
“The Ascendency needs to be crushed for what they’re—”
“Twinkleshine, let it drop for now,” Lemon Hearts said as she stepped closer to Adventus. “Hello, how ya feeling?”
The alicorn’s face contorted as he tried to smile and he began to stammer, “Lem-Lem-Le-Le-Lemon!” After expending all of that effort just to say Lemon’s name, Adventus grimaced, as if he was in great pain. He let out a whinny from between clenched teeth and then almost fell—only Princess Celestia kept him upright with a push of her wing.
“I fix Adventus tea and we sit together,” Lemon Hearts said to Sumac. “We don’t get a chance to talk much, but that’s okay. Sometimes, just sipping tea together is fine. Of course, I have to hold his tea for him, otherwise he sloshes it everywhere.”
With a great deal of effort, Adventus managed to smile at Lemon.
“I bet you get bored,” Sumac said to the alicorn stallion.
Adventus nodded, his head jerking about.
Sumac was resilient in the ways that only the very young could be, springing back from trauma with surprising endurance. Adventus engaged his curiousity, his interest, and Sumac’s troubles were now the furthest thing from his mind. He felt bad for the sickly alicorn, and a sincere feeling of pity filled his tiny five year old heart. With a turn of his head, he looked up at Princess Celestia.
“What is going to be done with him?” he asked.
“We’re going to do everything we can to heal him,” Princess Celestia replied as she peered down at Sumac, who did not even come up to her knee. “That’s actually why I’m here, Sumac.”
“And not at home doing married pony stuff with Prince Gosling?”
“Yes.” The word came out as a soft hiss. “And not at home doing married pony stuff with Gosling. Horrible, icky stuff like hugging and kissing my special somepony. Just like you do with Pebble—”
“No I don’t!”
Adventus wickered and Princess Celestia’s eyes twinkled with merry mischief in the faint light. “Oh, I think you do… are you being an honest Apple?”
Chewing on his own lip, Sumac’s whole muzzle crinkled in a very familiar way—anypony that knew Applejack well enough might’ve seen this same expression on her face, as it was an endearing Apple family trait. Rather than answer, Sumac chose to remain silent. The laughter of Twinkleshine, Trixie, and Lemon Hearts burned his ears, and then Twilight joined in as well.
“Sumac, my devoted little Apple-kith, you look bright-eyed and bushy tailed,” Princess Celestia said to the little colt that appeared to be trying to swallow his own muzzle. “How would you like to help me tonight? I could use the help of a sorcerer and you… I know that you’ve been having a hard time and that you are recovering from what happened with your father. Maybe a little hard work might help distract you from your troubles, what do you say, Sumac Apple?”
“You just talked like Princess Luna,” Sumac said, making a fearless observation.
Blinking, Princess Celestia recalled all of her words, then after a few seconds, she nodded as she gave Sumac a warm, sunny smile. “So I did.”
“Can I help?” Sumac asked as he turned around and gave Trixie a pleading look. Of course, the little colt never once gave thought to whether or not Princess Celestia actually needed his help, had he thought about it, he might have realised that an alicorn as powerful as she probably didn’t need his help, but it sure did make him feel better about pretty much everything.
“Well, I don’t know…” Trixie seemed hesitant to give an answer.
“Pinkie Pie gave me coffee—”
“SHE WHAT?” Twinkleshine blurted out. “Oh, I am going to have to have a talk with that pony!”
“She said it would make me feel better and it did. It cleared my head and I was able to think again and I didn’t feel so sluggish—”
“That’s what coffee does, Sumac.” Lemon Hearts heaved a sigh and rolled her eyes.
“Trixie,” Twilight said to her friend and confidant, “you have a right to say no if you want to. Nopony will think any less of you—”
“I will.”
“Sumac Apple!” Lemon Hearts snapped as Adventus began snickering and wheezing and Princess Celestia let out a mirth-filled chuckle.
“Tiny drops of tincture only,” Trixie said to Princess Celestia. “I don’t want him brain dead come morning. I don’t like it when he’s powerfully stupid, it scares me.”
Sighing, Twinkleshine said, “It’s going to be a long night.”
“Wonderful.” Princess Celestia looked down at Sumac and winked. “I look forward to working with you, Sumac Apple.”
“Say, where is Gosling, anyhow?” Sumac asked.
“He and Spike are… running an errand,” Moondancer said, answering without really saying anything meaningful. “They’re off with Princess Luna—”
“Looking for Flam’s contact here in Ponyville?” Sumac blurted out.
“Yes.” Twilight gave Sumac a nudge. “That’s the honest answer. Though, Gosling did say that he was going to give Spike prettification lessons on the way so that Spike will be good looking enough to catch the eye of a certain somepony that he has a crush on.”
“How did you know about Flam’s contact?” Moondancer asked.
“Funny story, one of those big brutes just jumped out and scared poor Sumac,” Twinkleshine replied as she made a rude, downright obscene gesture with her hoof. “There was an incident.”
“An incident?”
“Yes, an incident and I thought I was gonna have to Twinkle-Smack somepony.”
Her eyes darting between Moondancer and Twinkleshine as though she was watching a tennis match, Princess Celestia drew in a deep breath and butted in. “We should go back inside before there is an incident.”
“What’s a Twinkle-Smack?” Sumac asked, sounding innocent as could be while Lemon Hearts let out a flustered huff.
“It’s where I hit somepony so hard that they see stars for hours,” Twinkleshine replied.
At this point, Adventus was laughing so hard that Princess Celestia had to hold him up in her magic. Lemon Hearts was huffing and rolling her eyes in exasperation while Trixie sniggered and struggled to hold back her laughter.
It was just what Sumac needed.
I'm just going to go into fits of hysterics now. BRB.
"Do i need to Twinkle-Smack a bitch?"
7899215
That Twinkle-Smack could lead to a Twinkle-Shiner.
There goes that Destiny-naming thing again. Someone whose part in the big picture was just doing some basic reporting wouldn't need the name Adventus. But THIS... this is definitely an advent. Time to get fucked, Equalists.
7899234
The Ascendency named him Adventus so he could be the herald of their arrival. That is not his real name.
Twinkleshine reminds me of myself so much it hurts XD
I really hope Celestia can fix Adventus, but I doubt it, if my ideas about how the Ascendancy's soul splicing works are correct. Of course, I could be wrong, particularly when a sorcerer is involved. At the very least I think she'll be able to help.
I hoped the Ascendancy might at least have the decency to perfect the technique on the true believers before trying it on others, but it appears they are more pragmatic than I am, best to work out the kinks on ponies who won't be of use later anyway. I shall look forwards to seeing them get their comeuppance, but it's probably a fair way off yet, unfortunately.
"Twinkle-Smack" is one of the best catch phrases ever. I can just images Twinkleshine wacking somepony and then saying " you just got Twinkle-Smack"
7899219
And then you might see the Pain Stars.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/8/10/1222153__safe_edit_stars_cropped_artist-colon-pencils_comic-colon-anon%27s+pie+adventure_brothers_pain+star.png
7899199 Well we haven't seen them, though we haven't spent much time with the Cakes. I expect Pumpkin to be a scholar due to exposure to Twilight and Pound being a wonderbolts hopeful thanks to exposure to Rainbow
Twinkleshine has no business telling Sumac no if Sumac truly can help and wants to help...
Personally if I were there Twinkleshine would be dead...end of story...non-negotiable...to hell of what good Twinkleshine has done or can do...if she has the energy to make play overprotective mommy then she has the energy to defend herself against my vengence...
Sumac already has a lot of his choices that ultimately will not be his at the very least allow him this Twinkleshine you ignorant *&^=(*
*Words that follow after symbols are Not Safe For Kiddos*
Wow, she is either trying to antagonize Twinkleshine into doing something, or she has no tact whatsoever.
Regardless, a bit of a bitch. Sure, she probably has an important job, but you could have the most important job safeguarding the world and still be a jerk.
7899379
So, you are saying a caretaker has no right to do their job.
I agree with one commenter in that the adult mares should let Sumac personally make the decision to help find Flam Apple's contact.
7899407
So, you support the idea that Sumac is a resource to be exploited.
7899418 That's for him to decide, not me.
7899421
So a five year old needs no parental guidance?
7899239
Drat. You let this one get away, Destiny-naming magic.
7899405 Twinkleshine is not a caretaker...we have a term for what she's actually doing...Sumac is being handled...and honestly I'm getting sick of watching Sumac being treated like his own say does not matter...You may think that you portray her as such...but need I remind you that he has just faced down things that are heavy even for adults?
Multiple times now?
And Twinkleshine still thinks she can just baby him like that?
I don't care if he's still legally a kid...his childhood disappeared in a violent flash of magic a long time ago and Twinkleshine just does not know when to stand down...
7899396 Or maybe Twinkle's instant hostility set her off.
I'm now imagining Twinkleshine loudly exclaiming "TWINKLE-SMACK!" while left-hooking a batpony three times her size. It's an amusing mental image.
7899504
He's not just legally a kid, he's five years old. This is an age where you give the child a limited selection of good options and ask them to choose between them. You don't give them free range of choices unless you are certain that none of them are clearly dangerous choices.
Manual alicorn transformation = soul magic
Soul magic = meddling with the inherent makeup of a person
Inherent makeup of a pony = their cutie mark
Cutie mark = their place in destiny's grand design
Manual alicorn transformation = twisting and straining the skeins of fate that underlie creation?
7899504
Twinkleshine hasn't done this before and she is learning.
She has a right to make mistakes and be imperfect as a character, so that she might experience growth as she improves.
Right now, Twinkleshine is desperately trying to show both Trixie and Lemon that she can do the job of a caretaker and a parent, because she wants to impress them. Being the sort of pony that she is, she would rather err on the side of caution. If she slid to the other side of the scale, you would condemn her for being a lousy protector and potential parent. There is just no way of winning, is there?
7900352 For crying out loud.
I know this is a great story and I was joking around on what I thought was the most obvious joke in the world.
Apparently I need to insert caps sarcasm quotes into each and every little thing I ever type now.
7900043 So basically, become an alicorn by breaking destiny. Seems legit.
holy shist im feeling glorious
just marathoned Drifters (its an anime and good) and now read this
damn im having a really good time tonight
and now time for some sleep and hopefully a lucid dream again
I spent a lot of time out of FIMfiction, so I had a lot of chapters piled up for reading, including the last three of this story. Lately, we got to see the common, day-to-day life in the Weedverse version of Equestria. And what's best about this is that the story didn't stop moving forward for one second even while we were focused on the Slice of Life side of things. It's a little bit of realism that I really appreciate.
Not to mention that every time we get a period of quiet time, we can see why anyone would be willing to fight for Equestria. It's a pretty great place, even if it has its fair share of monsters and assholes.
7900205 If she had the sense to inquire further and stay close by in case something went wrong then that compromise would have been acceptable. But no...no one ever thinks that the child may have seen something the adults have missed...it's a pet peeve of mine and it the reason that one slip up in canterlot happened...the one where Twilight pointed out the spy, and was chided for what could be described as political reasons.
If dispelling magic had been used to test twilight's claim then we might have had an ending that didn't involve borderline Genocide.
And you do this in your fic...and call it responsible parenting...
It makes me sick knowing their are people like you who so easily think that the ponies are awesome and turn around and complain about Mary sues.
7900690
That last line was a bit uncalled for, don't you think?
It sounds as though your issue with a flawed character is bleeding over to me, the writer, and you've become just a wee bit insulting.
If I wrote things as being idyllic and perfect, you and everybody else would complain about it. Characters have flaws. No one is perfect. Twinkleshine, like anyone else, has to grow into her role. You seem to be seizing onto her initial character flaws and focusing an irrational amount of hatred on her, without ever once realising that she will change.
It seems that you want a character with a self-aware level of perfection, and I'm sorry, but I can't offer you that. My characters will continue to have shortcomings and flaws, some of which will be pretty bad, and if that bothers you this much, so much so that you feel the need to lash out and attack me, the writer, then perhaps the problem isn't with my characters, but you.
Okay, so I don't really want to do this, but it's been bugging me at work for most of the past week, and it's not going to let me alone until I get this out. Kudzu, the most difficult part of criticizing your work is that I never know exactly what you're going for, and sometimes that can make a criticism look really foolish. All I can really do is give you my experience as a reader and hope that the information is somehow useful to you. Where am I going with this, you ask?
I think Flam is a lousy villain. That is, I think Flam is a poorly-executed villain.
If I have to pick another fictional villain to compare him to, I'd liken him to Raditz from Dragonball Z. Bear with me, I'm going somewhere with this. For those of you unaware, Raditz is the long lost brother of the main character who shows up roughly halfway through the series, reveals staggering new information about the main character, and drags the series away from its fantasy roots and closer to sci-fi. The aftermath of death results in a former villain eventually turning good, and the introduction of one of the most well-known characters in Dragonball. His appearance is one of the most important events in the entire series, because it changes damn-near everything. It's just such a shame that Raditz himself is really forgettable. He's the main character's brother for god's sake, but he dies after a handful of chapters and is almost never referenced again.
This, in essence, is the basic problem with Flam. A lot of interesting things happen as a result of his appearance, but Flam himself is incredibly boring. Admittedly, this is only upon reflection that I notice this. He wasn't boring when he appeared, but there really wasn't anything to him. He's supposed to be this unrepentant scoundrel who separates himself from all the reformed villains by squandering his second chance. Hell, his freedom could've been considered a third chance, which he similarly through away. We're not supposed to feel bad when bad things happen to him, I presume, yet some readers did take issue with some of the things done to him. Why?
The answer is quite simple. Nearly all of Flam's crimes are an example of Offscreen Villainy. There are terrible things that I'm told he's done, but I've never witnessed the impact his actions have had, so they leave no impact on me, the reader. He pulled a nasty pyramid scheme which hurt a lot of people, but I've never met any of them. Hell, that doesn't come off as nearly as bad as what Starlight pulled. Maybe it was, but I wouldn't know. He held his son hostage while on the run, something that clearly affected Applejack. That's reprehensible, to say the least, but I've never seen any negative impact that's had on Sumac, so it doesn't stick in my mind very well. Moreover, we don't learn that until after he's been reduced to a quivering wreck and had his final punishment set. It's terrible, but he's about to be gone forever, so why should I care anymore? The worst thing I ever saw him do was act slimy to his son. When I haven't truly witnessed the full extent of his cruelty, it can be easy to interpret his sentencing as overly harsh. It's also difficult to sympathize with Applejack when her actions come off as needless savage. It was uncomfortable and off-putting.
What are his motivations? Self-interest and a willingness to sell anyone out to benefit himself. That's not bad. Not exactly original, but not bad. Hell, that basically describes Basco from Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger, and he was an awesome villain. Flam's personality is where he really falls apart, because there is almost nothing there. He comes off as "slimy con man", and that's it. Even that doesn't mean anything because I barely get to see it. Flam barely gets to exhibit his personality before he gets beaten half to death and have his cutie mark removed, altering said personality. How can appreciate the change left in Flam if I never knew who he was to begin with? Applejack worries that Sumac is too much like Flam, but I can't appreciate that since Flam has almost no personality. I'm more worried about Sumac following Applejack's example, since his temper has been a recurring issue. The presented message is undercut by the presentation of the characters.
I've commented on this before, but Flam never comes off as threatening. His silver tongue power is a fascinating one. The idea of a low-level con man being a threat comparable to a witch or necromancer through sheer guile is a really good one, one I'd love to see play out. But I have two big concerns. One: if he's really able to influence people to that big a degree, how did he let himself get captured twice? Okay, maybe it's a bigger threat now because it's being used for Katrina instead of self-gain, fair enough. That leaves the other problem: his power is never seen in action. He tries it against Sumac and Pebble, but it fails utterly. See, Grogar's necromancy is horrible and vivid enough that I can be frightened by it through sheer imagination. But the silver tongue is something much more subtle. Without witnessing it, it's difficult to appreciate, and thus doesn't leave an impression.
Incidentally, this is why I had a problem with his cutie mark being removed. I get that he's supposed to be a threat, but I've been given no reason to believe that Katrina or Grogar care about him enough to free him from tree prison, and I've been given no reason to believe that his silver tongue is all that dangerous. Leaving the removal seeming pointless at best, and needlessly cruel at worst. True, I'm not bothered by it anymore since the end result was good all around, but I shouldn't have been left thinking that in the first place.
To reiterate, Flam is composed almost entirely of Offscreen Villainy and Informed Attributes. He feels like a plot device more than an actual character. The worst part is that the first problem seems easily rectified. I feel there should've been a scene following the Lulamoon Hollow chapters where Twilight informs the Apple Family about Flam and Belladona's freedom, and have Applejack relate how terrible it really was, including how little Sumac's parents cared for him. This would've allowed Applejack to make another appearance following her long absence, and would've built tension for Flam's eventual reappearance. As it is, there's not even enough tension to count as an anticlimax.
The thing is, you can make Offscreen Villainy work without resorting to outright flashbacks. And what gets me is: you clearly know this. The Perilous Romance of Swans had a massive catastrophe happen late in thanks to Mister Mariner. The audience never sees it, but the horror and sorrow is related clearly. Which was the point, I think. Celestia is often removed from the terrible things happening across her kingdom, but she's no less affected by them, which is made known to the readers as we experience the same thing. Which leads me to believe that all of the choices made regarding Flam were done knowingly and intentionally. Unfortunately, being intentional doesn't automatically make something good.
To conclude, Flam is an unrepentant bastard who deserves no sympathy. Yet, some readers did feel sympathy, if only because they felt Twilight's actions were an overreaction. This, I believe, is the result of a flawed presentation and a poorly-executed villain. The arc is still good, just not as good as it could have been.
7901217
The issue is, length of story.
Also, Flam makes an appearance in The Weed.
7901232
I remember. 'Course, even there he's quickly overshadowed by the guys who nearly kill Tarnish.
Look, I'm sorry if I come off as mean. I've been thinking about this a lot. That's what your stories do, They make me think. Sometimes even keeping me up at night. I legitimately lose sleep over the things you write, so you're clearly doing something right. I just need to get these thoughts out, which is why I write these insanely long posts that probably no one actually cares about. Please understand that I'm not trying to attack you personally. It's just something I do for my own well-being.
I respect you as a writer, and as such, if I see something that I believer is worth criticizing, I will do so. Because your writing is worth it.
7901262
Oh, I freely admit to using Flam as a McGuffin.
Sumac is one as well.
Hey Kudzu, I've got a question for you.
I'm in the middle of one of my super-long posts again. Probably won't be ready for a few days, depending on how much I feel like working on it, but it is in progress. This one is meant to be a bit of an analysis of this story as well as a different fanfiction. I'll be looking at similar themes and the effect they have on characters, and I will also be looking at how certain similar events can have a profoundly different response from me as a reader. I hope that it will be an interesting read. Unlike some of my negative posts of the past, I find this to be an enjoyable prospect.
The problem is, this is going to be long. I mean, really, really long. Long enough that I'll have to split in into three different posts to focus on three different things. Parts 2 and 3 won't be too bad, but part 1 is going to be considerably longer than anything I've posted thus far. I would be eating up a lot of space in your comment section talking about a story that you did not write.
Would you be okay with that? I figured I should ask before I posted anything.
7910300
Sure, why not?
'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds.
Was there another story I was supposed to read, or...?